Do nice guys finish last?

 For all intensive purposes I'm more or less a nice a guy. I listen to peoples problems, give advice in life, remember things about people, do nice things, and joke around a lot. I'm friends with most everyone and a lot of people like me (Meaning popular). Despite this I've never had a girlfriend and all the guys who aren't like me A.K.A. jerks, seem to get all the girls. Recently my mom was even telling me how her brother in high schools had girls chase them harder when they were more like jerks and that she wanted guys more like that. I ask you, why is that. Why does it seem that nice guys truly finish last?

EDIT: I do have a very good sense of humor and like I said I joke all the time. I'm always making people laugh. I usually don't take myself too seriously anymore and will laugh at all the things I do, escpeically because I'm a klutz. The only time I'm not working on making people laugh is in serious conversations and when I'm concentrating on school work.

EDIT EDIT: I was anorexic last year and that may have a wee bit to do with it. Anorexic people don't exactly feel good about themselves so this whole persona is new to me. Also I have pretty good social senses but horrible flirt senses.

Original Post by hkellick:

I assume you mean Weird in a Bad Way.

D&D does not make one weird. However, without a doubt, SOME D&D players are Weird. In a bad way.

 This guy is weird in a BAD way, yes. 

Ok, I'm back from lunch. After re-reading my Nice Guy(tm) rant, I felt in the interest of fairness I should add that's there's a female counterpart in this equation, usually the type of girl who says men are "scum" who don't appreciate her winning personality and only want to date "bimbos with big tits who put out." Usually the "winning personality" they speak of is invisble to me.

A few other points 1)Women aren't this monlithic entity that all want the same thing. No one is getting "all" the girls because the girls' choice in suitors may vary based on personal tastes, common interests, emotional development, etc. I don't know what types of girls the OP is interested in, but he might want to try establishing a rapport with one of them based on mutual interests, shared activities, etc. And then make his interest known.

2)Men also come in a spectrum. The world isn't solely composed of Nice Guys and Jerks. You don't have to be a swaggering macho p****, but you don't have to be a complete wimp either. Find the real person you are and be true to that, and try to find a partner that best complements you.

Ok, I think I'm done now.

I agree with coffincritter. We (women) don't all want the same things.

I like men who are individual, interesting and quietly confident - men who are happy with who they are, but don't feel the need to constantly assert their alpha male status.

Nothing turns me off more quickly than insensitivity, arrogance, and know-it-alls (jerks).

But I do think a sense of humour is appreciated by just about everyone. :)

 

True alphas don't have to assert their status.

You speak of the presence.

Yes. It's either there or it isn't. But I suspect it is cultivated more through coming to appreciate ones self rather than trying on various disguises.

True, but fostering an aire of mystery doesn't hurt :)

I've known a few people that were particularly adept at building the legend.

Original Post by cats-eyes:

Nothing turns me off more quickly than insensitivity, arrogance, and know-it-alls (jerks).

But I do think a sense of humour is appreciated by just about everyone. :)

 

 Does any woman here like insensitivity, arrogance, and know-it-alls (jerks)?

I know we all want to be unique individuals, but to outright say we all want different things is not entirely true.

Look at the show The Pickup Artist, those guys are using one system for ALL the girls, and it works.

Original Post by ignayshus:

True, but fostering an aire of mystery doesn't hurt :)

I've known a few people that were particularly adept at building the legend.

 The Tao of Steve

I find it interesting how many women have absolutely no problem with guys taking classes like that to learn how to be charming.

Look at the show The Pickup Artist, those guys are using one system for ALL the girls, and it works.

Yeah...I greatly dislike that show.  Tried watching it once and it completely disgusted me.

I watched it once. It was amusing.

You better take my advice, because some of the other posts that I have skimmed through (of course not all of them) are horrible.

I'm sure there are tons of girls that are attracted to you, and tons of girls that will be attracted to you. You don't have to play a part to get a girl, you just need to put yourself out there.

 Of course don't be a doormat, but don't be a d-bag either.

 

Original Post by kathygator:

I find it interesting how many women have absolutely no problem with guys taking classes like that to learn how to be charming.

 Why would anyone have a problem with it? Guys take all sorts of classes to 'improve' themselves.  Would anyone have a problem if a guy took a class to learn how to be a better cook? or a better dancer? why is learning to be more charming a problem?

Original Post by fortius:

Original Post by cats-eyes:

Nothing turns me off more quickly than insensitivity, arrogance, and know-it-alls (jerks).

But I do think a sense of humour is appreciated by just about everyone. :)

 

 Does any woman here like insensitivity, arrogance, and know-it-alls (jerks)?

I know we all want to be unique individuals, but to outright say we all want different things is not entirely true.

Look at the show The Pickup Artist, those guys are using one system for ALL the girls, and it works.

On TV the Pickup Artist may get ALL the girls, because so-called "reality" TV is as scripted as any sitcom.

Women do not all want the same thing, I'll try to provide examples for people who don't understand women:

I tend to go for cute skinny boys who are usually some type of artist or musician. One of my friends wrinkles her nose at this because she prefers buff guys who are very into a health-conscious lifestyle. Still another of my friends says she won't date guys who "look too good" because they tend to "be arrogant" (another sweeping generalization) and her boyfriends are kind of shlubby for my tastes. My old guitarist (female) liked men with a stocky or chubby build. So no, when the cameras are off no one guy will get ALL the girls, sorry.

Women's state of mind vary as much as their aesthetic tastes. Women who are more into traditional gender roles may go for the more macho type men. Yet I also know plenty of chicks, myself included, who get turned on by a guy in a skirt. I mentioned my friend who doesn't trust "attractive" men, I'm sure there's some kind of insecurity issue at play there that I don't share. Some women are weirded out if a guy reminds them of their Dad, and others are drawn to a guy PRECISELY because he reminds them of their Dad.

Turn off the TV and look out the window, in the real world their are TONS of variables that factor into attraction.

Original Post by floggingsully:

Original Post by kathygator:

I find it interesting how many women have absolutely no problem with guys taking classes like that to learn how to be charming.

 Why would anyone have a problem with it? Guys take all sorts of classes to 'improve' themselves.  Would anyone have a problem if a guy took a class to learn how to be a better cook? or a better dancer? why is learning to be more charming a problem?

 Didn't say it was a problem. I admire the show of initiative. I was simply surprised to find that younger women felt the same way. :)

edit: here's the thread in which I asked about it. :)

I agree with post #75.

I myself am not attracted to one type of guy. I like sweet/sensitive guys and I like cocky/smart arse guys...

Physically I like pudgy guys with fros...or...pudgy guys with fros. Haha, kidding. I'm attracted to tons of different types of guys, and I'm only one person.

There's someone for everyone, you don't need to conform to some stereotype just to attract a girl.

I've never watched that show in full, but don't they sort of turn those guys into slimeballs?

I tried to watch it once but I just couldn't.. the Pickup Artist is dorky to me. I would never be attracted to a man in a giant furry hat.

Original Post by jenniferthepennifer:

I tried to watch it once but I just couldn't.. the Pickup Artist is dorky to me. I would never be attracted to a man in a giant furry hat.

*puts on a giant furry hat*
*slides up to Jennifer*
*Says in Deep Voice* Well.. hello there. What's a beautiful woman like you doing in a dump like this?

Original Post by coffincritter:

On TV the Pickup Artist may get ALL the girls, because so-called "reality" TV is as scripted as any sitcom.

Women do not all want the same thing, I'll try to provide examples for people who don't understand women:

I tend to go for cute skinny boys who are usually some type of artist or musician. One of my friends wrinkles her nose at this because she prefers buff guys who are very into a health-conscious lifestyle. Still another of my friends says she won't date guys who "look too good" because they tend to "be arrogant" (another sweeping generalization) and her boyfriends are kind of shlubby for my tastes. My old guitarist (female) liked men with a stocky or chubby build. So no, when the cameras are off no one guy will get ALL the girls, sorry.

Women's state of mind vary as much as their aesthetic tastes. Women who are more into traditional gender roles may go for the more macho type men. Yet I also know plenty of chicks, myself included, who get turned on by a guy in a skirt. I mentioned my friend who doesn't trust "attractive" men, I'm sure there's some kind of insecurity issue at play there that I don't share. Some women are weirded out if a guy reminds them of their Dad, and others are drawn to a guy PRECISELY because he reminds them of their Dad.

Turn off the TV and look out the window, in the real world their are TONS of variables that factor into attraction.

This guy, the Mystery guy has been teaching men this stuff years before this show. He charges 5,000 dollars for men to take what he calls a bootcamp with him to learn how to be good with women. I investigated this, and I do not see many men requesting a refund. You should research it, it's interesting.

You managed to name a lot of superficial things that women disagree on when it comes to attraction, and you seem to be debating a point I didn't make (which is your bag). And what women say and do tend to be two entirely different things.

Despite your snarky demeaning comment, I have quite  extensive experience in reality concerning this stuff, and I'd love to show you sometime. haha..

I know women who LOVE needy guys! I know women who love guys who stalk them! I know women that love insecure guys! I know women that love arrogant guys! Immature guys! Guys who stare at them in the club! Guys who get physically aggressive and abusive! Guys who blow up easily! I know who love guys that do no stand up for them! I know women who love guys that rpesent no challenge whatsoever!

Blah blah, every girl is different! There are girls who love creepy guys! Despite the petty differences, there are universals that apply to the majority if not all. Hahahaha..

And don't get Jblargh started on the her fetish for obese guys with fros!