Nobody you don't know really cares whether you're overweight

And most or all of the people you DO know don't care, either.

Really.

So if there's something you want to do but don't because you're afraid of being seen "fat," go do it anyway. Nobody cares.

I get frustrated when I see posts from people who won't [go to the gym, meet people, go swimming, whatever] because they are overweight.

I want to shake them all and say, "Don't wait until you've lost weight to do what you want to do! Go do! Nobody cares! Go! Go! Go!"

Don't not live the life you want because of your weight; that gives fat WAY more power than it deserves, and deprives you of living the life you want.

Nobody cares what you look like in a bathing suit. Nobody cares about the spider veins on your legs. Nobody cares if you can't spend 30 minutes on the treadmill at the highest speed.

Nobody cares!

Whatever your weight, don't wait any longer! Go! Do! Live! Enjoy!

I have mixed feelings about this, because there're some things I won't do until I'm in a bit better shape, but at the same time I do a hell of a lot more things than, say, my mom (who is.. uhh..  huge), who is afraid of lookin' chunky.

A quick example; She won't wear a tank top because it shows her chunky arms, I'll wear one and giggle with joy when my arm flab waves at me.

But when it comes to getting in a pool with others, no thanks.  I'm pale.  And I have chunky thighs (like, seriously chunky) and don't like the "cottage cheese" comments.

I wish this were true, but I've seen a lot of people poke fun at the overweight ~ almost as if it were recreational sport.

My brother cares.  He will make horrible comments in public and thinks it's funny. =\

I agree with athena, if people make comments it is their insecurities, not yours.  I recently went enscarpement climbing.  I came off the trail covered in dirt because I slid down a cliff on my butt.  My friend told me that she did not think that I would do it and that she was proud of me.
When you hit a certain age cough, cough 40.  You understand that that most people are into themselves.  If they notice you, the comments that they make say more about their character then your looks.

    When I finally reached my goal weight last winter I felt the same way. I mean trust me I got TONS of compliments and everything after losing over 100 pounds, but I don't know...they just got kind of old....and this isn't to mention the people who like hadn't seen me since before I lost weight saying NOTHING as if they hadn't noticed or asking me if I was sick, etc and saying I would have a hard time "miantaining it" (hinting I would gain it back anyway)....I ended up thinking no one really did care...it was as if everyone's comments on my weight loss were motivated by their own individual self image, etc...which I would never even try to figure out lol

but what I have come to realize is who cares if they care? I mean seriously all that matters is what I think of my body. When I was morbidly obese I wasn't happy with my self or lifestyle, saw a need for change, and after much hard work lost the weight and am keeping it off.....Iand whether they care or not, I KNOW they noticed a change, because I don't even look like the same person as before lol....

 quite frankly don't care what the hell people think of me or what I look like...I do think our society does judge overweight people (which is unfair, because no one should be judged on anything appearance related in my book) and I believe this is one of the reasons our nation is in the position it is in when it comes to obesity rates....

YOU have to be happy with who you are...and that is ALL that matters :-)

nods

It's a nice thought that nobody will care what you look like, just go out & do, but what if you (yourself) care.  My entire life I was naturally thin & I didn't think about weight much at all.  I also didn't treat anyone differently or think much about anyone because of their weight, but when you have been slender your whole life & then you're not, well I have cut myself off from seeing any of my previous friends because I'm embarrassed (I know I shouldn't be, but I am).  I would appreciate any support from others who may feel the same way that I do.  I believe I am a good person.  I see the good in others.  I am so depressed.  To sum it up I'm very sad & can use help.

If anyone can give me advice or help I would greatly appreciate it, I feel like a catch-22--- I feel huge & yet I feel invisible.  I cry a lot

wish that was true. ive been on both sides of the wt spectrum.
one side gets treated a lot differently than the other.


but i dont think you should live your life around what other people think. someone will always have some crap to spew at you.


if you look good = girls act like aholes
if you look bad = guys act like aholes


i think its why we were born with middle fingers.

;)

spoiled_candy, yup, I think this feeling is definitely related to age. I'm 50, and by golly, I'm not going to let the opinion of someone I don't know, don't care about, and will never see again (assuming they even have an opinion!) stop me from doing what I want to do.

nocturne, your brother doesn't really care whether someone's overweight. His comments are not at all related to whether he cares; he sees what he thinks is an easy target, is all. So he makes comments, and that says only that he is, I'm sorry, a jerk.

cellulitedelight, I'm pale (thank goodness for that, because it means I'm not damaging my skin by getting a tan!) and definitely overweight, though 50+ pounds lighter than I used to be. I have NEVER heard ANYone say anything about my weight at the pool (or anywhere, actually). Really. And even if I did, spoiled_candy is right -- the comments say more about the other person than they do about me.

united, you're right, I'm not talking about discrimination. And rude comments -- what of them? They are coming from, guess what, RUDE PEOPLE, and why care what someone who is rude says?!!

boombabies, please give your friends more credit. Did they like you only because you were thin? I seriously doubt it, and I'd bet they would be appalled at that idea. I'd bet they'd find it insulting! (As well they should, IMHO.)

Think about this: if one of your good friends whom you haven't seen in a while died, how would you feel? Would you feel good about having stayed away from that friend just because you've picked up some weight? Or would you regret having stayed away? You will not always have the opportunity to be with these friends. They're your friends; enjoy them while you can, for they will not always be there for you to enjoy.

You know what? When I was slender, I didn't feel slender -- I felt fat! And I wasn't, at all.

And now that I'm fat, I just don't care. Life does not belong only to the young or only to the thin. It belongs to us all, and we should live it as we want to live it. If that means you want to live it as someone who isn't overweight, by all means work at losing weight, but please, don't wait to see friends, don't wait to do things.

Go! Do! Live! Enjoy!

curses, I'm not talking about how other people treat you. If you let such people stop you from doing, you are giving them power over you, and why give someone who's rude that power? Don't!

I go swimming and biking -- yeah, in shorts, my thunder thighs exposed! -- and walking and so on. I've gone onstage wide and thin. I blow bubbles out my car window at traffic lights. I yell at the neighbors down the street... but wait, that's a different thread. :-D

I'm not thrilled with my lardass or flabby arms or big stomach, but I'm not going to give those things the power to stop me from doing what I want to do. I'm losing weight, but my life doesn't wait for weight loss -- time keeps on going, whether I'm fat or slender!

So I go! Do! Live! Enjoy! And I hope others here who have been putting off going and doing will join me!

I know his comments stem from his own insecurities.  He probably believes he won't be valued if he was "fat".

Right now he is pretty thin, ALMOST gross thin.  He has a lot of upper body muscle and a pretty nice toned stomach.  He is in good shape.

When anyone says anything negative about how someone looks, it's going to effect them (or others) in some way.  Some people just arn't equipted with the tools to deal with that kind of attack, so they take it personally instead of thinking about WHY someone would be a jerk.

I've never had tough skin, I grew up being teased for all sorts of things, and when my mom would tell me "they're just jealous of you", it never worked for a reason. =\   It's nice that some people can let those things roll of their back, and I try, but it's just harder for some.

curses_to_anathema - I have definitely noticed this. When I was 30-40 pounds heavier, women were typically really nice to me, but a large minority of the guys were rude. Now the situation has totally reversed. (I'm actually pretty average-looking, but I know of at least two people who have expressed that they're jealous of my weight loss, and one is now very snippy with me.)

Boombabies:

To say that your friends don't care is incorrect.  It's more that your weight aside from health implications and being supportive of you doesn't matter as to whether or not they like you and enjoy your company and like to hang out with you.

There is no reason to apologize for your weight; however, if I were your friend I'd be a bit irritated with you for the following reasons: One, your depriving them of your previously charming company...do you know how many idiots and jerks there are out there?  Two, you've done the whole judge, jury, and executioner bit without giving them a chance to even say that they love you anyway...decicedly unfair in my opinion.  Three, you've deprived them of the chance to be a true friend to you...even the most devout friend will stop calling after enough rebuffs.

So pick up the phone already and call them and apologize for your lack of contact.  Most friends will let it go.  If you feel it's necessary to explain why, then do.  Don't be surprised if they think that you've been sick or inquire as to your weight gain.  Friends do ask questions of friends to make sure they're okay or to express an interest in their lives.  Some of your prior friendships will expire either due to a lack of commonality or simply a lack of time, but most will have nothing whatsoever to do with your weight.

boombabies, you'd be surprised at how many people gain weight over the years. you're almost certainly not alone in this. and if these people are your friends, if they ever liked you for who you are, they will still like you for who you are.

re. people who insult others in public - honestly, they are clearly so insecure and unhappy with themselves that i find it laughable. if a young guy in good shape decided to call me a name i would laugh at HIM - because he is clearly destined for a miserable future. Maybe not at 25, or even 30... but these things catch up in time. How do I know this? Well, obviously, he isn't very bright or he wouldn't do these things. He values his appearance because he knows that he doesn't have anything else going for him, and judges others by appearance because he'd be too terrified to think of using any other measure - because he secretly knows where he'd wind up. He obviously doesn't have any kindness or sensitivity, and therefore his relationships are doomed to either a) fail, or b) be with people who are just like him, which is even worse - he will wake up at 45 and wonder what the hell he did with his life and why no one on this earth except his mother (and maybe not even her) actually gives a damn about him "as a person".

And we all get old eventually. Age is the great appearance equalizer. That's when it becomes especially obvious whether you have anything else going for you. Most of us will be old for much longer than we are young... that's when I'll be chuckling (well, cackling probably). Or maybe by then I'll be mature enough to just feel pity for these people.

The key to getting a thick skin is to love yourself. Realize everything that you do have in your life, all the potential, all the love. For me, I get to think the following: I'm realizing my biggest dreams right now, I have people in my life who love me for me and not for my appearance or my "coolness", and my future is so damn bright I gotta wear shades, as the song says.

The jackass at the pool? He'll wind up knifed in my emergency room some night (I know guys who would beat the shit out of anyone who insulted their girlfriends, and they date big girls) and I'll be the one who stops the bleeding and saves his life; or he'll find himself being "the old guy in the club" when he's 30 and still living in his mommy's basement, pathetically trying to recapture the glory days; or he'll wake up one morning when he's a successful sociopathic lawyer or something and blow his brains out in a moment of clarity, realizing just how worthless and unloved he really is.

trustwomen, you have put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?

Prior to the weight gain I was an ICU nurse, then I had an a serious car accident (head-on collision)- with my hormone depletion & accident I gained 60 lbs on a small frame.  My closest friend is weight obsessed  (~106 lbs) & while is a good friend, she is also very opinionated (& obsessed w/ weight herself)-- I don't think she would  mean to be critical, but it is her nature & as I had said, frankly, I'm depressed, embarrassed & there is something medical going on w/ me that the doctors don't seem to be figuring out-- they admit there's something wrong but can't give me  answers.  My weight gain started  with my hormone depletion & they don't have any answers or help for me when I tell them about the rapid weight gain.  It's been bad enough that I won't leave my house for weeks.  If anyone else has or has had anything similar I would love to hear about it, I feel like I'm the only one w/ this peticular situation.  I'm not a suicidal person, but I'm in a very low place.  Please

boom....i gained from a medication and then had a knee go out so it made it impossible to just lose a bunch of wt like normal.

i was beyond bummed out. but its paid off in the end as a lot of my pounds came off very slow in the beginning. so i dont have that loose skin issue that so many people complain about.

so what i did in that time was go to school online. its basically all i could do (sit there)

think what a great nurse this is going to make you.

i had gained 97 lbs on a small frame. so much that it made my body hurt.

you will get over this. it just takes patience. and you know a knock on the head can make you even more blue.

perhaps your body just needs to feel stable for awhile before it resumes normal function. not to mention reactions to meds.
did you have to take steroids? (that will do it)

the hormone thing will add to the wt thing and the depression.
perhaps its time to see a different team of doctors that are specialists. at least then you will feel you are being proactive about it.

The accident screwed me up- I haven't been able to work eversince.  I had previous back surgery & the accid. injured my back & broke my dominant hand/wrist.  The hormone problem is ? an autoimmune disorder- premauture ovarian failure (menopause) @ age 36 (now 38).  I have to take pain meds since the accid. & birth control pills for the hormones--- it's a double whammy & it's when my weight changed from 114 lbs. to sadly 183--- I'm only 5'2".  It does help when you tell me what your going through, I don't feel so alone.  I have been so isolated for the past year.  Thank you.

Hey, boombabies!  Truly, your friends who love you don't think less of you because of your weight (although they may be concerned for your health).  Your friends probably know what you've gone through recently- if not, share it with them. The support and love you'll get from them may even help you out of the pit of despair you seem to be stuck in.  Why cut yourself off from a source of support at the time you need it the most?

I got up to 200lbs at 5'4" and you know what? The people who loved me before still loved me.  I'll admit it was a bit of an eye opener as to the people who weren't really my friends...but moving away from those sorts of people ultimately helped me.  I'm down to just under 170, and guess what?  You got it- the people who have loved me all along STILL DO.  ie, your weight is totally irrelevant to the people who matter.

As to random strangers, work on ignoring them. A thick skin is hard to develop but worth it.

The only thing I let my weight get in the way of is dating since I"m tired of the whole "I don't date fat chicks" vibe (no one my age actually says that, except for a few losers on online profiles, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out the cause of some rejections).  Otherwise, I jog and walk and swim and climb and dance .... why put things off? I could be hit by a bus tomorrow and miss everything!