Nonsupporting Spouse... and friends.(Rant)

I am so sick of hearing I do not need to lose weight.

I am so sick of getting eye rolls when I log my calories, or won't eat something because I do not know the calorie content.

I think I might actually vomit the next time someone criticizes the way I look at myself.

My husband loves my body. I love my husband. He is not necessarily upset with the fact that I am trying to eat healthy. He even went so far as to cook me a semi healthy diner the other night. It is the little things that he does that are driving me nuts. He keeps telling me that I don't need to lose weight. I love him for it and at the same time I want to stab him with a fork for it.

My BMI is 27.2 it's slightly high. Not in the healthy range. So physically I am overweight. I do not beg for compliments nor have I told him how "fat" I feel. I just want to feel healthy. Look at myself with pride. Those types of things.

Well this weekend we went out to play pool. Our friends ordered chicken wings. I politely declined. At that moment he told people I was dieting. I got reactions that went so far as "If you think you're fat your crazy." Not one positive comment about trying to make good changes in my life.

At work there is a lady who always tells me "You don't need to diet. If I had your body I would be in a tube top" I have my body and would never be in a tube top.

AND IT'S NOT A DIET!!!

I am sooooo fed up with people not supporting my efforts. I could just scream.

What do I do? It makes me want to quit, even though I feel better eating this way.

You can't control what random people in public say, but you can sit down with your husband and explain what your goals are, and how it makes you feel when he seems unsupportive of you.

I'm sure he loves you, and if you can drive it home to him just how much it means that he get onto your team with this, then he will, right?

People sometimes underestimate things like this, and may not fully understand how they're making you feel until you tell them.

If that doesn't work, start a penalty jar, and make him put 20 dollars in it every time he says something unsupportive. He may not stop, but hey..you'll have a new wardrobe fund for when you get too small for your clothes.

Ignore what strangers say.  They know nothing about you.  Try shifting your focus, and your hubby's focus off the weight loss and onto being healthy.  If your hubby had said, "She's really working on eating healthily," then no one can argue with that.  For example, it's a rare person who tells a vegetarian that they should just go ahead and eat the meat.  People will understand you wanting to be healthy, while they may not understand you being on a "diet" if they already think you are beautiful.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I get really frustrated when people do not appreciate what I am doing. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I wish it was easier.

I've been having the same problem, Emilysmi.  For the last few months I've been changing my eating habits and have discovered people left and right are rolling their eyes because I decline dessert or won't eat fried foods - I've discovered the best way to deal with it is just to explain you're trying to improve your quality of life, that eating healthy makes you feel good. 

It seems to help them understand, but if they still insist on trying to get you to eat the chocolate bar by saying 'one won't hurt' then that's the point where I suggest you give them a death-stare.  :)

Would people react the same way if you made no reference to calories but instead said you were trying to make a lifestyle change, or that you were trying to eat healthier? To me, anyway, that wouldn't instantly equate to "diet" or "losing weight" but to improving oneself.

I have the same problems with my boyfriend. It's really starting to bother me. He needs to lose weight too and I think that may be part of the problem. He may feel jealous or insecure about me watching what I'm eating so carefully. He always says that I'm beautiful the way I am, which is nice...but makes me feel like he's not supporting me.

I think we need to realize that we're doing this for ourselves, and not for the approval of others. Easier said than done though, I know.

My hubby has been pretty supportive thus far, but his mom has been cynical enough for the both of them.  The last two times I've seen her she has sat me down and told me it's unhealthy to track everything you eat.  I have told her repeatedly that although I am interested in losing some weight, I'm not skrimping and taking the easy way out.  I'm doing this healthy.  I'm actually thinking about what I put in my body and exercising.  This isn't some fad diet that will fail in a couple of months.  This is a life change.

It's kind of a gray area, isn't it?  On the one hand, people feel like they're giving you a compliment by telling you that you don't look overweight.  On the other, they're being really unhelpful.  I think there are two kinds of people who do that.  There are the thin people who can eat whatever they want without gaining weight who honestly just don't get it (I suspect they're the minority), and there are the overweight people who eat whatever they want and don't want to feel bad about it, so they try to tell everyone else who is overweight that they're "normal" in order to feel that way themselves.

In the grand scheme of things though, I guess it doesn't matter what their intentions are.  I agree with everyone else.  Don't tell people you're "dieting" or "watching calories," and your husband should be perfectly clear about the fact that it's not his place to tell people that either.  If politely declining offerred foods doesn't work, just tell people that you've decided to eat healthier and you've felt better and healthier since you started.

On the flip side, people can be a little too supportive sometimes.  I have a friend who is constantly trying to lose weight.  She's well within the healthy BMI range, I suspect closer to the low end, but she really really hates seeing any sort of bulge on her body, to the point that she got liposuction and a tummy tuck.  I cringe every time she tells her 7 year old daughter she's getting fat (which she most assuredly is not).  Anyway, I'm not particulary vocal about my weight loss efforts, but I've been excercising consistenly for over 2 months, and using CC for about a month, and though I can't really see the change in my own body and the scale has barely budged, my friend noticed I'd lost weight a few days ago and asked me if I'd been trying to, so I told her that I had.  The next day, I was at her house and her husband offered me some chocolate, and before I could even open my mouth to politely decline, my friend yelled at her husband not to offer me chocolate because I was doing so great losing weight.  Oy.  My friend and I have very different philosphies on how one should go about losing weight.  She feels you have to deprive yourself and eat things you don't want to.  For example, she thinks it's great that she forces herself to eat yogurt she doesn't like.  I also really hate yogurt, and there's no way in hell I'm making myself eat it.  I eat chocolate -- not every day, and only a little when I do, but I'm perfectly capable of saying, "No, thank you," if someone offers me something I don't think I should eat.

I totally know what you mean. Luckily my husband is supportive of me because he knows it's what I want for myself. But my friends and the rest of my family claim I'm nuts. Some even go as far to tell me I am probably going to end up with an eating disorder if I live this way. (I hate how most people don't consider OVER EATING an eating disorder because  that is as serious as under eating in the long run.)

The people that have only known me since I've had my baby tell me I look great. And I just want to scream at them "OH YEAH WELL YOU DIDN'T SEE ME BEFORE I HAD THE BABY!"  I jumped from 120 to 145 in a year and half. I'm currently 145. I hate the way I look I hate the way I feel and so I decided to do something about it.

Just remember it is your body. It is your life. You are doing this for you, not for any of them. People are always going to talk crap.  It's either because they feel bad so they want to say something nice or that they know that they should change their eating habits too so they feel guilty. If all else fails you are not alone in this. The hundreds of people on CC prove that.

Good Luck!

I don't know if this will work, but try telling your loved ones about the health aspect of it.  Explain that your BMI is over 25, which is the high end for healthy weight, and that being over that will cause health problems.  Say something like "Do you WANT me to high cholesterol/blood pressure which could lead to a heart attack or a stroke?"  I don't if you have health insurance, but if not, tell them how a health problem resulting from being overweight will affect your wallet.  I know it sound a little melodramatic but maybe they'll "get it" if you tell them that this a quality of life issue.

I agree with you snark, when my boyfriend starts being unsupportive I remind him that cancer, stroke, diabetes, asthma, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and heart disease all run in my family. The likelihood of these diseases can be greatly lessened or eliminated by eating healthy and being at a healthy weight. This usually shuts him up ;)

I absolutely love that you said that it makes you want to stab him with a fork... I have this same problem with my live-in boyfriend, because he has a habit of always wanting to order (unhealthy) food out, and eat junk, and I've explained to him that I want to be healthier and he always says how supportive he is, and the second I have a bad day, there he is, offering me fried dough, or french fries or something else that contains all of my daily calories... which is why I had to result to telling him that I would stab him with a fork if he didn't stop it.

I know its frustrating, my family will do the same thing to me, and I've just stopped telling people that I want to eat healthier (despite everything that you  read that tells you that you should) because then you just get crap for it, or even worse, if you eat something other then celery people give you looks like you just killed a puppy. My new thing is telling people that I had a really big <insert previous meal here> and that I just don't have room for whatever junk it is that they want me to eat.

I wish you the best of luck, and hopefully your husband will come around.