Note to Cat

Dear Cat,

I know you love me and want to be with me and cherish your every moment with me. HOWEVER... you are big and you are heavy and you take up all my leg space on the bed. That is why you got kicked out last night. I know that hurt your feelings and I am sorry, however it was that or continue to argue with you as I tried to sleep. Daddy NEEDS sleep so he can go in and work and buy you kitty kibble.

Please forgive me,

Your willing slave,
HK

Anyone else have any notes they want to send their cats?

Dear Mocha,

I know this letter is a moot point, as you are now residing in kitty heaven, but please bear with me on a few points:

1. I miss you!

2. I miss the way you used to sleep on my pillow (read: the top of my head!)

3. I miss the way you would somehow crawl under the comforter and sleep in the middle of the bed, visible only as a huge lump there.

4. I even miss the way you would try to scratch us with your rear claws if we forgot ourselves and tried to pet your hind quarters.

5. and I miss the bizarre yowling sound you made each night at bedtime (ours, not yours!), as you were a nocturnal beast!

6. I apologize for relegating you to the basement of our new house simply because I didn't want you to shed on our new carpet.

7. Oh, and I miss your "teddy dog" stuffed toy that you carried with you obsessively from Alaska, to Montana, to North Carolina. It was your one constant in the life of a well traveled cat.

8. and last but not least, I'm sorry the basement door was left open and you were too cocky to stay inside, away from those evil dogs who didn't realize that you were an outdoor feline goddess whom they should never have even remotely dared approach, yet they ganged up on you and prevailed.

Mocha, I love and miss you!

(edited because I am innumerate and originally posted two #5's!) 

ohhh....(((mocha and alaskanmama)))

Dear fluffy, oddly shaped Puppies,

What am I doing wrong? I hug you and love you and kiss you and pet you and you still make that funny whispery sound that I assume is a bark, but quieter, and point those cool retractible claws at me - man, I wish mine did that!

You obviously want me to chase you, or you wouldn't keep running away. You obviously love me, because love is universal and unconditional, so that can't be it.

So again I ask...What am I doing wrong?

Your loving Sister,

Molly T. Puppy 

Dear Scrappy,

I know you are no longer with us, but I wanted to let you know a few things.

I still love you more than I love some humans, and I was so sad to see you go.  The only thing that was good about it was that I knew you wouldn't have to be sick any more.  I know you lived a good, long life...I just wish it could have been a little longer!

Thank you for adopting the new baby and teaching her the ropes.  She still misses you and calls for you sometimes.  I know you didn't like her at first and wished that you could eat her for a tasty, fluffy snack, but you became a wonderful kitty grandpa. 

Thank you for all of the great conversations we've had.  I still maintain that you could speak English when you chose.  I love that you would answer in your cat voice when I would ask you questions.

Love always,

Your Human

 

Dear Tiny,

Thank you for all of the cuddles and kitty kisses!  There's only one thing...I understand that sometimes you just get so happy when I pet you...but really, do you HAVE to drool all over me?  I mean, it's a little gross.  I still love you, but maybe you could swallow more or something.

Also, what are you eating that causes that gas??!?! 

Love,

Your Human Mommy 

*sigh*  I woke up from a nap with a giant lard ass of a cat laying on my hair.  I am not happy.

Dear Raven and your many rolls,

Go on a diet.  Seriously.  Or, rather, stick to the diet I've put you on the past few months.  You see, by eating your recommended amount of food throughout the day instead of all at once, you tend to whine at me a hell of a lot less but that's the only change.  You still get into the dog food whenever possible, the guinea pig food, the Wheat Thins, and even my sacred candy hiding spot.

I don't use the term "fat" when describing people but you're not a person, you're a blob.  Therefore I'll take much joy and delight in calling you a Fatty Fat Fat Fatterson McFatty, you fat pest.

Some days I look forward to when you die of your obesity and others I simply can't, because for some reason Alex actually likes you, and your passing would bring sadness to his adorable face.  I don't like a sad Alex and that's not worth the happiness I'd have by you not being here anymore.

Stay off my hair, stop eating the frickin' walls, and if I go back into that bedroom to finish my nap and find you in my spot, oh believe me there's going to be hell to pay.  Alex is asleep and he can't determine if me suffocating you with my pillow would be an accident or intentional.

You've got thirty seconds to move.

Moly.

Moly would just like to note she doesn't condone the harming of animals in any sense and is merely half asleep, kind of dehydrated, has snot dripping on to her hoodie, and is only typing this silly nonsense about pillow suffocation because the cat pulled hair from the mean part of her brain, triggering naughty thoughts.

Love your pets, hug them dearly, and if you're in Toledo volunteer to take this one off my hands.  Seriously.  The only reason we don't get rid of her is 'cause nobody wants or will take decent care of an old obese cat.

These got me through my crappy day at work...thanks everyone!

Original Post by melonhoney:

Dear Kitty,

I felt so bad when I saw you shivering under the deck last week.  So I brought you in, brushed all the burrs from your fur, gave you big heaping bowls of food and water, and a good scratch on the head a few times daily.  Your big brother patiently put up with you stealing food from under his nose and even usurping his spot on the bed next to my ankles.

How did you thank us?  You gave birth to 3 adorable kittens IN MY BED.  On the brand new comforter I received for Christmas!  But I'm so excited that the vet gave you and your babies a clean bill of health.  One of your babies even looks exactly like you, and seems to be just as pushy.  And Mr. Vet says he's looking forward to seeing you again in a few weeks to give you a "minor adjustment" so we have no more happy accidents.

Love,
Mom

 

Yay!

Dear Daniel, Gracie, Tigger, Molly, Pumpkin, Smudge, Mr. Whiskers, Miss Cricket, Emily, Fuzzball, Scampi, Mac and Megan ....

Wow. 13 of you! Do you realize how much we spend a week on expensive cat food for all of you? And litter for 4 boxes? Not to mention how much time we spend playing with you, petting you, brushing you, stepping over you, trying to fit into the bed with you, and otherwise waiting on you hand and foot?

Please stop sulking that we have two small doglets in the house. Like you, Minnie and Corey were also rescues. Even though most of you are bigger than them, please stop traumatizing them by sticking your furry paws in their crate, trying to steal their rubber bones and squeaky chew toys as you know how it makes them bark.  The dogs have been here for over a year now and they are staying, ok?

And, yes, just like last summer, we're going to be fostering kittens again this summer. Please try to keep your growling, hissing and spitting to a minimum as it makes the kittens all poofy and they just hiss back. Don't worry, they aren't staying. After all, there were 38 visiting kittens last summer and we only kept two, ok?

And please stop barfing hairballs on the new carpeting.

Thanks,  mom.

Original Post by mollymouser:

Original Post by melonhoney:

Dear Kitty,

I felt so bad when I saw you shivering under the deck last week. So I brought you in, brushed all the burrs from your fur, gave you big heaping bowls of food and water, and a good scratch on the head a few times daily. Your big brother patiently put up with you stealing food from under his nose and even usurping his spot on the bed next to my ankles.

How did you thank us? You gave birth to 3 adorable kittens IN MY BED. On the brand new comforter I received for Christmas! But I'm so excited that the vet gave you and your babies a clean bill of health. One of your babies even looks exactly like you, and seems to be just as pushy. And Mr. Vet says he's looking forward to seeing you again in a few weeks to give you a "minor adjustment" so we have no more happy accidents.

Love,
Mom

 

Yay!

Here's some pics!

They are going to be stunning!

Are you going to be able to keep them? I'm fostering an extra cat now, I had no idea how adding one cat more could turn my house into the deathstar.  (no regrets)

 Is mom a Tuxedo? looks like maybe some Tabby in there?

We'll be adopting the kittens out to friends at 10 weeks, after we've had them wormed and fixed.  We will be keeping mama cat, though.  I'd love to keep them all, but we already have a dog and another cat, and our lease won't allow it.

Mom is tortoiseshell, and I'm pretty sure dad is a neighborhood stray that has tuxedo markings.  He's pretty scared of people and won't let anyone approach him.

Dear Arys,

From the moment we locked eyes, I knew that you were the one I was to take home from Last Chance rescue. I was instantly so drawn to you that I didn't even land more than a passing glance on any of the other kittehs present. I held you, buried my face in your silky black coat, and you loudly purred in approval. You contentedly narrowed your piercing green eyes, and when I put you down, you head butted me for more attention.

I convinced the room mates that you would be a top notch mouse trap, since the old scarred and wizened Russian Blue alley cat we named "Hi[gh]!Balls!" mysteriously stopped appearing. "He is neutered, he won't mark in the house like HB", I said. "He's worm free, vaccinated, and will be on flea control! You'll just love him!"

Really, I just wanted a kitty friend. I didn't care if you caught mice or not, though you did indeed, and usually killed them to boot. Thank you for not devouring the bodies whole and leaving bloody heads on the carpet for us to find the way HB used to. You always exhibit more civilized manners.

You took a while to warm up to everyone. I don't blame you. The house was a complete dump, thanks to the revolving door of crazy partying drunkards and sloppy, negligent house mates. I bought you cheap litter and food at first, because I didn't know any better. I'm sorry that I let you live in those conditions for about 8 months. I'm sorry that Eric, Nick, and Roger wanted to name you Funzo and Saruman. The guys put up a fight to keep you when we moved to Huntingdon Ave. but there was no way I was going to let that happen! I loved you fiercely and cared for you daily. They never fed you or changed your litter. They didn't groom you or talk like we did. You didn't play fetch with them and curl up on their feet every night.

Every subsequent house we moved to has been incrementally better, wouldn't you say? I started having less party animals over and spending more quiet time with just you. I learned to give you quality food, and some time later paid mind to the type of litter I was subjecting you to. I'm sorry I was still so immature and reckless in my ways those previous years. Thank you for being so patient with me as I continue to learn and grow. You have put up with some real a-holes in addition to my stupid behavior. You have tolerated my room mates' pesky dogs, though you were sure to always voice your disdain.

Here we are, in our 5th house together. You appear happiest yet down here in Richmond. I have never seen your coat this shiny and soft, or your eyes so bright and so clear. You trustingly follow me around the house every day, a faithful shadow. You twirl through my legs in the midst of kitchen conversations. You jump in my lap when I'm wasting time on the computer. You are always standing on the arm of the couch every time I walk in the front door, as though you know when I will appear and are waiting to welcome me home again. You reach under the door at me when I'm in the bathroom if you're not actually in there with me. You charm some people and avoid others; you are an excellent judge of character!

You humor my squeezes and kisses and stupid nicknames for you, and let me carry you around wike a widdy biddy baybeee. You are forgiving and nonchalantly unconcerned when I procrastinate cleaning your potty from time to time. You fancily sashay about, your tail flickering straight up in the air, chirping and meowing. I watch you pounce on imaginary prey when there's a shortage of crickets and roaches. You find toys insulting; you want the real thing! I love observing your contorted napping positions. I love that I see you last before I close my eyes to go to sleep, first when I wake up.

Your mild shedding, occasional hairballs, obnoxious carpet clawing, and subtle bossiness don't phase me. Scooping the box or cleaning the occasional vomit could never be too big a hassle. You have provided me with much wanted loving companionship, and everything I give in return is a small price to pay. You are a bright point of every day, and I am typing this sappy letter in a forum on a calorie counting website of all places because of you. I can't imagine a kitty I'd be more pleased to share my life with. I am grateful that we have each other.

Limitless love,

Your loopy cat lady!

Dear Mackenzie,

You were so sweet and innocent when I picked you up from Vets4Pets. So small were you that my hand would engulf you. How the times change. Now you demand attention, food, and water that runs from the faucet. If I didn't love you, you would be one dehydrated kitty! The only 2 things I ask are that you would learn to chew your food thoroughly so you wouldn't puke it up and leave a pile for me to step in upon waking and quit sucking on my fingers, nose, and toes. I am not a mother cat. Thanks you for being my foot warmer when my feet come out from under the covers at night. I love you dearly 'Mo'!! Oh, and please take it easy on Midnite. He's an old man.

Dear Midnite,

You are my special boy that came from a litter of throw aways the old lady down the street was getting rid of. I'm so glad I found you. You have been a handful since your first bath! I know that you are the 'man of the house', but can you please leave the dog alone? She doesn't want to play with you. I also know that Kenzie irritates the piss out of you and that you were here first. However, you get her back by eating all the food before she gets to it. Which is why you weigh 20lbs!!! Even though you are overweight you still act like a kitten in ways, especially when you crawl on my chest to go to sleep. I love you dearly my 'Fat Boy'!!!

~Your Humble Human~

Original Post by melonhoney:

We'll be adopting the kittens out to friends at 10 weeks, after we've had them wormed and fixed.  We will be keeping mama cat, though.  I'd love to keep them all, but we already have a dog and another cat, and our lease won't allow it.

Mom is tortoiseshell, and I'm pretty sure dad is a neighborhood stray that has tuxedo markings.  He's pretty scared of people and won't let anyone approach him.

 

Thanks for the photos! (And, even more importantly, for helping out this kitty family!)

Purrs and headbonks to you!

=^..^= MOLLY

Dear Foxy,

You are one mean kitty.  I hate that when ever I visit you, you run away from your dear old auntie, or you get ready to attack me.  You were so cute when you were a kitten.  Look at you now. I am scared to visit you.

 

Dear Indiana,

You are so the polar opposite of your lady Foxy.  You are a warm adorable ragdoll who is just a bundle of sweet love and soft fur.  If I was ever to have a cat of my own, I would want one just like you!

--Oh, and kids, please stop crying all the time when your mommy is gone.  It makes it awfully hard to sleep!

Mixed Feelings,

Auntie Ophelia 

Dear Tabitha,

I will never really forgive myself for changing my plane tickets to England. I was supposed to go on Nov 24 '08, but i changed them to Oct 19th '08. You were fine when i left, but a week and a half later you had to be put to sleep. If i hadnt changed the date i would have been there for you in your final moments. As it was, I didn't even properly say goodbye to you as i rushed to the airport because i was worried about checking in on time.

When your grandmommy rang me upset and crying from New Zealand I was worried about my grandparents, your great grandparents, but they were fine. It was you who was sick.

Apparently your kidneys hadnt been working for a while, but you had hidden it from us. Sure you had gotten a little thin, but thats normal in older cats. Not that you were that old though, only almost 13.

I always loved you, even after i had grown up and moved out of home. You were my first proper long term pet, and slept with me everynight from when i was 12 until i was 20, and moved out of home. You were awesome at keeping my feet warm. When i'd come home again in the university holidays sometimes you would grace me with your presence, sometimes not. More often, not,especially in those last couple of years when you snubbed me and became grandmommy's cat.

Speaking of grandmommy, she loved you SO much even though you used to cry and cry outside her door in the middle of the night. Your passing was really hard on her and she cried for a very long time. I am so glad that she was there for you though, especially seeing as i couldnt be. I am so proud of her for doing this final thing for you, and holding you the whole time. I hope it was a small comfort.

I want you to know that I will look at the pictures grandmommy took of you before and after you passed, but at the moment i'm not quite ready. I will also eventually ask grandmommy where she buried you.

One day I will get a new kitty, but it wont be until i can look at pictures of kittens for sale and not cry when i see one that looks like you did when you were a baby. When that day finally comes i wont have forgotten you, you will be at the front of my thoughts. You will always have a special place in my heart. My first 'proper' pet.

I love you. I miss you. I am so sorry i wasnt there for you.

Thank you for living with us.

Your sad human,
Nicole

PS - i wish i had more pictures of you from the good ol' days, but I treasure the ones i do have.
PPS - Bella the bichon still misses you. Who will keep her in line now?
PPPS - I am so sad i even miss the way you used to play the piano in the middle of the night to wake me up to feed you.
PPPS - You were the best kitty EVA! (Even though you were grumpy a lot of the time).
PPPPS - You made mommy cry writing this :(

Gigi,

Stop following me.
That teenager the other 2 cats follow around.
She is a cat person. 
I am not.  

Its been three years.
Youre betting on the wrong horse.
Let it go.

With apologies to Jack Nicholson & A Few Good Cats -

You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at litterboxes,
You want me as your mom,
You need me as your mom.  
I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a cat who eats and sleeps in the very house that I provide and then questions the manner in which I ignore her.
I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way.
Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.
She adopted you.
I didnt.

If that teenager goes off to college and you're not with her,
You'll regret it.
Maybe not today.
Maybe not tomorrow,
But soon and for the rest of your life. 

Im just a girl
standing in front of a cat
asking it to leave her.
Alone.  

- Your Stalking Victim

Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion...

you people are pretty flarking wonderful

Dear Epiphany,

I know you're upset that mommy's going on a trip. She's your favorite mommy (I know I am a poor substitute for mommy as you don't sleep with me, but I can give you snuggles and ear scritchins and play time just as well as mommy can) and you are mad at her for going, but.. you make mommy very sad when she wants to snuggle you and you run away.

You are such a little brat.

Love,

Your willing servant 

Dear Mr. Kitten,

Where did you go? I still look for you. Yesterday, I went to the pet supply store getting cat and dog food and as usual, I rushed over to the kitty adoption center to see if you might be there. I keep thinking that someone found you and took you in. My heart beat a little faster when I saw a black cat with white feet. I had hope of seeing you for the briefest of moments. 

Every time I drive back to the old house I look for you along the way. It’s only 80 miles and there are so many stories of pets returning to their home. As I pull into the drive I can almost see you coming out of the bushes. I go out to the back and stand on the deck and can visualize you sauntering around the garden. I see you leaping to the top of the 8 foot fence and then you sit on the corner post and gaze over your territory. King of the yard.

I know you weren’t happy at the new house. There were too many changes and you were set in your ways. That new young cat kept pestering you and you just couldn’t take it any longer. I still have your picture on my phone. I see your face every time I open it. Sometimes, I open the phone just to look at you. I can still hear your mournful cry.

I will always remember you. You and I had a special bond that will last forever. I shed a few tears as I wrote this.

Love Always,

Mom

 

Dear Butter,

I can’t believe you’re almost 10 years old. I remember how your hair stuck straight out from body when you were a baby. You clung to my chest the whole drive home. Do you remember the look on Jared’s face when he saw you the first time? He was not quite 11 and you were a special request. He wanted a male orange tiger stripe.

Everyone really loves you Butter, but sometimes, we find it hard to like you. You eat fast and then puke all over. You love to chew on pieces of my plants that immediately make you hurl. I can’t believe you haven’t figured out that eating certain plants makes you violently sick within 30 seconds. You’ve been doing this for 10 years.

At least you finally did learn the word no. I think you finally got tired of me tapping you on the head to get you to leave me alone in the middle of the night. I don’t mind when you come up and purr for a few minutes. I can even stand the sound the of you sucking your paw, but when you stick that wet paw in my eye socket, you have to go.

It’s a good thing you’re such a sweet little lover, with a special history. I know you’re not too bright and I know you didn’t have a mother cat to teach you how to be a cat. You should be thankful a true cat lover adopted you. Someone else probably would have gotten rid of you. I know you know I’ve thought about it from time to time. Who else would take care of you? I couldn’t give you away, someone else might not understand and be mean to you. You are so sweet and I do love you dearly.

Love Always,

Mom

 

Dear Moon,

You little trouble maker.  I can see it in your eyes. Cooking up mischief all the time. Then you decide it’s time for love and you jump onto my lap with a cute little chirp. You were so cute this morning all curled up on the blanket on the couch. Your eyes followed my every move. You were just waiting for me to come to you. You knew I would you little devil. Then there was the chirp and the head nudge. I hope you enjoyed the kitty treats I put right in front of you. I wouldn’t want you to have to get up to have a snack.

I know you miss Mr. Kitten. I saw the way you wandered around the house looking for him for a week after he disappeared. I tried to get you to quit hassling him so much. He was King of the house. You are the princess. I’ll see you tonight sweetie.

Love Always,

 Mom