Odd Habits? How does he still like me?!

Ive been dating this guy for about two months. We get along fabulously, im more myself around him than i am around anyone else, and i know hes the same way. He told his friends about me-which is a huge deal because I'm 5 years younger than him and they all know me well- i dated one of them about a year ago and all the secrets got spilled. So- we starting having sex a few weeks ago, and he's been incredible since then, personality wise. He's sweet and fun and adorable. He's not the settling down type but he told me he's actually really considering a relationship.

so- last night we're hanging out and he's in a terrible mood- he was realizing how little he's accomplished since he quit his job. We tried having sex- he couldnt keep it up, but i think it was mostly because he had so much on his mind. So we decide to just cuddle and relax, and it gets weird. he starts picking at my piercings- getting all the paint from my stupid cheap earrings out of them. Then he moves down to my back and starts picking at the small pimples on it! I was thoroughly disgusted...but he told me he wasnt at all- it was calming him down!? i spent last night up all night uneasy and worried- ive never felt so exposed and vulnerable around a guy before. the weirdest part is- after he was done being strange, he actually got it up and we were able to actually have sex.

So my question is--is this actually NORMAL?! We click so well it feels like we're soulmates. I'm not all that self-concious, but we all have the things that we don't like...my small issue of very slight bacne doesn't change my attitude about myself...but honestly? Is he really opening up to me? and showing me he likes me no matter what? or do you think he woke up this morning and realized he can do better?

Pimple picking is a kind of grooming, much like brushing someone's hair, or in other primates like chimpanzees or apes, picking lice or fleas off of another.

Being comfortable around someone enough to actually show that you like picking pimples is a huge thing, most people are too embarassed to admit they do it, or like doing it.

I pick on my boyfriend. Not excessively, but every now and then taking some alcohol, a black head remover and paper towel to his back helps him (sometimes they're inflamed or itchy), and oddly enough, seems to make me happy.

No idea why to be 100% honest, but it does (not HAPPY, but it does improve my mood).

Though...I'm not ready and raring to go for sex afterwards either...

Thats a good answer nasuoni.  Grooming is a way to bond with one another. 

aeroplanexc,  you dont have to let him pick at you.  And it does not have to ruin your relationship.   Explain you dont like it.  Enough said.

Original Post by madamq:

Thats a good answer nasuoni.  Grooming is a way to bond with one another. 

aeroplanexc,  you dont have to let him pick at you.  And it does not have to ruin your relationship.   Explain you dont like it.  Enough said.

 I agree.

Really? Pimple picking? To me that just seems a bit odd. Obviously he is comfortable around you - maybe to comfortable. Bottom line is -- if he does something that makes you uncomfortable, tell him to stop.  Do you actually think he was aroused by this?

i don't think he was aroused by it. I think he just was in a weird mood and needed to get his mind off stuff- and once he realized that it didn't gross him out either he could relax. He's been single for 7 years- He spent college being a ladies man and had the time of his life. He's realizing its time to settle down...and we were talking about it, and he said that he thinks the reason he's in the situation hes in right now (quitting work, then realizing he needs a job) was because it gave him an opportunity to find me :) which i love. I think his whole picking thing was just him opening up to me; and showing me he likes me the way i am. he specifically said-"Oddly enough, i'm not grossed out right now. With anyone else i would be."

Original Post by aeroplanexc:

I think his whole picking thing was just him opening up to me; and showing me he likes me the way i am. he specifically said-"Oddly enough, i'm not grossed out right now. With anyone else i would be."

 It could just mean he likes to pick pimples, ect. Some people are prone to acne scars ect because they're addicted to it. He may've seriously needed/been compelled to pick at you to fix it. It can romanticized by spectators or not.

Either way: It doesn't have to continue or turn into a habit if you don't like it. Period. :)

To be fair I used to date someone who would request back pimple picking too!

I'd agree with the grooming tendencies. It's in no means sexual - but a way to feel closer to someone... because really - would you want someone you aren't close to that close to your acne unless they were some kind of professional who you were paying to get that close??? Not really. I'd vote he's feeling  comfortable and close with you. The relationship talks back me up here.

Pimples are just not a big gross deal to some people. For some people they are actually facinated by them. So don't be freaked out by the 'concept' (if you can wrap your head around it.)

But if you think its weird and uncomfortable or that you don't feel close enough to him yet to let him pick at your back than just tell him so - or tell him that you're afraid the picking will make it turn into more pimples (because really that is true...)

I don't read "I can do better than her" out of that original post at all.

... Personally, I find the pimple picking very odd.

If he were to say things like, "Ew nasty!" when picking at your back, that would support your "he can do better" theory. But if he didn't say anything or said it calmed him down, you have nothing to worry about in regards to his interest and feelings toward you.

But definately tell him that you are not comfortable with the pimple picking. A simple, "Can you not do that? It just makes me feel uncomfortable/insecure/etc." I'm sure if you tell him he will stop.

I have known some families to be extremely comfortable around pimples. I knew a friend's mother who would pop pimples on her son's back, wipe up the cream explosion, and go on with whatever she was doing, no change in expression. I. was. horrified. :(

I have to give and recieve back pimple popping.  It's not that weird.

one of my spouses mutually favorite activities is when i groom him.

i pluck tiny hairs that grow on the top of his ears and nose.  i also like to clean the wax out of his ears, clip his toenails and will pop a pimple, pick a scab ect ect.

it sounds really gross i suppose and i would never want to touch anyone else that way but i don't find it disgusting with him.  something about "picking" is relaxing and bonding.  the weird thing to me is that i enjoy doing these things for him, but i don't like being on the recieving end. 

i don't even like having an itch scratched or ache massaged. 

Okay so I am a male and I like to pimple pick on myself and significant others.  I have always liked it since I got pimples.  I also like it when my wife grooms me, eyebrow plucking, and she even cuts my hair.

Now she doesn't like me picking at her pimples and I don't do it out of respect.  However, I do feel a little how do I say like something is missing at times.  I really want to, but she won't let me.  I give her massages and other things for grooming, but I really want to pick at those pimples! 

I know some may find that obsessive and gross, but it is just how I feel.  I feel completely normal about it and it has never bothered me.