Odd question (Relationship and age Question)

Ok, I was out with some friends the other night and I ended up meetin this girl and I knew there were some younger people that were there so I specifically asked how old she was and she said she was 18.  Well we ended up exchanging numbers and making plans later that week, movie etc.

Today I was talkin to a friend of mine who wasnt there who apparently knew her.  He told me that shes actually 17.  I know its not really a big deal 1 year difference from 18 but theres that 18 year boundry that most dudes, at least I always have, try to stick to.

She called me earlier today and I asked her why she told me she was 18 and she just said because she really likes me and she was worried I wouldnt give her a chance if I knew she was under 18.  I asked her if there was anything else I should know.  She said that she was 17 but she turns 18 in 3 months.  And I assumed since she was 18 she'd be graduated from highschool.  but no turns out she's in 11th grade, my friend told me she was held back when she was in about the 4th grade.   She was upset after tellin me all that and wanted to know if that meant I wasnt interested in her anymore.

Wtf should I be thinking at the moment.  I'm 22.  I really dont see anything wrong with see'in a 18 year old, but like I said I'm the type that has always thought badly about people who didnt adbide by the 18 year old barrier.  And I am definately not wanting to be with a 11th grade high school girl while I'm in college...  honestly I that just sounds very bad.  very very bad. 

But at the same time I'm thinking that the only reason that I'm thinking its a bad idea is because of the fact that she's in highschool.  She's a GREAT lookin girl and she's great to talk to and hang around with and if it wasnt for the fact that she was in highschool I wouldnt think twice.  I mean if it wasnt for the highschool thing I'd hang out with her for the next couple months and go out and have fun but be completely hands off until she's 18 :P.  But then theres the highschool thing.

Any advice?  I wanna ask if I should just stay away, but I really dont want to.  But I know I should ask anyway because I know thats gonna be the concensus.  Should I just stay away? and what would YOU think about a 22 year old guy whos dating a 18 year old girl whos still in highschool.

Edit: and no dont worry we didnt do anything other than exchange numbers and make plans.

Sounds as though you are a very intelligent man and already know what the correct answer is....what the honorable thing to do is.
If you can exercise self-control, then be friends and hang out in groups and talk on the phone and email....but NO alone time since high school girls who like older guys often come up with elaborate stories to impress their girlfriends....could land you in trouble that you did not cause and do not need.
If you two are still interested in one another when she graduates high school, then great, get into a dating relationship.  If she isn't worth waiting for, she isn't worth dating now, right?
Plus, what do you have in common with prom and homecoming and slumber parties, etc.?  You probably want someone who can go with you to the places you like to hang out and who is mature enough to be around your college-aged friends, right?
You will make the right choice, like I said, you sound like a really smart guy.

If she will be 18 in a couple of months, then what does it matter whether she is in HS or not?

If she's over 18 (I realize she's not now), why would it be so bad? Is there some sort of HS stereotype in your mind that you're afraid of? If she's a nice, mature girl and you like her then I see no problem with you hanging out with her until she's 18 and taking it from there.

Then again, I am not from the US, so I think differently. My boyfriend is 25, I'm 18... He's not in college, he's already graduated! And I'm just barely on my 3rd semester in college. Thing is, it works for us. I am told that I am way more mature than my age. And it's legal, so we really don't care "how" it looks, we just care about what we want, and we want to be together, no matter what people may think due to our age difference.  

You seem like the right kind of guy... My boyfriend and I met a few years ago, actually. But we were friends and just that up until now that I am 18. Your age difference with this girl is not quite as bad, and you want to respect that so I don't see any problem here... Other than the whole HS thing, which I don't really get. ;)

Just my foreign .02

your 22, shes 17...what girl hasnt dated an older man. its 4 years, if she worth spending time with why not spend time with her. she prolly close to your maturity level anyway. a pitty thing would to miss out on something fun, exciting , and great just because of a stupid notion. now if you were older than 22 id say stop right there ya know. 

 

but ps. a girl who already is honest with you the first time meeting you, probally wont stay or be honest with you in the futuire.

 

good luck

Yea the thing I keep thinkin about is the fact that in just 3 months she'll be 18.  I know plenty of 17 year old college freshmen.  So its not a quesiton of maturity morely of her education status and should that really matter?
I just dont know what fact is more weighted, age or the highschool thing.    Age wise Its not much of a problem because its just 3 months.  But man that highschool thing just creeps me the hell out...

and yea I partially agree with what I think you meant in "but ps. a girl who already is honest with you the first time meeting you, probally wont stay or be honest with you in the futuire."

Yea she was dishonest at first but I liked her reason :P and she owned up to everything after that and she told me about the highschool thing.

I would just be careful with all that. I think the border-line is her still being in hs, that still means that she lives with parents who may not agree with her dating a 22 year old--now if she were in college and living independantly that would be a totally different thing....And she did lie to you--even though she did fess up (isn't that so hs, worrying about your age---do you really want to deal with this)--I dunno, if anything I would wait 3 months........

 All right, then. I'm going to be honest with you because that's what I do best.  If she's a GREAT lookin girl and she's great to talk to and hang around than.. consider how great she'll be as an adult that's graduated High School. Any decent older guy would bow out in a nice way and look her up when she were older and graduated from High School. For the simple fact that you're each on different pages in life. She lied to you because she understands that. You understand it but are attempting to justify it in order to amend your behavior.

If you aren't willing to bow out and wait until she's graduated from High School and look her up then. Assuming you're both available at that time, than it's obviously a no go to begin with.

It's icky. What 17 year old almost 18 would want to date a 15 year old? They wouldn't. The only one that would is one that's rejected by their own peers. So they have to fish from the kiddie pond in order to catch anything. The same concept applies with a guy 22 in College that's considering dating a 17 year old in High School. Why is he fishing in the kiddie pond? If she were mature enough to date someone 22 she wouldn't have lied to you. She knew that it wasn't acceptable even in her head, hence the act of lying.  A relationship is based on a foundation of trust. She was dishonest with you from the get-go, being glad she came forth later doesn't make the transgression any less dishonest. Or any less immature. If you're mature than you know that you shouldn't be considering it at this junction, because you're on two different pages in life. A decent guy would bow out giving her the chance to catch up, if he were oooh so serious about the potential there.

If you need to stick to your principals (which imo is a good thing actually) then just take it slow for a few months until she turns 18. It would then also be a pariod when you can get to know each other better and decide what you want. If the girl is great...don´t miss your chance. Be there...be around when she reaches the limit. High school or not, does it really matter? If you back up you´ll never know if you´ve missed a chance of a lifetime.

Age does NOT matter. I was 18 when I dated a man who was 25, I was 20 and my biggest love was 9 years older...and I definitely didn´t see myself lower in any way and nor did they.

As I have noticed here in CC, many girls from US aged under 20 are already married or engaged and have babies. Maybe the concentration of young mothers here is so high because of "babyweight" but still it surprises me. So...DATING a high school girl shouldn´t be a problem now, should it? :)

 Edit: and this is NO WAY icky!

As much as I hate to bring up this aspect, I would get to know her a lot better before spending any real time with her.  Especially alone.

HS girls are notoriously immature, and with reason.  I know too many guys who had their reputations (and sometimes, their criminal records) ruined by a scorned high school girl.  Remember, it's your word against hers, and, as unfair as it is, more people would be likely to believe her.

Yeah, sorry I had to go there, but it is an issue.

Why do you want to be around her? Is it because you actually like her personality or because you want to get lucky with an attractive young woman?

Here’s what I think, 16-18 year olds change about fifty times faster than 19 to 21 year olds which change about ten times faster than 22 to 25 year olds. So there is a growing up process that’s going to be happening much faster for her than for you at this stage of your respective lives. Being younger she might have maturity issues. The fact she lied about her age just about proves it. It should also be a red flag. She is at a stage in her life she’ll lie to get something she wants or thinks she wants. You might think that will work for you but it really has the potential to work in a major way against you. She owned up only because you caught her.

You liked the fact she lied to get you to like her? That’s smells of trouble. Sounds like you want your ego stroked deep down. It also says to me she has a confidence issue. She feels like she has to pretend to be something she isn’t in order to attract you. That reeks of trouble.

Really want to be worried about catching all the lies that are very likely to follow?

Young women do tend to mature faster than young men. So I don’t think the issue is with her being 17 and you being 22, I think the issue is maturity and the fact she will lie.

After college I was 24 and met a beautiful 17 year old – at church of all places. We hit it off surprisingly well. She was upfront about her age and pretty mature for a 17 year old. This was a big part of what made her personality attractive. My friends and some of hers really had an issue with our respective ages. I met her family etc and often we’d end up doing family stuff with her parents and bothers and sisters as much as going out on dates.  It was very good four months but her life was changing far faster than mine. At heart she really wanted to experience the wilder side of life, like most of us at that age. I was very much afraid, we’d really hurt each other if we let our relationship progress in that direction. We talked about it and breaking up to see other people, closer to our own ages and interests, seemed the best solution – so that’s what we did. I had college girlfriends much older than this “high school chick” who were FAR less mature about relationships than this 17 year woman. In hindsight, I can see we had good communications, there were many other good things about our relationship and that we were smart enough to take things slow.  

With that said, I personally always pass on known liars.

You're 22 year old man and want to date a high school junior?

I think the biggest issue here is what her parents will have to say about this. (I think someone already mentioned this)

Check your state laws too. (Yeah, I know, I am the devils advocate) most states, the legal age of consent is 18, but in some it is 17.

If you really want to date this girl, I would plan to met her parents and make sure they are aware that you are seeing their daughter. Teenage girls are good at hiding things from their parents, and you don't need any surprises!

I agree with the poster who spoke of lying. It is an issue. She probably did just lie because she wanted a chance with you, but that is a lie, and it is something to look out for.

Well, age set aside, it looks like she has a problem telling the truth. Even if she has "good" reasons for it, I think starting something with someone based on lies is not a good idea or a good sign. Up to you, tough

I can´t believe it...

you are having babies and getting married aged 18 and you judge someone wanting to date a girl who is almost  18...rather hypocrite I´d say..

So what if she lied about her age. Seems to me that she did the right thing if everyone is so judgmental about the age.  She wanted you to know her as a carthe blanche not with prejudice.

I´d say get to know her better and then decide. 

You're Young. You're going to make mistakes. It sounds like this girl may be one of them. Mistakes make us better people, eventually, so you have a right to make them.

I think, in the end, you need to decide for yourself. There are alot of good points brought up here, especially about the lying. But it also sounds like, based on your response #4, you've already made up your mind.

Date her, if you want to. But definitely don't put yourself in a situation where you could be charged with sex with a minor or some such. Check your state laws on this.

take it slowly for a couple of mnth and see what happens,not a problem if ur 4 year older.

enchantingimage your reply about the bottom of the barrel thing made me kinda laugh because I know a 18 year old guy who's dating a 15 year old and he is 100% doing that and we all laugh at him over it. 
Ive talked to alot of my friends to ask for advise too because they were the ones who told me she was just a Jr in HS.  Every one of them is tellin me to go for it, but they're all guys so thats expected.
But honestly its not as if I couldnt get with anyone else.  I dont want to sound vain or anything because usually I have absolutely 0 luck meeting girls but lately Ive become much more social... but at this moment I really have the choice of 3 girls and she is really the 1 I want to be with just because of her looks, personality, and our commonalities. 
One of the girls I dont want to be with that is wanting to be with me at the moment has alot of ex boyfriend problems, she's constantly talkin about her ex boyfriend.  The other one is really great looking but is shallow as a rain puddle, her major in college is... fasion.  So I'm not scraping the bottom of the barrel or anything.  So yea I have pretty much made up my mind but Im still scared as hell over it.   

To the comment about 17 year olds dating 15 year olds, I'm 15 and my boyfriend is 17. we've been dating for 3 months and haven't had any problems. To be perfectly honest, i think most 15 year old girls are as mature, or more mature, than 17 year old boys. It's a fact that boys mature later. And in my school, two years seems to be the general age gap. I barely know any girls who go out with guys their age, and certainly not younger. Most of their boyfriends are 17/18, whilst my year are 15/16. But my best friend is dating a 19 year old, and has been for 4-5 months. Their friends and family are fine with it, and it's a four year age gap.

 Personally, i think it all depends on the maturity of those involved, as opposed to the age.

Actually the average age of consent seems to be around 16, and in some US states even lower. Asuming KY, stands for Kentucky, then the age of consent where you are is 16. See http://www.avert.org/aofconsent.htm
while this doesn't mean you should sleep with her even if she is above the age of consent, it should ease your mind about being put into a compromising situation where allegations might be made.

All the men in my family seem to prefer younger girls when they feel in love, my mum was only 13 when she met my dad (and lied about her age), they got married when she was 18 and 30 odd years on are still very happily married.

My brother is about 3 years older than his girlfriend, he had already left school and was 18 when she was only 15. In the meantime, she has finished school and almost university and they are still together.

Personally I think if she is the right one, she is the right one. Age becomes more and more irrelevant as you both age. I also think lying about your age when you are 17 does not indicate that a person is untruthful about other aspects of their life (just as a 40 year old shaving off a couple of years on her age doesn't)

Well,

I was always the girl with the "older" guys when i was in high school. All the younger kids were very imature & i always dated 18 and up even when i was 16.

First of all, the first thing that comes to mind is her parents. What do they think of this. If they disagree one bit, they can make your life a living hell. Including getting you arrested for rape. My parents had a huge issue with it & now i understand why.

On the other hand if they agree to a "limited dating" relationship while she's under age. You have to be careful she doesn't want to miss class on the count of being with you. You cannot give in to temptation & go pick her up if she wants to ditch school. I used to be one of those, in love & not wanting to be appart so i would miss school & go to his house. I graduated with honors, but that's not always the case.

Just get to know her & make sure you have parental approval. Get it on paper &  notarized. I know it seems harsh but your freedom & moral are more important.

I am not giving you this advice based on "love", because you don't love her yet. You barely know her & if things go sour, what happens to you? the grown man caught in a scandal with a younger & under age girl.

I hope this helps.

xo

haha, that is exacly the way my bf thought before we started dating. im 17 as well, and he is 20. he wanted to wait until i turned 18, which would have at the time been in like 6 months. but then he finally realized that doing that would be a waste of time because i was the one he wanted to be with. waiting until i was 18 wasnt going to make a difference. lol, i gess alot of guys have this "age 18 or older" rule...which i never knew.

that being said, i think u should go for it! maybe wait until she turns 18 to become sexually active though, so that way u can avoid any legal issues that could occur. if she is great, like u say she is, then why should her age change that. u thought she was great wen u thought she was 18, so why does her being 17 make her any less great? she is just as mature as wen she told u that. if u dont take the chance, then u may miss out on something u will regret! u should take the chance while u have it....bcuz quaranteed, u wont have the opportunity forever.

good luck! i hope everything works out :)