OH hey thanks all you MDs for misdiagnosing me for TEN YEARS. Good news: I do not have panic disorder

bad news: Apparently I'm bipolar type II or whatever the f'ck that means. Guess that explains a lot of my posts!

Anyway, what I thought were panic attacks were some sort of manic episodes. I always thought manic episodes were like on TV where someone is really happy and spends all their money on the friends and has lots of crazy sex.

I got the unfair version where I get so worked up I get sick. I have been known to get so upset I start barfing or my favorite, pass out. Ever see the YouTube video of "fainting goats"? That's totally me! When I'm not being a fainting goat, I'm having a really hard time doing things like "existing". I hate it. It makes me mad. I feel like I'm stronger than this.

When I thought I was doing ok and had my panic under control were times when I wasn't in a manic phase I guess. Now I'm sitting around taking controlled release Xanax 24 hours a day and it's not nearly as fun as it sounds. I guess there's a couple of mood stabilizers he's putting me on, neither of which have the usual weight gain side effect (which the SSRIs did which they erroneously put me on for panic. Jerks).

Ok just wanted to vent. The good news is I've been actually losing weight since they threw me on these drugs since I'm way too tired and apathetic to eat so there's that

Wow, I'm sorry.  I guess it's good they have you on better drugs.  And at least they finally diagnosed you correctly? 

Of course that's the good news, but I'm feeling really angry about the whole thing. I feel betrayed by my own body.

Thank you for replying. I honestly wasn't sure anyone would read that long, crazy rant. The Xanax must be wearing off or something

Spiro, that BLOWS! Was it the same doctor that told that 134 lb girl to eat no more than 100 cals per day AND exercise? I know it wasn't, but that's the same kind of BS ... Sorry to hear that happened to you, but at least you know NOW what the hell is up, right? And congrats on losing weight again, at least it's not ALL bad. By the way, I LOVE reading your rants! I'm a pretty sarcastic, spazzy person myself, so I get you.

hmm, just out of curiosity, how do you know they've got it right this time?

Hi Spiro, just wanted to throw some support your way.  Mental Health, and Mental Heath Problems in particular, SUCK.

Take care (and write us some good rants over on the fitness forum when you feel up to it:)

See, this is why I hate MDs.

WoW.  I am sorry to hear this - kind of bittersweet for you.

Anyway, yeah.  I hear you Loud and Clear !!!!  I have had a major run in with my first doctor and moved on.  This doctor seems very patient and understanding.  I had a chest xray at my old doctor's office, it was transferred to my new doctor's office, from where PANIC was set into me for needing a CT Scan.  After dropping a small $$$$$$$, I was told you're fine.

Mmmmhmmm. 

I am not going to any doctor anytime soon.  The only time I will go is when I need medication and the doctor must see me.  Out of sight out of mind as far as I am concerned.  A person can spend a small fortune having a doctor protect himself, searching for a needle in a haystack!  Nah, I am with my husband on this one -  Don't see a doctor unless you're bleeding from places you shouldn't or are so sick you don't know where you are.

Sorry people, just my "ignorant" point of view based on experience.

**** Personal disclimer:  I am not advocating that people do not see their doctor for any reason whatsoever

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Spirochete, I am so glad they found out was really going on.  I know you're probably exhausted by the med changes, but the results can be fantastic.  I am glad you are losing weight again.  Keep up the good work and good advise.  I avidly read your responses to posts and learn something from you often.  Thank you for being here.

Leslie

Original Post by subwaybusker:

hmm, just out of curiosity, how do you know they've got it right this time?

hmmm well I don't, do I?

A lot of things about panic disorder never really fit me. I would read the symptoms and how people feel and think "well I guess that's kinda me?". The Xanax or klonopin would make me feel better so I figured they had it right

Well it got worse and handfuls of Xanax weren't helping me. I was crying for hours a day. I would get so out of control that I felt like I would DIE if I didn't throw a plate or something. I mean come on, who does that?? (well my mom did which explains a lot. She medicated with cheap vodka)

On top of the buckets of Xanax XR, they have me on perphenazine, which from what I can tell is what they treated cavemen back in the ice age. After that they'll also put me on Lamictal which has the lovely side effect of separating your dermis from your epidermis in rare cases. I'd rather have that than gain 40lbs like I did on Zoloft a few years ago.

And thank you everyone for your awesome responses and taking the time to post to me. It means a lot to me, especially since I know I can be one of the more, uh, caustic forum members. You guys are angels.

Hmm, I am sorry.   bipolar is something tough to deal with, and the meds are another problem in and of themselves.  I wish you luck with it though, and try to remember that it doesn't make you "weak" at all to have a legitimate health problem.  I hope that in some time you'll be able to find a medication regimen that works for you.  The trial and error phase seems to be the worst.

Hopefully this will all get sorted out & you will get some relief!  10 years is a Hellaciously long time to miss a diagnosis.  ( and here I was completely peeved when it took the dear doctors 6 months to figure out my sister had blown right into osteoporosis!) 

Oh, I'm sorry. My mother has the other type of bipolar disorder (the "fun" one, with the crazy highs and not-fun manic episodes) so I kinda sorta understand the situation relating to your disorder, I guess. But it's good that you are losing weight (even though through maybe unhealthy means), and seemingly putting you on better medicine than lithium. Bipolar drugs are the worst, with such ugly side effects, at least the primitive stuff I remember. 

You are definitely not weak. And I'm sorry you had to wait so long for relief. I've had the opposite happen, where doctors diagnosed me with bipolar disorder, anxiety depression, regular depression, you name it. It took 10 years to figure out that I was just having issues with my family. And now, having moved away, everyone says I'm fine. Ah, doctors....

The whole thing is pretty weird. I gained some extra padding a couple of years ago when my mom died. Usually if I gain weight, it falls back off me pretty easily (don't hate me-it's the weights!!). This time around, I haven't been able to keep a single pound off. It made no sense to me.

The Dr asked me if I crave a lot of sweets and chocolate, which I don't. I guess that's an issue with bipolar people. When I got home it dawned on me: bread and beer! I have been living on a very healthy diet of bread and beer. I'd go a month and not watch my calories. As you guys know, bread turns to sugar before you even swallow it.

So here I am, the xanax zombie who really doesn't crave those things anymore. I don't know what other meds they'll have me on but for the first time in two years I'm starting to feel like me again.

I'm totally rambling now. I guess it feels good to dump it all out somewhere

Oh wow. Good luck with your new diagnosis. I hope you can work it all out, and remember that the drug you're on right now isn't the only one available. If the side affects outweigh the benefits, ask for new meds!

I hope this doesn't turn you off doctors. Most of them are nice people, trying to do some good in the world, even if they do screw up royally a LOT. I went to a reputable hospital for back pain, had like a gabillion x-rays, missed a lot of school, had several embarassing examinations, and was handed an over-the-counter painkiller as a solution. Which didn't work.

Still, most doctors are trying to help you...we think...

Original Post by spirochete:

I got the unfair version where I get so worked up I get sick. I have been known to get so upset I start barfing or my favorite, pass out. Ever see the YouTube video of "fainting goats"? That's totally me! When I'm not being a fainting goat, I'm having a really hard time doing things like "existing". I hate it. It makes me mad. I feel like I'm stronger than this.

Wow... that is me down to a tee. I have been diagnosed with depression, OCD and panic attacks/anxiety but have wondered for a while if I could be bipolar.  This just makes me wonder a whole lot more