Online Dating??? A curse?
Okay---so if anyone has any advice, please give it. I've talked my sister to death about this:
I have an oddly close relationship with my personal banker (Colonial Bank) and she told me the other day that she went on this free online dating site called: Plentyoffish.com. Its kind of a friendly atmosphere where you can meet people...kind of like a more "date friendly" version of Facebook. So she told me I should try it out and I did! I love it. The attention is great and its fun to do. So there's this guy who I am really digging but Ive never met anyone offline and he wants to meet!!!! ECK! What should I do?
The reason Im a little apprehensive is because when she finally
went to meet her guy offline, then they instantly didnt like each
other. I was confused! What happened to the relationship they had built
via phone, text and email this whole time? They had sent pictures and
the whole deal. So what happened?
My personal banker friend isnt the only one who didnt have success. My Godsister has always online dated because she's extremely busy and doesnt have time to meet people the "normal" way. So this last guy that she dated, everyone in our family LOVED him, he was cool, sometimes a little stingy, but was easy to love. All of a sudden, after almost a year of dating, he just stopped calling her. No reason, just stopped. When she called him, he ignored her. Then after she finally was over him (she cried her eyes out!) he up and contacts her. She of course did not reciprocate. His excuse was lame and didnt make sense...he never really apologized.
I have plenty other horror stories from some friends as well where they finally met and all of a sudden BOOM chemistry GONE. I dont want that to happen to this guy! I like him and I think he's cute! Plus his puppy is adorable too from the pics Ive seen!!!!!
What should I do? See him, wait some more? HELP!!!!! He isnt pushy but I know he wants to meet...any advice?
I married my online lover (been together 7 years, 3 of them married)! :o
If you do want to meet him, meet him at a place YOU want and a place that has lots of people. Just in case... cause you never know. Make sure someone else knows we're you're meeting him too. Also, you could try to get to know him better online before meeting him right away, build up suspense!
If the chemistry is gone then it wasn't gonna work out anyway. I know you like him but if there is no chemistry how will it ever work other than talking online?
Good luck :3
Internet dating is the same as IRL dating. You meet someone. You connect. Then, suddenly, you just don't like eachother.
I see no difference being offline than online, except that being online saves you the cost of uncomfortable dinners and movie dates when trying to get to know your potential significant other. People can lie and be someone completely different to your face or to your computer screen. They can secretly be an axe murderer whether you meet them on a website or in a library.
You've got to take the chance. I met my husband on the internet. I wasn't looking for him, he just happened to pop into the chat room I was lurking in and started talking about a band not many people know and like that I adored. He was awesome, then he was a dick, I was a dick right back, and now we're married and happy.
Deep breath and schedule a date, girl!
Isn't the point to meet someone you can hang with in person? After I was divorced it seemed hard for me to meet the right people in the real world so I tried some of the online sites. Getting good matches wasn't that easy but in the end I did meet two people. We had build a good report online but the chemistry just wasn't there in person so it didn't work out. But isn't better to known that now rather than spend more time online with someone that it isn't going to work out with? And if the chemistry is there wouldn't you rather know that now?
I agree with the other replies. I don't see the failure/success rate of online dating as being that different from dating in real life. I mean, think about your own experience here...
For me, my own experience is that most of the people who ask me out in real life are people I have ZERO interest in. It takes a while to get to meet someone that you click with on all the different levels and think maybe you would actually want to date that person. Then when you date that person you realize maybe you aren't attracted to him/her, or he/she has habits that drive you crazy, whatever.
It seems like online dating is the same way. Only you have more of a chance to learn about the person's personality before you meet in person.
The only other thing I will say is that I haven't heard great things about that plenty of fish dating site. Maybe because it's free? Not sure. I do know lots of people who have met their significant others online dating, and have been together/married for a very long time.
You never know till you try! If you don't take the risk, you could be missing out on a very good thing. Just like in real life. Also just like meeting people in person first, you probably have to meet a lot of frogs before you find the prince.
(I met my "prince" through a friend about 6 months ago, and I've never been happier!)
Good luck, have fun.
Original Post by deeglutenfree:
What happened to the relationship they had built via phone, text and email this whole time? They had sent pictures and the whole deal. So what happened?
I've done the online dating thing lots - met my last two significant relationships online, my current bf on plentyoffish. Online dating is modern dating. They just don't have barn dances anymore.
It's easy to think you have a relationship through phone, email, etc but you really don't. You have a friendship - and it may even be a false friendship, there are a lot of creeps online. I've met lots of guys that I just wasn't attracted to in person ... actually about 80% of people I had no physical attraction or chemistry with. I usually wouldn't talk with someone for more than a couple weeks without meeting in person, because otherwise I felt like I was wasting my time. I'm still friends with a couple guys that we didn't work out in the dating world but we are still friends and hang out. I always met at a coffee shop in the daylight, and I always brought the attitude that hey, I can talk with anyone for 20 minutes so it was always a good experience. Well, maybe not always, there werer one or two wackos - lol.
Be safe.
Meet him! Do it :] I met a guy from match.com once and we went on a date which was really fun, and he was really nice. There wasn't a romantic connection, but oh well! I still had a nice date and met someone new. If you don't like him when you meet him just make up some silly excuse and leave!
I think it's creepy.
Wow. thank you all for your responses.
Cellulitedelight (hilarious), Trhawley (thanks for the male prospective), and even you jblarghp (even though it came from a less than optimistic place!). I will take all of this into consideration. A lot of what you all say is true. If its there, then great, if not, then maybe it is "creepy" and i'll try something else!
I hope you all are doing great and wish you nothing but the best this year romantically and otherwise.
---Dwan.
I met my fella through myspace. He added me because we lived in the same area, briefly emailed & commented each other over the course of a year. Then I found out hedi internet animation & a friend of mine had shown me one of his on her phone (but I hadn't known it was him at the time). We then ended up having email conversations every night for about 2 weeks then met in person.
That was about a year & a half ago, & now we're looking for a house together! 
I will admit when we first met in person it was very strange. I wasn't really sure if I was attracted to him & couldn't tell if he liked me or not. It was actually on our second date we seemed to click alot more.
When you do meet for the first time don't write them off straight away if you feel dissapointed, you got to account for nerves. Both yours & his.
In this situation though I'd say go ahead and meet him. You may not like each other in person, but if you don't take the risk, basically it's--talking online and flirting? How long will just that be satisfying for? Just arrange a meeting in a public space, like maybe for lunch or something, and see what kind of vibe you get from him.
that second story wasn't really an online dating cautionary tale. they went out for a year! something happened that made him want to end things, but i don't think having met him online was the problem.
as for what you should do, i say meet the guy! why drag out the torture of seeing if you two have a shot by waiting? just make sure you meet in a public place, and tell your sister (or your banker) your plans for the night, so they'll know where you are, just in case he's not awesome.
i met my bf online. we talked on the phone the 2nd time we contacted each other, and we met 6 days later. it's been almost 4 months we've been together, and so far so good!
Eh... you can have just as much luck or not online as in the real world I recon.
Dating real world I met some idots/ slobs and players but my friend talked me into chatting online once ... the guy I met then, is my hubby now.
He and I "dated" online for 6 months before we met (him in States me in UK) and six months later I was living in USA and we were married. We have been married five years now.
Chemistry is called that for a reason it's a physical as well as a mental thing. You can laugh at the same things but if you don't wanna get into his pants when you meet then forget it (not saying you have to, just that you should probably want to).
Told my friend, I'll know when I kiss him. And I was right. He obviously felt the same way, asked me to marry him two days after we met and had the ring with him!
I've met some great guys online and have met a number of them in 'real' life ... a couple just weren't my type and I know that I wasn't the type of a couple of them too. It's no different than meeting someone at a club and chatting a bit and then going out on a date just to find out that you really have nothing in common. Meet up with him and if it works great ... and if it doesn't then keep looking! In the end, an 'online' relationship really isn't a relationship. So, take a chance!
PS. My current partner and I met online by chance - we've been together about 4 years now and things are great! So for all the horror stories that you hear, there are lots of success stories ... just seems that the ones who have had success are a bit quieter about where they met!
I met my guy through a social networking group. It wasn't online though. It was a small office a few miles away that put together activitites and anyone can go...mostly singles, but some couples. I signed up to go the local brewery and take a bus to a baseball game and back to the brewery. I figured if I didn't meet anyone, I would still have a good time. It's a good way to meet people in person. I actually met a lot of people; guys and girls (as friends, of course). We got married a couple of weeks ago.
I would suggest something like that, if you have the time. I went alone because if I went with a girlfriend, we might have been glued to eachother and I wouldn't have met anyone.
If you're in the Detroit area, it's called The Social Connection. Anywhere else? I would suggest looking in your local paper for articles.
Online dating? I would have given it a shot too. Go for it but be safe.
Hi, meeting someone you chat with online is really no different than being set up on a blind date. I met my husband online, met him after a few chats. At first, I wasn't too sure about the chemistry between us but I decided to take the time to get to know him. I had been on a few other dates from online prospects that I really didn't connect with, but I did get some free dinners from them. You just have to know what you want. Most important thing is not be too overly excited, just go out and see what happens. As with anyone you decide to date, whether you meet them online or at Krogers, it takes time to get to know them and for them to get to know you. Take your time, don't rush into anything and meet in a public area.
More great advice. Thank you all...the majority is saying to meet him, and I've always been a firm believer in obvious signs! Perhaps this will be a great venture!
@Trendstudent: we don't have anything like that in Miami, but if you know of somewhere in Miami that does, please let me know! That sounds really cool!
@dawn: I think that's true, because people are embarassed. Thats silly to me. We're all apart of the age of technology, it happens all the time. I hate when people have to be so candid likes its taboo!
@Kbelle: :"but I did get some free dinners from them."
Thats why I'm here! Too many of those! lol. :}
Met my husband online, wasn't looking for anyone, he just popped up! We have been together 6 years, married 4.....My only advice is if you feel uncomfortable meeting him then take your friends, I had some friends of mine (a couple) go to meet him before I met him to make sure he was cool :).....Then I met him later... Or maybe you can tell him to bring a friend and you bring a friend..Then later on you can meet alone.....Good luck and go for it, what have you got to loose???
I directed a documentary about online dating last year-- and everyone on here is giving sound advice, judging from the people I interviewed and my own online dating experiences. Sometimes everything looks right on paper and you have repartee with a person online and on the phone... only to find that the click isn't there in real life. Oh well. Move along.
I would recommend OkCupid.com, because they have a great user interface and are free, but not too many creepers (at least not a year ago, when I was looking.) Plentyoffish is best for an older crowd (according to my interviewees) and Craigslist is for creeps-- but low and behold, it's how I met my beloved current boyfriend. After shoveling through a handful of crazies!
Like anything worth doing, it will take time and effort.
Dee-
I would never tell someone NOT to meet another person offline. Everyone is right, it is no different than meeting someone at random in some bar while a night out with the girls. If a person wants to lie about who they are, they'll do it to your face just as well as a computer screen.
As for my own personal experiences- I have met a lot of good people offline, but had no chemistry with. However, a couple are part of my handful of best friends. Along with the good experiences, I have had tons of bad ones.
So, after dealing with some bad ones in the beginning I set up some rules for myself:
If the person constantly mentioned sex within the first conversation, especially the first 20 minutes, I knew exactly what they were after.
If they were persistant about meeting I found it "too needy" or "freakish".
I always met in a public place, in daylight
I gave someone (usually my sister) the screen name, site I met them through, name, address, and all other information about the person I knew. I also gave them the exact route I drove (ALWAYS DRIVE- this way you ALWAYS have a way out!) and the time I would arrive there. I called that person when I got there. I always kept my phone on me and keys in my pocket. Oh yea, the other pocket had a knife, just in case I needed it for protection.
and last but not least... if your gut tells you NO, listen to it. If something doesn't feel right, make and excuse and just leave.
It's better to be safe than sorry. Good luck!
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