Online Dating

What a different world we are in today....the world of online dating.  I became a widow nearly three years ago and began dating about a year after my husband's death.  No one super special and quite a few odd stories as well.

Fast forward to today....I joined a popular online website for dating recently.  Apparently blind rudeness seems to abound on both sides of the fence.  People who never answer an email with a 'thanks but no thanks'....people who write back and forth and then drop off the planet w/ no explanation...just oddities.  it happens to both men and women.

Perhaps it is me.  I believe in kindness and compassion and being courteous.  I respond to all emails...if the person is not a likely candidate for me to date I will at least wish them luck in the future. The anonymity of the internet is partially to blame for the rudeness of some individuals.   Wouldnt it be nice if the world had a little more kindness in it? 

Just my two cents.

Anyone have any experiences they would like to share?

I found online dating to be extremely disheartening and discouraging.  Its more rejection and negative or unwanted attention in one place than I've ever gotten in person!  I admit that I don't respond with "thanks but no thanks" to most people, especially those where its obvious that they don't fit what I'm looking for (i.e., 50 year old man when I'm only 26, or people across the country).

I did, however, meet a really great guy online a couple of months ago.  Definitely a diamond in the rough.  It wasn't until I pretty much stopped using the site that he sent me a message and we met in person right away and really hit it off.  So you never know what can happen!

Good luck to you :)

Lisa

I heard it was great for women. I've know women that met their boyfriends on the internet.

As for a guy, it's more difficult, unless you're incredibly good looking. Or at least I came to understand that it was much easier for women.

No point in taking rejection personally, that's life. When there is responsibility for one's actions and rejection is involved, people can be very hostile. "You didn't respond to my message!!! Why you... $#%$%!"

Original Post by laschndr:

I found online dating to be extremely disheartening and discouraging.  Its more rejection and negative or unwanted attention in one place than I've ever gotten in person!  I admit that I don't respond with "thanks but no thanks" to most people, especially those where its obvious that they don't fit what I'm looking for (i.e., 50 year old man when I'm only 26, or people across the country).

I did, however, meet a really great guy online a couple of months ago.  Definitely a diamond in the rough.  It wasn't until I pretty much stopped using the site that he sent me a message and we met in person right away and really hit it off.  So you never know what can happen!

Good luck to you :)

Lisa

 I totally agree, same thing happened to me and he's a really great guy and we've been going strong for almost a month now, still very early but so far so good...

Been with my boyfriend 2 years, 4 months and going strong (besides the normal couple 'spats'), and we live together.

Met him on craigslist 2 years, 5 and half months ago, and don't regret it for a second.

I meet a lot of really awesome people online. Helps me get to know them before meeting in person, and helps eliminate those who would only be attracted to you physically, or you'd have nothing in common with other than 'I liked your hair'.

It's really the only way I date to be honest.

Are you saying you're not good looking? If that's you in your pic I beg to differ ;)

It was funny how you said it was easier for women because if a woman connects with a guy, then that guy met someone... right? So for every woman connecting a guy does, too. Don't know if what I'm trying to say makes sense.

I also think it's the same for wome, too, though. Since internet is looking at pics first, I think people definitely go toward the more attractive woman, too. And because it's internet, and people feel more able to be open and honest (and thus sometimes rude) they are more willing to go after someone they find more attractive they might not feel comfortable going after face to face.

I hope that all made sense. Anyway, I am a proponent of online meeting, though, since that's how I met my future husband... we're two years and going strong!!

I play a few online games.. little text based browser centered RPG's... and I've gotten to know a lot of great people through it. I've never done the dating website thing.. it just seems so.. I don't know. It doesn't seem promising.

The games I play have a sense of community.. You get to see how the person interacts with other people (in the forums, the chat, during wars) and real bonds are formed. I've been talking to a guy for a year now..  he lives too far away though and neither of us can commit. Wasted potential I guess... has led to a lot of heartache for me. You have to watch out for that.

It didn't work for me, but it has for two other couples I'm friends with. My friend Lys (Australia) is moving to canada to be with Hunter who she has fallen in love with. I have another friend from England (Jersey) who is moving to Australia to live with a guy (Zarce) she also met through the game. Lys & Hunter haven't met, just survived on skype. Jersey has been to Australia visiting him a few times and has decided to make it permanent.

The thing with online dating is that it's SOO easy to lie. You have to be yourself and be completely honest or else it will never work out. That's why I don't like dating profiles I guess.. they are just tailored to fit you know? Sometimes opposites attract. Love is a random thing.. and in my (limited) experience you shouldn't go labeling everything and looking for it.. it has to fall into your lap.

I met my now fiance over the Internet and it was not through a dating site. I was on a imdb.com board on a certain actress that I've been told I resemble. I made a post asking people what they think. Apparently my fiance was a fan of this actress and decided to check out her page he was going through the posts on the board of hers and pretty much saw the same thing over and over again "She's a great actress" "I love her" etc..etc. He was growing bored and tired of it and almost decided to log off of it when he said "Nah, one more page" so then he saw my post clicked on my link I provided on myspace and he said it was love at first sight. He said it was my eyes something about them he connected with and said he had a feeling he could relate to me. He sent me a message on myspace and asked if we could be friends and if I would like to talk. His messages were witty and funny and I could never wait for his next one. We talked for 4 months and then finally met and hit it off right away. 2 months later I ended up moving in with him and he proposed (it's going to be a long engagement until we can get our lives together.) we've been living together for over a year now and I can say he is my soul mate. It's amazing how it happened. In a way I feel he is totally the male version of myself and I thank god I made that post on imdb and he went to that other page or else I would have never met him.

:)

I met my fiance also online through a dating site. I think they are great, but you do take a while to find the right person. I can be disheartening, but it can also be interesting. You learn a lot about what you don't want. Now my fiance and I didn't start talking to one another for dating though. We are both gamers and fans of bad horror movies. That is what drew us together.

Yep, some men have to be finding success online if women are finding success.

Yet if you consider the ratios of men to women on most online dating sites, the women are greatly outnumbered.

Also, women don't have problems with finding men online, they have problems with finding men they actually want based on a criteria of specifications they have in mind."Too tall, too short, too old, too poor, too thin, too pale, too ugly, too pretty...." blah blah blah....

Men will have trouble finding someone just to go on a simple date, even with a woman that he is not romantically interested in seeing. Men naturally have to be flexible with their criteria because they generally don't take the screening role; that being screening for the right qualities.

I don't do online dating, for me it would be a watse fo time.

I went through an ugly divorce after almost 24 yrs of marriage.  I was angry and hurt and swore I'd NEVER marry again!!  After a year and a few good talks with my minister,  I got back into the dating scene.  I was online with a couple of sites.    To make a long story short,  I met my present hubby.  It was truly love at first sight.  I couldn't believe it.  We neither one were looking for a permanent relationship...just some fun.    We married 8 months later!  It's wonderful!  We are so blessed and happy.   Just be patient, and never compromise your values.   Mr. Right will come along for you.  Best of luck.

No advice about online dating, but in general I regard rude behavior as a helpful and useful sign that the rude person shall be weeded out of the garden of possibility.

:)

i have to admit i don't reply to most of the messages i get. i get like a bazillion notes at a time, from all kinds of guys. mostly guys who didn't even read my profile to see that they're not at all what i'm looking for. i also delete any messages from guys with no picture. not that he has to be a hottie, but post a picture, why don't you?

it'd just be too much work to respond to every single guy who sent something, and i'm lazy enough as it is.

Original Post by dalmalama:

i have to admit i don't reply to most of the messages i get. i get like a bazillion notes at a time, from all kinds of guys. mostly guys who didn't even read my profile to see that they're not at all what i'm looking for. i also delete any messages from guys with no picture. not that he has to be a hottie, but post a picture, why don't you?

it'd just be too much work to respond to every single guy who sent something, and i'm lazy enough as it is.

 I'm with you. I don't respond unless I'm interested, I see a lack of a response as a "thanks but no thanks." I have never had a guy respond to an email unless he was interested, so maybe it's the age group. I would rather get no response than a "thanks but no thanks," honestly.

One guy who I didn't respond to somehow found my myspace (which is so odd because I didn't post my last name on the dating website AND I'm not searchable on myspace) and sent me TWO messages, like "So I sent you an email on Match and you didn't respond...just seeing if you're interested." And then, "I guess you're not interested..." Lay off, creep.

And one guy wrote me, saying, "Hey, weird question...you have a really big nose (not in a bad way or anything), how do you feel about that?" Nice pick-up line. I cried for about an hour after reading that...sensitive, I know, but it's something I've always been insecure about.

You know, I think your experience has a lot to do with what site you are on.  When I was dating, I used match.com (disaster!!) and Eharmony.  Boy what a difference!  Long story short, Eharmony was a wonderful success.  I dated a few gems from this site, and I met my hubby on Eharmony!!  Eharmony is AMAZING and I recommend the site to everyone I know who is seriously looking for a SO.

Original Post by crazineko:

You know, I think your experience has a lot to do with what site you are on.  When I was dating, I used match.com (disaster!!) and Eharmony.  Boy what a difference!  Long story short, Eharmony was a wonderful success.  I dated a few gems from this site, and I met my hubby on Eharmony!!  Eharmony is AMAZING and I recommend the site to everyone I know who is seriously looking for a SO.

Wow, congrats! I've heard through the grapevine that eHarmony is a better fit for conservative and/or religious people than Match.com...has that been people's experience?

Original Post by emilyd22222:

Original Post by crazineko:

You know, I think your experience has a lot to do with what site you are on.  When I was dating, I used match.com (disaster!!) and Eharmony.  Boy what a difference!  Long story short, Eharmony was a wonderful success.  I dated a few gems from this site, and I met my hubby on Eharmony!!  Eharmony is AMAZING and I recommend the site to everyone I know who is seriously looking for a SO.

Wow, congrats! I've heard through the grapevine that eHarmony is a better fit for conservative and/or religious people than Match.com...has that been people's experience?

 That's what I've heard from the limited supply of couple that I know who have met online.  I never asked them why exactly eHarmony was better, but I'm guessing it's how the questionaires are set up?   Dunno.

I think it's sketchy.

Original Post by emilyd22222:

Wow, congrats! I've heard through the grapevine that eHarmony is a better fit for conservative and/or religious people than Match.com...has that been people's experience?

Another reason to never consider online dating along with the plethora of high maintenance unattractive women.

And as for you Jblargh, so said the woman with the perpetually bleeding brain who gets calls from sex offenders! haha... Try out okcupid.com, that seems like your style.

How romantic, someone stalked you and found your Myspace profile, then messaged you, I believe he is a keeper.

Not responding is worse than saying **** off, BTW.

Original Post by fortius:

Not responding is worse than saying **** off, BTW.

 I don't know...have you used Match.com? I started off doing that (they actually have a thanks but no thanks button), but none of the tons of guys I winked at or messaged gave me that response (and only a few responded at all), so I figured it just wasn't the culture.

Original Post by fortius:

And as for you Jblargh, so said the woman with the perpetually bleeding brain who gets calls from sex offenders! haha... Try out okcupid.com, that seems like your style.

 I saiiiiiid, I think it's sketchy. humph.