Your opinion would be nice.....

(long story made short)

I will be going to court next week, or the following week for full custody of my two year old son (more details are available, if needed).

His father is in a court-ordered drug rehab program and was served with papers back in March. He was required to respond within twenty days, but he didn't. Back then he told me he didn't want to go to court, and that I better stop this before it is too late and all of our dirt is out for the courts to know (idle threats, of course). He said he would sign whatever I wanted, as long as he didn't have to start child support until December. I think he thought that I was going to send him papers to sign (temporary orders) but I never did because I never got them.

So, here is my question: Should I tell him we have court? My lawyer said that they don't need to notify him because he never replied to the suit (or motion, whatever). I am trying to be civil, but it is a messy situation underneath all the 'pretending to be friends for the kid' stuff.

This might be a parenting question, but I know there are a lot of knowledgeable folks out here in the lounge :) So, any words of advice would be great.

 

edited to add....I feel sick to my stomach over this. I don't want to make him mad by not telling him about court, but I do feel that it is his responsibility to stay on top of things regarding his son : \

Tell him about it.  He will find out eventually and hold it against you when he does.  Just tell him it is a formality to finalize your agreement (if he agreed to anything) and he doesn't have to show up.

Your lawyer is correct, you don't have to tell him when the court date is.  It is his responsibility to find out and show up.  However, since you will have to interact with him for the rest of your life in regards to your son, I would give him the courtesy of a phone call as a reminder of the date/time.  No reason to make it any more difficult than it already is.  If he doesn't show up, at least you can say you tried.

Good luck!

 

I say tell him if you think you're able.  If you're way too nervous to talk to him, then don't.  If you can suffice a phone call or an eMail with the date and nothing else, go for it.

Thanks everyone. I suppose I will let him know through the mail, since I have no other way to contact him.

I felt that I should tell him, just to play fair....and y'all confirmed that for me :)

I would tell him and leave the rest up to him.

As the 35 year old child of divorced parents, anything you can do to have a civil relationship with your ex is in the best interest of your son. Not to go overboard with things, but to keep the peace and keep the playing field level. It's hell on kids when the parents are at war. (No matter what the age of the kids.)