other ppl

so how do you all remain focused and not let other ppl's actions and words affect you?  i mean, my parent's eating habits are awful and eratic and when i see my mother not eating, or shell say at 4 30pm that alls shes had was peach tea, how would you ignore this and go on eating-tons of food?

i know it sounds like a simple silly question but like it really affects my head when she doesnt eat, i know i need to focus on myself and my own goals, its just very hard when i see other ppl acting like this.

thanks

other people's eating/dieting habits drive me 100% insane...I always notice when other people are cutting down the amount of food they are eating (esp if it is unhealth) or eating way too much.  I have not learned to not let it affect me, but I finally learned to keep my mouth shut :)

yea, ive told my mother how it really affects me, over and over again, but shell still say it, over and over, how shes not hungry, hasnt eaten all day yet finds herself tired for some reason.  i just cant be around her when she is like this.

My roommate at college this year was like that.  I would try to tell her to eat more during the day even if she wasn't hungry but she just wouldn't listen...she just didn't want to learn.  It tore me apart and really didn't help my own struggle with food...I never really learned to deal with her...but now I'm not at college anymore so I don't have to. 

I know this isn't too helpful, but just know you aren't alone!

hmm, thanks-still sucks??!!

I am a hardgainer as many of you have detailed through these postings.  We are pre-disposed to be our sleek sizes.  If we ever did want to gain weight, often times it does take a little bit more than our well rounded friends.  It's tough, but with a little extra discipline and knowledge, one can gain weight without extreme measures.  I have a blog that talks about this very topic, if you ever free to take a look.  I highly suggest it.

http://hardgainers-review.blogspot.com/

I do understand why society has focused on the epidemic of obesity, since many people do suffer iller fates as a result of being overweight.  But still, It would be nice for some of us hardgainers to get some attention on the national scope like we are in this gathering of minds.  There just isn't enough information or knowledge out there to guide us through our lifestyle.

I get where you are coming from. I totally obsess over how much or what my friends and family are eating. If my sister doesn't eat her whole breakfast, I feel like I want to stop eating when she does. The worst time was when I went to dinner with my mom, sister, and my mom's friend. None of them were enjoying their meals so they all ate half their food, while I ate my whole plate and got dessert. Just focus on yourself. You know that you need to eat more, if your mom is choosing to be unhealthy and a bad example, that is her choice.

yea, youre so right, about 2 weeks ago we went to the diner, i got a chicken sandwich and fries-my mom got melon and salad and left most over!!!!!!!! ahh-lol

I know how you feel! I don't know if I can give much advice other than to force yourself to ignore it and remind yourself of how unhealthy her choices are when they start to get to you.

I always feel like I need to stop eating when other people do, or I don't like to be the only one to clean my plate. It's especially hard when I eat or snack so often and other people can go hours on end without eating. I feel like if they can go that long why can't I? but then I have to remember how horrible I'll feel if I don't eat, because I've allowed myself to be influenced by others before and I know going too long without food makes me feel sick.

my mom also does this, goes hours and hours without eating, or I started calling her a "half eater" because no matter what she's eating or how big or small the portion is, she leaves half. In the mornings shell have a cup of coffee and walk off halfway through drinking it, or if she eats soemthing shell make toast and leave half of that as well, or make oatmeal (super dry with water) and take a few spoonfuls then walk off and leave it on the table (also major pet peeve of mine, wash your dishes please!) so then she'll live off of 2 spoons of oatmeal and coffee until 1 or so when she eats lunch and I still have to face my 1000 calorie breakfast and a snack around 11 when no one else is eating.

Maybe we should just pretend we're eating together when no one else will eat with us! I eat so often that chances are we're probably eating around the sme times anyways

holy cow GIBBIT- youre mom and my mom are twins!  and i hate when ppl eave the kitchen counter a mess, its the only time im an ocd clean freak.  yea, i just ignore it, try to at least, but it makes it so hard.  oh well, shes unhealthy, her choices are bad, i need to keep reminding myself of that.

So here's a question...how much of our mother's eating habbits, influence the relationship we have with food? I suspect a lot!

My mom hardly eats either. She will skip breakfast, barely eat lunch, and then have dinner. She gets a ton of calories through her wine though- I'm sure. Lol, although, she is overweight. So I don't really feel like I should adapt her habits!

my mom is also a bit over weight so itr yand remind myself, i want to gain but her behavior is not healthy either. 

its just tough, makes it all tougher.  sometimes i just cant eat w her.

yeah it doesn't help me because my mom has the best genetics ever. I don't think she's exercised a day in her life. She weighs a bit more now that she's 50 but is still very small, she just complains that she doesn't have the body she used to have...yet she still refuses to exercise even the tiniest bit. She weighed less than I do now when she was my age and prety much up until after having her 3rd child. That also does not help my self esteem much and doesn't really motivate me to gain more. I just feel like she's being hypocritical when she pushes me about being too thin.

You can't let other people's eating habits throw you.  Whether you're underweight and trying to gain or overweight and trying to lose.... if you just go with the herd and copy other people's bad habits then you're going to struggle.  It takes a little assertiveness to say 'yes please' to a square meal if you need it and others are nibbling lettuce, same as it takes a little inner steel to say 'no thanks' to the cream-cakes doing the rounds in the office when you know you're overweight. 

What I've also learned is to take no notice of what people eat in public.  I have a very slim friend that is a complete cake fiend when we go out shopping.  Tucks them down like a starving navvy.  If she ate that way all the time she'd be topping 20st but I happen to know that she eats very small meals the rest of the time... hence why she is very slim.  Other people I know 'eat like a bird' when someone is watching (and maybe Mum is one of those) but are snaffling down snacks left, right and centre in private. 

Ultimately, I've learned simply not to care how fat, thin, drunk or stoned other people get.... my health is 100% my responsibility and if I mess up, it's me that suffers... not them.