100 pounds over - I need to help my mom! - how do i do this

Over the past few years Ive gained about 20 pounds or so and in the last few months have taken about 12-13 pounds off by just eating right and exercise.  My mom is about 100 pounds overweight.  I try to help her and i try to tell her what the RIGHT foods are to eat, but shes over eats and on top of that she is a night time eater, she stays up late at night, and barely exercises at the gym, b/c she has a knee problem.  Can anyone help me of how to help her? She has soo many medical problems due to her weight, the doctor said that she has to lose weight, and she has the mentality that "dieting" is really hard and painful.. but i try to show her simple ways to eat healthy etc.  but I have no idea how to motivate her, is there something i am not saying or i should be saying...  She doesnt seem to listen.  She is really really supportive and compliments me on my weight loss so far, but she doesnt seem to want to help herself.    how do i help her? I dont want to lose her at a young age b/c she is overweight.

It is totally natural to be concened about your mom and I really understand because I have had similar issues with my mom who was recently diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes which she was told was mild enough she may be able to reverse it with moderate weight loss. 

The problem is that wanting to lose weight and working to actually do it are decisions that a person needs to make for themselves.  You are already doing some of the best things possible -  being supportive of her, setting a good example by the way you are eating and staying active and taking an interest in her health and well being.  One way further you may be able to help her is by inviting her out to share some time with you when you are doing easy, low impact excercise.  Maybe going out for a regulare walk three times a week in the evenings and gradually making the walks longer could help.  My sister has been doing this with my mom and it has been getting her out more and more.  My sister doesn't even usually refer to it as excercise or suggest they do it for health reasons but just to get the dogs out or get some fresh air.  When you have 100lbs to lose and not at all physically active excercise that seems easy to most people could seem a lot more intimidating.  Since she has a knee issue maybe swimming together socially might be fun.

I really hope this helps.

First thing to remember is that your mum is a grown-up.  If she doesn't want to look after herself and she doesn't want to listen to you or her doctor then she's actually entitled to do that.   I know how tempting it is when you know the answers! But you can't force someone to change if they don't want to.

Having said that, your mum clearly thinks that 'dieting' is a miserable business and I expect words like 'deprivation' & 'hunger' aren't  far from her mind.  So I can understand why she'd be reluctant to do it.   Rather than nagging or cajoling (which never works) I think all you can reasonably do is lead by example.  Cooking tasty (smaller) meals with healthy ingredients is a good place to start so how about offering to do the cooking a few nights each week?  Suggesting you go with her for a walk would get her more active.  Or volunteer to do the grocery shopping and come home with lots of nice fresh fruits, perhaps?

So set the example, don't be bossy.  And above all tell her that you love her.  Frequently.

Hey.. those are really great ideas.. I think i should try to start walks with her 3 times a week, that would be a good idea! And i have a dog too so I can just ask her to come along with me for a short walk and then gradually move it to longer ones.  Regarding food, thats the biggest of her problems.  She LOVES her food.. and i tried the healthy eating thing by cooking healthier meals, but she just doesnt eat them and leaves them for me.  She'll even cook "healthy " chicken for me and say i cooked something healthy for you to eat.. b/c she knows that i dont eat any of our "traditional" foods, which is alot of curried meats and vegs and slightly fried foods.  So i tell her why dont you eat the healthy food you cooked with me? and shes like no I dont feel like eating it.  So i dont want to nag or pressure her either.  But I think that if i could help her lose even a little like 5-10 pounds maybe that could be a motivation in itself.  I think I will try the walking thing.  I tried to get her to go on forums and stuff like CC but she has no desire too, she prefers other online "fun" such as funny emails and games lol.. She is part of a gym with her friend and i try to give her some suggestions of what to do.  She does do casual fun swimming and i told her to join the aqua fit class they have there so that she could meet new people and it would be fun. I dont think she does much at the gym, b/c when i ask her it doesnt seem like she is doing anything really challenging..  Yesterday i bought a new dress and i tried it on for her and she told me how amazing i looked in it and that she could really see the weightloss so far in that outfit, she then asked me how much i weigh now and i got on the scale and we both took a look, and she was like oh wow! and then she said here let me see how much i am, and she was 10 more pounds than the last time! maybe since last year? and i just feel that its getting worse year by year.  It makes me so unhappy and i really dont want to lose my mom.  I feel that if i lose her at an early age it may be my fault b/c i didnt help her.  Its just really upsetting.  I want her to listen, i told her this too in a nice way and that i love her and i dont want her to leave me early.  but i dont get why she doesnt want to try a little more.. its just so upsetting