Am I over reacting or do you think I have a right to be peeved?

Honest opinion ladies; I'm not sure if this is leftover hormones making me mad or if I have an actual right to be peeved.  Not down-right angry; but annoyed.

So; my DH went away on business with his dad for the company out west, they left Friday night.  He called me twice since he's been down there; once in the morning when the storms were hitting (I had to go to the basement and turn all the pumps on in case we got flooded) and once for two minutes; a hi, bye; how's the baby OK, goodnight on Tuesday.  I haven't talked to him since then.  I don't want to call him b/c I know he's working in our office down there and have been in a lot of meetings.  His mom works for the co too; so she calls me (and I go visit her b/c I'm lonely!) and updates me with what's going on with the both of them.  (DH and FIL).

But, don't you think it would be nice if he called me just to say good night?  He know the baby sleeps through the phone!!!  I feel a little peeved, pissed, put on the back burner;  and I don't want to blow up when he comes home (Saturday night)  It's already 10:30PM; his mom just called me to update me on their flight status (Hurricaes are going to be an issue, so they were going to get a flight early but that doesn't look like it's happening) but my point is; it would be nice to hear from him!!!  Don't get me wrong; I love my MIL-  she's the best.  But; it would be nice if he just called-  would be nice to hear his voice. 

Of course I could call him; but I don't want to disturb him; I'm not sure who he's with (his employees and them go out for dinner, etc.) so I don't want to interupt.  And now in my head; it's a game as to who calls who first-  I'm sure it's not in his b/c men don't think that way; i'm totally overthinking this; and of course I can't tell any of my freinds; b/c they aren't married and wouldn't understand and would secretly bask in the fact that I'm SO NOT happy right now!!!  This is why I got married in the first place-  not to play this stupid phone game any more!!

It's hard enough being a new mom; but dealing with this too; emotionally and physically (haven't been able to have a normal dinner all week!) is just tough.  I'm sorry for ranting.  And I may not have any reason to be mad; but I am; and if anyone would like to share their opinion; even if they think I'm wrong for being peeved it may just make me feel more human.  Or real.  Like I actually exist!

thanks ladies

I'm sorry you're peeved, but if it makes you feel any better, I would be upset as well. It doesn't take much energy to make a quick phone call. Just be sure you calmly tell him how it hurt your feelings when he gets home. Good luck and cheer up!

I have been married for 22 years and my advice to you would be this, if you want to talk with your husband call him and talk with him (if he is too busy to talk he will tell you and call you back as soon as he can).  If you want him to check in with you, tell him.  Give him a chance to please you by telling him what pleases you and don't get bothered that he has let you down until you have informed him about the things that let you down and he does it repeatedly.  You have half the battle won since you already understand that men think differently.  The other half of the battle is realizing that women think like this; we will find a problem, get annoyed, wait for the man to notice that we are annoyed, get more pissed that he hasn't noticed, think he doesn't care since he hasn't figured out that we were annoyed and are now pissed, start to think we don't need this crap, then jump all over our guy when he calls and he never even got close to knowing there was a problem in the first place because they don't think like us.  He is going to cause enough problems all by himself, don't blame him this time because you aren't telling him what you want.   Just my advice for you to take or leave.  And remember when your hubby isn't around to talk with, WE ARE!  :D

Hey Vanessa ~ it's ok for you to feel this way but you are letting it consume you... which is not good for you or your baby right now.

I can totally understand why you feel upset, however I really do think you should call him. If it turns out he's in a meeting or can't really talk, he will surely let you know and you can quickly tell him to please call you back when he gets a chance and that you would really like to talk to him about something.

Once he calls you back, share with him your thoughts in a calm manner... keep in mind that he can't read your mind and he's not in front of you to read your body language so just keep it nice and explain what's going on through your head and what you're feeling... I am SURE he will get it.

I honestly believe that a successful, commited relationship is based on good communication and my relationship is much better because my partner and I practice this like religion... =)

An example - I used to get so upset when my partner got something to drink or eat and didn't offer me any.. I thought it was insensitive and rude but didn't say anything. My partner would do it again and I would get even more offended! I finally said something during a normal conversation and just from the look on my partner's face I knew the thought had never even crossed her mind!

So again, he can't read your mind - if something is bothering you, just let him know and if it's a big issue, look for compromise...

Keep your chin up.. this is a wonderful time in your life and you should be enjoying it to the fullest! good luck!

halizabeth ~ we think alike!

Yup!  That would definitely piss me off, too.  Well, what r u gonna do?  Just don't let it take away from the wonderful person that I'm sure you are!! 

Well, to me it seems that this isn't the first time... you say that you got married to avoid the whole phone game!! Maybe this is an issue that goes beyond phone games - to me it sounds like you're feeling insecure as to whether or not he thinks about you/cares about you - and this will most likely dominate the way you address the issue. I think it's important that you first figure out what exactly it is about the behaviour that ticks you off, and find out why that is - having said that, of course it seems fine that you tell him how you feel, as long as you come off civil (also setting a good parenting example: you CAN solve problems without wagering a war!).

Good luck

 

TBH I'd be peed off too- and I'm not insecure in the slightest! Its only manners if nothing else to contact the person you love- if only to hear their voice! After almost a week of not hearing from them-I'd be like a bear with a sore head! Text him & say it'd be nice to hear his voice, that you miss him?

you're right this isn't the first time and he knows that I hate it when he goes away and doesn't call.  Ugh.

A good night sleep made me feel better, but I'm still peeved.  I'm in the "whatever" stage now.  it takes me a few days to get there. 

I've used all this alone time to really hang out with my little one.  we've gone shopping and had a few one sided chats and I taught her the basics of makeup LOL.  Of course, on me!!  Oh and my house is very clean; b/c I've been using her naptimes to re-decorate!

when he gets home and i'm calm enough to address his non-phone habits; we'll have the normal "I'm to busy and you know this is how I am-  why are you getting mad now after all these years" conversation (I used to not care that he didn't call) and it will be how it will be. 

thanks for listening ladies.

and everyone has made a very valid point.  I know how men are and I know how women are; but in my little fantasy land; my DH would be a little bit warmer!

from my experience, the best way to handle this is definitely calmly and in a non threatening or blaming way. my last r'ship i went in full guns ablazing into arguments and it got me nowhere, the situation just got worse. the who calls who first standoff just results in you getting more angry and him avoiding you more :s

rest assured your man loves you, but they dont feel the need to call you 24/7 like we feel towards them!! and remember that he has made the effort to phone you twice this week and probably the odd text here and there?? why not surprise him with the odd text every now and then. let him know that you are thinking of him, and that'll probably sweeten him up a bit too. Send him a text tonight maybe... saying goodnight and you are missing him (or something more raunchy to that effect if so desired) lol ;oP

Halizabeth  that  is an excellent reply.  I'm divorced now but had he only listened to my feelings we might have stayed married. I'm not saying it is because he didn't call me, but it is one of the reasons.  My X had an hour lunch everyday and never called me on it or anytime during the day.  It makes you wonder do they think about you when they are away from you or the only time they think about you is when they are hungry or when they want sex. 

Now I am on the other side of this story and the man I am with now is the opposite almost to the other extreme and he drives me nuts that I don't call him enough.

I was married 20 years, sometimes I wish I had stayed married But.....

Grass in not always Greener!!  Trust me!  Try to see the other things he does for you when he is home that shows you he loves you.  They are there they may not be very obvious but look at the smaller things.  Men can be so dense!!!  And so can we if we don't see the other things they do that they think are showing you he cares.  

Original Post by halizabeth:

I have been married for 22 years and my advice to you would be this, if you want to talk with your husband call him and talk with him (if he is too busy to talk he will tell you and call you back as soon as he can).  If you want him to check in with you, tell him.  Give him a chance to please you by telling him what pleases you and don't get bothered that he has let you down until you have informed him about the things that let you down and he does it repeatedly.  You have half the battle won since you already understand that men think differently.  The other half of the battle is realizing that women think like this; we will find a problem, get annoyed, wait for the man to notice that we are annoyed, get more pissed that he hasn't noticed, think he doesn't care since he hasn't figured out that we were annoyed and are now pissed, start to think we don't need this crap, then jump all over our guy when he calls and he never even got close to knowing there was a problem in the first place because they don't think like us.  He is going to cause enough problems all by himself, don't blame him this time because you aren't telling him what you want.   Just my advice for you to take or leave.  And remember when your hubby isn't around to talk with, WE ARE!  :D

How true, we have all behaved like this at one time or another. "If you always do, what you always did, you will always get, what you always get." 

Honestly this boils down to respect.  He isnt giving you any.  A decent man calls his wife, especially when he knows she is bothered by him not calling.  Men dont call for the same reasons women dont call.  I honestly dont think there is an excuse for not calling for several days on end-- 1 day, 2 days, I can forgive that.  But the rest?  NO.

On the other hand-- he very well may be waiting for you to call.  Power play, games and whatnot dont disappear with marriage or a baby.  Call him or text him.  Tell him you miss him, get a commitment for him to call on x date at x time.  Then if he doesnt you have something real to fight about: a broken promise.

i had sent him a text saying we missed him and to have a safe trip home on thursday after reading the suggestions.  I knew i wouldn't get a response b/c he normally doesn't right back to my other texts unless it's a question that requires a yes or no answer.  i didn't get a response, but i didn't freak out.  by then i was just too tired and didn't want to stress out anymore.  then he called me on friday night around 10:30 with that "hopefully warm voice" he has; i was nice-  i was feeding the baby so I was nice back and didn't hint that i was peeved he didn't call.  B/c I don't have to say anything; since this is a re-occuring issue whenever he goes away.  and I always say something to him when he comes home; but it's a real waste of breath.  It is what it is.  It's an acceptance on my part; I'll let him know how I feel-  but with the new baby-  everyone is right; I don't want my nerves to show through and have her be upset.  She's so happy and content and amazing and I wouldn't want her to be in an environment that's negative.

Have lots of thinking to do; so I'm just going to take one day at a time.  I appreciate everyone's input.  Thank G*d for CC!

If this is a re-occuing issue, and you haven't brought it up yet then he probably doesn't know it bothers you! Men are definately NOT mind readers. Just pleasently ask him if he could call you at least once a day, or text you or something. Tell him it doesn't have to be all mushy mushy, but a little connection everyday would be nice. My grandmother told me that you should never skip an opprotunity to say "I love you"

I don't think he is disrespecting you, just busy. Like I said before, if he doesn't know and understand that HIM calling YOU is important, then he's not going to think about it.  

I say call him if you want to talk to him. You said several times about not wanting to interrupt him - don't worry about that. Just be flexible if he's busy. He'll learn that if he calls you when he has time he won't be as likely to get a call from you when he's busy. If you've had this attitude of not wanting to disturb him for a long time you may set yourself up for him behaving exactly as he is.