How being 100+ pounds overweight affects me...

I get out of breathe just walking upstairs to my bedroom, I can't run after my 6 year old when she wants to play...and I don't want to go to amusement parks because I'm afraid I won't "fit" when they close the locking bar....

BUT-does anyone else experience this?? I am honestly surprised when I see myself in mirrors, because I just don't "feel" like I'm that big....if there were no mirrors, I swear, I could con myself into believing I'm a normal weight...

I feel for ya.  My weight doesn't bother me particularly on my asthma...only if i over eat.  But I know exactly what your talking about!  It doesn't seem to matter what I go to the dr about, the first words out of his mouth are "you need to lose weight."

anna

Hmmmm let me count the ways being 100+ pounds overweight has affected me.

1. Clothes that fit me are sooooo expensive it isn't funny and I have to go 90 miles to a store or order online and hope like crazy they fit me.
2. Most seatbelts squeeze me like a boa constrictor.
3. I get out of breath walking up and down the steps at church.
4. It's hard to keep up with my very active 17 month old nephew.
5. Doing things most thin people do easily wears me slap out.

There are a lot more reasons but I am tired of typing.

Original Post by earth_mom:

Guys, I have been working REALLY HARD to accept my body the way it is. I think that is essential to changing it. I am not pleased with all the flesh I see. My thighs are immense, my tummy is enormous, and my arms flap.

I have hypertension, thyroid problems, IBS, arthritis, reflux, and trouble sleeping. All these are either caused by or aggravated by my weight. I have trouble standing or walking for more than a few minutes.

I also believe that I am perceived by others as being less worthy of respect, attention and belief than normal-weight persons. I am surrounded by people who believe (and I may be one of them) that all fat, fifty, females are abused, and filled with a miasma of nonspecific illnesses only they understand...from fibromyalgia to nightmares.

I think a lot of us are obsessive and compulsive about many things besides just our eating habits. I think weight loss is a big challenge to my emotional health and has to be, for me, a program of spiritual recovery. If I cannot stuff my feelings into food, then I will become restless, irritable, unreasonable and discontent--without knowing it(sometimes). I can't do this alone, I have to have outside help.

(Oops! New here so I hope I am posting this right.)

Totally agree with accepting ourselves as we are right now.  Not easy.  I too am amazed how I look - when did I get so big?  Well... this too I know. 

The sad truth of it is that fat women are preceived as lazy, dumb, gluttens, etc... unworthy.  And frankly that hurts because most women I know who have weight issues are too busy taking care of everyone else.  While this is admirable it also means we ain't taken care of ourselves and why is the real question?

A man said to me the other day that men (employers, clients, children) simply do not look at a fat women.  Pretty or not she is not worth a glance.  Ouch! 

Just started here yesterday.  Ideally I will lose 112 pounds by my 48 birthday.  More than anything I realized my whole life is on layway.  When am I gonna get it out?  I have a 12 year son for whom to set an example.  I am a cancer survivor - and um where does cancer hide in a woman - fat cells.   Need to step up my game career wise to keep the roof over our heads.  I can do all of those things better healthier. 

Yet today I am me.  Over weight, stressed about money and not living my life fully.  Simply because I let my self hide in my fat.  It has been a safe place.  But safe ain't cuttin it anymore. 

Just joined group today and found this post. I can relate.

I'm just 26 years old and about 140 pounds overweight. I live in Central Florida, the amusement park capital of the world, and I'm afraid to go to the parks because I'm scared I won't fit on a ride.

I don't have two stories on my house or a kid to chase after, but I work in an office, so I live a pretty sedentary lifestyle. I'm starting to walk in the morning, but I know I need to do more.

I never saw myself as a big person, even when I'm around others who are super skinny. I guess I was blessed with good self-esteem, which is maybe why you don't see yourself as a big person.

Anyway, I hope this group will keep me motivated and I'll do my best to motivate others.

Hi,

This is a new topic for me but I have enjoyed reading. The caption really caught my eye. Being 120 lbs overweight I did not think affected me at all until: I found out I had asthma, back problems, knee problems, allergies, problems getting on and off the floor in sitting positions, getting in my skinny friend's cars, and borrowing a wheelchair. The wheelchair story is a good one.

I know I would feel better by losing the weight. My back may not, due to other medical problems (bulging discs), but I am sure the asthma, allergies, knees, and etc would really improve. I have so much trouble breathing just walking to my laundry facility/mailbox. I get winded if I try to do household chores (I have an IHSS worker thru SSI) when I have to.

I hate mirrors! Walking around a mall or downtown and seeing myself in a window is horrifying! I always ask my DBF if I look that bad. He is always encouraging. I don't even own a scale. But, since you all weigh in on Saturday's on the other topic I guess I will buy a digital scale next month. I get paid once a month .

I look forward to adding some friends here. We all need as much support as we can get!

T

P.S. that is how I sign everything here.

I totally agree with you and everyone else on how detremental the mirror can be, so I removed all the full length mirrors in my house and I stopped buying fashion magazines, it wasn't so much a weight loss tool as a self esteem booster. I needed to allow myslef to feel good for longer periods of time. I now have a full length one that I lean on the wall so it makes me look slimmer. I am not delusional I know I have a lot of weight to loose but I needed to do something that would allow me to be friends with myself again and allow me to focus on all the things I like about myself that have nothing to do with my weight.

Original Post by denise07:

Hi everyone,

Wow, what a great group this is. I have been overweight since I was a toddler and was in the 240s starting in high school. I briefly lost some weight in college (down to 200), but then gained quite a bit after college and during grad school for a high of at least 343 pounds and possibly more. When I was over 300 pounds was when I really had issues -- things like fitting in my car, having problems with my back, fitting in an airline seat, chairs breaking occasionally, that sort of thing. The discrimination has always been a part of my life but for the most part I rose above it and still got my education and a decent job.

I lost 40ish pounds a few times in my life but my problem has always been that I would give up after 3-4 months, once the loss started to slow, and gain it all back and then some. This is the first time in my life that I have kept it up. I started this last April so I have been working on my weight and health now for 16 months. I have had some backslides. I lost a lot of weight the first few months. Last fall, it slowed considerably, then I lost a few pounds in January, gained it back in Feb-March, and lost it again in May-June, plus more in July. Then I gained about 6 lbs back in August and also lost it again in August, plus a few more. I know I could have lost so much more this year than I have, but at least I am still losing and have not given up. Persistence is the key! I am not giving up on this thing. I have lost 83 pounds so far and it has made a huge difference in my life. I am so much healthier, fit in my car, can buckle the seatbelt on the airplane, and am just more comfortable in general!

I have a long ways left to go but I know I can do it if I don't give up... so can you!

I cant wait until i can say I dont need a seatbelt  extension..you have done great...keep up the good work..and even I can notice such an improvement in my health in this past 6 weeks..it shows in everything I do...

Original Post by thebizymom:

Hello all my name is Kim and I am at 306 wow .. anyway it has been a long struggle and I am now dealing with stress fractures in my foot and bad knees ..lots of other stuff but to see me get up from a chair or out of the car after sitting for 30 min I seem more like 87 then 47 --WOW it is tough...

About medical predjudice yes yes YES! A heart doc once dissed me and I was so mad It was because he wroter me off as a fat girl --- I am like so it is omportant for my 5yo healthy weighted dd to get checked out evey 2 years but her overweight mom - I dont come back for 5 yrs? Give me a break i got a new doc... I have seen this a couple other times too,... it makes me MAD!

On the I can do anyhting for X min, it sounds like flylady-thing... I use that when I swim for I think it is Joanne --swimming is great for you we are blessed to have a theraputic pool it has easy step down steps and warm water it is a cathic rum facility and it is like 106.00 for 6 months you can ge 6 days a week ...You might check into that as in the pool it is so much easier on the joints... my excess weight has put so much stress on my knees I walk so old,... it is really getting me down ... anyway as an FYI-- for every ! pound you lose it takes 7 pounds of pressure off your knees...That was a wow moment for me --

So heres to tracking my food successfully for 7 days...LOL and swimming 4 days a week and eating right -- it has to work right???

Hi Kim sorry I have not been around..I am a bit dumb to boards and where I was not checking in stopped getting notifications..

I was doing the pool but have to travel out of town..in order to access it..and my cars tranmission went..so still in need of wheels to access it..in the mean time..my new monster..as its been nic named is a plus sized treadmill..which it took me two years to save for..had a great cushioning..on it..which I have on max..right now..

congratulations ...on doing so well....I sure understand what that took..mind and body wise..

its makes me mad as well how dr.s treat overweight people and it is showed time and time again..that is a thin person develops the same medical problems..they get medical treatment for them..and better medical treatment..I honestly believe that is why the mortality rate is so high with morbid obesity..which is a term I hate..to use...but is used..lots..when I hear it..I think..more a beast I see....and look at how the media....has protrayed the over weight..as characters which are always..wicked or bad...society has been so educated by that..even we have that when we look in the mirror..we see what we were raised up to believe overweight people are..I mean think of all the evil characters in poplular childrens movies..we growed up with..and you begin to understand how society got such a bad perception of what really is a medical problem..and lets not even begin to get into the fat that dieting is a multibillion dollar industry that expoits the situation and keeps the reality of it..so far fetched..that it really do influence our medical care and every day treatment in life..

I hope your stress fractures heal fast...nice to meet you Kim...

Original Post by annaroseannadanna:

Joanne, I totally agree with what you said on the health industry: 

"my humble opinion is the medical system is the worst for judging us of being less worthy then others in life..I guess that is why..it is called morbid obesity because I really do feel that skinny people who get the same medical problems..get better health care..because most people think all we need to do..is stop stuffing our faces..and dont have a clue..as to the complexity of the full situtation..which I feel is different for each of us, kind regards"

I am facing that right now.  I have a lot of health issues also.  My back is pretty much like yours.  I can walk for about 10 min but after just a few min it feels like it's killing me but i force myself to go on.  Standing is good for a few min.  I complain to my dr about it and his response is to lose weight.  Didn't talk to me about going on a diet, give me any information on dieting, nothing.  Just "lose some weight and it will solve all your health problems."  I have a pinched nerve "he thinks" but won't do a nerve conduction test until I lose 125 pounds.  And in the mean time I'm in excrutiating pain (but won't prescribe anything for the pain) and he just tells me to "lose weight or learn to live with the pain".  I can't sleep in my bed because of the pinched nerve.  It feels like I have electricity coursing thru my back all the way down to the tip of my toes...the whole left leg is numb and swollen.  I've been to several drs about it and all of them refuse to treat it until I lose 125 pounds.  I swear they all have to be talking to each other about my case or how would they all come up with the exact same wording for everthing my PCP said?  I even signed papers stating I did not want my medical records released to any other treating physicians so they shouldn't have been talking back and forth to each other...but I would swear on a stack of bibles they had to have been.

Now take my skinny neighbor who doesn't weigh 100 pounds dripping wet....she has Degenerative Disk Disease just like I do.  No other health problems that i know of.  She gets all kinds of pain pills, muscle relaxers, physical therapy whenever SHE thinks she needs it and is on SSI which means she has medicaid for insurance.  I have Aetna and PPK and I can't even get a dr to look at my back.  I say one word about my back hurting or FMS acting up or IBS acting up, insomnia, memory problems, depression flared up, anxiety attacks occuring and the list goes on and the first words out of their mouth is "lose weight".  Won't give me anything for the symptoms...just "lose weight" and he walks out the door not leaving any room for suggestions or questions.

I truly believe if you are obese whether it's morbid or not, we don't get a fair shake in the medical community.  It makes me feel like "well you got yourself fat now live with it"...kind of like 'you made your bed now lie in it' type of mentality.

I really need to go to the dr.  i havn't slept but an hour or two a night in about 3 weeks.  I think I've developed RLS (restless leg syndrome).  My legs...especially my right leg....jumps and twitches all night long and is usually what wakes me up when I do get to sleep.  and the last few nights it's been my right arm also.   But with the last episode of the pinched nerve and his attitude of "I'm not going to treat it until you lose 125"...I just really hate to go and I really don't wanna go to the dr period.  for nothing.   I'm gonna put it off til I can't stand it anymore.

Anna

 pleased to meet you anna..you and I sound like we are in the same situation..I did luck out and have a good dr..for a short period of time..and it was her committement to me...that has long kept me motivated..as she save my life..and I feel strongly enough..that she did not waste her time in doing that..to continue my journey...as tough as it is...I guess that explains the importance of a good dr..in beating this battle...unfortunately, the dr..who replaced her..was a little skinny snotty thing..and well she did not take to well to me going to her with a written list of medical concerns that I felt were not getting medical treatment for..and symptoms that were not yet explained..I had two page list for a 15 minute appointment..and had previously asked for a double appointment..which she denied me..so when I showed with the list..she was so snotty to me..that I snatched the list of her desk...and told her she was to prejuduce againist big people..and left the office crying...I sat in the lab..with tears just pouring down my cheeks when she came out..and promptly stated in front of everyone..that if I continue to abuse her like that..that I could get myself a new dr...

well..needless to say...I think she regreted it..as I found myself booked to see her..a few weeks later...but when I did I cancelled my appointment..and refused to have her as my dr..I went without a dr...for over a year..and finally have a dr...who..is getting used to the idea of me managing my own health care...by assisting him ..in my needs..he loves my list...and goes through them with the greatest of concerns..

I explained to him..that if I was going to succeed in this journey..that at first..I was going to need a little more extra support and understanding then the average patient..but that he could pride himself in that he was helping me get well...

I will share with you a tip..once anything is put on your medical chart..in writing ..you get better results in your medical care..as..it means..that they can be sued if it has not been addressed...there are ways to write thing in a positive way...and approach..and I have been taking that way...and finding a good result with it..

this do not mean..that I have not had to be my own dr...and research my own condition...I have ..and have perfected googling..to a tee..smiles..

finding rehab programs is even more difficult..then..finding surgeons..

now..here is my update..as I really wish I knew how to better find my way around boards and how to start a fresh thread..I am literally board illerate...and hate highjacking someone elses post to say something..I need a one on one help with it and dont even know how to put message me on my profile..smiles..so forgive me..please..

its a little over six weeks..now..how am I ..I cant believe how good I am doing...I did 15 minutes all one time on my treadmill today..and will try 15 more..before bed..

six weeks ago ..I could not walk 20 feet..without literally screaming for air...to breath..I could not do my own shopping..even..my body was filled with fluid..and I was drowning in my own body fluid...

since then..well..I did the 15 minutes..and could have done more if not for the physical back pain..that is how much my breathing has improved...I am getting more house work done..my skin looks and feels softer..my  hair has more luster..my eyes brighter..and I feel like a miracle has happened in my life...but it hasnt been one miracle it has been as someone else said here a bunch of one minute miracles..a day at a time..

my blood sugars..are in the perfect range..and I am off half my diabetic meds..

I waited 4 years..for a call from a gastic bypass surgeon..and that was on an emergency she is going to die...soon medical consult..I was supposed to attend..sept the 18th..I received my pre information booklet..telling me the process of the next few months from consult visit to after surgery..in the mail..

I sat and read it through..and in the end..the diet was exactly what I was doing right now..only I did not have to content with weening myself back on real food or permenantly be on vitiams..or special foods..

I post poned calling them..until the 17th...I had lots to consider her.as I had to be able to say..I am committed to myself all the way...

The day I called I asked to post pone until this spring..I explained I am doing very well..and hope that when I call in the spring...will not need to come..but I realize..not everyone can reach this point..each person is different and each situation..has its own set of factors..which have to be dealt with..

the best love you can give yourself..is a piece of paper..and put it all down...in seperate catergories..and tell yourself..that I am just not going to give up..if I eat this meal wrong..I am not going to bash myself..but the next meal try again before you know it..your mind is getting used to the idea....

I will say..I found it very useful to have had had an online buddy who I have never actually met..in person..who was doing the ww..thing ..at the same time..and she kept me online..day and night..for almost two weeks...I cant tell you how much that helped me..and helped me stay focused and keep my mind off food...too..and I am willing to do the same for you as well..if you wish..

My online buddy and I still check in daily through the day with each other..discuss something new we may have tried..how we did with fitness..etc..share articles about obesity in the news..and she has come to have a greater appreciation for my struggles with my weight..and the miconceptions that go with it when you get this overweight..and how you are viewed..and the lack of good quality medical care..

I have a husband who is trying to cut my diet short..and came home from the store..with chocolate chip cookies..and milk..my favorite..and I proudly told him no...are you trying to kill me..or what..he is scared..that I am going to leave him..if I get looking like I once did..so sending him off to counselling..smiles...and reassured him..that the man who loved me and stood by me when I was so sick..and all these years is the man I will always always love...in time..he will hopefully believe it..

6 weeks ago..I was dying ..tonight I am looking forward to next summer and hopefully a nice new spring dress..

see how much you can make a plan..to work on for yourself..definitely if you can can find another dr...younger drs..I found actually better...then the older ones with the old school of thinking..when you first see him...have your list..it might be worth a try...

for my back..I could not afford or access a chiro..so devised a few neat things to help me...after researching online..

I have some cool tools..I have a baseball in a sock..thats on a string..which I hang behind my back when sitting here..and lean into it..and go up and down my spine..every now and then..freeze two litre pop bottle and smaller ones for ice packs..have a heating pad on the back of my chair..and do the 15 heat on..and then 15 ice..to break up inflamation...it helps so much..while I am explaining what is working for me..I am not in any way advocating others try it..each person..must do what is best for them..and are in different circumstances..it is only to explain how I have had to take charge of my own medical care to some degree..

when it comes to pain..I wrote a simple letter to my dr..recently explaining..that if I was going to be successful in any kind of rehab program..that would eventually improve my pain..that good pain control was essential...over the course of the next few months until at least spring..which he read and agreed to..so when the pain is to much..I will take a pain med to get that extra 15 minutes I need on the treadmill tonight...and also ..have a sling..on the treadmill that holds my belly fat weight..reducing the pull on my backs..tendons..ligaments, and muscles..my facuet joints pop out too..with to much stress on them..and that is when the baseball comes in handy..when hubby is not around..to help or giving me the hoe hum...smiles..

ps.... I hate dr.s that hold you and your pain hostage to good medical care by using the if you loose weight I will take good care of you...grrrrrrrrr..that makes me so mad..I have seen it time and time again..you really need a good dr...if you had stomach cancer and were dealing with this much pain and dying from it like you are from morbid obesity...you would have your stomach gone like tomorrow..and no problems getting medical test..or pain relief..a few of these..drs..need to travel around with a 200 pd..sack of sand strapped to their guts for two weeks...lol...I hope I have empowered you..tonight..and confirmed..that what is happening in your medical care is so very wrong...and if you need a online buddy...I am here if you would like to try it..I just dont know how to fix my profile so that you can see it..I seen it on one..but dont know if it is for moderaters only...

my heart truly goes out to you in understanding..as I am there have been there...and no what great obstacles you are up againist..and facing...its not easy..not one little bit...I wish you the very best and will remember you tonight in my prayers..take care anna...Joanne

Original Post by raggettyjoanne:

Original Post by annaroseannadanna:

Joanne, I totally agree with what you said on the health industry: 

"my humble opinion is the medical system is the worst for judging us of being less worthy then others in life..I guess that is why..it is called morbid obesity because I really do feel that skinny people who get the same medical problems..get better health care..because most people think all we need to do..is stop stuffing our faces..and dont have a clue..as to the complexity of the full situtation..which I feel is different for each of us, kind regards"

I am facing that right now.  I have a lot of health issues also.  My back is pretty much like yours.  I can walk for about 10 min but after just a few min it feels like it's killing me but i force myself to go on.  Standing is good for a few min.  I complain to my dr about it and his response is to lose weight.  Didn't talk to me about going on a diet, give me any information on dieting, nothing.  Just "lose some weight and it will solve all your health problems."  I have a pinched nerve "he thinks" but won't do a nerve conduction test until I lose 125 pounds.  And in the mean time I'm in excrutiating pain (but won't prescribe anything for the pain) and he just tells me to "lose weight or learn to live with the pain".  I can't sleep in my bed because of the pinched nerve.  It feels like I have electricity coursing thru my back all the way down to the tip of my toes...the whole left leg is numb and swollen.  I've been to several drs about it and all of them refuse to treat it until I lose 125 pounds.  I swear they all have to be talking to each other about my case or how would they all come up with the exact same wording for everthing my PCP said?  I even signed papers stating I did not want my medical records released to any other treating physicians so they shouldn't have been talking back and forth to each other...but I would swear on a stack of bibles they had to have been.

Now take my skinny neighbor who doesn't weigh 100 pounds dripping wet....she has Degenerative Disk Disease just like I do.  No other health problems that i know of.  She gets all kinds of pain pills, muscle relaxers, physical therapy whenever SHE thinks she needs it and is on SSI which means she has medicaid for insurance.  I have Aetna and PPK and I can't even get a dr to look at my back.  I say one word about my back hurting or FMS acting up or IBS acting up, insomnia, memory problems, depression flared up, anxiety attacks occuring and the list goes on and the first words out of their mouth is "lose weight".  Won't give me anything for the symptoms...just "lose weight" and he walks out the door not leaving any room for suggestions or questions.

I truly believe if you are obese whether it's morbid or not, we don't get a fair shake in the medical community.  It makes me feel like "well you got yourself fat now live with it"...kind of like 'you made your bed now lie in it' type of mentality.

I really need to go to the dr.  i havn't slept but an hour or two a night in about 3 weeks.  I think I've developed RLS (restless leg syndrome).  My legs...especially my right leg....jumps and twitches all night long and is usually what wakes me up when I do get to sleep.  and the last few nights it's been my right arm also.   But with the last episode of the pinched nerve and his attitude of "I'm not going to treat it until you lose 125"...I just really hate to go and I really don't wanna go to the dr period.  for nothing.   I'm gonna put it off til I can't stand it anymore.

Anna

 pleased to meet you anna..you and I sound like we are in the same situation..I did luck out and have a good dr..for a short period of time..and it was her committement to me...that has long kept me motivated..as she save my life..and I feel strongly enough..that she did not waste her time in doing that..to continue my journey...as tough as it is...I guess that explains the importance of a good dr..in beating this battle...unfortunately, the dr..who replaced her..was a little skinny snotty thing..and well she did not take to well to me going to her with a written list of medical concerns that I felt were not getting medical treatment for..and symptoms that were not yet explained..I had two page list for a 15 minute appointment..and had previously asked for a double appointment..which she denied me..so when I showed with the list..she was so snotty to me..that I snatched the list of her desk...and told her she was to prejuduce againist big people..and left the office crying...I sat in the lab..with tears just pouring down my cheeks when she came out..and promptly stated in front of everyone..that if I continue to abuse her like that..that I could get myself a new dr...

well..needless to say...I think she regreted it..as I found myself booked to see her..a few weeks later...but when I did I cancelled my appointment..and refused to have her as my dr..I went without a dr...for over a year..and finally have a dr...who..is getting used to the idea of me managing my own health care...by assisting him ..in my needs..he loves my list...and goes through them with the greatest of concerns..

I explained to him..that if I was going to succeed in this journey..that at first..I was going to need a little more extra support and understanding then the average patient..but that he could pride himself in that he was helping me get well...

I will share with you a tip..once anything is put on your medical chart..in writing ..you get better results in your medical care..as..it means..that they can be sued if it has not been addressed...there are ways to write thing in a positive way...and approach..and I have been taking that way...and finding a good result with it..

this do not mean..that I have not had to be my own dr...and research my own condition...I have ..and have perfected googling..to a tee..smiles..

finding rehab programs is even more difficult..then..finding surgeons..

now..here is my update..as I really wish I knew how to better find my way around boards and how to start a fresh thread..I am literally board illerate...and hate highjacking someone elses post to say something..I need a one on one help with it and dont even know how to put message me on my profile..smiles..so forgive me..please..

its a little over six weeks..now..how am I ..I cant believe how good I am doing...I did 15 minutes all one time on my treadmill today..and will try 15 more..before bed..

six weeks ago ..I could not walk 20 feet..without literally screaming for air...to breath..I could not do my own shopping..even..my body was filled with fluid..and I was drowning in my own body fluid...

since then..well..I did the 15 minutes..and could have done more if not for the physical back pain..that is how much my breathing has improved...I am getting more house work done..my skin looks and feels softer..my  hair has more luster..my eyes brighter..and I feel like a miracle has happened in my life...but it hasnt been one miracle it has been as someone else said here a bunch of one minute miracles..a day at a time..

my blood sugars..are in the perfect range..and I am off half my diabetic meds..

I waited 4 years..for a call from a gastic bypass surgeon..and that was on an emergency she is going to die...soon medical consult..I was supposed to attend..sept the 18th..I received my pre information booklet..telling me the process of the next few months from consult visit to after surgery..in the mail..

I sat and read it through..and in the end..the diet was exactly what I was doing right now..only I did not have to content with weening myself back on real food or permenantly be on vitiams..or special foods..

I post poned calling them..until the 17th...I had lots to consider her.as I had to be able to say..I am committed to myself all the way...

The day I called I asked to post pone until this spring..I explained I am doing very well..and hope that when I call in the spring...will not need to come..but I realize..not everyone can reach this point..each person is different and each situation..has its own set of factors..which have to be dealt with..

the best love you can give yourself..is a piece of paper..and put it all down...in seperate catergories..and tell yourself..that I am just not going to give up..if I eat this meal wrong..I am not going to bash myself..but the next meal try again before you know it..your mind is getting used to the idea....

I will say..I found it very useful to have had had an online buddy who I have never actually met..in person..who was doing the ww..thing ..at the same time..and she kept me online..day and night..for almost two weeks...I cant tell you how much that helped me..and helped me stay focused and keep my mind off food...too..and I am willing to do the same for you as well..if you wish..

My online buddy and I still check in daily through the day with each other..discuss something new we may have tried..how we did with fitness..etc..share articles about obesity in the news..and she has come to have a greater appreciation for my struggles with my weight..and the miconceptions that go with it when you get this overweight..and how you are viewed..and the lack of good quality medical care..

I have a husband who is trying to cut my diet short..and came home from the store..with chocolate chip cookies..and milk..my favorite..and I proudly told him no...are you trying to kill me..or what..he is scared..that I am going to leave him..if I get looking like I once did..so sending him off to counselling..smiles...and reassured him..that the man who loved me and stood by me when I was so sick..and all these years is the man I will always always love...in time..he will hopefully believe it..

6 weeks ago..I was dying ..tonight I am looking forward to next summer and hopefully a nice new spring dress..

see how much you can make a plan..to work on for yourself..definitely if you can can find another dr...younger drs..I found actually better...then the older ones with the old school of thinking..when you first see him...have your list..it might be worth a try...

for my back..I could not afford or access a chiro..so devised a few neat things to help me...after researching online..

I have some cool tools..I have a baseball in a sock..thats on a string..which I hang behind my back when sitting here..and lean into it..and go up and down my spine..every now and then..freeze two litre pop bottle and smaller ones for ice packs..have a heating pad on the back of my chair..and do the 15 heat on..and then 15 ice..to break up inflamation...it helps so much..while I am explaining what is working for me..I am not in any way advocating others try it..each person..must do what is best for them..and are in different circumstances..it is only to explain how I have had to take charge of my own medical care to some degree..

when it comes to pain..I wrote a simple letter to my dr..recently explaining..that if I was going to be successful in any kind of rehab program..that would eventually improve my pain..that good pain control was essential...over the course of the next few months until at least spring..which he read and agreed to..so when the pain is to much..I will take a pain med to get that extra 15 minutes I need on the treadmill tonight...and also ..have a sling..on the treadmill that holds my belly fat weight..reducing the pull on my backs..tendons..ligaments, and muscles..my facuet joints pop out too..with to much stress on them..and that is when the baseball comes in handy..when hubby is not around..to help or giving me the hoe hum...smiles..

ps.... I hate dr.s that hold you and your pain hostage to good medical care by using the if you loose weight I will take good care of you...grrrrrrrrr..that makes me so mad..I have seen it time and time again..you really need a good dr...if you had stomach cancer and were dealing with this much pain and dying from it like you are from morbid obesity...you would have your stomach gone like tomorrow..and no problems getting medical test..or pain relief..a few of these..drs..need to travel around with a 200 pd..sack of sand strapped to their guts for two weeks...lol...I hope I have empowered you..tonight..and confirmed..that what is happening in your medical care is so very wrong...and if you need a online buddy...I am here if you would like to try it..I just dont know how to fix my profile so that you can see it..I seen it on one..but dont know if it is for moderaters only...

my heart truly goes out to you in understanding..as I am there have been there...and no what great obstacles you are up againist..and facing...its not easy..not one little bit...I wish you the very best and will remember you tonight in my prayers..take care anna...Joanne

 

 Thank-You so much for your reply.  Gosh...I don't even know where to begin.  I have tried to be positive when going to see the dr.  To not be a whiner or a complainer or to act like I know more than the dr about what I need.  I've read online and in magazines on how to be a good patient, on how to talk to your doctor, about making a list to take with you to the dr and I try to do everything (that I can remember!) that the information stated and I still get no where.  I havn't tried it with this dr yet.  I'm still putting off going to see him.  We bought a new memory foam mattress and I'm hoping maybe that might help with the sleeping problems, leg pain and maybe with some of the back pain too.  I'm going to give myself a month to adjust to the new mattress and in the mean time I am going to go and see a chiropractor.  My insurance will cover "X" amount of visits a year and I'm hoping once the primary insurance stops covering it then the secondary insurance will kick in.  Anyways...I'm gonna try the chiropractor during this month of 'testing' out the new bed and if that doesn't help I will break down and go back to the dr.  I really really don't want to go though.  As a kid, I even had this leg pain.  My mom drug me from dr to dr trying to get a diagnosis.  they never did find what was wrong with my legs.  so I have lived with this leg pain off and on my whole life.  Ever since I was 4 or 5 yrs old!  As I got older...in my early 20's it kind of eased up some but came back with a vengeance when I hit my 40's.  I think that is a lot of the reason why I don't like to go to the dr is from my mom dragging me to all of them and being made to feel like i was "looking for attention".  that was the response mom usually got is that she had too many kids (6) and I was just looking for attention, that there was nothing wrong with my legs, just take her home and shower her with love and she'll be ok.  After I got in jr high, I just stopped complaining about it because I didn't want to have to go to yet another dr.  I would lie to my mom and tell her my legs were fine and then lie in bed at night silently crying because they hurt so bad.  But...I do promise at the end of this 30 days, if the chiropractic doesn't work, the bed doesn't help, I will go to the dr.  I think I will also talk to the dr about either doing the lap band or gastric bypass.  I am tired of fighting this losing weight.  The weight gain is winning.  But then I wonder "how will I keep the weight off and change my eating habits if I can't do it now?"

I too feel that my husband tries his best to sabotage my eating.  He doesn't actually bring the food into the house though, his thing is going out to eat.  the snack foods that are here now, I am the guilty party for bringing them in.  We went on vacation and I bought them for it.  they were never eaten so now they are here.  they are almost gone though and I will go back to not buying snack foods.  Hubbies thing is to eat out.  He loves eating out at restaurants.  and who can say no to that?  I have been working at eating healthier when eating out so hopefully in the long run it will pay off down the road.  and if the restaurant doesn't have much in the way of healthy foods I have been eating half of it and taking the other half home to eat on another day.

I really don't think I can change my attitude on going to the dr.  It has been engrained in me since childhood.  I'm 45 now...almost 46.  i wouldn't be surprised a bit if it wasn't psychological.  but I will work on it.  I promise.  I know it is not good to not have your health problems taken care of.

I don't know how to start a new post either so I can't help you there.  I know in your profile you can add your email address and make it public and people can contact you that way.  Plus there is the CC tool bar that you can download and on the "go to" drop down menu, there is a place you can click on and it will take you to 'messages'.  Also when you click on someones userid it will take you to their page where you can then click on 'send message'.  However if they are like me (it's taken me 6 months to figure out how to get to the message center)...they may never get the message, LOL.  I never even knew about the public profile either.  I got to investigating while in the process of writing this to you and discovered it!  I got some of it filled out but I need to finish this off, post it and get started on some house work.  I'll finish the profile in a bit.  I did put my yahoo id as public so you can contact me thru that if you want.

anna

I keep saying I am going to do this and for some reason I continue to sabatoge myself. I know all the things you are suppose to do and I do them until night time and then hunger, borderum and depression hit....I feel alone and I miss my family....I know that one of the ways it might and that is a big might be able to see my grandson is if I am finally successful in loosing this weight....but because there are so many other obstacles I guess in a way I feel if I stay fat then I won't have to face these things.....in regards to how I look I don't feel to bad until I realize that others are staring at me or laughing behind my back or I go to my mom's and she stares at me and I know she is looking at how I look...big stomach....and the rest....she has always said she loves me but has always judged me about my weight....thank you for being there and listening...Linda

Hi everyone!

My name is Robyn, and I am a 20 year old from Ontario, and I would love to lose about 130 pounds. Typing that makes me cringe. I have been overweight since I was a child, I always saw it as something that affected me, and I always wished to be skinnier, prettier, etc, etc... but I also got to the point of where I was very happy with myself and who I have grown to be. And I am happy with who I am, but I would be happier knowing that my weight was not a barrier to who I can become. With my busy lifestyle of working and university and everything else that comes with it, I found it easiest to not worry about what I was eating or how much I was exercising and kept telling myself I was happy. But it has got to the point where I have had really bad problems with my knees and ankles (and I'm only 20...), along with my appearance and other health issues, and  I am afraid of my future if I stay in the state that I am in.

I have never seen the mirror as being a bad thing - I find that my truth always lies within photographs... that's when I notice how I really look to others. when I can see it in a photo - I know that everyone else sees the same thing - but a mirror can be whatever you want it to be (if you turn one way you look good, the other, etc... it can become what you want it to).

Being the size that I am (even though I would like to think that I hide it somewhat well... haha) affects me daily. Those tiny school desks with the arm, I just feel like I am flopping out of the sides, amusement parks, shopping with friends (i always go to look at the jewelry and shoes section), even just going out with friends and dancing all night without my ankle hurting or feeling exhausted, daily tasks.... something needs to change.

I have started on the right track within the last few days - I have joined a gym and am trying to go at least 4 times a week doing cardio & weights, and the odd class, as well, I have started eating MUCH better, and am tracking what I eat and doing pretty well (but seriously, a muffin from a cafeteria - who knew!). I feel different already - things already seem easier that I was huffing and puffing doing a few weeks ago... :)

I think that this turned into more of a ramble, so I am sorry for that. But it feels good just to get it out, and to have others understand.

Lastly, I am proud of each and every one of you. I know, just as well, that this takes a lot of courage, effort and strength, to take your own life in your hands and make the changes necessary. Don't stop, do it for yourself and remember that you are never doing this by yourself. :)

Robyn

Original Post by ljs4832:

I keep saying I am going to do this and for some reason I continue to sabatoge myself. I know all the things you are suppose to do and I do them until night time and then hunger, borderum and depression hit....I feel alone and I miss my family....I know that one of the ways it might and that is a big might be able to see my grandson is if I am finally successful in loosing this weight....but because there are so many other obstacles I guess in a way I feel if I stay fat then I won't have to face these things.....in regards to how I look I don't feel to bad until I realize that others are staring at me or laughing behind my back or I go to my mom's and she stares at me and I know she is looking at how I look...big stomach....and the rest....she has always said she loves me but has always judged me about my weight....thank you for being there and listening...Linda

 Nice to meet...you Linda..its so devasting when people have such bad attitudes towards us..we end up carrying it on our shoulders..and its hard to lift it off and not let it beat us all up...my sister is overweight also..and evening are her worst time of the day..I have not talked to her lately..to see how she is doing ...but she was planning on..just switching what she eats in the evenings instead of trying not to eat at all..and before bedtime is even worst..we both figured out it was from our childhood we developed that habit..I wonder if you started off the same way..do you think it would help..

dont let what others think...make you feel bad..and I know that is hard not to do....because it really is there problem for not seeing an appreciating a good person...when you are ..just that..push past it with all you got..girl...

nice to meet you...

good for you about the treadmill. I can't walk outside because it throws my sciatica off. I also recently got a treadmill and I can walk 30 minutes but then my back is in agony...just preparing a meal for a 1/2 hour hurts standing that long...thanks for all the good words. Linda

My knees and other joints hurt and feel stiff.  I have little endurance when walking.  I had to sit out of the praise team at my church because just standing made my legs hurt and I felt fidgity.  I miss it a bunch.  Even though my relationship with my husband is wonderful, he is unaware of how difficult it is to feel romantic when you are so heavy.  He is not heavy, only 175 pounds.  I am thankful that he is so good to me, but I do wish to be the smaller woman that he married.  You mentioned the "bar" at an amusement park.   I am sure that I would never never fit.  I have not been to one in years and I had trouble the last time I went.  That was 25 pounds ago!!  I want to be able to climb the ladder at the swimming pool and fit between the rails!!  Now I walk up the "handicap"ramp!!! OH ME OH MY>  What are we waiting for.  We al have given many reasons to climb on board.  Let's go and lets get this done once and for all.  It will never be any easier than today.  So lets do it.  One step at a time.  One day at a time.  Even when we think we have messed up, lets get back on this time and show OURSELVES that we can do it and that we are WORTH IT~~

Hello everyone. I'm 26 years old and when I started this, I needed to lose 140lbs. I can now officially say that I no longer NEED to lose 100lbs. I'd like to lose another 80lbs and then take it from there.

I agree with Robyn that I also never saw the mirror as my enemy. Until I saw pictures of myself, I never really realized how big I was. I was also blessed with good self esteem like unabridged.

I never really realized before I started losing weight just how much being over 100lbs overweight really affected me. I was losing out on so much, and the worst part is that I was allowing myself lose out on it. The fear of going on amusement park rides. Not fitting in the seatbelt on a plane. Going to a sporting event and hoping no one was sitting beside me so that I wasn't in their space. Not wanting to go out dancing at bars with my friends.

I've done things in the last couple of months that I never would have done a year ago. I played in a baseball game with colleagues. I met a boy I never would have had the courage to meet before. I put on a bathing suit and didn't cover myself with a towel. I can walk 30 minutes without aching and sweating profusely.

I thought my self esteem was good to start with, but losing weight has given me so much more confidence in myself.

Cheers to us for taking the first step and starting our life changes. We can do this! We WILL succeed!

Hi... I'm Jonni.  I've never posted here though I've read so many posts from this website.  I have rejoiced in every ones successes and felt heartache for every back-step knowing full well how each one felt. 

I have 157 lbs to lose.  OMG!! I can't believe I admitted that.  Even to a group of strangers that hurt.  No one other than my Dr. knows my weight.  Not even my husband.   I'm 5'11 so I've always joked that I'm lucky I'm so tall because if I was any shorter I would be completely round. 

The things I missed out most, was time playing with my kids.  I have three and now the oldest two are about to be teenagers and I think I can remember both times I've played outside with them.  I don't go to the park because I don't like the kids to see me out of breath and I hate to give them excuses why I don't want to play with them. 

I miss feeling sexy.  I don't mean centerfold sexy.... I mean feeling good about yourself and the way you look and letting that show. 

I miss out on my kids school functions.  I was the one in school with the fat mom and now my kids have the same thing, so I try to hide from anything that I don't actually have to go to.

I have had to have surgery on both my Achilles tendons because they ruptured a year apart and even though the Dr. didn't blame that on my weight, I will.  I know that if I was smaller I wouldn't have been putting as much pressure on my feet.  And lately I found out I may have to have surgery on my eyes because I have this pseudo tumor thing that will cause me to go blind... that I know is directly related to my weight.  

My neurologist is the only Dr. that has ever told me that I need to lose weight, I know that i've seen my charts and it says "Morbidly Obese" but they never say that I should get off my butt and start working on it. 

I go to the gym at least three or four times a week, and I usually joke around that the gym pays me not to admit to anyone that I work out there.  I'm really good at joking about my weight.  I say things like "trust me, you don't get a body like this by accident... it takes constant attention.  Now pass me that donut." but all joking aside, I NEED to get healthy. 

I work with all these little 100 lbs soaking wet girls that are constantly shoveling something in their mouth, and I gain weight watching them eat. I know that no matter how good I am or how much better I do my job, they will get better promotions than me and get further ahead in my company.  I HATE that.

No matter what I say, or how much I will hate myself when I'm done, I'm writing all this eating sour cream and onion lays chips... HELP!! someone ... anyone....

It has been a major factor in myself esteem and ability to love myself, and let others love me

Original Post by jonnigirl:

Hi... I'm Jonni.  I've never posted here though I've read so many posts from this website.  I have rejoiced in every ones successes and felt heartache for every back-step knowing full well how each one felt. 

I have 157 lbs to lose.  OMG!! I can't believe I admitted that.  Even to a group of strangers that hurt.  No one other than my Dr. knows my weight.  Not even my husband.   I'm 5'11 so I've always joked that I'm lucky I'm so tall because if I was any shorter I would be completely round. 

The things I missed out most, was time playing with my kids.  I have three and now the oldest two are about to be teenagers and I think I can remember both times I've played outside with them.  I don't go to the park because I don't like the kids to see me out of breath and I hate to give them excuses why I don't want to play with them. 

I miss feeling sexy.  I don't mean centerfold sexy.... I mean feeling good about yourself and the way you look and letting that show. 

I miss out on my kids school functions.  I was the one in school with the fat mom and now my kids have the same thing, so I try to hide from anything that I don't actually have to go to.

I have had to have surgery on both my Achilles tendons because they ruptured a year apart and even though the Dr. didn't blame that on my weight, I will.  I know that if I was smaller I wouldn't have been putting as much pressure on my feet.  And lately I found out I may have to have surgery on my eyes because I have this pseudo tumor thing that will cause me to go blind... that I know is directly related to my weight.  

My neurologist is the only Dr. that has ever told me that I need to lose weight, I know that i've seen my charts and it says "Morbidly Obese" but they never say that I should get off my butt and start working on it. 

I go to the gym at least three or four times a week, and I usually joke around that the gym pays me not to admit to anyone that I work out there.  I'm really good at joking about my weight.  I say things like "trust me, you don't get a body like this by accident... it takes constant attention.  Now pass me that donut." but all joking aside, I NEED to get healthy. 

I work with all these little 100 lbs soaking wet girls that are constantly shoveling something in their mouth, and I gain weight watching them eat. I know that no matter how good I am or how much better I do my job, they will get better promotions than me and get further ahead in my company.  I HATE that.

No matter what I say, or how much I will hate myself when I'm done, I'm writing all this eating sour cream and onion lays chips... HELP!! someone ... anyone....

Hi Jonni..sure nice to meet you...and  sure appreciate what you are saying..here..I am 5ft1 and have 220 pds to loose in order to get to what i should weigh..but will be happy to loose a 100.

I make jokes..too..about my weight mostly beached whale syndrome..lol..once when I fell down in front of a waiting room of people and had to shift on my bum to a table..to pull myself up...it was so embarrassing..my knees could not..bare my weight on a hard floor like that..but you know..people were like really really good that day..and really surprized me..but it may very well have been the clinic was a rehab clinic for my child with cerebral palsy..so would have had an understanding audience..

my hubby is most often near me..but this time he was not....

one thing you say..that made me think..yes..me too..

I miss feeling sexy....I mean I still do..but not quite the same..I mean i really like feminine clothes..nighties and stuff..and just cant buy it here..I cant buy clothes to fit me at all here..an wear worn out old mens tshirt..and pant..and was completely out of underware..until about a week ago..when I finally found someone to bring me in on plane a few..but I know what you are saying..from when I lost weight once before...I mean..I enjoyed showing a bit of sexiness..not to much but just a hint..of it..

the pseudo tumor is something I was tested for..and comes also with being overweight..mine was negative on my ct...scan...although I do get fluid..and impaired blood circulation..which effects my short term memory ...and sometimes ability to focus..all of which has improved greatly in the last 6weeks..I sure understand your fears..is your dr..a good one..can you look to him or her for support..and find it..a good dr..makes a world of difference..in success..

I dont know how old you are..but jonni..you dont want to die this way...but I also know..there is no magic answer until it hits you..for 14 years...I abused my own body..and now I am looking at it..and saying to myself..how could you let this happen to you girl..why did you let yourself suffer so much pain..almost die twice..almost loose a leg..lived in ..a home that was not as clean as I would have liked it..

my only answer to myself..has been..something I am still learning about..that I was emotionally eating away..my life..my stresses..carrying the burden of others..in me..on me..for that matter..but no longer..

I watched the movie..the secret..and I decided that day..there  was no harm in trying it..I stuck picture of my oldself on the mirror i wake to each morning..I refocus everything I can..in to some thing positive..and catch myself..some times..still pulling on negatives..and example...I have been getting 30 min..on my treadmill..the last 3 days..ah...but my foot started really hurting this evening..first..I thought oh no...not a set back already..but now am thinking hell...I will dance in my chair..sitting if I have to...I am not going to let this snag hold me back..I am not carrying other people stuff on my back..I totally rid myself of all the negative people in my life..before I got to this point..

a diet buddy..might be a real good thing..and might help..for some it helps a lot..

I wish this place had a chat room..that would be so cool..and we could get in and be supportive of each other..when it hits..the worst..for our snacking..it can make a world of difference..if you have someone who is skilled at distracting you from your hunger..like  see someone reaching for chips..call them over to play cards..

food for me is an addiction..but one..where dont just quit it..but have to learn to use just a bit of it..that is hard..

do take care..let us know how you are doing..with the medical stuff..and I wish you well...