Parents

Anyone elce at the start of this thing and already haveing trouble with parents and their diet.

My mam's fat and happy being fat, I'm not.  I've just totted up the calories for the meal tonight and it's almost all my daily allowence.  Kinda thanking god I've not eaten to day otherwise I'd be going over for this meal.  I've had enough of high calorie, high fat meals.  Just wishing me mam could except the fact that I don't like being the size I am.  I can't bare looking at myself in the mirror naked and I'm starting to hid myself from my boyfriend because I hate my body so much.  I'm only 4 days into this and my mam is already making things difficult for me.

I know exactly what you mean. it's tough having parents who want you home to cook for you all the time, and it's harder to say "No, I'm trying to lose weight". All they want is what's best for their baby, right? It sucks because if we say we want to lose weight, they freak out at us and say we're trying to be anorexic. It's not the case at all! And if we keep it a secret, well that's even worse and they'd get even angrier if they found out.

I know this post wasn't helpful, but I'm just sympathizing.

I know how you feel, I lived with my larger sister for a long time and is content at her size (or at least not willing to do anything about it), while I was smaller, but still not quite happy about my size.

I think working up to a tangible goal, like a sporting event, is an easier thing to explain to someone like that.  Rather than saying, "I'm fat and unhappy and I need to lose weight"  you could say, "I'm trying to get healthy and I want to run a 5K/10K/marathon or compete in a cycling event, etc, in 3/6/12 months.  Can you help me with my goal?"  This might be something that your mum could support.  I think most parents and family members are scared that people want to lose weight solely for vanity, but if you are firm that you want to be healthy or able to physically do something you can't currently do, then they may understand it more.

Ah, I've been there. It's toughie. I got into fights with my parents about this because they thought that since I was rejecting a lot of their really high calorie meals that I was starving myself.

First comes first: Have you talked to your mom? She'll never know that you don't want to eat certain things if you don't inform her. It's an awkward conversation, but it's defiantly worth the while. You generally get two responses from this: That's great, I'll support you, or Oh god no, you're not fat, I won't let you do this.

If it's case one, great! Go grocery shopping with her, give her new recipes, or try to make some your own.

If it's case two, then I sympathize. You got two options from there.. The tougher route where you put your foot down and say no and eat something else (which requires will power, and a lot of strength) or the easier route where you moderate what you eat.

If you moderate what you eat, just take a little portion. You can eat until you're full, or you can just a little, wait until dinner is "finished' and find something more filling to eat.

Either way, there's a way around this, and I know because me and my parents finally settled it: I eat what I want, just as long as I'm eating. They trust me. Unforantely, some parents won't do the same as mine, because they love their children very much and see their peers doing extreme and dangerous things. Try to sympathize with your parents a little bit, but be mature and be strong! :)

I wish you the best of luck!

Wish it was all that easy.  She knows I'm un happy and want to lose weight, but unfirtuntly my mum can be a very selfish person.  The way she sees it is either eat when I'm given or buy my own food.  I have to make do with a student loan so I can't always buy all my own food especially when I'm pulling myself out of debt.  Tried to shock her today by telling her how many cals dinner was.  The big 1358 didn't really seem to shock her that much.

Yikes. Is it possible for you to get a part time job when you have a student loan? (I know some loans don't like that very much..) If so, you could get one and then take some money out of your paycheck... some out to put towards dinners, and the rest towards your student loans.

got a part time job now. work between 6 and 20 hours a week as a place called the Sage in the UK.  The money I make from that at the min is unfortuntly going towards paying off my debts. Spent 8 months unemployed thanks to my pervious employer screwing me over and in that time I ended up about £2000 in dept.  Know it doesn't sound like much to some people but it's the difference between me getting to college or not.  I'm already into my overdraft and will be un untill about April.  Also trying not to spend any money on my cerdit card.

I know it'll be frustrating, but do you think you could maintain your weight, make healthier choices when you can, and moderate dinners just a little? It sounds like it may not be the realistic time to really change your diet too much unless you're willing to fight with your mom about changing your dinner, but it sounds like you don't really need the stress right now either. D:

That's not to say that you won't lose weight over time, but it just won't be as fast as it would be if you had more control over your dinners..

Remember that while this is, by and large, a lifestyle change for you it will be for your mum as well. She's going to have to adapt as much as you will! 

What sort of staples do you keep in your fridge/what's your fridge look like? Could you cook your own healthy meals from what is there? And what's your calorie target - remembering that CC's tools aren't accurate for anyone under 21 and you should be eating absolutely no less than 1500 calories a day as an under 21 year old? (This is an accurate calculator for under 21's: http://www.bcm.edu/cnrc/bodycomp/bmiz2.html) But if all else I can help break it down so your highest calorie meal is dinner without you ending up starved through the day.

Did UCAS not set you up in dealing with your Uni debts? I thought you didn't have to pay them until you're making at least £15,000 a year? D: If you've not contacted them before I suggest trying it. They may still be able to help you if you're in dire straights. http://www.ucas.com/students/studentfinance/

And I agree with Kaybug, if all else. Slow and steady wins the race. Make this a gradual thing if you have no other choice. Or, if you cannot make your defecit through food as much you would like get a bit more active. Where are you studying right now? Your Uni might have sports groups or activity groups you could get into, or an on campus gym.

And... 1358 calories for DINNER? Was that for the entirety of what she made? What on earth did she make?! XD

I just realised I asked... nine questions? Oh dear. XD

I've limited myself to 1750 cals a day just so that it's not such a big shock to my body and in about 2-3 months I'll be cutting down to 1550. 

I'm still living on my student loan but because I went 8 months unemployed I ended up 2000 pounds in dept.  Not been having fun with my finances.

For me it's not a case of it may be the wrong time to start losing weight, it's a case of I have to. since starting college about 4ish years ago I've put on 3 stone.  Not cool.  Feel like it's effecting my health and I want to sort myself out.  Really looking forward to the summer now when I'll be able to get a full time job and hopefully move out.  Be so much easier to lose weight then, but I need to start now.  Can't keep eating the way I have been.

Oh, and dinner was a **** saussage (500cal on it's own), yorkshire pudding, roast potatoes and peas which I couldn't eat because they where frozen crap and had a quite bitter taste to them. Much profer fresh veg even if it is more expensive.  Feel like I've got a led weight in the bottem of my stomach now.  Not cool.

What is your height and weight, and activity level? Is your job waiting tables (I take this from "The Sage", it sounds like a restaurant)? 1550 seems very little. 1500 is the bare sedentary minimum for an under 21 girl. x: And waiting tables will mean you're doing more activity/working out than you think.

I would seriously get in touch with UCAS and ask for help and advice on your situation. They should be able to assist. You may qualify for a grant.

Ahh... curly* sausage, roastie s and yorkies. Okay. You could've taken a chunk of the sausage, one yorkie, and filled the rest of your plate with the potatoes and peas. A good rule of thumb is a quarter of your plate with carbs, a quarter protein and half vegetables (or fruit depending on the time of day). Also, frozen peas won't be affected by quality in that they're frozen but rather their cooking time - if they were bitter, your mum likely overcooked them.

Again, I suggest perhaps upping your activity if you cannot alter your diet so much right now. Find out if your Uni runs clubs, or if there's stuff you can do near you for free. And of course, walking is always going to be free - a half hour to an hour of brisk (3mph+) walking a day is a good place to begin. And again: what sort of food do you generally have in the fridge and freezer? I can try and give you meal ideas you could make yourself.


* I know the sausage you mean, but CC auto filters it due to the first three letters.

You're almost with the sage.  It does have a restaurant although I don't work in it.  It's a music venue.  I tend to have mostly cafe and bar shifts.  I'm 22, 23 in March so don't have to worry about being under 21.  I can easily give myself more cals on days that I'm clearing on the cafe but that tends to be once or twice a week at most.  The min though I'm on 1750 a day which I've worked out is possablily up to 600 cals lass that I usually consumed if not more.

Okay. Stick with 1750 for now.

Still! Fridge and freezer foods you usually have stocked? It's pretty easy to make your own meals up with general foods.

A breakdown of 1750 calories that'll see you with most of your calories at dinner:

B 400
S 200
L 400
S 200
D 500

OR, if you like to snack semi-regularly,

B 400
S 150
L 400
S 150
D 500
S 150

OR, if you prefer bigger meals and smaller snacks,

B 450
S 100
L 450
S 100
D 550
S 100

And so on. Tweak it to what suits you, but these all total 1750.

My mom keeps telling me she's worried about my losing weight, though I'm eating about 1850 calories daily, eating basically constantly, being 5"2 & 18 yrs old & walking about 7 miles every morning; I sometimes feel very full and always strive to eat the purest, most nutritious food.. and yet she keeps begging me to stop. I rarely if ever get hungry-rumbly sensations, making me think I might be even eating too much. My explination is that she can't stand to see her plump baby girl deteriorate into a curvy, healthy woman, for the first time ever. It's bugging us both and it has to stop 'cause it's all very stupid. How are y'all dealing with this kinda issue?

Only four days?!  Hunny, if your mom is making meals with that high a fat/calorie content, you're going to have to make her understand that you want to loose weight, and that might mean you can't be eating her meals anymore.

Cos it's going to get harder, and worse, and you're not going to like what happens to you meantally or physically.

Tell her early on.  If you need, make your own healthy meal, or try to help her too.

Original Post by marekat:

Only four days?!  Hunny, if your mom is making meals with that high a fat/calorie content, you're going to have to make her understand that you want to loose weight, and that might mean you can't be eating her meals anymore.

Cos it's going to get harder, and worse, and you're not going to like what happens to you meantally or physically.

Tell her early on.  If you need, make your own healthy meal, or try to help her too.

 Anybody actually got advice about getting one's parents to stop offering/forcing their meals? Of COURSE she has tried words!

I'm a parent...my opinion...You all demonstrated, here in your comments,  that you know how much you should be eating to eat properly.  Educate them. Stand up for your rights in a constructive way. They may not admit it but they will be proud that you have done your homework on it. I would bet deep down they would prefer to be healthier as well. They can learn from you.

oh god, dont i just know it. my mom is unhealthy and overweight too, and she thinks i am eating too little cuz she is eating too much. i've tried telling her many times already, but it always go into some big discussion about how pale my face and lips look. and i'm not even underweight. in fact, one junior of mine just commented on how fat i'm becoming.

now, i just try to avoid eating too much in the day to save some calories for the night (during dinner with her). it's wrong, i know, but i really dont know what to do anymore.

you can try upping your activity level too. she cant fault you for that. and lastly, i throw away the snacks she buys home sometimes, and tell her how delicious it is. it's all deception, but at least the fat will not creep back.

Heh, with my parents, its more of a "your not eating enough" and "Dont be so picky" kind of thing. They get really bad at me for turning down a massive bowl of Mac n cheese for a half turkey sandwich on wheat... ah, oh well.

Do you have time to make dinner one night a week? Maybe ask your mum to let you take a night and make a meal that is healthy, but your family doesn't know it. ...Then go from there??