Parents of overweight kids - any thoughts?

My daughter is 9 years old, and probably 20 lbs overweight.  Not a huge amount, but not good either.  When I was her age, I was overweight too,and I told myself I would never let it happen to her, that I would teach her better eating habits.  Instead, my habits never changed, and she learned from me.  I feel like a failure as a parent, but I'm trying not to look at it that way, and to just take the opportunity to improve the health of my family.

I think my attempt to lose weight, which she is aware of, has triggered something self-conscious in her.  Or maybe she's just more self-aware now, or maybe kids are jerks at school.  I don't know, and I don't want to push her to find out.  But she's now worried about being overweight. 

I'm trying right now to encourage her to worry about eating healthier, and not worry about numbers or how she looks, but I remember that how I felt at that age and it's hard.  I'm also trying to find ways to get her healthier and more active - she hates to exercise, no matter what I suggest.

I don't want her dieting, she's too young.  And I don't want this developing into an obsession for her.  I want her to have healthy knowledge about her body, and a healthy attitude about eating.

So far, we've agreed to try having one new eating goal and one new fitness goal a week.  We're starting off slow - this week we (as a family) are making sure to eat breakfast every single morning (she's actually the only one who doesn't, but we're doing everything as a family in this), and we all have to work out for 30 minutes a day.  I also asked her to try to eat more slowly, and to this end we've been playing a game at the dinner table - cards or something - to slow down everyone's eating. Other goals will be walking to and from school, eating 5 fruits and vegetables a day, etc. - I'm putting together a list.  We'll also be starting karate again as a family next week, which we stopped this summer due to excessive traveling.

One thing she's always done well is drink mostly water, but she's a sucker for soda if we have it in the house or go out.  Since we no longer have it in the house and eat out a LOT less, that's not a problem.

She doesn't want to go to a doctor because she's embarassed, and I don't think it's necessary - we're not going on a diet, we're learning to eat healthier as a family, and I'm aware of what a healthy diet consists of.  I also don't want to make her more self-conscious, and I know that a doctor visit would do that.

So... I'm looking for ideas on how to teach her to eat healthier, how to get her more active, and how to keep her outlook healthy and positive, all in ways that don't make her unduly obsessive about her weight, but keep her interested in her body and active.  Obviously, all of this needs to work for an entire family, including a 4-year-old, because we're not singling her out- we ALL need to be healthier, and this is a family issue.

This is great!  Do you know how to cook?  If you do, teach your daughter how!  If not, find some healthy recipes and make them together!  One of the best strategies for losing weight is to start cooking your meals yourself.  That way, you know EXACTLY what is going into your body.

I'm lucky, I love to cook and so does my daughter.  She bought a kids' cookbook at a book fair last year, and we got her another for Christmas.  I'd forgotten about them, though!  She and I will have to sit down and talk about which healthy recipes she'd like to try.

I know she thought it was the coolest thing last time I made granola, I'll have her help me next time!

Thanks :)

You said your daughter doesnt like to exercise, but does she like any sports, or dance? or gymnastics? what about swimming? maybe she might be interested in activites that arent "working out"

I agree with the cooking idea. let her work out of her cook book and also challenge her to come up with some ideas and recipes for dinner for the family once a week where she is forced to use the knowledge she is learning about healthy eating and nutrition to feed the whole family.

and finally i think you have the right idea about making it more about nutrition and being healthy instead of being thin. thats the problem most adults get mixed up about. even the skinniest person can be unhealthy.....

I applaud you for taking the time to help your daughter and the rest of the family with this matter!

After watching my own mom yoyo diet my entire life and knowing how that effected my own self perception, becoming overweight myself, and now becoming a mom, this too has always been a fear of mine. I wasn't overweight as a child (though definitely as an adult), but my sister was, and I saw firsthand how she was tormented for her weight. (I actually punched a boy in the face on our school bus once because he wouldn't stop picking on her.) My daughter is almost 2, but her doctor tells us she's the average weight of a 3yo. I'm not so concerned about her baby weight since she doesn't snack much, we only let her have juice once a day, and we make sure she has fruits and veggies at every meal. (We make big babies in my family, plain and simple.) I guess all of this is just to let you know I have the same fears you have - about passing on body image issues or unhealthy diet habits to my daughter. And I applaud you for not letting it go. I agree with Kelly, about the sports - my parents signed my sister and I up for soccer when we were kids, and in the beginning when we would both whine all the way to practice, they would tell us that we just had to commit to one season, but about halfway through, we both really enjoyed it.

We take karate as a family, but we stopped over the summer because we traveled a lot.  To be honest, it was kind of sporadic before that - we had a lot of family health problems to deal with, both my husband's family and mine, and we weren't able to go as much as we'd like to. Unfortunately, even though she loved it at first, it's like pulling teeth to get her to go.

We're starting again Wednesday, (they're doing belt tests this weekend, so there aren't any regular classes until Tuesday, and we can't go on Tuesday nights), and I'm hoping that after the break she'll be more enthused.

I've also been doing some research and found out that the local pool has a family membership for $150 for 6 months.  We don't have a lot to spare in our budget this month, but I'm hoping that's something I can add in a little later.  She loves to swim.

Unfortunately, I'm still at a loss for something that we can do at home.  Karate is 3 nights a week plus Saturdays, so that'll be good.  The pool is nice, but she has school most days, and it's not realistic for most weeknights.  Great for weekends, though.  I'd like to find something to change things up for her, and that she can do around the house on nights where there isn't karate or we can't get to the pool.

I told her that she could just dance around the living room, and that would be awesome.  I got a strange look.  We have a WiiFit, she complains that it's too hard.  I've tried to get her to do yoga with me, which I think is really fun, but she doesn't like that either.  I've suggested family walks, which is a good start but she seems skeptical.  She says she rides her bike with her friends, but she doesn't do it as much as she thinks she does.  Our backyard is one of the biggest in the neighborhood, but it's still not very big, so we can't really play baseball or anything without hitting balls into neighbor's yards (subdivision - they're all fenced).  I have some bellydance videos from a couple of years ago, maybe I can get her to try that.

I'm at a loss.  I have all of these ideas, but nothing seems to appeal to her.

Does she like any other Wii games?

The Wii sports can be a fairly decent workout (tennis or boxing)...does she like those?  Being 9 I assume she might get bored with them or frustrated when she swings and her Mii misses.  But it's worth a shot right?

Does she like cycling...can she ride...does she have a bike?  I could ride at that age and I liked it...try it with her.

How close are you to places you regularly go?  You could walk there instead.  Better yet, take a family walk around the neighborhood after dinner.

Posted from your other thread:

watergirl
Aug 28 2009 10:33

i think what you are doing is fantastic. doing it together will be so much more reinforcing then going it alone. you sound like a good mom to me. dont tell yourself otherwise. stick to your plan! good luck!

Original Post by corellia40:

 I have some bellydance videos from a couple of years ago, maybe I can get her to try that.

 My sister and I used to think it was hilarious to do my mom's old Sweatin' to the Oldies videos. We'd laugh hysterically the whole time, but we'd still be exercising!

I think you're an amazing mom. Kudos top you and your family for starting young on good habits".

I was an overweight kid who was extremely unco-ordinated and self conscious. So I avoided exercise, although my mom is a great role model who walked six days a week for most of her life. But when I turned 19, I started walking too, and the habit has stayed with me. I guess what I am trying to say is that kids sometimes take a while to internalize and imitate positive behaviors, but if you are consistent, chances are she will grow up also liking exercise.

I wish you all the best- I am sure that your loving positive example will help your daughter become and stay healthy and develop a positive sense of self esteem!

Good luck!

Thanks for all of the support!  I've definitely gotten a few more ideas from this, and I'm relieved that no one seems to think that I'm pushing too hard or something.  Like I said, I'm very worried that she'll start obsessing about her self image, and I certainly don't want to see her start down that path.

We're getting started on this right now, and she's going to help me make a shopping list this week so she can help me cook.  We'll be at karate on Wednesday, we plan on going to the pool one day this weekend and for a walk as a family on the other day.  And she's eaten breakfast every day, which is great, and used the Wii a few times, even though she still doesn't like it much. 

She's upset because she doesn't run well in PE.  I told her that she'll get better at it with time and practice, but her response was "No I won't!".  It may take a while to get through to her on that, but right now she's excited about swimming, and pretty happy to go to karate and walk, so we're off to a good start.  She's also pretty enthused about cooking, which is going to help a lot. 

I really appreciate the advice, so thanks again!

Original Post by prinzessin_naseimbuch:

Does she like any other Wii games?

The Wii sports can be a fairly decent workout (tennis or boxing)...does she like those?  Being 9 I assume she might get bored with them or frustrated when she swings and her Mii misses.  But it's worth a shot right?

Does she like cycling...can she ride...does she have a bike?  I could ride at that age and I liked it...try it with her.

How close are you to places you regularly go?  You could walk there instead.  Better yet, take a family walk around the neighborhood after dinner.

She likes bowling sometimes, but that's about it.  She does get frustrated with it.  There's a new Wii Sports out now, Arena or something.  I might have to try picking that up, it's supposed to have better control.

She rides her bike to her friends houses, and she says they ride just to ride sometimes, so I can't complain about that.  Great suggestion for me to get my bike out and go with her - though I'm not sure how far I would get at first! :P

The only think we're close to is her school, so one of our fitness goals is to start walking to and from school each day.  She doesn't want to right now, because it's hot, so I'm letting that wait for a few weeks - I don't want to puch too many new things at once.  We did talk about a family walk in the evening, though.

Original Post by sadinplaid:

Original Post by corellia40:

 I have some bellydance videos from a couple of years ago, maybe I can get her to try that.

 My sister and I used to think it was hilarious to do my mom's old Sweatin' to the Oldies videos. We'd laugh hysterically the whole time, but we'd still be exercising!

Hahaha!  I'd forgotten about those!  My mom had those videos, and my sister and I thought they were hilarious, too!  If I had a VCR I'd call and see if she still had them :)  I'm going to have to see if they still sell them on DVD.

Regarding the running in PE... maybe encourage her that not everyone is meant to be a runner. I remember feeling the same way when I was in school... I've always been a terrbile runner, and consequently hated it. I was always the last to finish the mile run - 12 minutes. Well, I'm 26 now and it still takes me 12 minutes to run a mile. I would have appreciated an adult telling me that it's ok if I'm not the fastest runner... that there are other physical things I might be good at - for me it was hiking and rock climbing. She won't be exposed to those in PE class, but reminding her that this is temporary and okay may go a long way.

That's a good point, counselork, and one that I'm surprised that I didn't think of.  You sound EXACTLY like me in high school - always the last to finish, and just under the time limit.  The only mile run I remember the time for was 11:59, and I swear the gym teacher lied and gave me the last few seconds to avoid failing me.

  I'm just not much of a runner, and I never was.  And it's not like I never ran - I played softball and basketball, and of course there was PE.  Poor girl, she might be following in my foot steps. :(

One PE class in fourth grade we were playing this hybrid game of kickball and basketball.  Basically it started as kick ball and on your way to first you picked up a basket ball...you had to dribble it to second where you had to make a basket....then go to third where you had to do [something], then go home.

My flaw: I can't throw with accuracy and have trouble catching.  A boy on my team made very rude comments about those flaws after one of out turns in the outfield.  I cried and told the teacher.  He reprimanded the boy and told me to take his turn at bat (I got to kick twice).  Well, if it's one thing I can do it's kick and plan ahead.  I kicked that ball hard, picked up the ball while running, threw the ball in the basket just before second so i could tag base and catch the ball on the way off base, and danged if I didn't score two runs myself for my team (plus the other guys we had on base).

Tell your daughter she doesn't have to be great at everything, she just has to try her hardest.  Feel the satisfaction of doing her best.  And tell her that she should NEVER let anyone (including herself) EVER allow her to believe that she can't succeed.  :)

Tell her my anecdote...it might make her feel better.  I stuck it to those stupid boys!

Thanks prinzessin - I showed her your post this morning.  I think it helped a bit, but she's still really self-conscious about it. 

We decided to rearrange our other plans and go to karate tonight instead of waiting until tomorrow.  I'm hoping she enjoys herself.