What did your parents do RIGHT?

Hi all--

What is one (or maybe more!) thing your parents did so right in raising you that you want to make sure to do it in raising your own kids (whether you have them now or might later)?

 My parents encouraged me and my siblings (and still do!) to use our imaginations! We didn't have many toys, so we spent nearly ALL of our free time using our imaginations. When there was something we wanted to buy that was really expensive, they'd often say, "See if you can come up with something like that yourself." I credit them with the fact that I am a creative person today, and I really want to encourage my children to be creative and imaginative someday.

What about you??

The one that stands out is that when I was a child it was a family rule that I had to try every food offered to me. If there was something I didn't like, I was encouraged to try it again a few months later. And I was never allowed to order from kiddie menus. Because of this, I have a real passion for food and eat literally everything! There is actually only one food that I really dislike (olives.) I have completely inherited my parents' love of food and cooking, and it's a huge part of my life - I'm 22 now and beginning a career in food marketing!

That's really neat sallycinnamon! What an awesome career!

Why don't you like olives? :o) I love them!

My parent's DIDN'T buy me everything...and for that I am grateful.  Other than essentials of clothing, non-essential items like toys, music, games, etc were for birthdays or Xmas, so if I wanted it any other time, I had to buy it through allowances.  None of this "mommy I want it" and it gets thrown in the cart business.  I mean I seriously didn't even get so much as a pack of Garbage Pail Kids cards or Pogs (yes, I'm an 80's child, haha) without forking over my allowance.  

My first car even was a dilemma, because I was told I couldn't get a car until I had a job, but we lived in a very rural area, and I needed a car to get a job.  They finally compromised and loaned me $500 to buy a 20 year old car, but my ENTIRE first 4 paycheck except for $20 lunch money was handed straight back to them, and I had to pay my own insurance.    

I hated that car so much that I worked hard, and I was quickly able to trade that it for a newer used Nissan 280zx financed thru a credit union on which I made the payments. (and I was 17).  

Yes at the time I hated them because so many of my friends were getting brand new cars for their 16th Bday, but now I see those same friends never learned any kind of financial responsibility. 

I was able to purchase my own home at age 19 which was a major fixer-upper.  Now at 37 we are on our third home, and completely mortgage free through flipping fixer uppers.  

My friends?  Most had no credit and rented until the crazy housing boom when anyone could get financed, and so probably 2/3rds of them are in serious financial trouble now.

It's so difficult now to try and do the same by my daughter.  She's now 12 and is of course going thru the "but so and so has it" stage.  Like her friend got an I-phone for her 10th birthday, right when they came out, and were still around $500.  Who the hell does that? I can't even imagine it getting lost.  I won't get my daughter a cell phone at all until she becomes more involved in after school activities, and even then it will be the cheapest pre-paid I can get.  

Anyway, I wrote a book I guess, but still.  I am grateful that they taught me to be financially responsible at such an early age.  

My parents had a strong work ethic, high expectations about behaviour/ education/integrity and always gave me the confidence that I could do anything I set my mind to if I worked hard.  This was somewhat at odds with the community I grew up in where expectations were pretty low, standards were 'flexible' and opportunities were few.   The only thing they couldn't pass on was a sense of the world outside their particular sphere.... they just didn't have that experience.  But I was encouraged to go and find it out for myself.

So I'm taking their groundwork, adding what I've learned to it and, hopefully, passing on the best of both to my son. 

I never got anything I wanted on the get-go. I wouldn't get money unless I did something to earn it, the rate of my school allowance depends on my class average, I'd buy my own clothes because my parents wouldn't buy clothes for me, or gadgets like a cellphone or a computer, and I'd have to work to earn my extra-curriculars, which means I had to work hard to deserve more work. An hour a day at the shop meant I could study French, and an increase in productivity meant I could progress my art classes and piano lessons and finally go to summer culinary school— of course, I still paid for textbooks and miscellaneous materials since they weren't school-related and thus, deemed unnecessary by my parents.

It sounds horrible, and my peers would make jokes about how my sisters and I probably pay for our own tuition, and I've developed workaholic tendencies and the over-achiever syndrome, but at 18, I know hard work: I live for it.

Why was this something my parents did right? Well, I graduated high school with two academic awards and a talent excellence award, am studying for a BS degree in Architecture at the 2nd best university in my country, earn more than minimum wage, and lost 50 pounds in five months.

Additionally, my older sister graduated from high school at the 5th top percentile, won a gold for her thesis, and is studying for two majors (Business and Economics) at our country's best university. My younger sister is a prominent member of her high school's student council team and has a big part in the school's original major musical production.

We all do well in school because our parents are crap to us when we want things.

Hard work = results.

When I have a kid, that kid's gonna be so deprived it's going to grow up to be president of the Philippines... hopefully.

My dad trusted me.

Best thing he could have done for me after all the years with my mother.

My parents taught me to never spend what I didn't have. I didn't open up a credit card until I was 23 and only because my landlord didn't like my lack of credit. Kind of ridiculous I think.

They also taught me to love travel- be it by car, bus, train, plane or sea.

My parents taught me how to be independent and self-sufficient at an early age. At 22 it was nothing for me to pack up and move to the other side of the world where I knew no one because my parents taught me how to depend on myself. I put myself through college and will be putting myself through grad school soon. 

They didn't buy me whatever I wanted--I worked and saved for things, and they didn't clothe me in lame designer label pastel garbage either, as part of that. But they also gave me freedom to dress like I want, shave my head, etc. They taught me how to do basic simple stuff, like my laundry or preparing a simple meal, that others couldn't do when I first left home. Also they knew how to enforce rules and boundaries without being insane strict--not like some parents I've encountered today that can't get their kids to do anything because they want to be the kid's "friend" or whatever.

they were parents before they were friends.  and i think there are way too many parents who are so focused on being their kid's friends that they kind of fail at the parenting part.

now, at 23, they are friends too.

I like this thread, much better than the "What didn't they do" thread.

My parents taught me the value of a dollar and financial responsibility.  My parents were very thrifty growing up and they led by example.

We didn't buy things we didn't need or go on lavish vacations.  When I was younger I felt deprived that I wasn't getting the same things as the other kids.  However, by the time I was 18 and ready to go to college, I realized the bigger picture.  My parents were able to pay for my education in cash.  My friends (the ones that had been on vacations to hawaii, had designer jeans, and every "it" toy invented), all had to take out student loans, starting their lives with a pile of debt.

I took this bit of knowledge, and was very judicious with my spending through college and beyond.  I got a credit card, used it responsibly, and paid it every month to establish my credit.

I learned how to budget from my dad.  I always follow a budget carefully.  Depending on the circumstances, it is sometimes a strict budget, other times it is more generous.  One thing stays the same, I always track every dollar of my spending, and compare it to the budget.  If we are over budget, we cut back, or re-forecast the budget as necessary.  These skills have allowed me to have a great deal of financial freedom.  I never have to "worry" about money.  I can't think of a single argument my husband and I have had about money because the spending expectations are clearly outlined in the budget.

I will raise my children the same way.  With a good financial foundation, you can pretty much accomplish anything.

Endurance. 

When I was 5 I did my first 5 mile hike.  When I was 8 it was 14 miles.  When I was 13 it backpacking for 23 miles carrying all my own gear.  At 18 I back packed around Australia alone for 6 weeks. 

I didn't learn much else!  lol

My parents gave me unconditional love.  Everything else is just gravy (the work ethic, the sense of self-worth, the financial and ethical grounding), without the unconditional love I wouldn't be as strong (and independent) as I am.

Original Post by dkenworthy:

My parents gave me unconditional love.  Everything else is just gravy (the work ethic, the sense of self-worth, the financial and ethical grounding), without the unconditional love I wouldn't be as strong (and independent) as I am.

yeah me too with the unconditional love. well my mother anyway, didn't really live with my dad. my step dad too, was very generous. i guess i was a bit spoilt, i was my mother's only child & my step dad had a hard time with his kids (they eventually passed away) so while he was a bit moody about it, he was a real dad to me.

i was spoilt in some ways, but i never abused their generosity which may be why they continued to spoil me (when they could). ive always worked hard and had jobs since i was 14, so i guess their generosity also stemmed from helping me when i helped myself. even during my sulky teenage years, bless them. 

i also spoil my husband and pets (when i had them) the same way (lordy lou help me if i ever have kids). my step dad passed away a few years ago & im about 8 thousands miles away from my mom. i miss them.

My parents taught me to work hard at every job or chore that needed to be done. To finish it, no matter what. I often hear people say, "That's not in my job description." To me...that attitude shows the person to be lazy and shallow. If something needs to be done, you stay and get it done. It doesn't matter if you make $2.00 an hour or if you own the company. I'm grateful to my parents for teaching me that. 

my parents got me into sports at a younge age but fed me way to much

I can honestly say my parents were great parents.

They gave me freedom to make my own choices as a kid and teen, but raised me to be so responsible growing up that I wasn't a very wild teenager - by my own choice not out of rebellion. I set my own curfews and had access to the family vehicle when I needed it and asked for it. As a child I wandered the neighbourhood and explored - but never beyond the boundaries that were set for me.

They encouraged responsibility. Be on time (actually very early) for things. If you commit to something you follow through. Be accountable to those counting on you as well as to yourself.

They taught me to be smart with money (none of us have debts and it wasn't from handouts) and imaginative (no toys with batteries ever - and never missed them either) and raised all 3 of us kids to get along with eachother. We almost never fought!

They taught me to be NICE. And to be understanding (not everyone has to like you and not everyone who doesn't like you has a good reason for it!) and accept all walks of life.

They never filtered any prejudgments on life, people, foods or even things as small as a fear of snakes - that they may have had (I know now they do!)

3 kids = three university degrees + one college degree (and one law degree on its way) - all of us very successful at life in all ways.

My parents have and still do many right things by us kids.   But the thing I appreciate the most was the way they keep us together as a family and that there is nothing in this world more important than family.  I am very lucky to  have they family I have.  We are always there for one another, and I don't just mean my parent and siblings, it also extends to my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. 

They also showed us how a marriage should be.  I have always been able to say that my parents love and respect each other, and that is an awsome thing for any child to have even as an adult.

They trusted me to make smart decisions, even when at the time I kind of wished I had more set boundaries (yeah, I was a weird kid).

There was always an expectation that we worked for what we wanted.

I always, always knew, that whatever I chose to do with my life, my parents would still love me and support me.