Parents of teenagers, poll for you: Beat my son or cut him some slack

My son goes to a high school like most others: good kids and some real bad apples. He decided to leave his backpack shoved under a bench during weights after swimming and got his suit stolen that I just bought YESTERDAY and a $100 calculator.

His thoughts: it's sad we live in a world where we can't trust our fellow man enough to not lock everything up. this was his excuse. My first inclination is to beat him (it's ok. He's 6'2", 175lbs. I'm 5'7". He won't feel a thing), but then I'm wondering if he's beating himself up for both of us. He already lost a bike this way because he trusted his fellow man enough to leave it outside instead of putting it in the garage. This is so ridiculous.

Either way, I'm out around $150 and I'm so POed that I might just implode with anger.

Well, I'm not the parent to a teenager, but I was in the same situation as your son, and my Pops thought the best option was the 'cut a switch' method of punishment.

Background! Stop me if it's too much: I used to be involved in dance in high school, after practice I would have to get changed to go work at a soul-crushing fast food job. Well, my mom had bought me this cute outfit to dance in (leotard, tights, legwarmers, 80's to the max) and well, it cost a pretty penny as well as quite a few ugly ones. When I was in the changing room, I had set my bag down for a minute togo changeinto my work uniform, and not after three minutes in the bathroom, my entire bag was gone. Not only the outfit, but a cell phone, some money for the bus, my school ID, library and school books as well as my clothes I wore to school that day (including underwear, eew).

I panicked, and tried to hide it as much as possible (BIG mistake there), thinking about the horrors of what my parents would do when they found out. I felt guilty for flashing around my new outfit, I felt stupid for leaving my bag out with girls I thought I could trust, . Finally, I came clean with my Pops about what happened when I didn't answer my phone, or took so long to get home, or where my bag was. Though, even though I did get my butt handed to me, nothing could compare to how I felt for being such a stupid you-know-what for doing that.

Anywho, other than that, I think I need to say, while you COULD beat your son, I think if he knows just HOW much money was lost with a mistake as leaving the bag under a bench, he's probably trying to kick his own butt as we speak.

But, then again, teens are different everywhere. Sorry to hear about the loss :(

i don't think beating him is the way to go. not b/c of some spare the child crap, but because your son seems to have, or wants to have, faith in his fellow humans, which is a rare thing. and that's to be commended. that said, he does need to understand that he sometimes misplaces that faith, to his detriment and your loss of money. let him know he needs to understand there are limits to people's, especially kids', trustworthiness, and he needs to wisen up a little so his stuff doesn't get stolen again. or he'll quickly lose that faith and another awesome calculator.

He shouldn't be punished for trusting others...he has now learned a lesson and should lock it up...my daugher lost an ipod in the school gym...there isn't enough lockers for everyone...

it happens...it wasn't on purpose

My son is now 21, but he did something similar when he was about 13 or 14. He knew money was tight and he felt awful. He was also extremely hurt that the people he thought he knew would steal his belongings. He lost a watch which was very sentimental to him because his grandfather had given it to him.

I made him work half of the cost off with extra chores. I also gave him the "a lock keeps an honest man honest talk".

I'm sorry for your monetary loss and even sorrier for your son's loss of faith.

Original Post by kae03:

He shouldn't be punished for trusting others...he has now learned a lesson and should lock it up...my daugher lost an ipod in the school gym...there isn't enough lockers for everyone...

it happens...it wasn't on purpose

This reminds me of my stepchildren. They don't take care of anything and think nothing of leaving handheld games and other electronics laying around. The girl just got her first ipod and it's an expensive one. Her grandmother bought it for her for her b-day in Sept. I told her that if she loses it or leaves it laying around and it gets stolen that she will not get another one for at least two years as a gift. If she wants one before then she'll have to earn the money to pay for one.

I then told them that if they have no place safe to lock up their electronics that they need to leave them at home. There is no excuse for kids to leave electronics anywhere.

Original Post by moonikins:

I made him work half of the cost off with extra chores. I also gave him the "a lock keeps an honest man honest talk".

I vote for this too.  My son never was good at not losing stuff through carelessness (or misplacing it in the dungheap of his room) and I lost my temper more than once, which wasn't actually very useful.  Having him work it off may or may not change him, but having that additional sense of real ownership isn't going to hurt him.

This didn't hold for the time that some miscreant took a boltcutter to his bike lock and made off with the bike. 

I say beat him!

I'm sure he already feels bad enough about having his stuff stolen. I don't get why the xxxx you think it's acceptable to physically attack your son. If you need to vent, find a boxing bag to punch, not another human being.

I would say no disciplinary action, but just don't buy him new ones.  If he wants new ones, then he needs to pay for them.

I'm sure he feels bad enough about it already.  If he doesn't, he certainly will when he has to pay for the replacements himself.

This is one life lesson that he just kinda' has to learn.  I can't tell you HOW many jackets, calculators, etc. I lost when I was a kid.  Now I'm very cautious with my stuff.

I think he's full of crap lol.... I don't know man, but my son comes up with some major doosies! lol Some good excuses indeed.

^Yup!  I remember saying crap like that to get out of trouble.  Hell, it was just a few years ago.

someone stole his wet bathing suit?

kinda bizarre.

no help with the to beat or not to beat question. My kids have both pulled some pretty bone-head stunts in the quest for adulthood. i never beat them but they certainly learned from their mistakes.

My first thought is some sort of repayment for not sticking his stuff in his locker. If no safe place is available to stow his stuff, obviously the school pays. beat them :)

Hopefully he'll recognize the swim suit if it shows up on another kid.  I'm with the others, he needs to pay for all or part of the replacements.  You can trust others, in many cases, but you do need to care for your items.  Part of proper care is putting them someplace where they can't be stolen and not being lazy about where you leave them for the sake of convenience.  Once he's a full fledged adult, he won't have the luxury of mom replacing stuff.

curvesaregood she's not really going to beat him, no matter how tempting it might be (and I'm sure it's tempting), this is an expression that is used to vent some of the anger and frustration, not actually a desire to physically harm him.

here ya go spiro...

*hands spiro a crowbar*

you can beat him with this....  maybe you can practice punching a couple of holes in the wall with the crowbar first  ;)

actually.... he'll learn his lesson.  ......eventually  :/

If you HAVE to.... tell him that if he doesn't become a little more responsible at taking care of his things, that you'll just have to go to school WITH his ass.. and hold his hand while you walk him to class just to make sure he's taking care of this things  :D

-----------------

my daughter was acting up in class and I got a phone call from one of her teachers.  the following monday I went to class WITH my daughter (hehe)  I went to her class and sat in the back wearing my PJs.  (of course the teacher and I planned it so he asked questions and called on me when I'd raise my hand.  I asked really stupid questions OR raised my hand and claimed that "I didn't get it"

She's never done it again though.... so it worked.

not only THAT.... he is now her FAVORITE teacher. (before she would always express how much she disliked him)

I vote for beating.....

Kids dont know how to make their own boundaries if they arent given to them... and yes, he feels like crap.  And yes you have to recognize that and emphasize that you understand that he feels like crap, but you also have to enforce a punishment.  Working off half the cost... that sounds like a decent one to me.

I know it tore me up to lose ****, felt like crud.  Worse was my parents.  Makes me all the more careful now.  Now is the best time to enforce and reinforce the ideas.

are you kidding? physical harm does not good. Have you not studied anything in college? Psychological experiments and many years of research have proven that physical violence is not a good long term solution. it creates tension and fear between the parent and beater and it also is just wrong.  Beating a child,  i cannot believe you guys. i am honestly outraged and disgusted.  Boundaries? He is a kid? He learns from his mistakes, yes he repeated this one, but I am sorry he is gradually building up his experiences and doesnt deserve to be hurt. Talking to him is best. beating... omg that is disgusting.

Original Post by curvesaregood:

I'm sure he already feels bad enough about having his stuff stolen. I don't get why the xxxx you think it's acceptable to physically attack your son. If you need to vent, find a boxing bag to punch, not another human being.

ahahahahahaha ok. What is wrong with you. You too, frustrated11. Use your damn brains.

I'm trying to figure out how to get him to work off the money. It's not admirable that he has faith in humanity. My son is a master manipulator and comes up with amazing crap to tug on my heart strings. He knows dang well he screwed up.

Beat him with your mother-guilt. YOU are supposed to be the master manipulator!

*holds up picket*

__________
|  beatings   |
|    work       |
|_________|
      |  |
      |  | 

 *chants*

Beatings work...

beatings work...

beatings work...

***edited to fix picket sign

spiro... funny how people forget their common sense at home, huh? hehe

People People People!! spiro's not going to beat her son to a pulp.... it's an expression of speech.... hello?!!

I don't know if he gets an allowance, but I would have him work for 'free' until he has payed off the debt he has stumbled into. I assume that he will need another calculater asap, but he can still work it off.