parents: it's time to be honest!

this is partially a rant/partially a "i'm curious if this is the norm or if my mother in law is just like this."  There was a comment about school being out for the summer and my mother in law commented,"I don't miss school b/c I"m tired of hearing from the teachers all the time about my son." 

I couldn't help but comment, "but if we didn't call you, you would be complaining to the principal when your son came home with an F."  So parents, HONESTLY, do you really want me to call when your kid has a F/is misbehaving/is close to getting sent the principal or is this "my problem" and I should not bother telling you. 

I'm not a parent, I'm just curious. Thanks for sharing. 

I'm not a parent, but I teach high school.  I have seen both responses... some parents don't react well at all when teachers call ("Why you callin' me?  I can't do nothin with him, either") while others worship the ground we walk on when we call about their kid ("Mrs. So-and-So is so wonderful!  She takes time out to call me about my daughter and go to her games (really just fulfilling a duty) and makes my girl feel like she is the only kid in the class....")

If I had children, I think I would want to know if my kid was failing, being a brat, or sleeping all the time.  I would also want to know when my kid did something great. 

Perhaps your mother-in-law got calls all the time only about the bad things her son did....  ?

I am interested to know, what grade do you teach?

I'm not a parent, but I know that MY parents would have always wanted a heads up. Luckily for them, my brother and I weren't really the type of kids that got called home about. ;-) But they would have definitely wanted to know if our grades were falling/homework wasn't being handed in/etc. My brother is still in high school and my mother has it set up where she can check his grades online throughout the marking period. And my parents were also the type where it was never "your problem", and especially not "your fault". My brother and I were always expected to do well, and to do well was OUR responsibility.

My parents were this way to...and guess what, i was a great student and so were my siblings.  Funny how that works. 

Original Post by brandasa:

My parents were this way to...and guess what, i was a great student and so were my siblings.  Funny how that works. 

WORD. My grades slipped in 7th grade because I got lazy and didn't hand in some homework, so I got a couple of Cs. My parents made my life such a f*cking HELL for the next marking period (I had to write down every assignment, in pen, have the teacher initial it, come home, do my homework first thing, and my mom would check it. EVERY. DAY. And no going out during the week, and no computer except for homework related things) that I NEVER got another C again. Including now that I go to a competitive state college--I've been Dean's List every semester.

I think it really does depend on the parent. The parents who CARE would want the phone calls.

 

I taught fifth grade for one year (and had several parents call the principal instead of calling me first to discuss issues in my class.)  It always bothers me when they do that - its like they are tattling on me.  Call me first, we can discuss it and if you still aren't happy then call the principal. 

I also taught one year of sixth grade in which I had very few bad parent issues and several parents who loved the fact that I emailed them every week with grades and such. 

Both of her boys are going into the eight grade...one is a IEP and she gets calls about him for misbehaving and the other she gets calls from b/c he doesn't do homework. (not a surprise, he just acts like his lazy father and since there are no consequences at home for this lack of homework, who cares.)

** My goal this year is to try to call/email every parent at least once during the year with something their child did well, so that when I have to contact them with issues, we already have had a positive interaction.**

 

LOL.  If only more parents were like yours.  Most parents do not add consequences at home.  I got a detention in 7th grade for talking and MY MOM SERVED DETENTION WITH ME.  SO STINKING  AWFUL, but I never got another detention ever again. 

I very much prefer the teacher that calls at home.constantly.to talk about how bad my child is.

than:

The teacher that never calls, never schedules parent teacher conferences, but places my daughter's desk apart from all the others for misbehavior.

In the first instance, we worked together to find rewards/consequences for behavior that carried from school to home and back again.  It worked and we both saw a better behaved child who simply loved school.  In the second instance, I was given no opportunity to try to correct the problems or to participate in the eventual decisions.  I saw her grades go down and her love of school and learning decline, despite my working with her at home.

My kid isnt bad-- she is incapable of being quiet or of keeping her busybody ways to herself.  Ok. She is bad.  She is also extremely bright (not talking out my butt about my kid, she drives me crazy but is 8 and can do multi-variable algebra).  She simply needs more academic stimulation, which the teacher would have known if she hadn't treated me like an idiot at the one parent-teacher conference that we did have and made any effort whatsoever to talk to me (including returning my multiple phone calls).

So please call.  For every parent you piss off, you will make at least 1 happy and open the eyes of another.  That's worth it.  The only way our kids can do well is if the parents care.

I think parents should be called if the kid's in gradeschool or elementary school. But once he gets to high school, it's not the teacher's job to call his parents. If there's that much of an issue, the administration will get involved & contact the parents.

I dunno, all I know is my brother used to fall asleep in math class sophomore year & his teacher used to call my parents every time. I thought that was insane.

Original Post by brandasa:

LOL. If only more parents were like yours. Most parents do not add consequences at home. I got a detention in 7th grade for talking and MY MOM SERVED DETENTION WITH ME. SO STINKING AWFUL, but I never got another detention ever again.

Thanks for the idea!!! My son is only two, but I will save this in the back of my brain just in case the opportunity presents itself. Wow, your mom was a creative disciplinarian, eh?

drea99 , I'd  love to have your children in my class. I had one last year that grabbed a girl and touched in pvt. places in the middle of the hall way with 3 other teachers there. The asst. principal called the mother she hung up on him because the boy was failing for the year. He is in 4th grade and can't read, everything has to be read to him. Yes, he is in title one and getting help but it the parent won't help at home what can we do. Some parents won't admit there it any problem and their kids never do anything wrong, or it all our fault. I don't mind if a child needs to stand because they can't sit still but I won't tolerate  bullying or rudness. I want your the child to do well and enjoy school but we need the parents support. Children need to be corrected at home. Okay, I'm on summer break so have to stop before my BP goes up. I work at an elementary school, reading /math grades 1-5th .  Enjoy your summer everyone.

God, gypsie-- how horrible. Really, I think I would have called the cops-- on both the kid and the parents. There must be something going on in the house that a 4th grader is even thinking about touching pvt. parts.

And, maybe this is a dumb question, but I am working now as a family law atty and I see kids who have failed all their classes for the year but still are passed to the next grade level. How does that work? Do they get special remedial help to bring them close to grade level maybe or is it just that they cant be held back without parental approval at a elementary level? (I am not asking out of stupidity or obnoxiousness, I really want to know).

I love teachers that ride kid's asses-- some of my worst teachers couldn't care less about me and never paid one wit of attention. The teachers that kept on me are the ones I remember to this day. They cared if I succeeded. That is what makes a good teacher-- they want you to do the best possible. That is the teacher I seek out now for my daughter-- yes, be firm, be structured, be demanding. All of those things come out of love for your students-- how do they know how high they can go if it isnt demanded of them?

drea99, in Tn. I don't know about other states but we can only hold a child back once. A parent can request that the child be retained but it that doesn't happen often. When we do request that they be retained we send out notices in Feb. by then you can tell, about a month before school is out we request a meeting with parents and teachers, admin, and any special teachers that a student has had are required to be there to explain to the parent that it would  benefit their child to be retained. We come with all tests and papers to state our case in hopes that the parent will realize it would help their child to repeat a year instead of pushing them to where they shut down. Yes, I said retain only one year. That is why I have the 4th grader that can't read and a 3 rd grader that can't read. Parents don't take the time to help with spelling words or practice reading their stories at night in 1st grade so by the time they are 10 yrs they have been getting help atleast an hr a day with the title one teachers to help with their reading and math (that is what I do) so they will in 4th grade and I'm working with them on a  1st, 2nd grade level trying to get them up to grade level and still know one is helping at home. By this age they are learning to compensate for not knowing how to read and it gets harder to teach them. These are students who are tested and do not have learning problems of any kind so are not on a IEP (special learning plans that are made just for them)  they just got lost or didn't get help to keep up with stuff when they were smaller. I have one little boy that will cheat every which way to try and do something other  then read it, it's more important to his parent that he play baseball and be too tired or too late to do home work when the get home. We have crack babies, kids from meth. houses, seen too much sex stuff and we have to watch them in bathrooms (1st graders)  Teachers do the best that they can and it is very stressful dealing with parents that are drug addicts, prositutes, in jail, etc... this is what we have now days, not just a parent that disagrees with you.  I hope I answered  some of your questions.  Thanks for asking. P.s. I have one little boy that I've had for 4 yrs. I'm hoping just to make enough difference that he wont' end up in jail in middle school, the street smarts this kid has for his age is scary. 

Thanks for all the input.  It's good to know that you agree I should keep calling parents. (And if I get the its not my problem response, I won't call again.) Thanks!

I am not surprised, but still incredibly saddened, that there are multitudes of parents not actively involved in their child's education and treat the public school system as a babysitting service. 

It's a place where they spend a majority of their time during the school year - I can't fathom not wanting to get every piece of information the teacher would give me.  Heck - if the teacher isn't calling me to report issues, I make a point to call them myself if my son indicates there are issues that can't wait until the next conference.

I say keep calling them - they can't come back and say they didn't know anything or that you were negligent.

I begged my son's HS teachers to keep in contact with me -- gave them all my email address and phone numbers at the beginning of every year -- to no avail.  Three times right before the end of the year I got urgent phone calls to tell me that if this wasn't done then my son would fail ...

My son was very sneaky, and stupid.  He would do the homework (because I would stand over him making him do it) and then not turn it in.  He had the teachers all convinced that I didn't care (since he never once turned in a signed grade sheet).  His interim reports never said anything more than fails to turn in homework -- therefore in danger of failing.  I would call the school, the teachers wouldn't return the calls.  Here, none of the teachers stay in the school after hours (almost work to rule), so it was nigh on impossible to get a hold of one before or after school.  Apparently, he was intercepting phone messages (before I had a cell phone), which is why I also gave them my email address.

Please make continue to make the calls, send the emails -- really deep down inside, most parents are grateful that you care.

Been there coach-k with my own son. Wasn't turning stuff in. That is why it's important for the parent and teachers to work together instead of against each other. The kids will play us just like they will their parents. If the kids know we are united and the parents aren't putting us down in  front of the kids we can get some repect. I've had 2nd grades tell be that their parents will sue me, or they don't like white people or that they don't have to listen to the teachers. That is why the kids don't listen, or learn we can't make them do anything. I was told by admin. that if the kid is sitting there and doesn't want to do anything as long as not bothering any one I can't make him work. ( nice to know) Boy I didn't have that choice as a kid.  Okay off my soap box.   Work together everyone  =the kids are our future.

I would want my kid's teachers to call me with any problems they are having.  That way I could reinforce what the teacher is trying to do, whether it's behavior related or grade related. 

It seems to me that now so many parents expect teachers to not only teach their children the usual school stuff but also be the disciplinarian.  When a teacher has to discipline it takes away from learning.  Not that I expect every child to be perfectly behaved all the time, but I have no problem with a teacher sending a kid to the principal if the kid is continually disruptive to the rest of the class. 

Absolutely call me...10 times a week if necessary.  I can guarantee you that it wouldn't be necessary though because after the first time, there would be burning bottoms in our house.  I have gotten 2 of those kinds of calls from the teacher/principle so far about my kids.  According to the situation, we disciplined him/her, talked and made sure they understood why they got the punishment they did...and promised them that it would be worse if there was a "next time". -- And don't anybody get on a soapbox about spanking kids.  There is a stark difference between spanking and abusing a child.  I am GLAD my parents spanked me when I was a child.  We also mix in different types of punishment -- grounding, extra chores, taking away things they like, etc.  We discipline them BECAUSE we love them.

What amazes me are the parent who are not like this.  We had an issue with a little boy on the bus making very lewd, obscene remarks to our daughter (8 years old).  We went to the principle and bus drivers.  The parents of the boy denied that he ever did any wrongdoing and would not even entertain the idea that he could have.  (I know he did because my daughter would not even KNOW words like that if it werent' for him.)  No further punishment.  The boy even told our daughter the next day that he would never get in trouble and could say whatever he wants.  The principle said they would do everything they could to keep it from happening again, but said that the problem is the child has no discipline at home.  VERY frustrating...I can only imaging how frustrating it is for you teachers.

As a parent, I would definitely want a phone call from the teacher. I don't understand how some parents just don't care.

My girls aren't in school yet, but I would definitely want a call if either of them were having issues.

My oldest starts Kindergarten next year and if I could call her future teachers for academic advice and guidance I would.  lol