My Parents WON'T Let Me Go To The GYM!!!!

Okay...so you read that correctly...my parents won't let me go to the gym.  I'm a twenty year old college student.  I go to the University of South Carolina, where if you don't know, has a great fitness center, The Strom Thurman Fitness and Wellness Center.  Well for students it is absolutely FREE!  So anyway, when I go to the gym, I'm dressed conservatively, meaning, I'm not wearing shorty-short shorts, and a sports bra...no, I'm wearing shorts that are below my knee, and since it is cold, I wear a long sleeve short.  So anyway, my parents, my dad especially, was upset that I went to a co-ed gym.  They think that women and men should exercise in different gyms...okay...so I'm only getting on the rowing machine and the cardio wave machine, and occasionally on an elliptical machine or the arc trainer...

Well my dad says that by me going to the gym, guys could be "checking" me out, and that that isn't acceptable.  He said that sometimes I might move my body that would cause me to attract attention to myself, and cause men to "look" a me in "that way".  Well I'm not getting on the floor doing cruches or lifting my legs up, and I'm not doing anthing that will draw attention to myself.  As a matter of fact, I knew when guys are "checking me out", but not because I'm dressing like I want them to look at me (we are conservative Christians, so we dress modestly at all times)...and so far since I've been a the gym, I haven't seen any guys "checking me out".  I mean, why would they?  There are tons of other girls who are inshape, and who look better than me, AND they are wearing close to nothing...so why "check me out"?  So in the past 2 weeks since I've been going to the gym, I've lost 8 pounds...I can tell that my arms and definitely my legs have firmed up.  My legs are rock hard now, since I walk back to campus, and it's very hilly. 

So now I can't go to the gym...if I did, I would have to go to a female gym, but my thing is, "I'm paying a lot, (well not a ton, since I stay at home), of money to go to this college, and going to the gym is included in the tuition. I am not about to go out and pay for a membership to go to a gym..." 

So are there any females out there who do attend a female gym and wouldn't mind telling me where you go, what type of equipment they have, and what the cost is for membership...Thanks so much! I'm just so mad right now! 

I'm the type of person, who when I start something, especially something like this, I want to stick with it until the end.  And to think, I took forever just to decide to start exercising again.  I have been eating well, but I wanted to work out as well.  And to also think that my parents, especially my DAD, wanted me to start working out, and now he takes that way from me...what in the world? 

So that's why I'm asking you these questions...(FEMALES:If you go to a female gym and wouldn't mind telling me where you go, what type of equipment they have, and what the cost is for membership)...

Also, I failed to mention...another reason why he doesn't want me to go to a co-ed gym is because I might see guys with their shirts off....gosh jolly...I'm not like going to swoon at some guys feet just because they have their shirts off, and it not like I haven't seen it all before....

I mean come on, we watch the Biggest Loser EVERY week. The men have their shirts off all the time, so I know what it looks like and I'm not all excited...come on! So during our conversation about this, he asked me if I would want him to go to that gym, and he said "Of course not. Because the girls will be dressing inappropriately and you don't want me to see that." Well here's my take. Guys are visual beings. They don't handle half clothed women very well. Therefore I think it would be different for me to go than for him to go, because for one, I'm not "checking out" the girls, and I'm not looking for a guy friend. And then he asked me, "Do you like flaunting yourself?" FLAUNTING myself? How am I flaunting myself? I'm not even doing anything to warrant attention. I was deeply hurt when he said that. I mean, I'm very uncomfortable with my body, and I'm not going to flaunt it before anyone. I can't stand it when guys say remarks about my body anyway in a lustful manner....

I'm just hurt by this...I've finally started something that I wanted to do for myself, and I'm was happy, and excited about doing it...and now...it's just that my hopes got crashed and burned....

EDIT: I separated the "story" into paragraphs and I added the last paragraph...

Aww! That's terrible!

But...I can't read it! Would you mind...separating that into paragraphs please?

Thanks bunches

I don't know much about conservative Christians, but I think perhaps, at 20 years old its time for you to take a stand.  A parent must protect their children for a time and that time, for you, is long past.  And how, praytell, were you concieved anyway?  If not that your father looked at your mother "in that way".

Do what you need to do to be in control of YOUR OWN LIFE, if that is going to a female gym, pass him the bill, if not, enjoy what the world has to offer at your college gym....you never know, perhaps you will meet a fine athletic young man who is very concerned with his health and makes his body his temple rather than one who is concerned with keg night or happy hour at the on campus pubs!

Good luck my dear.

hi, I'm a christian too, my BF is a PK, her dad used to be really strict. I've seen her dad thinking in such a way so I've seen it first hand, haven't experienced it like you but anyways... I can understand being very mad but I do think you should do your best to respect his wishes, especially if your still living at home. On the other hand your dad is the one with the problem so I think for sure you should not have to pay for a new gym membership, I don't think it would be at all unreasonable to ask him to pay for it. I don't go to the gym so I can't help you there.

 

i am in canada, so unsure of how price differs. i paid 45 dollars a month or so for a womens gym. your parents should be paying if you have to switch gyms to please them. or perhaps they will buy you an elliptical or a treadmill that folds under your bed if you are in a limited space.

in the meantime, are there any women only schedules, or group exercise classes that are women only? can your parents visit the facility to see how modest it really is - though your father may be even more enraged that the females around you dress 'like that'. what a tough situation! schools publish things like enrollment information, sexual harassment policies, and religious initiatives so perhaps those could be of help. speak with the student services office to see if this has come up before and if they have any suggestions. perhaps there is a gym in the area where students can work out free of charge or with a discount.

since you are 20 and can legally make you own decisions. they should trust your own sense of faith was formed by them correctly as parents, but hey, that is my opinion. and i have evil tattoos. oooo. :)

chin up, it will all work out~ 

 

haha! on_my_way you are too funny! Actually I'm adopted, but they had three other children, so I guess he did "give her that look"? haha!

Soulthirsty, I'm definitely respecting his wish...(If you only knew...which I'm sure you do, becasue of your BF, I'm pretty much in the same boat...)I don't know how he would take if I went against it...I always feel like I have to live up to their expectations, and if I don't then somethings goin' happen...

spookychick...thanks...I tried to tell them how the gym is set up, and that the part that I'm at is different than if I"m going into the part where the guys are doing the weight lifting...but Idk...

Without being disrespectful to your family I would find a tactful way to dissent from his wishes. At 20 you should be able to go to a co-ed gym if you so please, you obviously have a good head on your shoulders, you're not wearing scant clothing, I don't see any issues except for your Dad's control.

Just my opinion, then again, I don't have a 20 year old daughter, but if I do someday will never restrict her from going to a gym.

Well at 20 yrs old your an adult - and think I would tell dad to wise up -- what is preventing these guys "checking you out" in a classroom setting vs a gym/?  Maybe start looking for a roommate a job and move out - if you went to a college out of town you'd live in a dorm right - aren't all dorms coed these days?? 

 

You're 20 years old. Your parents sound like  massive control freaks. If you want to go to your school's gym, then go. The thing about seeing guys without shirts on is nonsense; I've never been to a gym that allows men to not wear shirts.

Your body belongs to god, and I'm sure god wants you to take care of it as best you can, even if that means being around men, who god also created.

 

 

Like everybody has pointed out, you are 20 years old. This doesn't mean you shouldn't still respect your parents wishes, but it does mean there is more wiggle room for you to make your own decisions. At some point they have to respect that you are an adult and trust you to make the right choices, that is what raising your kids is all about, teaching them to make the right choices on their own. Besides I feel like your dad's objections about the gym are weak. Men will look at you "that way" no matter what you are doing or wearing, whether you're half naked in the gym, wearing sweats and a sweater in the gym, or bundled up in snow gear outside. It doesn't matter if they look, as long as they don't touch.

I'm a Christian and to be honest, at 20, you are the only one who can decide what will cause you to struggle.  Parents will keep children from doing things when they are young because the child can't make good decisions.  You are past that point.  If going to a gym and seeing guys working out will cause you to stumble, then you really should not go, however, if it is just your dad who thinks you might stumble then he is judging you and that is a fault on his part.  I think you should talk to him honestly about the situation (and be honest with yourself).  Tell him that going to the gym does not present a problem for you and if it started to, you promise God, not your dad, that you will stop going to that gym and look for an all girls gym.  That's just my opinion ;)

+1 of what everyone else has said.

Your father should trust in himself that he has raised you to be able to make judgements for yourself. And that's what you should be doing at 20yrs old - making your own judgements. The SCHOOL is coed so "checking out" can be going on EVERYWHERE not just the gym. At least you are taking care of yourself and are around others doing the same.

If he wants to pay for a female gym, and you wouldn't mind going. Then go for it. But it would be a waste of money with your access to a perfectly good gym! Even small women's only places charge around $40/mo.  Not sure what's in S.C. but there seams to be Curves all over the place, might want to check that out. 

Good Luck!!

is there a study group or pastor you or/and your parents meet with regularly? perhaps an open discussion would help. this should not turn into an argument, and it should not be an ultimatum. communication, education and compromise is all that would really work - unless of course your dad gives in suddenly or gives you a chance to prove your faith (not test it by any means). one lie leads to another so going against his wishes, if that is the only recourse, should be open and plainly discussed.

do you attend public beaches? i would think there is a lot more nude frolicking on a beach compared to a gym where people are more clothed and engaged in concentrated effort as opposed to sun and fun.

television shows more skin in a commercial than most gyms - and yeah, i have never seen a shirtless anyone in a gym. either way, a shirtless man is not all that exciting.

curves is not really an option in my opinion. your muscles would get used to the resistance of their machines too soon and they are not adjustable. the cardio demands in between exercises would not tax your heart rate sufficiently. although their marketing target is broad, their actual service is useful to a much more narrow audience. the women in the commercials are fit beyond the scope of service curves could ever provide them. the gym has it's place - heck ya - but not for the energetic and basically fit. a young person with a high-side-of-normal BMI needs a greater challenge and diversity of activities than that.

Lie, this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.  What do you wear during the summer.  You are and adult and if your independent enough to college you certainly can go to the gym.

 

I am the parent of 2 college dis. 

sounds crazy. i mean, do they also not let you step out of the house for fear that someone might check you out?  .... hmm...  next time dont tell them youre going.  People honestly have better things to do than to check out people at the gym. they are there to workout.

I agree with all of you...thanks. 

My whole thing is, I know when a guy is checking me out, and I haven't had any of that since going to the gym.  Everyone is minding their own business, plus, there are TVs attached to EACH machine, so mostly everyone has their headphones plugged into the TVs or studying, or listening to their IPods...

To answer, Spookychick, no, we do not got to the beach in the summer time.  We go every Christmas, though, since there is not going to be any "nude/naked" people there.

Onetwothreeme, to tell you the truth, my dad hates it when guys check me out...but I'm allowed out of the house...haha...and I couldn't agree more, people aren't worrying about who they are going to see at the gym...they are just trying to get some exercise and stay fit...that's about it...

Why don't you talk to your pastor, preacher, or a higher-up in the church? I understand that you don't want to disrespect your father, but maybe your father will listen to a man of the cloth.

I'm a 22 year old conservative christian myself. I just wanted to say that even though you love and respect your parents it is okay to question their belief system. One of the most important things you will do in college is find yourself. College is the time when you get to ask yourself "Who am I and what do I believe? Not, what do my parents want me to believe?" If you believe going to the gym is an important part of a healthy lifestyle you need to do it. Now a days there is no real difference between going to a coed gym and going to a female only gym anyway (what about lesbians and bisexuals?). Lets face it, your parents can't protect you forever. Its time for you to find your own way to deal with the sin of the world. It sounds like you are a very reasonable intelligent young woman with a healthy sense of modesty. Someday you will have to move out and learn about yourself. I would recommend doing it in college. College is the bridge to independence. If you ever want to learn how to pay your own bills and live on your own you will have to take the leap eventually. Maybe now is your time.

I am a dad and and have a daughter and may have a different prospective.  However, it sounds to me like you have a good head on your shoulders and are aware of the clothing you are wearing.  Bottom line is that the guys are going to "check you out" whereever you go and you can't lock yourself in a closet.  You must realize this, you're in college.  At long as you are safe in what you do, (go during the daytime when possible, move on well lit paths if you MUST go after dark) you can't be responsible for the actions of the guys in the gym.  I hope my daughter is as level headed as you seem.