I started dating my now husband in 2006, and in the last 5 years my weight has ballooned.  There were other factors, of course -- being chained to a desk at work all hours of the day and eating crappy delivery as a result -- but the types of meals my husband and I would eat together were certainly very different from the types of meals I would eat as a single person. 

I think one part of the whole equation is the "celebration factor."  There's something more festive about eating with company than eating alone, and so we would eat big meals with wine and dessert, or go out to brunch on the weekend.  I remember reading an article about how people dining out would order/eat more food at a restaurant if the waiter greeted them with, "What's the occasion?" or "Is there a special occasion we're celebrating today?"  Eating with a partner feels more like an occasion, particularly when you're first dating.

Nowadays, eating with my husband feels less like an occasion per se, but at this point I've gotten used to man-sized portions and eat that way.  Bleah.

Yes to all of this. I've gained twenty pounds since marriage, and I want to loose every pound. If I'd known that you gained poundage with marriage, I'd have avoided the entire thing. 

A friend of mine, as soon as she broke up with her partner, she lost about thirty pounds. Damn. 

I gained weight when I married because I ALWAYS had the cookbook out and was forever making big meals to impress my hubby.  Fortunately, my hubby is very fit and has finally succeeded in moving me into a fit lifestyle as well, so we're doing much better now than we did in those early years.

I think there is also a routine that comes into the whole thing. Cooking for a family is both more rewarding (it's nice to see other people enjoy the meals) but also kind of dangerous (you tend to either get sloppy and cook easy not-so-healthy foods, or on the contrary constantly try new things which you don't master in terms of healthiness/size for example).

If the meal is too big, which often happens, we tend to finish what's there instead of keeping it for the day after, as I did when I was alone (I couldn't care less eating the same thing three days in a row). There is something about trying to please the other(s) that gives me a guilty feeling about not taking care of them well if I feed them the same thing within a week.

I had a combination of things happen after I got married. I had steadily held my skinny self at a decent weight due to the fact that I worked a retail job that caused me to do a LOT of running around. I'd break a sweat every day from lifting and moving piles of books and magazines. Then I took up sewing costumes and decided to do that on a full time basis. So I went from running around every day for 8 hours a day to sitting in front of a sewing machine all day. Yeah, it's no wonder I gained weight right?

Also, my hubby likes fat chicks. Not sure why he married me, but his ex was a HUGE woman, really tall and really fat. When I gained 50 lbs he would tell me how much he liked my tummy and would bring attention to it all the time. He made certain to bring me all sorts of sweets and beer and food that I loved and would cook it for me. Some guys just like fat chicks, I totally understand. But I wasn't happy being fat. So I'm certainly not losing weight to impress him, though that was one of my theories.

Now that I've lost 50 lbs, my husband seems to be just as attracted to me as he was before except he doesn't point out my (not fat) tummy all the time. He's made a small effort to also lose some weight, but not a huge one. I will continue to keep my weight off because I feel like its important to not "let yourself go" just because you have a mate. You ought to maintain your body for YOURSELF most of all, but also feeling attractive doesn't just stop when you get married. You should always want to feel beautiful and good about yourself. And if you don't, then do something about it. So I did!

When I started dating my husband to be, I would eat the same foods he ate.  He made a few dinners to impress me, but mostly we ate tons of cheap food.  he would go back for seconds, so I would too.  I didn't realize I gained almost 20 lbs in several months until I bothered looking at a scale.  I was horrified and worked hard to get it back off and came to the sad conclusion that my husband is 6'4 and I cannot eat the same amount of food he does.

Secondarily, he cannot not have meat 2x a day.  It's a little frustrating, because I wouldn't mind being vegetarian once in a while, but he's very meat fixated.  I frequently make my own meals when he's not home strictly just veggie, but he can't seem to survive without meat somewhere on his plate.

Le sigh.

yup, got married, gained weight. it sucks!!! now trying hard to go to the gym after work, but not easy when he wants me home. GRRRRR!! i rebel and go anyway!!! also, as someone else said, i ate differently on my own.  My in-laws love to FRY everything!!! (they live down the street and send food over all the time- as if i am starving the guy).   i think if they could FRY a salad they would- they just haven't figured out how. uggggh.  I grew up in a home where my parents liked to exercise- and still do, despite age and with fruits and veggies and a garden. unfortunately my in-laws nor my husband are that active. At first when we got married he lost 40 pounds. because he was willing to go bike riding, kayaking, etc but now he just wants to sit around the house and watch a movie. hard to motivate him so i  go on my own but it would be nice to have a workout partner. i try to remind him, its not just the catch its the maintenance. - i dont believe that just because i have  a spouse to let myself go- that's when eyes begin to wonder. Not to mention mine do to at the gym. LOL

I can totally relate to this article.  We have gained and lost weight together. We tend to be social creatures so when one person is eating you automatically want to eat with them. It took me forever to break myself of the need to eat or snack whenever he was. And then he gained as much as i did with my first pregnancy.  Now that I'm feeding everyone healthy food he's losing too. 

I was just thinking about this. I got married about a year and a half ago and since then, I've gained about 25 lbs. Crazy, right? I mean, I was already overweight, but this is ridiculous. I honestly couldn't see how it happened. My husband is very active and although I'm not, I'm usually willing to tag along and participate in whatever he's got going on. Since my activity level increased, you'd think I'd have lost some weight but noooo...

So now that I've been trying to lose weight (I've at least lost that 25lbs!) My already slim husband is getting slimmer! I want him to stop, but he doesn't appear to be doing it on purpose, lol! It makes me think of that Alli commercial where the woman doesn't lose any weight, but her husband gets skinny as a rail just by thinking about dieting. Ho hum. I still have 50 more lbs to go (at least) and I'm just grateful that my husband is supportive and wants to see me succeed.

here's an example conversation of why wives gain weight (h-husband, w-wife)

9:30 PM

h-I'm going to have an alcoholic drink..do you want one?

w-no thanks, I'm good.

h-whatever (quite pissy) ..then I can't have one either.

w-you can have one if you want.

h-I'm not going to drink by myself.  (more pissy)

w-fine..I'll have one.

10 PM

h-want some chips?..............repeat above conversation using chips.

^^LOL, You got it!^^

If someone told me that I would gain 40 lbs throughout my engagement and first year of marriage, I would think they were insane. But here I am, almost 40lbs heavier, and it's like you wake up one morning, and ask yourself "What the !@#$ happened?" I remember having to buy bigger jeans, and I remember having to go up one size in shirts, but it took much longer than it should have to realize it. The road back to what I once was is so much harder than anything else I've done. You feel like you have to reclaim your identity. 

I find this interesting because I did not put on weight after I married.  However-- due to stress and a very busy work schedule, my husband never eats dinner with me.  The only time we eat together is Thanksgiving and the occasional birthday celebration.  The rest of the time I eat alone.  I wonder if this has kept my weight down?

Original Post by: heatherh3421

here's an example conversation of why wives gain weight (h-husband, w-wife)

9:30 PM

h-I'm going to have an alcoholic drink..do you want one?

w-no thanks, I'm good.

h-whatever (quite pissy) ..then I can't have one either.

w-you can have one if you want.

h-I'm not going to drink by myself.  (more pissy)

w-fine..I'll have one.

10 PM

h-want some chips?..............repeat above conversation using chips.

My husband doesn't get pissy, but is simply being thoughtful when he gets something and then asks me if I want it, too.  Unfortunately, his thoughtfulness makes it harder to avoid eating more than my diet plan dictates. If someone offers to scoop you some ice cream or make you a cocktail after a long, hard day, it's harder to say no than if you have to get up onto your own two aching feet to do so.

Also, I was skinnier when single, because I wasn't on the pill.  I'd been skinny for most of my life, and as soon as I went on it the weight gain began.  (I went on it a few months before marriage purely to make sure it didn't have any weird side effects such as exploding uterus.)  One thing I noticed as soon as I went on the pill: sudden, irrational cravings for proteins in the form of meat and cheese.  Before that my biggest vice was the occasional french fries, but then I started getting these awful physical cravings for not just cheeseburgers but anything with meat and cheese.  Started wanting meat on my pizza--something I'd never liked before.  I can tell this wasn't the fault of being with my husband--we'd been together for two years before we got married.

Original Post by: xdevon1

^^LOL, You got it!^^

I know how heatherh3421 feels.  My mate does the same thing.  He guilts me into eating appetizers AND desserts and eating twice as much as necessary because he can't just pick one thing and he wants me to share so he can have variety.  I'm fine just nibbling on junk here and there when I get a craving, but all of this together makes it very hard to lose or maintain a decent weight.  On top of all that, he keeps complaining about his weight but won't keep up the lifestyle changes that are necessary.

I'm not married, but i have been living with my boyfriend for 4 years. Instead of gaining weight, we have both lost weight together. He has kept me in check and I keep him in check! You just have to find a partner that will support you in ALL areas of your life!

Economic factors have much to do with this trend. Bills and lack of money causes stress that gives a greater propensity for weight gain. Children are time and money especially the young ones making it hard for you to get to the gym for a workout especially if there is only one vehicle in the family(which is the case for many middle and low income families). Healthy food costs considerably more money in the long run (fresh veggies and fruits especially the "organic" kind few trips a month to the grocery store) all of that adds up considerably! Not mention mothers who are working and feel guilty about not spending enough time with their child. If you live in cold places or crowded cities it isn't as easy to pick up your child and go for a jog especially if you cannot afford that convenient and recommended jogging stroller. Late night jobs, preparing meals, costly vitamins and the whole shebang! In other words the more money you have the less chances you will be obese, so I highly doubt that will be the worries of the extremely wealthy!

Original Post by: xdevon1

^^LOL, You got it!^^

Soooo True!!!!

This brings to mind a very funny riddle:

Q   Why are single women thin and married women fat?

A    Single women come home, look at what's in the refrigerator and go to   bed.

      Married women come home, look at what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.

Of course, the riddle is made of gross generalizations, but still pretty funny!

Before getting married I heard that most people gain weight after getting married but I thought I would be exempt.  I was wrong.  My metabolism is slowing down with age (and lack of activity due to school and a 2 desk jobs) and I can no longer keep up with my husband and his incredible metabolism.  I can't eat what he does or as often as he does, but cutting down is so difficult.  I enjoy eating and it's hard to watch him eat all the delicious foods and in such great amounts and not want to join!  It becomes a matter of priorities for me I think. 

I'm pretty sure that marriage did not cause my weight gain....my weight gain was caused by putting food in my "pie hole"! (as my husband likes to say)  Agreeing with everyone above, with marriage meals became more regular, we went out more, celebrated more, snacked more,  drank more, you name it ---but it was fun.  14 yrs of marriage and ~15 lbs later (so even agree with a lb a yr), but I also attribute some of the weight gain to slowed metabolism which also happens in your late 20s & early 30s.  Marriage has also been good for my weight loss (those 15 lbs are gone)....we've found that we have quite the friendly competition with exercising and have enjoyed trying out all kinds of ways to cook chicken, fish and veggies without adding unnecessary calories.  We still enjoy food and have fun, just in moderation! 

What?? "weirdness of feeding the spouse to promote excess weight gain to make them less attractive."  Is this for real?  That is awful!

Well, I agree that women that are married or live with a partner do gain weight and I agree with most of the reasons noted above. It's sooo true-more dinners out, desserts to share, more cuddling on the couch/bed, less time to walk/workout... I gained weight when I got married ten years ago.Then we seperated for 10 months last year and just got back together in Aug 2010 and since then, I've gained 7 lbs!! HE had lost over 25 lbs during the seperation and has now gained it all back. The comfort and level of happiness make the weight gain ALMOST worth it... but I know that we can maintain a fit and healthy weight/body even though we are back together. We are both aware of what we are doing wrong and often talk about how important it is for us to maintain healthy weights & fitness levels. We want to have energy, motivation and strength to do alot of things in life.

I think that being aware of it is the first step to improving the situation. The second step is get over that "celebratory" phase and get into more of a "we need get into a more sustainable, real life, fit & health promoting routine before we need to start buying bigger sizes and start getting lazier" phase!!  :)

I was glad to read it's not just us though... makes me feel a little better!

me and my husband both gained weight when we got married i was already overweight and he was too i got pregnant and i loved ice cream and rice, he loved McDonald so we ended up eating out almost every day or i would make a dinner and there would be no left overs and we continued to do this up until about a year ago we started trying to be a little more healthier by cutting out reg hamburger and adding turkey burger instead no improvement i had gained 80lbs  and i have no real number on how much my husband gained but when said and done he weighed 288 and i weighed 309. We as a family decided that we wanted to get more healthier and lose weight. we bought the biggest loser and healthy food and got rid of all the junk food about 3 mos ago. and now we are on our way to having a healthy lifestyle change he currently has lost 30lbs and i have lost 23lbs we both have our own way of doing it so i don't cook for him anymore i just cook for me and our daughter and on the weekends we try to stick to the diet but we make mistakes together sometimes so yes we definitely do worse when we eat together

I gained 50 pounds after marrying my husband ten years ago. It took me a whole year to release the first 45 and I'm feeling so much better about myself. The weight crept up slowly. With marriage came great joy, less exercise (no blading every night before dinner), moving to a flat community rather than walking in hills, and cooking and eating great meals. Now I'm still cooking although much healthier, we try to exercise together (I will go out either way), and we went through the Shift process (http://www.maketheshiftnow.com)  together.   We're both ten years older and feeling a whole lot better than a year ago. Some well-meaning friends said it was "happy fat" so I shouldn't worry about it. In reality, it felt more like "stuck fat" and releasing it was a very liberating process.

hmmmm i know a lot of people use this as an excuse, but with some planning it actually costs less money to eat well than eat processed crap.  Boxed food isn't filling, cost a fair bit considering the portion, and it is terrible for you.  my boyfriend and i spend less than 35 dollars a week.  we eat some meat on weekends, other than that it is whole grains and brown rice etc with veg.  All well balanced and cheap.  we definatly couldn't eat as well if we were buying a ton of bagged cookies or chips or t.v dinners. it is a  bit hard but if you plan and use leftovers it can be done....and as anything you get used to it and it becomes second nature.  good luck

when i met my husband 10 years back; i was a small built girl but my husband was big. but when we sat down to eat i slowly started matching his plate. now he is still same and me after two kids and still eating same amount food can only look at my old clothes and swear.

Original Post by: cynthiacall

This brings to mind a very funny riddle:

Q   Why are single women thin and married women fat?

A    Single women come home, look at what's in the refrigerator and go to   bed.

      Married women come home, look at what's in bed and go to the refrigerator.

Of course, the riddle is made of gross generalizations, but still pretty funny!

I love it!!! So true...(laughing...).

In the last year, I finally lost weight (I didn't have a lot to lose but I was not as fit as I like to be) and inches by lifting progressively heavier weights 2-3 x a week (once a week with a trainer).  Now I can actually eat more because I have so much more muscle mass (but yet I am smaller!) which causes my metabolism to burn significantly more calories per hour even while not exercising.  It is truly the key:  building muscle mass.  I look better than I have in 7-8 years, I'm 53, and people often think I am much younger (some say 35, some say 45). 

I agree, if you buy what your body needs you don't pay for all of the snack foods that you crave. you are more satisfied and feel better and it doesn't cost more.

I actually gained weigh during our engagement, because I ate the same portions he did.  Im 5'4 my husband is 6'2...I gained about 20 lbs.  I realized later by doing research that because of my sedentary lifestyle and size, I needed about half of his caloric intake.  Now that we are married I manage his portions, and then cut mine in half. :) (I also gym, alone, because he doesn't like to go, but its something I have to do for myself :) I have lost 30lbs since. The only trouble I run into is sometimes I expect him to eat the same size portion as me! and I forget he needs a lot more. he he 

Well my husband seemed to have gain a little weight over the years but you dont notice it much and I am not really a fan of skinny men so its ok. What upsets me is that he can eat friend and bad food all the time and not gain weight but me if i eat hot wings and fries once day it seems when i wake up i have gained 3 pounds . I sit a a desk all day but my doctor advised me to walk on my luch break and when i can take small breaks and its working. I have lost weight and have more energy now when I get home. I even walk more when I get home if my kids allow me to. But yes I have seen many couples gain weight after marriage and some times its a lot of weight ! But my mission is sexy wife ...I want to keep my hubby turned on for years to come so i'll keep walking and not eating what he and the kids eat.

Another issue with being married you tend to go to bed later than someone that is single.  I know I got way more sleep when I was single. 

I have been with my partner for almost 7 years, and we have each gained 20-25 pounds in the last 3 years. For us, I believe it was job related. He went from working on a Navy Hovercraft as a gas turbin mechanic, to being a recruiter and having a desk job, and eating fast food for lunch almost every day. I went from having an office job that involved running errands, and also a social life, to being a stay at home mom.  We try to motivate eachother with working out, but his job schedule is erratic so it's hard for us to find a set time for exercise.

At night, if my boyfriend is snacking on crap stuff I cut up some strawberries, grapes, and possibly some high protein yogurt. I am weak willed at night so i try hard not to eat junk but I fail occassionally. I have lost weight since being with him but his "thoughtfulness" tempts me too. He always asks if "i want some?"

Neither my husband nor myself gained weight since we got married 4 years ago. Actually, I've done nothing but lose! I was over 200lbs when I got married, now I'm around 115-120. My husband's weight has stayed the same throughout all 4 years. I think a lot of this article is true for a LOT of couples, but certainly not all.

Yes, agreed. My problem is that my husband does not gain weight. He is as skinny (almost) as he was when I met him. He's obviously got an amazing metabolism - on top of it all, he is a baker. He's 59 years old now and 6' something and 165 lbs but I've gained the weight trying to feed him. What do you do now???

Ha-ha.  And then he leaves you for the skinny 23-year-old at work because you got too fat!!!!

I got fat when I moved in with my husband because exercising wasn't as easy as it was when I was alone.  As a singleton I could come straight home, jump on a treadmill and watch TV.  Now its come home, cook, maybe sometimes meet him and friends somewhere and happy hour. 

I started drinking more, too.  I figure my best bet is buying a treadmill for the basement and portion control, whatever I'm feeding him.  He's chubby too and complains constantly but refuses to abandon beer and snacking as soon as he comes home.  At least I got him to move to pretzels, popcorn and nuts instead of tortilla chips.  No tortilla chips in my house!  Dark chocolate, yes.  I can eat two square and be satisfied. : )

Yes, the people you love will try to sabotage your weight loss efforts for any number of reasons.  My husband knows I want to lose weight (I'm 5'3" and a whopping 163 lbs - somehow I fit into size 10 and sometimes 8 pants). He still consistently tempts me.  I started ignoring him. I also tell myself to suck it up or be fat.  That resonates with me because I can't stand hearing myself complain and sabotaging myself.  It's just stupid.

Another strategy I use is to not talk about diet or exercise as in I can't have, because.  It comes down to portion control.  I'll eat a tiny bit of anything and I have no compunction about throwing away food from pushers.

Are you kidding me....research?! All you have to do is be married to know why. If your a control nut like I am we emotionally eat when things get stressful, emotional, out of control, celebrate (that one is a gimme), etc. We can't control our husbands nor our children like military nuts so instead of driving everyone absolutely  nuts with our controlling tendency we just eat.  ;o) Lets face it as women we have a HUGE responsibility, marraige, raising human beings, meeting the needs of our children and the husband as well as being their emotionally for all of the home.

Research, indeed every woman readin this knows why!

Are you kidding me....research?! All you have to do is be married to know why. If your a control nut like I am we emotionally eat when things get stressful, emotional, out of control, celebrate (that one is a gimme), etc. We can't control our husbands nor our children like military nuts so instead of driving everyone absolutely  nuts with our controlling tendency we just eat.  ;o) Lets face it as women we have a HUGE responsibility, marraige, raising human beings, meeting the needs of our children and the husband as well as being their emotionally for all of the home.

Research, indeed every woman reading this knows why!

1) The man ate nothing but ramen before I came along. He must be fed better, ergo, we eat more actual meals (and i can't just grab some pickles & cheese for dinner).

2) We've been together for almost 4 years, but I still feel really silly doing any type of workout video with him in the house. Cause he might walk by the living room, see my yoga butt in the air, and start giggling.

Most of the things in these comments apply to me.   When BF and I moved in together I definitely found myself trying to cook delicious meals that he would like to impress him.  Also a new thing every day so we didn't save leftovers, just finished it all that night. To top it all off, I felt silly taking a small plate if he had a big one (and MEAN if I gave him a small plate!) so I'd eat off a large one and presto! Large portion of calorie-dense food.

Lifestyle changed from walking someplace to meet him every evening, to snuggling on the couch and not needing to get off my butt. I visited his parents more and they always made lavish "company's coming" meals for me that I felt impolite not eating (I'm over that now). My appetite also went up when I went on the pill.  For the first year of living together I felt self-conscious doing a workout video in front of him, and I felt bad giving up time we could spend together to go to the gym.

We've both gained, but I'm hoping my SO and I can lose together too.

My mother told me she didn't gain weight during her 2 pregnancies.  She gained weight when she got married.  She stopped working then and perhaps it was just lack of activity (Mom was a self-declared non-athlete).  Mom lived to 88 and was only back to her wedding weight of 95 pounds when she could no longer eat well and was in the midst of her multiple stroke dementia following double bypass surgery at age 84.  Neither she nor I would wish that on anyone.

Dad was always a bit round in the waist during the 60 years I knew him (he died at age 90 this past January), but he spent many happy years during his 63 year long marriage.  Not so happy during the 4+ years of Mother'd dementia but he visited her every day as they were able to live in the same retirement community during that time.  Dad did lose a bit of weight before the fall that eventually led to his death, but he looked all the better for it.  He played some golf and badmitton, and marched with a Legion of Honor (Shriners) Drum and Bugle Corps (as well as completed the longest sustained march in WW2 - over 1000 miles across Europe).  He had run track and played some softball and hockey in high school, and then was a trim and slim 160 pounds (at 5'8").

Perhaps they just enjoyed the wonderful food my mother made for us all (and from which she retired making when they moved to their retirement community in 1995).

As you can tell, I miss them both.  I'm a lifelong single person and wonder if that has kept me from gaining more weight ????

This is definitely true!  I think when you are dating, or newly married and trying to spend time with each other and set the groundwork for your future together, you spend a lot of your time indoors, on the couch eating or out to dinner, and you're just a lot less active than you are when you're single and on the go trying to meet new people.

I started living with my boyfriend a year ago and have put on 10kg. Everyone is so right... people are social creatures and tend to match each other. He absolutely loves chocolate so whenever he eats it, I find it hard to resist. Also, we started eating dessert often and going out for dinner too. This all adds up to the extra weight. My question is, how do I lose it if I don't have his support? He will not give up eating these things in front of me. I am weak willed already, so this just makes it that much harder.

Thank you so much for this great information.

Sea Breeze Travels

Guess I must be the exception. When my hubby and I met I gained weight while he lost some. This has now been swapped and while I am losing weight he is now gaining and has no intention of following my example. Still we are happy, eat together, etc. I guess I got used to eating differently from others around me though as I was the only vegetarian in my family for a long time, but it's not something I would pressure anyone into.