partners and weight gain

HI ...my partner/boyfriend has broken things off 3X already ..and then come back.  He now says it is because of my weight.  WE have sort of made up but he is putting lots of pressure on me to gain and to eat lots of what i consider unhealthy stuff.  It's like he is saying...gain or i'm leaving again. I find this quite stressful.  Anyone else have experience with this?  What kind of support do you get from your significant others?

hun im sorry to say but you should have a guy that supports you in a positive way.  I know he just cares but he shouldnt be putting so much pressure on you and he shouldnt be making it such an emotional thing for you.  But just talk to him and tell him how you feel, tell him the foods to eat to gain weight, explain that you should be eating liek 80% healthy fooods 20% unhealthy foods and that peanutbutter is perfectly high cal and you could have that over greasy french fries or something. 

i broke up with my boyfriend this past week actually and he was the only one i actually told about what im going through...he wasnt too interested in it though.  He never really questioned me or anything and let me do my thing and i have a feeling he felt uncomfortable bringing it up cuse he never did.  The only thing he ever did was offer me a bunch of like random food at random times...and he would look at me funny if i refused so it kinda forced me to eat foods i didnt like or want or anything.  hes currently ignoring me though...mad about the breakup

You need to stop taking this guy back. Focusing on your recovery is more important than sustaining an unsupportive relationship. Someone who is truly interested in your recovery will be happy to read information about recovery - direct them to websites such as www.somethingfishy.org to learn about your illness. Web info should also help them realise that pressuring you to eat junk simply does not work! If he is not interested in learning about anorexia, he is not truly committed to helping you recover.

When I was anorexic, I had a partner who gave me plenty of encouragement, was a shoulder to cry on, helped me eat my meals, didn't heap pressure on me, and celebrated small achievements. We eventually broke up but are still friends today, and I am forever grateful for their help.

Now, I am a recovering bulimic. My boyfriend doesn't judge me, nor pressure me. He does tell me how much he would like me to get better - but he says it's because he loves me, not because of my weight. And this should always be the reason he wants you to get better! He also tells me how good I look, even when I feel horrible, tells me I don't need to lose weight and he just wants me to be healthy and happy, without resorting to purging. We talk sometimes about it, and that helps. I have been lucky with supportive partners, but you shouldn't put up with a partner who isn't.

One thing I found helped was writing my boyfriend a letter outlining how I felt about food, and ways in which he could help. And things not to do! Sometimes I wasn't as articulate when we were just talking, and he said the letter made things clearer for him that he had not understood before.

You need someone who will help you. It's great he acknowledges your weight is unhealthy but that is about as far as his being great goes. Trying to force food upon you is only going to trigger and distress and recovery, while needing to be a challenge, should not feel like torture or forcefeeding. This is about you regaining a trust and healthy relationship with food and having platefuls of things pushed to you is not what you need. Like Meryl has said, try showing him helpful websites and resources like Something Fishy. There is also a big list of helpful resources for family and loved ones in the H+S ED Resources thread. And again, as said, if he fails to take this on board or doesn't want to know, he really isn't worth your time.

You also need to lower your stress and anxiety in recovery, not just with food, but generally. If he is causing your teeth to gnash, stop taking him back. There are moments where we have to recognise in life when to move on from something no matter how difficult it may prove to be.

Right now I am in a similar situation with my mom who will cut me off financially if I don't gain weight. In the past though I have lost bf,friends etc to my ed. I think yes it is causing me stress but also I am trying to view it as someone wanting to help me. It is hard to watch someone you care for self destruct and it does effect him as well. I am trying to remind myself though this is very hard of all things that the ed has taken away and this will be another. Life can be very lonely in an ed and you don't want that. What ways can you think of your bf can help you and for you to take initative to get well

me and my boyfriend of over 5 years broke up because he was no longer attracted to me because i was too thin, he wasn't even there to see me get better. so, i say, if there is a contingency on his support then you're better off without him. express that his support is not effective and if he wants to give you an ultimatum and add additional pressure and stress then you have no interest in getting back with him. explain that it is more ffective for him to try to be understanding and allow you to gain weight in a way that is more comfortable for you, but you have to meet him half way he's probably afraid of REALLY losing you and this is his only way to deal with it in his mind, so make a commitment to getting better but explain to him that his ways are hurtful to you and your recovery!! i hope this helps :)