Party Girls & Ex-Party Girls - post up: How imporant was the party time lifestyle to you?

Party Girls & Ex-Party Girls - post up: How imporant was the party time lifestyle to you?

When you were at your peak did/could you have close relationships with people that weren't party animals?

If you used to be into the it but really aren't anymore, why did you change your mind and move on?

Any and all comments are appreciated.

Thank you.

TW

Any particular reason you want to know this?

I don't know if I could consider myself a "party girl" really, but while I was in college I went out at least 3-4 times a week generally (unless I had a lot of studying to do).  I also still made it to all of my classes and graduated.  But anyway, I had a ton of really good friends who didn't drink, didn't go hit the bars, didn't really like loud parties etc.  You just find different things to do with those people.  I didn't mind skipping the bars/party scene for a couple of nights if I had something else to do, however, I was never addicted to the drinking or anything, I just like to be around people.

Like with everything else, some people have an easier time giving it up than others.  If you're trying to get a handle on whether a girl you know would be willing to give it up or not, you need to talk to her about it.  Or set your sights on somebody who already has interests more similar to your own.  That's all I've got.  Good luck!

well I was defenitely a party girl but I defenitely have calmed down a little...  I guess now that I am married and still young I do enjoy going out to dance w/ the girls and having a drink here and there but its not my lifestyle anymore.. my world doesn't revolve around it.. My husband and I enjoy having a day off just to do our thing separate but I dont need to go out every day.. Thankfully my friends are more involved in their careers as well and we have a good balance of fun..

I used to be out at the bar 6 or 7 days a week. It was pretty much my life for the first year and a half I was out of college, and I did have a few friends that weren't into it, but not many and no one really close to me. My rooommate at the time hated going out, and we actually grew apart a lot during that time. She started acting judgy and superior because she thought she was more responsible than me (seeing as I was either drunk or hungover most of the time), and I started thinking she was stuck up, elitist and boring. We had been really close in college, but took different paths at that time, and eventually couldn't stand to be around each other. I don't think the partying caused it, but it was probably part of the problem.

The thing is, at the time I couldn't imagine anything more fun or energizing or exciting than being out in the middle of the action. It's where all my close friends were, and no matter how tired I was, I still managed to get out to the bar or club. Two things eventually slowed me down: 1) maxing out my credit card, and 2) the thrill wore off. After a while it was the same people and the same places and it felt routine instead of exciting, so I grew out of the phase. I still like to go out and party, but not during the week any more. I also appreciate an occasional quiet night in now, and I switch up my weekend plans so it's not always being out at the bar. I'm still a party girl at heart, I just matured some, and learned the lesson of moderation. :-)

Thanks for the comments.

Sure there is a reason I ask this I know one and like her. She's a lot of fun etc but seems way too caught up in it for her own good.

2 DWI's in four months

1 warrant for missing court date

C-cards aren't maxed yet but are pretty close from what I hear

Still wants to go out and have fun drinking. Sometimes we do other stuff but she's really fixed on the bar scene seems to be her favorite thing to do.

If by party-girl you mean drug addict than that was me. For me, when I decided I was done with it, I had to move and change all my friends...I basically had to get a new identity (without the name change). Without those drastic measures, there's just no way I could have made it. There are consequences for behaving like that and there's no running away from them...you must face them and 'do your time' or pay your fines, or suffer through withdrawals, or get lonely and bored and depressed until things get better. Just ask yourself, if you had kids (maybe you do) how would you feel to have a parent just like you? That usually does it for me. People think life is about fun but that is simply not true.

TW: is this the same chick that got hit by her boyfriend?

Wow, trainwreck, that girl sounds like more than what I'd consider a "party girl". I spent a few (OK, about 5) years being pretty irresponsible, partying a lot, sleeping around, skipping school, having lots of friends and boyfriends and girlfriends etc... but driving drunk, and being arrested, is a while other category of irresponsible.

I grew out of my phase. Basically it changed when I (barely) graduated from university and realized I'd have to find some sort of path and purpose in my life. (Those slacker years wound up costing me another three years down the line, as I had to totally rehabilitate my academic record to get into my current program). But I'm not sure that criminal records and the kind of really dangerous lapses in judgment that result in DWIs can be outgrown, nor are they necessarily a phase.

In other words, I wouldn't touch this girl with a ten-foot pole. Lots of people who are fun and cute and friendly are basically walking disasters, and no they cannot be "saved" no matter how much you care. I really wish I could tell this to every guy in the world, it would save a lot of trouble (women get caught in these traps too, but it seems to make the guys more bitter and damaged in the end). Then again, my brother and my male friends never listen to me on these sorts of things, so I guess it takes livin' and learnin'. It makes me sad though, because some really kind guys wind up with this wounded meanness inside them (while still claiming to all and sundry that they are the "nice guys" and therefore finishing last) and it makes it hard for their future relationships to work out well.

Edit: just noticed that you are not all that young (43). If this woman is over 25, I'd say there's little chance of her changing in a significant way (note that everyone who posted here changed before that age). And if she is under 25, what on earth are you doing hanging out with her?

Kathygator - of course it's the same person. She's told me several times I'm her best friend. She's told em a lot of stuff etc if you know what I mean. Probably some truth in that as she doesn't have many friends right now.

As for the age thing she's 26.

I have no delusions about why she'd change...would have to be cause she wants too and no other reason. I also know some folks don't change.

Good question KG.  I also tend to agree with Trustwomen here.  Honestly, people won't change from a lifestyle like that until they are ready (never solely because somebody else wants them to).  Some people will never be ready.

Dude. Do not invest any more of your heart. She is going to break it. Run, don't walk, away. If you have to stick around, truly be a friend and tell her she's headed down a path that can have absolutely no positive outcome.

Good luck, young man.

You know, I had a friend like this girl you talk about quite a bit.  She still parties to this day.  She parties alone, but she parties.  She tried to give it up for a while, lied to us all about going through drug rehab and got her life straightened out.

Like her life, she couldn't get her lies straight, either.  I guess it never occurred to her that the people she used to party with still talk amongst themselves.  None of us could save her, but we could save ourselves from being like her.  We all pretty much gave up alcohol, bar hopping, slutty clubs and adventures until 4 in the morning when we all went in to work around 9.

It was fun for a little while, but when things started getting repetitive and we had to stay up later, do more outrageous things to satisfy us, that's when we all said we've had enough and grew up. 

She still hasn't had enough.

Oh, TW, you sound just like my big brother...

Since it is same person as the other post, then please, run like hell. I already know the reasons you don't want to:

-you care about her, you think she needs you (she's probably claimed that she does, explicitly or implicitly), and you worry that her life will go down the wrong track if you skedaddle

-deep down you hope she'll change and want to be with you

-it's a bit of an ego boost for you to be hanging around an attractive woman who's young enough to be your daughter

-you find your life boring or unfulfilling in other ways, and she makes it more interesting

But believe me on this, none of those reasons are worth the misery. Not what you are dealing with now, but what you will be dealing with as you get more enmeshed than you already are. It will definitely cost you emotionally, probably financially, possibly even legally. She is going down the wrong track whether you are there or not, and you are deluding yourself into thinking that you are able to change this path. She will not change and she will not ever see you "in that way". Your energy would be better spent with someone who you have a chance at a real life with - someone who is more like a female version of yourself.

My brother has spent years of his life enmeshed with young, pretty, troubled women (he is older and obese). It never progresses beyond a difficult friendship, it always leaves him wounded and bitter, and yet he claims no interest in the women he could actually start a life with: middle-aged, overweight, kind, caring women. There are a lot of them and they are lonely. But he spends (platonic) time, and unbelievable emotional energy, with the foxy, addicted twentysomethings instead. It is frustrating to watch.  His latest "friend" just got dumped by her musician boyfriend and her friendship with my brother got strained to the breaking point. I find myself having to talk him down from his tree for a few hours at a time, which I don't mind doing (keeps the counselling skills sharp) but makes me think, what a waste of energy on his part - all those months.