in patient vs. out patient for e.d.

so i have been doing this process with a psychiatrist once a week a psycologist twice a week and a nutritionist once a week since july.  i resisted raising my cals above 900-1000 until last week.  i am now going to the number i was asked hopeing it is not too late.

well my dr today said that my team was talking and they think i should go inpatient.

i was wondering some of your opinions.

i have been inpatient twice and had horrible experiences.  both times i got much worse.  i found myself purposefully rebelling bc i wasnt getting one on one attention and i learned new "tricks of the trade".

i work best one on one and am willing to do what i need to do and i am over 18 so it is my decision.

do you think this is too hard for one to do on their own?

i live alone and my family is supportive but they are binge eaters and trigger that side of me.

what is the benefit of going away vs. staying home?  I am kind of against it for myself.  But, I wonder if they are right...

And now I am freaking out about my weigh in tomorrow because I know my weight will make them only stress it more.  But I have weighed much less than this in the past and have been cleared medically.  Am I making excuses?  I don't know..

One thing you can do is discuss with your doctor what will work for you.  Tell them about your experiences and what happened in the past.  Let them know that you need one on one counseling.

There was a time for me when I went though an inpatient program too.  I had both group sessions and one on one.  I found that the group sessions helped me because other people have similar experiences and I can relate and get advice from them.  Group sessions somtimes stimulated my thinking and helped me to get over things that have happened to me in the past.

Trying to get over this by yourself is probably not a good idea.  I tried to do that for a time, and although I gained weight, I did not address the initial problem that had sparked my eating disorder.

In the end its your choice, but I advise you to have a sit down with your doctor, tell him your concerns, what has worked for you in the past and what has not worked.  Realize that you have to REALLY want to get over this eating disorder in order for it to happen.  Think about it, do you really want to stay like this forever?  Or do you want to live your life without taking out your problems on food?  I applaud you for seeking help, one of the hardest things to do is to admit you have a problem. 

It’s hard to move on when you’re not ready, but it’s better to have a “real life” instead of a life built around ED thoughts. In 12-step programs, they say, “Fake it ‘til you make it” which is the best idea. Even if you feel like a phony and altogether vile, it’s better to put yourself in expert hands and give faking it a try. Do you live in Philadelphia? Have you been to Renfrew? They are the best around from what I can see. Let us know how you’re doing.

intensive outpatient worked wonders for me.  all the attention of an inpatient team without the issue of living with a bunch of other ed patients.

you seem to have a pretty clear vision of recovery - just level with your treatment team and let them know that you genuinely think ip would do more harm than good.

good luck :)

I was in in-patient care at a hospital for about two months once, for a ton of problems. Including self-injury, suicidal behavior/ideation, substance abuse, depression, bulimia... I was even suspected as having schizoaffective and bipolar disorder.

I learned a lot from my experience there. One being that I simply didn't belong in that recovery program, or any recovery program. Some people just have to take control of their own recovery for it to take. While I was there, I was faced with other "problem" teens. Some of them wanted to be there because it was a safe place to which they could run away when real life became kind of a drag. Some of them were at a loss for what to do, and/or were brought there against their will.

One day I woke up after being discharged, vomit in my pockets and all over the floor next to me from a night of heavy drinking and drug use. I looked around me to find that I was surrounded by people (who had recently been discharged from their own respective recovery programs) who didn't give a rat's **** whether I lived or died, because they felt the same way about themselves. I didn't want to live like that anymore.

Of course it's been a slow process since then. I didn't get better the next day. But right now I can say I'm saner and happier than I've ever been before. The only problem I'm still recovering from is bulimia, and even that seems like a distant memory most of the time. I didn't need strangers to get better, because who knows me better than myself?

You might be a different case. I've told you all the above in order to provide an example of a person who recovered without in-patient care. There are plenty success stories about hospital rehabilitation too. You might be someone that can actually benefit from in-patient recovery. No one on this site can help you make this decision, but some advice: Don't make a decision based on fear. Think about your future before making one. If your only reason for refusing to go is because of a fear of change, that's not good enough. You say you've weighed less than now before, but that's not the point. The point is that you can do much better. Be much healthier. Your health is something you shouldn't be just doing the bare minimum for.

You really CAN do this on your own. It's hard, but I don't believe that it's ever TOO hard. As long as you put your all into it and stop thinking in ways like "I used to weigh much lower". It's like saying "I have a deadly disease, but the symptoms were much severe yesterday. I probably don't need to get medicine". If you're still sick, you're still sick. Be ambitious and determined. Your decision is to either get help in order to change, or to change.

Hospital or no hospital, I hope only the best for you.

Love, luck,

Cindy