Peanut Gallery

First, I want to make it clear I am at a healthy weight; I am not underweight, nor do I have the appearance of being too thin - I have an athletic build, and I eat on the higher end of my calorie allowance on a daily basis.  I do not deny myself when I'm hungry.

With that said: ever since I embarked on a lifestyle change, and once my weight loss/muscle gain became visible to others, I've noticed that my weight and eating habits have become a major topic of discussion in social settings. 

I never bring up the subject, in fact, I'm always minding my own business when it happens and it's almost invariably during a meal, but somehow it ends up being focused on.  Tonight was a good example of that; I went to a barbecue with family and friends, and in the course of the night the following comments were made:

"You don't want dessert?  Are you afraid you'll get fat?"

"You don't need to watch what you're eating, eat more."

"She is starving herself, look, she's wasting away."

"You need to have some dessert, you are too thin." (and literally had sweets forced into my hand, despite polite refusal; I surreptitiously returned them to the serving plate)

But the funny thing was, I had already eaten veggies, potatoes, and a hearty helping of grilled chicken and rice, and I had a beer (the saying here in Romania is that you can't drink water at parties because fish have sex in water.  It's their way of saying they really only have beer to drink) followed by some fruit.

Despite the fact I had eaten a healthy, full meal, people were persisting in saying I wasn't eating properly and must be miserable from starving myself. 

When I left, I was slightly flabbergasted by the whole thing; it felt somehow like everyone was ignoring the fact I had clearly eaten and were fixated on this idea that I must be obsessive with my weight, despite the fact I never even discuss it.

Has anyone else had an experience like this?  Do you have any suggestions - is this a tendency that will die down as people get used to the changes?  What comments have people made during the course of your weight loss that have stunned you?

My experience isn't exactly the same, but I've dealt with rude and innapropriate comments about my eating habits. My weight has fluctuated insanely during my marriage. So when I'm at a normal weight, my MIL likes to tell me I'm too thin, and I should eat more. When I'm overweight and not doing anything productive about it, she looks at my full plate with disgust, and then feels the need to have a private convo with me about depression and obesity after dinner. Then the second she heard I was dieting again (and doing well so far I'd say) she sees me making my breakfast plate one morning and is so distressed that I'm only having one egg and one biscuit that she has to say, "Melissa, have some more breakfast!" I just want to pound on her face and tell her to mind her own effin' business about what's on my effin' plate! lol

Of course I don't actually pound on her face. I politely refuse more breakfast, just as I politely turned down more food when I was at a normal weight, just as I politely nodded my head as she informed me of her opinion on obesity and depression. But it's easy for me to be polite because she lives 4 hours away and I see her 3 times a year. If I had to take her food-nagging any more than that I'm not sure how I would deal with her.

This happens to me often. I will be eating with friends, who are all eating vast amounts of food, and I am eating more modestly. My friends (often those who are eating the most and are very overweight) always try to force food on me-- "Aren't you hungry?" "Do you not like my cooking?" "You must be starving, you've hardly eaten anything!" I think when people feel self-conscious of their own eating habits, they try to discourage others from eating healthy. It makes them feel better about themselves in a mean sort of way.

Original Post by but_not_quite:

This happens to me often. I will be eating with friends, who are all eating vast amounts of food, and I am eating more modestly. My friends (often those who are eating the most and are very overweight) always try to force food on me-- "Aren't you hungry?" "Do you not like my cooking?" "You must be starving, you've hardly eaten anything!" I think when people feel self-conscious of their own eating habits, they try to discourage others from eating healthy. It makes them feel better about themselves in a mean sort of way.

 I think you hit the nail on the head... somehow it makes them feel better to comment. Perhaps they feel that the pressure is off of them if they are applying pressure somewhere else. Just another reason we should not be concerned with pleasing anyone besides ourselves!

I completely agree that most people only comment on someone's healthy eating habits because they're self concious about their own.

...the saying here in Romania is that you can't drink water at parties because fish have sex in water....

Haha! That's hilarious! Maybe annoying if you don't want to drink, but it still tickles me. Yes, I have had comments made about what I eat or don't eat.

I just say it all looks delicious but I'm already full, or I'd like to take some dessert/sweets home with me. I'm also a healthy weight. I agree with the above posters that it's often other people's own insecurities.

i've been in your position as well (though nobody's ever asked me if i'm afraid to get fat or anything, but that's because i'm just a teenager). i agree that it has to do with insecurities & self-consciousness, and also feel that people who eat junk all the time are just used to being full on junk food, so when they see someone eating something healthy/"light" they figure that they MUST be starving since it's not a heavy meal or calorie-laden dessert. and so many people associate healthy foods with dieting, which is associated with deprivation & a feeling of "emptiness."

so it could seem like some annoying type of sabotage & jealousy, or they could just be insecure, OR they just don't understand. i try not to give much mind to it.

so this happened in romania, right? i take it you're from canada?

maybe you shouldn't take what happened too personal. in eastern european cultures it's normal to offer your guests food over and over again. i don't think that these comments were meant to hurt you. they probably would have said it to anyone who declined dessert :)

feel free to ignore me if this isn't news to you, maybe you've been living in romania for years and already know about this. i just thought i'd mention it.

My friends do similar things when we're out. If I only eat a little or only drink water, they'll ask why I'm not eating or say I must be starving and try and get me to eat more. It's frustrating, best just to ignore it and only eat what you want to eat.