why do people act oblivious?

i visited my parents for a weekend - we live about 4 hours away- and i lost like 14 lbs now and was hoping someone would notice, but nothing. I am losing this weight for myself to be healthier and stronger but was hopin for a lil feedback. my inlaws had nothin to say either - so it was a lil sad to me. how come no one says anything untill u r thin and lost like 30 lbs, like they dont notice at all till poof u r thin one day?

i was just wanting a lil additional motivation from someone- but hell none of them know what a calorie even is!! i dont know its just a lil sad to me!

Just keep on keep'n on! You're doing great!

Well for some people its occwered talking about other people's health and weight and others think its impolite to say something.

Well from someone who always notices if someone has lost weight I get one of two reactions, the first is the person is noticeably delighted that you have noticed...the second and this happened just last week..a woman at work has been doing WW and has lost 21lbs to date so when I saw her I said how great she looked the response from her was negative "I've only lost 21lbs" me "well it's noticeable and you look great" her "I'm not some diet freak you know"!!!! didn't say she was Q, if she doesn't want to lose weight why is she doing WW? but it's responses like that that make people reluctant to say anything. So don't take it personal you're doing great and well done.

Ann

Yea, maybe they didn't want to offend you or make you feel weird - I'm sure you look great!

I agree... in some cases it may lead to a very awkward convo.

For me, I sometimes prefer that people don't say anything..... here is why I say that -

Two weekends ago I was visiting my boyfriend. Since he is home from grad school on the weekends, he stays at his parents house, and so by default I have to stay there too. Not ideal, but tis be the life of recently graduated college kids.

Well, his dad out of nowhere comments on my weight loss and said "you look like you lost a lot of weight recently. Your arms look skinny and bony." It totally caught me off guard, especially since I visit my boyfriend a lot (2-3 weekends a month) and I had been gradually losing weight since December. When he said this, I had lost approximately 15lbs - which I guess is noticeable.

Anyway, the convo did not end there and he continued to go on and say I shouldn't lose more weight, I looked fine, don't get to skinny, ect. And I mean, it can be taken both ways - a nice comment or not so nice. Like you said, we are doing this for ourselves and to be healthy.

I  felt like I had to explain myself to him and kind of lay everything out there for why I was losing weight and how I had been extremely heavy when he (my bfs dad) first met me at the end of freshman year of college. And by heavy, I told him I weighed 165lbs, which is way overweight and by getting down to 125lbs i will be within a healthy weight range and at the weight I was when I started college. I explained my family's history of obesity and heart disease and told him I don't want to have the health problems my family has. Now, this is an even touchier subject since both of my bf's parents are overweight and diabetic - but hey, his dad opened pandora's box - so I let it all out.

I did not want to have that convo and I did not want to have to tell him numbers and everything else, but he has always commented on how I eat like a "bird" and it makes me feel insecure. My boyfriend's family constantly eats out - for every meal. So you can only imagine how hard it is to find healthy food choices that won't be criticized by his parents..... 

So maybe, your parents dont want to be in the same situation. If you are willing to have the conversation, then maybe bring it up yourself and say - hey, so I have decided to make a change for the better and am taking healthy steps towards achieving my ideal weight. Share it with them so to break the ice and maybe they won't be afraid to bring it up.

its true that some dont want to offend me, i guess w/ it being my parents i expected somethin. My sisers have always been skinny so i always compared myself to them, but im not them i know i will never be a sz 5 especially after 2 kids! But i just always want some fam support, however they just dont know how to do that!  But thanks everyone i appreciate the understanding!

I have friends who don't say anything either.  Some ppl are just like that. 

You don't need other people to validate your actions, do you?  You know you've lost weight... that's all that matters.  Besides which, it's not particularly polite to remark on someone else's appearance.  If you'd gained 20lbs would you like to go round for dinner and get 'wow, you've put on a bit!' comments?

Also.. this happens especially with family... they may just not notice it because they aren't paying much attention to your body. They 'know' you and they recognize you not because of your body, but because of the whole package... face, voice, body, walk, hair, hair style, clothing style...

And that's another thing. Have you bought new clothes since you lost the weight? Are they very revealing clothes or are they loose fitting at all? Depending on your height, 15 lbs might look like a little or a lot, but either way it is easy for it to be hidden under clothes..ESPECIALLY if you are still wearing clothes they've seen you in before or are a size too big.

In any case you know you've lost the weight; hang in there and keep doing it for yourself. =)

I don't really mind the comments as long as its simple. My mom thinks its great that I'm loosing weight but sometimes she pats my stomach and calls me her "skinny boy". I'm 5'9 240. I know I'm fat and someone calling me skinny to make me feel better is insulting. I know she means well but don't go overboard. I guy at work wanted to start calling me "slim". He is actually in the process of trying to gain weight. Again, not a nickname to give a big guy.

Original Post by feanor:

Also.. this happens especially with family... they may just not notice it because they aren't paying much attention to your body. They 'know' you and they recognize you not because of your body, but because of the whole package... face, voice, body, walk, hair, hair style, clothing style...

And that's another thing. Have you bought new clothes since you lost the weight? Are they very revealing clothes or are they loose fitting at all? Depending on your height, 15 lbs might look like a little or a lot, but either way it is easy for it to be hidden under clothes..ESPECIALLY if you are still wearing clothes they've seen you in before or are a size too big.

In any case you know you've lost the weight; hang in there and keep doing it for yourself. =)

 This is such a good point- i dont think any of my closest peep see me for my weight- and i do wear my same clothes too. they are bigger on me now but im not goin to buy more till they fall off me- lol!

this is puttin it into perspective for me- sometimes i just have my moments were i really just want my fam to see me the way i do - but they dont because i am so much harsher on my own body. also I am pretty proportioned w/ my weight so it is harder to notice im sure!

I lost 50 lbs before many people noticed.  People don't always notice subtle weight loss.  Others don't generally scrutinize our bodies as closely as we do.

And it also depends on how much you have to lose...I have lost nearly 20 pounds and it seems that no one notices!  But I need to lose 20 more to be back where I should.  I figure another 10 should make a difference.

I lost over 50 and there are still some people who are just noticing NOW.

Look on the bright side - it means no one was thinking of your weight first, when they think of you.

lost 33 pounds, dropped 3 clothing sizes, still not a single word from anyone.

I know a lot of people who think that acknowledging weight loss is the same thing as saying "Man, you were fat." They will only say something when the weight loss is so noticeable that they will look like a jerk if they don't. I would just blow it off as fear and keep working on yourself!