Do you think people can change?

Some people say that people cannot change. I mean this in a way such as, if Bob grew up selfish, has been selfish until the age of 20, then he will always be a selfish man.

Or, another example. Bob is a selfish man. But when he meets a girl he likes, he acts generous and kind and dates her. As the relationship moves on, though, he begins to slowly go back to the selfish man he was.

So do you believe that people can change, or that people cannot change?

I think people can and do change.

I think people can change, but they have to want to.  The desire has to come from within (rather than as a result of pressure from others).

yes, people can absolutely change.  but it takes a serious, conscious effort.

Bob lies. Don't trust Bob.

Original Post by muttlover:

Some people say that people cannot change. I mean this in a way such as, if Bob grew up selfish, has been selfish until the age of 20, then he will always be a selfish man.

Or, another example. Bob is a selfish man. But when he meets a girl he likes, he acts generous and kind and dates her. As the relationship moves on, though, he begins to slowly go back to the selfish man he was.

So do you believe that people can change, or that people cannot change?

i hope bob isn't your boyfriend.

Of course people change...pretty much everday. Our experiences shape who we are and those experiences change on a daily basis

I'm not the same person I was 5 yrs ago, are you?

Most definitely they can, people change all the time sometimes for better sometimes for worse.

My answer was overly simple.

The essential nature of people is to do what they have always done, responding to outside influence as they always have - if there is no motivation to change set behaviors, they don't.

I think people can dig deep, down past those set behaviors and change their core responses, but it is a very difficult process.

People can change, many choose not to.

Original Post by kathygator:

People can change, many choose not to.

 

i agree totally with this... i believe a person can change only if they really want to.

I think we are constantly changing...every day is a new experience that affects us somehow....

.......can people KNOWINGLY change? It's hard, and only if they are committed to changing...not cuz someone else wants them to, but they themselves feel a need to. Most people DONT change even if they say they will or should because they don't REALLY truly see there is something to change...

.....like bob...he didn't really change when he met the girl he likes, he acted differently towards said girl. He never noticed taht he was a selfish guy (and neither did she!), so he doesn't see there is a problem TO change! When girl leaves, he will blame her instead of looking at himself.

....if bob realized he was selfish and didn't like it and thought long and hard about why he needs to change himself, then maybe he would change and the new girl will reap the benefits.....ah, like most men in my life! haha

People can and do change a LOT over the course of their lives... but they need a really good motivation to do it. Some people are born selfish SOBs and they'll die the same way because they don't see any reason to change. Others get a wakeup call at some point and realise that selfishness isn't getting them anywhere... but be very wary of somebody who has changed their behaviour apparantly overnight - like all habits, it takes time to develop new ones, and it's very easy to fake change for a short time.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by muttlover:

Some people say that people cannot change. I mean this in a way such as, if Bob grew up selfish, has been selfish until the age of 20, then he will always be a selfish man.

Or, another example. Bob is a selfish man. But when he meets a girl he likes, he acts generous and kind and dates her. As the relationship moves on, though, he begins to slowly go back to the selfish man he was.

So do you believe that people can change, or that people cannot change?

i hope bob isn't your boyfriend.

 

 No it isn't, pg, haa.

My friend is dating a selfish guy. He tells her after every fight they have that he will change. But obviously, if they keep fighting, then he is not changing. She has talked to me about this and asked me if I thought people could change and, well, I couldn't give her a straight, 'yes' or 'no' answer.

... So I turned to the brilliant people of CC. :D

People CAN change. But selfish people have a hard time changing more than others because they selfishly don't want to.... (Well, really, I think that people really have to want to change. I think he probably just wants to keep getting the benefits he gets from having her around. I doubt he wants to change. Just because someone says they can change, in the heat of the moment, isn't saying that they WILL change. Actions speak louder than words.)

In some situations people can change. But I think they have to really really REALLY want to change. It's not something that just happens.

God no, that is why we have prisons.

People will only change if they want to. If not, no people won't change.

I've known people who have done major turnarounds with their attitudes and behaviors. As for "Bob" in the scenario you mentioned, I imagine that would be someone who put on a charade of being less selfish to bed the girl, and once he felt secure that he had her dropped it. Not someone who chose to do the internal work to change his attitudes long term for his own life.

most people have to lose something they really care about--or seriously risk losing something--before they will make a major change.  as long as your friend keeps forgiving and stays with him, there's no incentive for change :/

People definitely change! I've seen the meanest women turn into sweet old ladies and I've seen "players" fall in love and be faithful. I've also seen people change for the worse.

But as mentioned, you can't make someone change because they have to want to do it. If they try to change because you pressure them, it may result in them continuing their behavior...but just hiding it from you. Or they may resent you for it.

My new policy; I'll mention my issue with their behavior to them once. When no change occurs...If I can deal with the behavior, I deal. If not, I know where the door is. I'm no longer in the business of trying to save people from themselves.

I absolutely think people can change if they are willing. It takes time and hard work, but I really believe the human spirit can succeed if it wants too. First, the person has to want it. Then, they need to surround themselves with people who will help them and support them to make it happen.