Do you think people can change?

Some people say that people cannot change. I mean this in a way such as, if Bob grew up selfish, has been selfish until the age of 20, then he will always be a selfish man.

Or, another example. Bob is a selfish man. But when he meets a girl he likes, he acts generous and kind and dates her. As the relationship moves on, though, he begins to slowly go back to the selfish man he was.

So do you believe that people can change, or that people cannot change?

I'm going to go against the grain.

I don't think people can change. They can evolve, but not wholly change. I think when we're born, our core selves are developed and I think we keep those core selves throughour our lives. If you developed into someone who enjoys playing games, you'll always be someone who enjoys playing games. It's a part of who you are.

However, people can evolve/devolve. They can learn to acknowledge their weaknesses (or their percieved weaknesses) and learn to deal with them, at least somewhat.

It sounds like, in your example, Bob is a selfish man. He starts off as Selfish and he at least SEEMS to evolve (whether or not he truly changed is dubious, if he's devolving again, but I don't know Bob, so...), and then he seems to devolve.

The core personality of Bob may not have changed in the slightest, but how he reacts to certain stimulus might have.

Does this make sense to anyone but me?

I think people can change if they want to, but we are always being told to just be ourselves and love ones self,

its the same with insecure people sometimes they change and gain confidence and all that, but will gravitate back to that state, I think when people change it is just a veil over ones true colours and probably hard to maintain

I see what you are saying Hk. That Bob only changes at the surface to keep getting what Bob wants, ie, the girl to put up with his crap.

I still think change is possible, however, under circumstances which require it. I just think it happens a lot less than people think.

Let's be honest. Most of us "change" to get what we want. Sometimes we "change" because we have to, or because life forces it upon us, but when you choose to act a different way than you typically would, you're doing it for a reason. To make more friends, to gain popularity, to increase your chances of having sex with that cute girl, etc.

To live longer. ;) There is very little that motivates us that is not selfish at some level.

Original Post by kathygator:

To live longer. ;) There is very little that motiviates us that is not selfish at some level.

Indeed. Or to feel better about your body, or any number of reasons that brings us all to this site.

I have got to remember to hit spell check before 'post reply'. :)

Sounds like we should really be asking this question with your friend as the subject, not Bob. No one should be dating "potential"; men are nots blocks of clay to be molded, nor should we devalue ourselves and our lovers by anticipating how much we will value a relationship after someone changes.

It's an excellent question, though, for those of us who are dieting. The question right there in front of us: will we value our relationships with ourselves when we've changed? Or are we making changes because we value ourselves.

 

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by muttlover:

Some people say that people cannot change. I mean this in a way such as, if Bob grew up selfish, has been selfish until the age of 20, then he will always be a selfish man.

Or, another example. Bob is a selfish man. But when he meets a girl he likes, he acts generous and kind and dates her. As the relationship moves on, though, he begins to slowly go back to the selfish man he was.

So do you believe that people can change, or that people cannot change?

i hope bob isn't your boyfriend.

 

actually, bob is his girlfriend.

ABSOLUTELY!!!     but they have to want to -you can't make them, only pursued, guide, support, encourage.  I've seen it happen.

No,no,no,no,no.........  Every single person that is posting here are coming from the same place.  We are all nice, kind, loving people, and assume that others (expecially men) are coming from the same place we are.  We want to change, we wish to overcome obstacles, we care enough to attempt to change that which annoys people.  (or we are surrounded by family and friends who love us warts and all).  HOWEVER, men are wired differently (hence, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus), and if you add selfish to the mix, I don't think anything is going to change.  Dump him, dump him, dump him.  He ain't worth your time and trouble, and he ain't gonna change anytime soon, if at all!   Been there, seen that, bought the tee shirt in 1969 at Woodstock!

 

Wait, are we talking about specifically sitting around hoping for someone to change? Or just whether or not people can theoretically change? I'm starting to see people answering two different questions here.

Do you think people can only change certain qualities about themselves?

Say, if the problem with Bob wasn't that he was selfish, but that he was a chronic liar. Can people change from lying about every aspect of their life (to parents, friends...to such an extent that maybe they don't even know the truth anymore) to becoming honest? This extends to cheating as well...