Why are people on here so mean???!?

I thought we're all on here for basically the same reason: to reach/maintain a healthy weight through diet and exercise and to be ultimately be HAPPY!  Every time I read the forums, there are always people being so mean to other people.  I can't stand it!!  If you don't like the topic being discussed, keep it to yourself and don't comment.  We post these forums for support, advice, and opinions.  I also feel there are nice ways to tell someone that you don't think what they are doing is smart, healthy, etc.  But bashing someone and just being plain mean is never going to help them.  Most of the people that are mean are the same people being mean every time.  And in MY opinion, that can't be healthy.

I just wish that people would be nicer and more encouraging.  So you mean jerks out there, you know who you are...so STOP IT!!! : )

*Thanks for letting me get that out* : )

Original Post by marianne8946:

I just wish that people would be nicer and more encouraging.  So you mean jerks out there, you know who you are...so STOP IT!!! : )

Some people are more blunt than others, but I'm not really sure who you're talking about.

Do you have any thread examples?

A lot of people on this site tend to have a 'holier than thou' approach to many new or confused CC members, and often time come on rather strong on people. I know when I posted one of my first topics on here about getting HELP for an ED and stating what my symptoms where, a girl reported me and chastised me for 'promoting pro-ana/pro-mia material', and said I should be ashamed of myself because I was a trigger for recovering ED sufferers like her.

So, pretty much I've given up trying to get some help on this site considering those sorts of things. Just pick and chose your words wisely on this site, unless you want someone to take it the wrong way and try to get you kicked out of the site when you're looking for help. :(

Anyway, I guess I'm trying to say I agree with you. People on this site tend to be VERY sensitive about ANYTHING written up on the forums or even the journals, but just try not to let it get you down too much. :) Wish you luck!!

I'm sorry that this is the kind of experience that you are having here. Where I agree with Santonacci, a lot of the folks are pretty blunt. And they can get pretty harsh depending on the subject and if they are passionate about the subject of the thread.

You're not going to like everyone's opinions honey, but the moment you decide to place your thoughts into a public forum you are going to get OTHER OPINIONS whether you like it or not regardless of it makes you feel bad.

Listen, I'm not trying to be a jerk or say that you don't have the right to feel this way... just offering MY OPINION to your post.

 

It is hard to interpret how people are meaning to say their comments on the internet though. They could have been jokingly saracastic whie you end up taking it as being a jerk. And then some people just tell the truth which may not be what you wanted to hear and thus is rude. Unless you are 100% sure, I wouldn't let any comments get to you. And anyways, why would you let anyone have the satisfaction of knowing they ruined your day with a comment on here? You don't know them, don't have to know them, so brush it off. :)

Marianne, I think people just think they know everything. Often, when we are successful at something, and we do it a certain way, we think that is the only way it can be done, and we can be critical of others doing it differently. Some people are mean due to insecurities, some are just plain mean, and others probably don't realize how mean they sound. Some just attack you and your ideas (goes back to thinking they are right and you are wrong) I was raised if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all. It doesn't mean I agree with everyone, but it does mean that when I disagree, I will try to offer my input in way that does not put the other person down, but in a way that can possibly help them see if they are doing something dangerous.  You are welcome to vent.

Sometimes I equate people's behavior on this site to my time living in DC, which has an absolutely insane number of tourists in certain parts of town.  You know that they're tourists, and that they don't know where they're going, but you can't help but get a little peeved that they're clogging up your hometown, getting in your way, and fumbling around the public transit system.  Sometimes, when you're in a good mood, you stop and help them, give them advice or direction.  Other days, you just feel like they all have the same damn questions and wonder why they didn't just do a little research on the internet before they came.  There are a lot of people on caloriecount who don't seem to remember the time when they were new in town.  

I don't often take the time to answer questions that have been asked a million times.  I am amazed by the patience and generosity of those who do.  But I don't leave snippy comments about the redundancy of those questions, either.  I ignore them.  Just like I ignored most of those tourists.

As kristicro said, and I agree, that people think they know everything.  That combined with the fact that this is the internet, it's easy to say what is on your mind, at the moment. 

Alot of people that wouldn't be able to vent in real life, do use the computer to hide behind and say whatever.  Like, have you ever been so overwhelmed by something else (i.e. work) that you take your frustration out on a coworker, a store employee ?  I think that is what happens here.  Perhaps some of people's life frustrations are being taken out on people on the internet; it's easy to hide behind a computer and be "mean".  Sorry you ran into that here.

Just be happy being you.  Vent when you need to, in proper fashion.  If you wouldn't vent like "that" in real life, a person shouldn't vent like "that" hiding behind a computer on the internet.

I hope you find happier forums : )

Original Post by playergirl:

That combined with the fact that this is the internet, it's easy to say what is on your mind, at the moment. 

 

Indeed - the internet has the remarkable ability to give the most reserved person an impressive, or annoying, set of e-balls. (my new favorite word)

The other remarkable thing about the internet is ignoring someone is just as easy as being annoyingly brash.  I know it's easier said than done, but don't take every post so seriously - it will be a much less stressful experience.

Of course, the occasional rant helps, too. 

I wrote on , what I call;  forum Nazis, in my journal.  LOL  Again, in my opinion, people who are rude and appear uncaring are suffering themselves.. Miserable people want to make others unhappy.Some people actually have little going on in life and may have a husband/wife/lover who is abusive, or the kids run over them or the neighbors, co -workers etc. You have seen the type, they can't control what goes on in their homes, they can't even control their weight problem so the only power they feel that they have is online and being rude and hate filled,it is control for them.  Ignoring is a weapon. You can't feed in to those types, they usually stop,when they see they can not get the reaction they sooooo crave.

I had hoped to for the same thing but for the most part, I have seen many caring, and compassionate souls here and they out number the others.

I'm so sorry, I should have mentioned that I have not personally experienced anyone being mean.  I log on every day and I like to read the forums.  And it just seems that in a lot of them, there are always 1 or 2 people that seem to be "mean" to someone.  And then you can go on to read how the argument continues.  It just makes me feel bad for the person being attacked. 

I totally agree with what you all had to say - so thanks!

medveditsa - your comments seriously made me laugh!!

santenacci - I need to tell you that I LOVE "e-balls" - I have never heard that before! : )

direwolf689 - I'm so sorry that someone tried to get you kicked off!!  That's horrible : (  Sounds like you definitely experienced the mean people I was trying to describe.

 lilithinwaiting - you're absolutely right. There ARE more caring people than there are mean.  I shouldn't let the "negative" ones get to me.  Thanks!

Thanks again everyone!! xoxo

What, you thought you were in paradise? =p

marianne8946 - when i first read the title of this thread my first thought was...

Because they're HUNGRY!  Who's meaner than a hungry person?? :)) lol

Well, the only time I'm "mean" is when kids consistently post talking about how they're eating 1000 calories but they're not hungry, thus their body DOESN'T need more. Some times it actually turns into a back & forth with them arguing about how they're perfectly fine & they're no longer growing even though they're 15 & their body doesn't need more food. Literally, if you've spent more than 5 seconds on this site, you know that's unhealthy... what do they expect us to say? But, the situation varies & you can usually pick out someone who legitimately doesn't know what they're doing is bad from someone who's doing it to lose weight faster. I'm more sensitive to the first, but the latter will usually get a response from me.
That's a touchy subject to me because I've recovered from an eating disorder & I can just see it starting in some of these posts & it brings me back to my young days of stupidity & frustrates me immensely. & back then, I didn't NEED someone to be nice to me. What I needed was someone to smack me upside the head & tell me that what I was doing was insane & dangerous & that I needed to stop & if I couldn't, I had to get help. tough love.

Also, it's just common sense to me that you'd do a search before posting a new topic to make sure there aren't already like 285029 threads on that topic. But new posts like that usually just make me roll my eyes & close the thread, not necessarily give a response.

We may be on the internet, but we're still human.
Everyone only has so much patience & it's completely unrealistic to think that someone can read the same ridiculousness day after day & not have some response.

With that being said, I don't honestly think I can recall a time when I saw a post that I thought was unwarranted & legitimately CRUEL. Sarcastic, yes. Snippy, yes. But not anything that has crossed that line. In general, I'd say the people here are some of the nicest. Not sure what threads you've seen, but to each her own I guess.

Why are people ANYWHERE mean? The possibilities are endless!

I know I can be mean sometimes... so I usually stick to The Lounge.  When it comes to health and fitness, I try to be supportive of people and give them helpful advice.

Without some specific examples from you guys, I'd like to chip in with some of my own observations. Frankly there are some folks on here who need to be smacked with a skillet.

1 - I've seen some of the OP's get nasty with people who responded to them but failed to support their goal/idea/fad diet/obvious eating disorder. 

There is one poster here in particular who springs to mind.  She posts some of the most ridiculous questions and people go out of their way to be supportive and nice when they answer her.  Yet because they disagree with her, she posts replies calling them names and even asking some folks not to post in her threads.  I'm not even sure why she's here.  One post had her as a very short (~5') very obese person (~180#) with "rolls and lumps of fat" and a few weeks later she's supposed "at her goal weight" and looking good in size 4 clothes. Maybe if you traded in food for meth, but that's about the only way that happens in 3 weeks. 

2 - Some of the people who post are obviously in the employ of various diet book publishers, diet supplement companies, etc. 

You can spot them because you see the same person posting over and over and over and over about how diet/supplement/enema/etc. X works wonders.  The only time they don't post about that it is when they're bashing Product Y. 

3 - As for the whole n00b syndrome, JFC!  Is it asking too much to have them read the FAQ's or even the top stickyed "Start Here" post before they start in with a million questions that have already been covered. 

First off, there really needs to be a FAQ portion of the web site.  If you don't feel like typing out a reply, just paste in a link to the appropriate part of the FAQ's.  If you can't be bothered to read a bit *BEFORE* you start posting, someone should give you some crap about it.  It takes time for someone to sit and answer your questions.  You're sucking up the most precious commodity any of us has - time.  It's the one thing that you can never have enough of and once it's gone, you can't get it back.  Posting things that have been answered 47,786,934 times is just downright disrespectful to the rest of the forum and to the people you expect to take their time to craft an answer for you. 

 

 

Well, I try to be friendly and nice to people.

MOLLY

Original Post by foxylady_st:

marianne8946 - when i first read the title of this thread my first thought was...

Because they're HUNGRY! Who's meaner than a hungry person?? :)) lol

Hey! Get out of my brain :P

And you do an awfully fine job, Molly.

;-)

HI marianne, While I am sure there are some folks on here that appear to be mean or blunt, I have to say that I have been blessed to find 2 threads in which the people have been extremely supportive and helpful and we all seem to be  understanding of each other. having found those 2 threads, I really haven't done alot of surfing around the site or getting in on other forums as keeping in touch on those two threads and everything keeps me busy enough.  I hope that you find the support that you need like I have. I couldn't say enough good things with the groups I am corresponding with. good luck in all your endeavors and may you be happy and healthy............lonestarpenny