People on here with low expectations

I'm just wondering what you all think about this.  I've noticed there's a lot of people on here who've decided that they'll simply never be able to be a healthy weight, even if they lose successfully.  I see lots of posts like, "I'm trying to lose weight, but I know I'll never have a BMI under 25, waist under 35 inches, weight within the normal range, etc"  I can understand saying, "I know I'll never be a 90lb runway model" or, "I know I'll never be a size 0"  but why do so many people have such low expectations??

I hear you!   It seems a lot of people would prefer to make the excuse that 'it will never happen, so why bother', instead of going out and making it happen.

Hi Kathleen_i...

I have been on this site for one year now..  I have seen my share of doubters.. and I have seen my share of impossible expectations. 

I, however, have just reached my half way mark.  I started here at 245lbs and currently am at 211 with a goal of 175. I was busting out of my size 20W's and am now sitting comfortably in my 16W's. 

I have personally had moments where I was stuck in a plateau and felt bad, but when I feel that way I just "pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again". :)

I have also learned that these message boards tend to be frustrating and overloaded with silly posts or impossible expectations like a teenager of average height complaining that she just can't get down to 105lbs from 125lbs. or people complaining that while consuming only 700 calories a day, why they aren't losing anything!!!  Because of those kinds of posts, I don't stop in here in the forums very much anymore, I just post in my journal, and my friends reply when they have time. :)

Good luck to you on your journey for health.

i'll wager a guess that perhaps their frustrated, maybe a little depressed. perhaps some of them are older and it's more difficult. no two people are the same. we  all have our ups and downs, so you may be hearing people venting when they're feeling low. when i feel good, my spirits are high, i've had a good day, week or whatever i feel like i could take on anything...even losing weight. or maybe they're just attempting to be as realistic as they feel they can be about it. as you can see, there's as  many different reasons as there are people. it's not something you can clump into one cause. i intend to get down to a particular goal weight, but i've read so many times....it's not a number you should strive for, but what makes you happy....so maybe some of these people are prescribing to that attitude. in the end does it really matter? i know my body best, my needs best and attempt to keep an open mind and continuously learn how to eat better, exercise and try to become healthier. i must do this for myself. no one else can do it for me. so as much as i like to help when i can, i realize in the end people just like me will do what they feel is best for themselves, and i guess that's the way it should be.

Maybe, like me, they don't care enough about it to do the amount of work that they know it would take to a)make it happen and b)maintain at that level... when I started my diet I didn't really expect it to work at all, because past experience said that my body was stubbornly resistant to losing weight! Imagine my surprise when I found out how relatively easy it was when you have the right tools... six months later I'm still at it. All the same, I have no desire whatsoever to see how small I can manage to make myself become. My initial goal was 200 pounds... since I don't expect to have any difficulty getting there at this point - the weight just keeps coming off gradually! - I've lowered it to 190, but I really don't think I'll be going much below that. I'm not on a diet with a specific end-point in mind, I'm enjoying a healthy lifestyle that I should be able to keep up forever... I know that the lower your bodyweight gets, the harder you have to work to keep the weightloss coming, and frankly, I don't have the time, patience, or the burning desire that it takes to make it happen! I've already achieved more than I ever dreamed I could and there isn't any real reason to need to push the envelope much further.

I know I thought like this when I was just staring out on CC, and was being the typical, impatient, not eating enough, desperate dork. But the community here is really supportive, and when you're feeling down, or that you're going nowhere, people really do boost you up and give you helpful advice (you just need to listen to it usually!).

I've been here for a little over a month, and have officially declared my first 10lbs gone as of today, and it feels amazing, but for the first 2 weeks all I really did was worry and complain :P

Also, runway models are severely underweight, and if you're in any way tall, you shouldn't be a size zero! Its unhealthy! My little sister is naturally thin, and is a double 0, and let me tell you, she is BONY. I like a little cushion for my bottom thanks.

Personally though, I haven't really seen much of the depressed attitude here on the forums, frustration and confusion, yes, but not the "i give up" attitude. To me everybody seems pretty optimistic.

Honestly, I think it's because our goals change over the years. When I was in my early 20's, size 4-6 worked for me. But now, at 35 with two children and a husband of 11 years.. I am not inclined to try and maintain that youthful "the thinner the better" attitude I had.  I existed for years on a no fat/ultra low fat diet to maintain that size and when I crashed from it the pounds came on quick and though I've yo yo'ed over the years.. they haven't stopped coming on. I wasn't skinny at 150lbs, but I was comfortable in my own skin.. and honestly, THAT is what is important to me at this point..  It's not about having "low" expectations, it's about having reasonable ones. I'm doing this to be healthy and comfortable.. not to be a size 4, 6 or necessarily even a size 8. I hope that gives you some insight. :)

 

Mary

Yeah I've been there, in the beginning. But i've now tackled my first 10 pounds and feel pretty good about myself.

I can say that what your talking about doesn't bother me nearly as muchas the 5'7 girl coming on here saying she's 110 but would LOVE to get to 100 and eating 800 cals a day........."why am I not losing any weight?".

Those are the post that bother me the most!!!

Original Post by kathleen_i:

I'm just wondering what you all think about this. I've noticed there's a lot of people on here who've decided that they'll simply never be able to be a healthy weight, even if they lose successfully. I see lots of posts like, "I'm trying to lose weight, but I know I'll never have a BMI under 25, waist under 35 inches, weight within the normal range, etc" I can understand saying, "I know I'll never be a 90lb runway model" or, "I know I'll never be a size 0" but why do so many people have such low expectations??

I used to be the same way! I always said I'll never be a size 4 and I'll never like exercise. Well, I'm currently a size 4 and I'm a personal trainer. It wasn't until I stopped saying "I'll never" and started saying "I CAN" that things changed in my life. Attitude is EVERYTHING!!! But, it really helps if you have the encouragement of people around you. Without that it is really hard to get off the negative thinking. I now believe I can accomplish anything I want to...the key words being "WANT TO"...most people are really saying "I don't want to" when they say "I can't or I'll never." I've been there too and  every now and again I still have to remind myself to think positively when I get frustrated with my progress.

Some days I feel like that, others I dream of my future size 6 pants.  Personally, although I have been "technically obese" for maybe 4.5 years, I was always overweight.  The lowest I ever remeber being while measuring 5'1" is like 140 or 145.  So its hard to believe that I could lose weight, and actually go past my grade 9 weight down to a healthy bmi, at 115ish.

Also, I think it's easier to have lower expecatations, especially in the beginning, that way you stay motivated because you are closer to reaching your goal.  I mean, losing the 70 lbs I have left to 140 will take me over a year.  I'm telling myself, once I get there, then I can think of getting to my EXTREME OMG 115 lbs weight. 

I agree that there is a difference between having reasonable expectations and unusually LOW expectations.  And there are those that start out by making excuses for how they are NOT going to succeed - and they are therefore NOT going to succeed. 

The Bible says: Proverbs 23:7 For as he thinketh within himself, so is he.  The more you say you'll never do it...the more you believe you will never do it...you might as well face the fact that YOU WILL NEVER DO IT.

Until a person changes that within themselves, they're really fulfilling their own prophetic word about themselves.  You have to believe first - and then achieve!

 

I guess I see both sides. Of course if you think you cant do something you wont be able to.   However......I am 5'2 and 295 pounds.  At 22 I was a size 4.  That was before I destroyed my body by getting to nearly 300 pounds.....and also before losing a baby at 6 months, and then 6 months later getting pregnant with my daughter and staying on bedrest the entire time to keep from losing her.   I will be 28 in less than 5 months.  I have put my body through hell for a long long time.   I know that the likelyhood of reaching a size 2-4 again is pretty darn low....no matter how hard I work or how long I work.  So why set myself up for failure by letting myself think I will ever again have a 21 year olds body?   I am aiming for 140.  That is a 165 pound weight loss....without surgery.  If I can get there I will be darn happy.....and will thank god that I made it.   If I only get to 150-160, I am not going to beat myself up over it.  The only I CAN that I am worried about is this......I CAN get to the point where I can tie my shoes or wipe by butt without a struggle.  I CAN lose enough weight so that I will live to see my daughter grow into a woman.   Will I lose enough to be able to shop in the juniors section or enough to be the hottest MILF on the block?  Maybe.  Anything is possible.  

I dont "expect" to become a size 4 with the body of a personal trainer.....that is best summed up with the word "hope".   My expectations are limited by probability and reality.  My hopes are limitless and worth fighting for....but big expectations can lead to big letdowns. 

On a much less dramatic level, I've had a similar issue as jenmary.  I was skinny-mini until I finished college.  then I was normal.  Then I got married.  I haven't been under 150 for 10 years.  Although  I intend to make my ideal goal weight of 139, I will be very happy to reach 150.  I will look at what I'm doing and reevaluate what my goals are then and see if my goal weight is still practical and ideal. 

When I was thin, I wanted to be bigger.  When I was normal, I wanted a cushion.  Now I want to be able to move around and have fun again.  It's not the size so much but the strength and endurance I miss just from being smaller. 

I just cant wait to reach my goal weight of 115. I have a long way to go. I am currently 238. I started at 246. So I am excited because this is the first time in years that I have lost any weight and I am setting my expectations high. I do not want to be 150 and still feel heavy. I want to be 115. I am so tired of being the fat lady. I guess each person just has different expectations. My idol is Joyce Meyers, that lady is like 60 but she takes care of herself and looks really good. her figure is actually cute. When I preach the word of God, no matter how old I am I just dont want people focusing on my weight. My weight is a distraction. I want them to focus on what God has to say through me. This is the first time that I have started dieting with the Holy Spirit in control. How can I fail?

I think it is due to unreasonable expectations. So many of us look at that big number instead of taking it 5 or 10 pounds at a time. A big number is overwhelming and if that is what you focus on you may be less likely to reach your goal. Take it 10 pounds at a time and eventually you will reach it. Celebrate every 10 pounds, not with food, though.  Take it one day at a time.

Wow,  i_will_lose_it, I have to say that I admire you a lot for keeping up with the training with 6 kids   ;-)

I  have 3 kids (12-13-15) and 2 of them are in competitive sports like hockey, rugby and football, so every nights and week-ends we are at practices or tournaments, and I am still working out to compete, I make time for myself, but most of my friends (99% of them, and they all think I am crazy) have that excuse why they can't train, ''Oh I can't train anymore because I have kids''.  And I find that it is not an excuse  ;-)  When my kids where young I used to put them all in the stroller and go joggin, rollerblading, swimming, etc...  Congrats and continue you good work, You should post pictures of your progress  ;-)    My motivation is that I will be in good shape when I am older (maybe even when I will be 80, my husband's grand-father was still very active at 89  !!!) and then I will still be able to run around outside with my kids and grand-kids and familly  ;-)  And I will be able to say to my grand-kids, look that was me when I was young like you  hi hi !!!

And for the thread, I think people want to have results fast but they don't believe in themselfs enough, and they keep putting themselves down, it is like (I dont know if I can say this but) they are "victimizing" themselves, they dont think they are good enough to deserve to be like that, society is like that, only special people get to be skinny and build, we only see that in magazines, but you know what, it is not true, anybody can do it, and people in magazine are real people, I know a couple of them and they ARE real...

Believe in yourself and you can achieve anything  ;-) yes it can be hard/easy sometimes but hey that's life and if we keep thinking about the negative side,  then things will go slower. Just think about the positive that will come out of it and eveything will go faster, one step at a time  ;-), be patient, success is just around the corner  ;-)

A good way of seing your progress and staying motivated is taking pictures once a month and putting them in a special book one after the other with the measurements, every inch counts  ;-).

So, you all have a great sweatty training at the gym  ;-)

Train Hard, Dream a little  ;-)