People making you feel bad about the way you looked before the loss?

I've lost 17 pounds since January.

I did it for my health and I feel great.

But, I am getting lots of remarks,  like "You've lost ALOT of weight! You look good!"

Or, "Hey, your face is really shaping up!" (???)

I think I'm just as attractive as I was last January.

The comments are starting to kind of irritate me. I'm going to feel horrible when/if I gain the weight back, you know.

I guess that should be motivation, but I was always happy with the way I looked and I'm tired of hearing about how much better I am now.

Is this a strange thing? Are you having similar experiences on your journey?

i think it's normal, but i also think there are some problems with your thinking.

first, other people aren't doing this to you; you're doing it to yourself.  taking responsibility for your own emotions is really important.

second, by thinking "when/if I gain the weight back" you kind-of give yourself permission to gain it back.  it shouldn't even be an option.

lots of people deliver compliments in awkward, back-handed ways; you can't let that impact the way you feel about yourself.

It eventually dies down...about the time (for me a year+ a bit later) when they realize they're saying the same thing for the 10th time.

At first the comments were a great compliment...a few months into them it because kind of a back handed compliment...now a year+ later, it shows how well some people don't know me. 

Original Post by pgeorgian:

first, other people aren't doing this to you; you're doing it to yourself.  taking responsibility for your own emotions is really important.

 What in the world are you talking about?

Original Post by smwhipple:

It eventually dies down...about the time (for me a year+ a bit later) when they realize they're saying the same thing for the 10th time.

At first the comments were a great compliment...a few months into them it because kind of a back handed compliment...now a year+ later, it shows how well some people don't know me. 

Heheheh. People are strange things. Thank you for sharing.

Original Post by nursedoom:

Original Post by pgeorgian:

first, other people aren't doing this to you; you're doing it to yourself.  taking responsibility for your own emotions is really important.

 What in the world are you talking about?

i'm talking about your thread title: other people making you feel bad.  other people don't "make you feel" anything.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by nursedoom:

Original Post by pgeorgian:

first, other people aren't doing this to you; you're doing it to yourself.  taking responsibility for your own emotions is really important.

 What in the world are you talking about?

i'm talking about your thread title: other people making you feel bad.  other people don't "make you feel" anything.

That's... deep.

People tend to state the obvious. It's no different than if you see someone who just cut their hair, "You had a haircut! It really suits you!", and THAT remark making that person think, "Oh, so my last hairstyle disn't suit me?".

I think it's normal, and you just have to see it as a compliment :)

Yeah when I first gained those extra 2 stone which I am now losing people actually asked me if I was pregnant, which I clearly wasn't. Now people at work say I look really great and my face is slimmer etc etc which is nice but it makes me wonder what they thought of me before.

I was JUST complaining to my mom about the same thing!

Everyone at work started saying things like "Wow, you've lost weight!" and "Look how thin you are!" Which makes me very ashamed of how I looked before (I didn't even notice there was much of a difference, really).

In fact, a few guys from work recently asked me out by saying "You've been looking great lately, can I get your number?"

What the hell? You just admitted you're shallow and you used to think I was a fatty. Why would I give you my number?!    D:<

I totally agree!  I'm very self-conscious about people complimenting me on my weight loss because all I can think of is how bad I must have looked before and I'd like to forget it.  I know I am definitely in the minority to feel that way-most people love the compliment-but it's true!

This kind of response to a compliment makes it really difficult for people to support people who are losing weight. It IS possible to look good overweight and then look better when you've lost weight.

no kidding, poofy!  so people say nothing, and then you're offended that they didn't notice.

i guess that's the essential problem with doing it for other people.

I got a compliment the other day about how great I was looking especially around my face and then the person must of had that light go off in their head thinking they must of sounded like they thought I was huge before or something, they then tried to back track and say not that I thought you were big before or anything.  I just chuckled and said thank you and yes, I was getting a little on the hefty side. 

I appreciate the compliments when they come but don't expect them nor care if I don't get them.  I am not doing this for anyone but myself and my family.   The only things that really bother me are the people that go on and on and on or those that ask how much I plan to loose and when I tell them I have 20 more pounds to go they are like no way you don't need to loose that much etc.  20 more pounds just gets me into the healthy BMI range and that is where I am headed unless when I get closer my body says no way. 

Wow, been there, sister! I think that how I have felt about compliments has more to do with my own internal struggles than what they are really thinking or meaning, if that makes any sense.

I used to hate anyone noticing my weight loss, because to me it just meant they noticed how big I was before. I hated the subtext I always heard...."You are looking good, keep it up" meant "You look better than before, when you looked really bad...but you have a long way to go so keep losing, fatty!" Oh how I hated that subtext. And worse was knowing how awful I would feel if/when I gained weight back, as I enevitably did.

Something shifted along the way, though....I don't mind the compliments anymore, in fact I rather like them! I have accepted my place on my path...halfway to a normal bmi. I HAVE come a long way, and I DO have a long way to go, so anyone noticing that is ok...I am so proud of how far I have come. And because I KNOW I am on the path for good, I don't see compliments as a reminder of how bad I will feel if/when I gain weight....no such thing. If I do gain weight, I will certainly have bigger problems than how others see it.

I'm not sure this is helpful though, since you are clearly already a "normal" size, so yeah if I went from say 150 to 140 and people made those same kind of comments I'd feel a little rattled too. I guess the best thing to do is try and just hear the compliment, not the subtext!

pgeorgian: I can't speak for the others, but I wouldn't be offended if people stopped verbally/publicly judging me by my weight. I'd be much happier if people didn't give me any compliments at all than if they gave me the kind that make me feel ashamed for being fat to begin with. 

I'd rather have a compliment on my personality or talent than on my appearance anyway, ESPECIALLY from someone I don't know very well.  A loved one can comment/compliment all she wants, but my appearance (pretty or ugly) isn't the business of random strangers.

Sorry if that comes off as overly sensitive. It's just how I've always felt (even before I gained my weight).

kitty, i think most of us struggle to take compliments, especially about something as person as our bodies.  the point is, that discomfort lives within us; it's not about the person giving the compliment (or comment, or dig, or whatever). 

the position that i'm advocating is just about making conscious decisions about whose opinions matter.  if someone is going to give a back-handed compliment or a dig (or an inappropriate, invasive comment, for that matter), i can't stop them, but i can choose whether or not i'm going to let them impact me.

it's not easy, and it takes practice, but it feels great to take that power back ;)