people getting married younger and younger

So I just found out ANOTHER girl I went to high school with (I graduated 2006) is getting married. She has known the guy for 8 months, lived at home the whole time, and is barely 19 y/o. Two of my other friends are 20 and engaged, and my old co-worker got married at 19. All these ppl have barely known their significant other and I'm in a relationship for 2 years now (living together for 1 1/2 years) and I'm nowhere close to getting proposed to and it's kind of depressing...I've always wanted to be married and I'm only 20 but my boyfriend won't even pop the question 5 years from now, even though it's been two and we want to spend the rest of our lives together. It's kind of unfair seeing as how my relationship is actually strong and I know the person I'm living with, unlike these people.

 

so my question, does it seem liek people are getting married way too young these days? and then the divorce rate seems to just skyrocket...

 

this is also California ;)

all my friends are my age (20) and have mostly all had kids and got married fast.

thats totally not what I would ever do, but hey, who am I to say whats too young?

Not when you consider that it used to be perfectly normal to get married shortly after puberty.

yes, it used to be normal, but they were simpler times and now there is a lot more risk involved. This economy and this generation...it's not practical to be married so young when virtually every career requires a college education and marriage is taken for granted these days, and people are starting to not be able to handle it. People are getting married because they think it's the "thing to do" and that it marks success in their life. Then they figure out how much they didn't know about the person they married, found out that they should have lived together before they married, and once the tiniest thing goes wrong people see divorce as the easy way out. All it takes is money to end a marriage and try it again. People (kids, mainly) think marriage is all about a big event with a white dress and a fat ring when they don't realize the matters of merging accounts, sharing everything, being around each other every day, paying for their own expenses, etc. being too young doesn't give people the chance to make a living for themselves and mature and eventually financial problems occur. So, being married young isn't what it used to be, the world is a lot more complicated then the house-wife days of WWII and the early colonials.

Statistically, people are getting married older today than they did in the last century.  So youthful marriage is not causing higher divorce rates.

I agree that people have more obligations today that discourage them from marrying young.  Unlike you, though, I tend to think that's a bad thing.  Most of us start to get a little, well, jaded the older we get, and I think that can make it more difficult to find somebody and commit to them unequivocally.  There's something kinda sweet about young love that gets lost over time.

Just my $.02.

True, the older people get the harder it is to settle since they are so well established in their own life. I think that divorce rates are lower nationally because it's too expensive to have one; that means a lot of times people will have affairs instead or get separated/move out. Maybe it's all a double edged-sword and no matter what age you are it has its chances of screwing up! lol young love it sweet, however young bankruptcy and being unable to handle such a fast change of lifestyle is not. I guess it has it's ups and downs, and maybe it is just where I live that the culture is different but California divorce rates are insane. I don't know the world but every couple that I know of that were married too young are now divorced and paying child support. I'm not saying young is bad, but TOO young has a lot more pitfalls. I'd say anything below 23 is getting into "too young" territory, but again that's just my own opinion as well.

 

it's just a tad frustrating to hear about a new engagement every month and realize that they are people who hardly know a thing about each other almost every time.

Two of my friends ran off and got married at eighteen .  They were fighting a lot, she'd had a restraining order on him, and as soon as she tur4ned eighteen she married him and just had a baby less than a month ago withh im.  It's awkward and I don't fully understand it but she's happen.

People are having kids younger and younger, but I dont' se e whole lot of marriages under 28 these days.

yeah that's crazy. and the baby thing is so true. Here, I don't know a single couple who got married/are getting married after the age of 25. It's like a race to the altar and it's insane. Once you hit 25 here and you're still single, people start to feel bad for you, and you can tell when they are around you, it's almost like pity in a way. I haven't experienced it toward myself yet, but I know that married people talk to unmarried people like they are leading a sad life. It's horrible, but hey, at least it's not the OC!

 

that's even worse....you have to be wealthy, fake, and married :/

You are far too young to be as cynical about marriage as you are. I've said it before, and I will say it again, I was very young when I got married to my husband, having known him for a grand total of 6 weeks. We've been married 10 years now, and no, divorce was not then, nor is it now, an option.

A lot of people do get in to marriage knowing that they can get out of it, but honestly (and this is not being mean and perhaps I am reading too much into your words), it sounds like you are a tiny bit jealous that you're not getting married and are trying to justify your lack of wedding band by assuring yourself that all of these young marriages will end in divorce. Some of them will, some of them won't. I personally found it pleasant to grow up with my husband - I have helped shape him into who he is today; something I am quite proud of. Merging lives isn't actually that difficult, and I couldn't be happier that I decided to do so with my husband.

I've known my husband since I was 14 years old. We had first period class and a couple of other classes together freshman year, and continued to have classes together all throughout high school.

We started dating when I was 16. Even not too long after we met, we grew extremely close and we constantly were asked, "Are you going out?" "Is he your boyfriend?" "She your girlfriend?" "You should go out, you two would make an awesome couple!" We hung out basically every day for four years of high school, and dated for 2.5 years of high school.

I married him a few months after I turned 19. We had been apart for about a year before the marriage, because he joined the Corps and had to do a bunch of lovely training for a job he doesn't seem to ever get to do (go figure). We had never lived together, and we had a bunch of rough times before even getting married. We grew up together, and we'll continue growing up together. He's currently deployed, and I'm handling the finances, the house, the pet, etc, all by myself. We both knew we were ready for marriage at least a year before we got married. We knew we could handle anything that came up.

It really does sound like you're just jealous, and a bit concerned for those couples who seem to be rushing to the alter. However, each individual couple will take things at their own pace, and not yours. If they feel they can make their marriage last, who are you to stop them? It's a bad situation for anyone of any age to get married--the economy sucks, some adults don't ever grow up, the divorce rate is high no matter what. If they're willing to take a shot at something that many people have become cynical towards and now view as pointless, then let them do it when they want to.

By the way, I'm a firm believer that you don't have to live with your future spouse before marrying them. I had never lived with my husband prior to moving in with him after we'd been married. It took a little bit of adjusting, but I like the fact that something had been reserved for after we were married. It was just one more thing we had to learn how to share. =)

I got married at 18 and that was 32 yrs ago,  I knew my huband for 6 mo.  Before that I dated a guy for 3 yrs that kept wanting to get married and I just kept putting him off. Maybe sometimes you just know. It depends on the people. I don't think I'd recommend it now days. Many young people are living with their parents longer because of the cost of living. I have one son that is married and got married young and have one child and he and his wife are both successful - but that isn't the normal. My youngest son is 28 and  I hope he gets married sometime soon. I think he's found the one he loves. Alot of people now day don't commit for life, things get rough for it's know fun anymore and off they go to the next one.

Why the rush to get married? I'm 30, have been with my significant other for almost 6 years, and we're talking about getting married within the next year. It's never been a huge priority for us to have the ceremony, because we've known for ages that we're committed to each other for life. So, in essence, we are already married, just haven't gone through the show yet. And the vast majority of my friends either just got married or just got engaged (all around my age)- so, not everyone is marrying at a young age!

Although lots of young marriages can work (my parents married at 21 and are still together and happy), I think there is a lot to say about waiting. I am a VERY different person than I was at 20, and I think people tend to grow and change the most in their 20's. Maybe you and you're partner will grow and change together, maybe not. For me, I know myself and what I want in life far more now than 5 or 10 years ago, so I'm more confident that my marriage will work. My 2 cents, anyway! 

My wife and I married at 23.  I'm not sure if that files under the context of 'extremely young' but it seems to be younger than average.

The first six months were a little rough, as I understand they usually are, but ever since has been smooth sailing.

I honestly believe that the increase in divorce rates is directly related to women's rights and freedoms. One of the main reasons why people did not divorce was not so much because they didn't believe in it morally or because it was so hard to get, it was because women didn't have many choices. In many places, women couldn't find housing if they were single, they couldn't work, they couldn't support their children. Women had to choose between being able to feed their children and getting beaten and abused.

While I know that sounds kind of extreme. It is largely true. Women were told that once they married, even if they married a mistake, they were stuck. Women were taught they had to remain in the marriage. Only a brave few before the 1970's saught divorce.

I believe very few people are actually ready for what marriage is. I think most romanticize about living with someone for the rest of their lives and don't give the real hard stuff much thought at all.  I don't belive most people go into marriage believing they can just divorce if things don't work out.

i just recently got my first wedding invitation from someone my age, it's so bizzare.

i really can't decide if they're totally crazy or if i'm just older than i feel.

Getting married younger CAN work. My parents got married when they were 18 and 30 yrs later are still married, however I do think they are the exception rather than the rule.

Alot of my highschool classmates ('99) have been married, divorced, and remarried. Quite a few of them got married right out of high school, then pregnant, and stayed at home with the baby...then the guy leaves her at 21 yrs old with a kid and she's never supported herself. She doesn't have the confidence of knowing that she CAN support herself...and it happens too often.

Statistically, I think, there is a better chance of the marriage surviving when both are a little more mature and are secure in themselves and what they want out of life...

A lot of people have always gotten married at a young age.  My grandmother got married at 17.  That was in the '50s.

Yeah, a lot of my highschool friends (I graduated in '05) are getting married and even moire of them have kids. When people ask about when I plan to marry and starta family, and I say 'well, I have another 4-5 years of school, then a few years to pay off debts... probably not before I'm 28 I guess' They look at me like I'm insane. Maybe 28 is too old to wait to start "life", but it seems right to me.

About a year ago I though I was ready to marry my highschool sweetheart who I'd been with for over 5 years. Luckily we didn't have the money. We've since broke up... guess it wasn't as perfect as I'd thought.

I do have one friend, a year older than me, who married a few months out of highschool and already has 2 kids. I've never seen anyone happier, and I'm pretty sure that she made the right choice and won't regret it. But, perhaps just one of those exceptions rather than a rule.

I honestly don't know anybody in my circle of family or friends (aside from people who grew up in the 40s or 50s) that got married right after high school.  I live in the DC area (a haven for many type-A, professional, go-getter, workaholics folks) so I don't know if that has anything to do with it, but the "rules" here are that you must have at least one college degree before you get married. 

EDIT:  This might be because it's nearly impossible to raise a family (financially speaking) in this area without at least one professional wage earner in the household, usually there are 2 though.

I'm almost 24 and am in no hurry to get married. I have a few friends my age or younger who are married. It's just not for me. I have way too many things I want to do with my life before I settled down and start a family. If I found someone with the same, or similar, goals as mine (esp. in terms of traveling) then that would be a different story.

Most people here don't get married until their early 30s. It seems to work out better.

I was really lucky.  I married my sweetheart when I was 16 and he was 18. I was also 6 months pregnant when we got married and had another kid before I was 20.  He had a good job, and I worked some to help out.  When the kids got old enough I went on to college (I did graduate with my highschool class even after the baby) and then got a good job.

We've been married 28 years this June 20th and although the first few years were tough, I wouldn't trade any of them.  The only thing I would change if I could, is that even I wish I'd waited to have my kids until I was older.  I think I could have been a better mom to them if I'd been more mature.