Some people are so RUDE!

OK, I know I've read several threads on this topic, but it's my time to rant right now - SOME PEOPLE!  Did their parents teach them to be rude and insensitive on a regular basis? 

I've worked SO hard the last few months and have lost around 30 lbs - Yes, I look really good.  I'm two pounds from that magic BMI of Healthy.  I went out with some old coworkers of mine last night that I haven't seen in 6 or so weeks, and when I got there all I got was stares, then "OhMyGod do you have an eating disorder?"  For crying out loud! How about a simple "wow, you look great" or even a "Dang baby, you're hot!" ;) well, that's probably wishful thinking, but anyway -

Seriously, this is not the first time comments like this have been thrown my way.  I've worked dang hard for this body and if you're going to notice it, how about a positive comment?!?!?  ugh.  Then of course there were the comments throughout dinner about the fact I wasn't eating the fried/sugared crap they were eating. Needless to say I won't be seeing them anytime soon.

I saw a funny birthday card one time that on the outside said "next time someone asks your age..." then the inside said "ask them how much they weigh".  I loved it - answer rude with rude, maybe they'll realize what they just said.  So how does one respond to "omygod are you ill? what's the matter with you?" what shall I respond?  "ohmygod are you?"

Ugh.  Done ranting. 

"Oh my God, are you ill?"

"No, but, oh my God, are you?  Because only someone with a mental illness would be that insensitive!"

Disclaimor: This is just my opinion!

We live in a society of extremes.  We want the biggest, fastest car, biggest house, best gadgets, etc etc. So when it comes to weight, there is still no difference.  Much of the population is at an unhealthy weight: either underweight (models and the like) or overweight.  As Americans, we have a hard time doing anything in moderation, collectively.

Since they saw you drop so much weight so quickly (congratulations, btw), they assume that you must have been doing something unhealthy to get there, especially as their own eating habits do not seem to coincide with your own.  They may have justified their own weight by saying "oh, i don't want to be in that unhealthy underweight class, so I'll be overweight-- no, I'll be curvy -- instead."

They also don't seem to realize how much the "eating disorder" comment can hurt.  I have grown up along side someone who suffers from anorexia and bulimia (not a good combination!) and have struggled with the same thoughts... I don't want to be anorexic, so I'd better eat more, which has caused me to be about 20 pounds heavier than I'd like, because I was "warding off" an eating disorder, in my mind.

While I think that I have found a healthy balance (and am still losing weight), not everyone recognizes the difference between balance and over-board, especially in our society. 

Not to be rude or anything, i was just wondering, maybe they see something different in you,  do you look pale? If yes, i think you should start taking vitamins, i take vitamin c + b complex and E for my skin to look healthy even when on a low calorie diet.  :)  That way, they can't say that you are ill, because you got blooming skin.  Just my 2 cents.

Iknow you would like sarcasm right now but I have advise in stead.  How about, "Oh, my G-d, are you sick?!"  and then you "Um, no.  I'm HEALTHY.  I made my eating  better and lost weight.  AND thanks alot, your reaction sucked."

The eating disorder comment really bugs me, probably more than any other, and I've received it a few times.  As if the only way people lose weight these days is to be ill - to me it's like they assume I am still as lazy as I was, sitting on my butt all day, but just starving myself for it. I coulcn't possibly be working my ass off (literally :)) and earning every pound lost!!  Okay simmer down, I know, I'm trying to tell myself.  :)

I actually asked someone if she was ill b/c she lost weight so fast one time, LOL.  She has since gained it all back.  I think she was taking something.  I had seen her at my local gym, but she lost weight fast!  She was all offended, I could tell. Oops!  I wasn't raised by rudos either.  She needed to lose some weight to be sure and so did I at the time.  I was both concerned that I didn't know what was wrong (her daughter was my room helper in Sunday School) and also curious about how to lose some weight myself. But like I said she looked on the ill side.  I think she was taking some form of speed, I can tell weight loss from speed from a healthy weight loss.  I thought maybe she had hyperthyroid, to me the outcome looks similar.  I'm almost sure she was taking a stimulant.  Not that I've never done that, but it does lend itself to a the look of hyperthyroidism.

If you are looking good and those are  your friends then I would think they would understand your choice to eat healthy and maintain a healthy weight for you.  I think we are getting used to everyone being fat and eating junk.  I bet all your friends are on diets this week, LOL.

Don't sweat it.  One of my friends has lost all her weight and at first I thought she looked fabulous.  I asked  her how in the world she did it and she said eating less and exercising more (wow, what an idea).  Anyway she does that spin class and south beach diet.  She hasn't gained back in fact she looks emaciated.  Even her posture has changed for the worse, but I don't think it is related to the weight loss. 

Sometimes people think they're paying you a compliment.  Others say stuff like that out of insecurity.  I've done both in varying degrees in my imperfect life!

I think a great way to deal with these comments is not to be snarky, but honest.  If you express yourself from a place of need, friends and colleagues might actually hear your problem.

Try this:  "Gosh, I have been working hard to get down to a healthy weight, and I am proud of what I have accomplished.  It hurts my feelings when you say I look sick.  Do you really mean that? I don't feel sick.  I feel great.  I'd love to hear you say I look great, too!"

How about "My BMI is 25, what's yours?"

Catch 22. If they are higher, they're fatter than you. If they are lower, then clearly you don't have an eating disorder. Probably they have no clue, which also tells you something.

Congratulations, by the way.

dang, baby, you're HOT!!! :)

Whether or not you keep up with the media, everyone knows about celebrities with eating disorders. One after the other, celebs are jumping on the anorexic/cocaine train. 

I think that's why your friends said what they said. Maybe they assumed that you were following the trend, as so many people are.

It's still ignorant though.


(edited: losing weight the "healthy" way is uncommon nowadays)

oh i agree totally, i have had friends tell me i was losing too much weight, or i was becoming anorexic, whatever..  i even had a couple friends discussing my meeting my weight loss goal over the summer, and such, when another woman stepped in (whom i dont know, but lives in my neighborhood) and asks them if i am sick, cos i have lost so much weight in the last year.. (over 75 lbs)..  i mean, comeon, cant a person work hard, and eat right and lose weight without being sick?  but honestly, i have a lot more people who are proud of my weightloss and impressed, and inspired..  so i just ignore the rest..

Thanks, Celtic rose! :)

I really want to be "snarky" (a word I have never heard before and REALLY like, will use often...:)) sometimes, but I don't have the personality to actually do it.  I think of those things afterwards. My standard answer these days is no, I've just stopped eating crap and started going to the gym.  Amazing how the tried and true methods work so well.

BTW, I'm headed to the gym tonight (I don't have my own scale...) and I'm praying I've lost those two lbs to hit that 25 mark! 

Thanks for all the congrats and comments, guys - you're awesome. 

kris

great suggestion! Good idea!  I have noticed that some people carry the low fat thing way too far and wind up looking very grey and flaky. your body does need moisture and oils to keep things flowing and moving and healthy.

I can totally relate to this--it's really a pain in the butt.  You're feeling great about what you're doing, and other people bring you down by opening their mouths and either being hateful or ignorant.  Someone in my office (not going to point fingers...) started telling people that I'm bulimic.  It's like: No, I lost weight because I eat healthy things all the time...and I go to the bathroom all the time because of the gallons of water I drink per day, but thanks for being so supportive and understanding!

I am eating disordered and I guess this was like a look on the other side in a very strange way. I agree that what they said was rude and heartless, not to mention degrading. I guess this thread just goes to show at how much of an epidemic eating disorders are becoming. NOBODY can lose weight without supposedly being sick.

But, I commend you on your hard work and your success in losing weight in a healthy way. You've earned it and don't let any craphead talk you down from being proud of yourself for it.

Some people ugh....whether people think they are justified in asking such questions or making comments,they shouldn't be said-no matter if they think it's rude or not.It's innapropriate and if someone wants to share with you whether they are ill or not,it most likely will not be when you ask a stupid question.If you don't have anything nice to say,don't say it at all.Just because one claims to be oh-so concerned-the bottom line is if something really were wrong,like I said,they probably won't share it with you anyway so what's the point.If someone wants to come to you with an actual problem,they will on their own terms-not yours....

ANYWAY Congratulations! and the most important thing is what you think of yourself,most times we can't rely on anyone else-not saying you do, but you know what I mean.Most people suck!...yea I wouldn't be hanging out with those friends anymore,either.

Consider the source of the comments.

I went out to dinner last week and ordered fajitas, knowing that most of it would be going home for the next day. I got a comment about what I wasn't eating and just kind of blew it off because the person asking isn't what I'd consider a good example of fitness. In other words, I don't take her comments to heart and basically blew off the inquiry.

Some people have no sense and don't deserve a response.

Uhh..yeah.  It's really none of anyone's business.  I'm not sure why they feel a right to make a comment about your weight or health.  You aren't going to turn around and say "OMG, you're fat!" and expect the person to NOT be offended.  There is far too much fat love going around these days.  It's almost offensive to be a normal wieght.

I got another comment at a barbeque yesterday about the fact that I didn't eat my hamburger on a bun.  Something along the lines of "no bun? wow, you're way too serious about that stuff".  OMG.  I am SO not sick and SO not too skinny!  I think it's because I haven't seen these people in 6 weeks and I HAVE lost a pretty noticeable amount of weight, but seriously.

And I didn't hit that magic 25 as I was hoping yesterday.  Aah, hopefully this week. I still look dang hot ;)

You know, I got a comment like this from my family last night at dinner and it made me upset too ...

I've been maintaining my weight at 115 for a few months now, and I really try to monitor what I eat because first of all, I know I'll gain if I'm not careful, and second of all I used to be a binge eater. So I was measuring out a half-cup of rice and a cup of milk, and my mum said irritably, 'Why do you always have to measure everything? You're way too obsessed with all this!' And when I tried to explain, she said I don't need to worry about weight. Well, easy for her to say: she's been rail-thin her entire life with no effort at all. It's harder than that for some of us. And excuse me if I'm trying to stay at a good weight and not go back to being overweight as I used to be, or go back to binge-eating!

Some people just don't get it, but I know that I'm happy being healthy and looking good, so I'm going to do what's right for me!!