For people who are severely overweight--Do you ever wonder what you actually look like?

and do you ever feel older than you are?

Sometimes I feel so old, even though Im only 20(yeah, i know, its stupid). I was 252lbs when i was 16 so I have never really experienced what its like to have a healthy or youthful body (Im 5 foot 4). When you think of someone who is 252lbs, you think of a middle aged person with kids or something. Thats kind of how i feel. I just feel like im in this old, creeky, body that doesnt function right. I dont even know what i look like undearneath all these layers of fat. i have know idea what my bones are structured like and what my face looks like without the double chin and giant cheeks.  

i didnt become obese until i was around 9 or 10 years old, but I can remember being in kindergarten feeling self conscious because I was the big girl and i didnt think i looked good in my clothes.  ive never been at a normal weight before.  i mean, ive never even been just 10 lbs overweight.  Ive always been pretty severely overweight.   i had to wear size 16 womens when i was im 7th grade, ive never worn a bikini and have barely been able to find size 20 bathing suits that arent covered in floral print. lol.  i just feel like i have this alternate identity, a healthy person trapped somewhere in me, that is dying to come out.  I wonder what she's like.  its weird.

I know the feeling.  I was always overweight when I was a kid.  At my biggest, as a kid, was 325lbs when I was 16yrs old.  Luckily I started sports then a friend's mother helped create a diet for me.  From the beginning of my junior year in high school to the begining of my senior year I lost 140lbs.  Even at 185lbs (at 6'2") I felt I was still fat, which I wasn't.  When I started my senior year I never expected to go from the fat kid everyone picked on to being accepted into the popular crowd.  I even has cheerleaders and other popular girls now talking to me.  I eventually has a break down due to alternate idenities.  I spent so much time working on the physical part of myself but never prepared myself mentally to the change. 

Any way, I had a accident a few years ago and I gained 200lbs in a year.  I've tried for over 11 yrs to lose the weight but I could never break 280lbs before ballooning back up to 360-375lbs).  I've felt week and sick most of these years but inside I felt like the skinny person I was for part of my life.  When I dream I'm skinny.  I don't feel I can be myself around most people because one, they treat me like I'm a lesser person because I'm fat, and two, because I guess I'm ashamed of what I left myself become again.

I'm losing weight again and I think this time I will get it off because the healthy person trapped inside is tired of being trapped.

So I guess I'm saying, if you really want to see what you look like skinny, peel away the layers and find your healthy self. :)  Just prepare yourself for what comes with a physical change.

I agree that being overweight for most of your life makes it very difficult to envision yourself at a healthy weight.  Having taken off the weight I still struggle with belief that my true identity is an overweight person and that my thinner self is an imposter.  I think that's why is so difficult for many to keep the weight off... because of the belief that being fat is who we are. 

Jessica, I have to say that it is a wonderful feeling to see yourself without the layers and I wish you the best in seeing it through and reaching your goals.   

Jessica, are you my twin? I've had to deal with exactly the SAME stuff as you described.. Always having to wear women's plus size clothes, feeling self-conscious, and my highest point (in 8th grade) was in the 250's. I've always been the big girl, too.

And, I've always wondered what I would look like skinny. I see pictures of my mom when she was younger around the house sometimes, and (well, she had less of a problem then than I did now) lots of people say I look like her, and I wonder if somehow I skipped that one cookie or slice of pizza I might look like her someday.

Also, a (random) suggestion: Try Land's End for swimsuits, they have some pretty cute stuff that isn't all floral (or all old people-ish, for that matter, either) and in bigger sizes. I got this really cute tankini last year that doesn't look at all hideous.

Hey Jess,

I am very much new to this site. Your post really touched my heart. I would love to be a team with you. You just seem like the most amazing of all girls. I, unfortunatly, created a superficial world where I can only be happy based on how I look for the day. It's terrible. You seem like you have what it takes to succeed. I would love to be friends on this site, only I don't know how to do that. The part where you mentioned about the floral bathing suits really made me laugh. Bathing suit shopping is hell, in all sizes, shapes and colors. You sound amazing and you inspire me.

jamie.

I don't know if this means anything to you, but every overweight person I have met, or seen on TV, actually turns out to be really handsome or totally beautiful. (I'm not saying that overweight people are ugly or not good looking, no, no. Its just after their weight loss you are like "WOW!") I keep noticing it and so does my mum! I think it helps that to lose weight you must take on a healthy lifestyle, rather than just trying anything to shed the weight. So obviously, if you have a awesome diet by the end of your journey, you are going to look a million times better than the rest of us who don't care to realise what we put into our bodies.

Good luck to all of you!!

bump. 

Hi Jessica,

my name is Elena and I have had such a difficult time because of my wieght... I was not very large at all until I turned 10 years old, in fact I would say that I was average. then as if by magic at the age of 10 I balooned and steadily gained wieght slowely over the years, on average 10-15 pounds a year. that seems like alot but in reality it really isn't. there were many reasons that I gained weight. i'd say that my constant stress and anxiety from being obese caused me to only eat more and more food. I also had a terrible experience at work and it caused me to overeat as well. then finally school made it very difficult to excercise. the worst part of it all is that my family is mostly average to thin.

when I was 14 years old I was so stressed about going to high school that I lost 40 pounds and became the ideal weight for my hieght. my mother also tried and succeeded in losing 40 pounds with me but unlike my mother I gained back all the wieght and then some and my mother kept her wieght off. so ever since then i have had no success in losing weight.

my mother is now, in my eyes, the perfect wieght and my father is an incredible 150 pounds and 5'6'' so i feel like i am an adopted child in the family... it makes my life even more difficult when people look at me and then my family and wonder how i ended up there. and in addition to that my brother is large but not nearly as large as me... i need to lose wieght but i just dont know how... pretty soon i will be too big to do anything...