People say the stupidest things!!

Last night i was thinking.....

Have you ever head someone or said something that sounded so

DUMB

You know one of those things that make you think 'why the hell did they/I say that??? :)'

3 gems from me are:

'The worlds best invention are hair straightners,chocolate......oh,and Bob Geldof'

'Adult tuna fish are really big?? How do they fit them in a can??'

LOL :)

Your turn

My mum once told me that babies dont need to eat as much as humans!!!

lol

LOL :)

And i have said

'Why doesnt an apple pip grow into an apple when i eat it?'

I REALLY NEED TO THINK SOMETIMES :)

My husband is a firefighter and they got called out for a brush fire on a ranch -- well the neighbor had a burn permit to burn the brush on his land and when the fire started to spread to the neighboring land he said "I thought the fence would stop it"- mind you this is a barbed wire fence too!!!

When I was in grade 8 , during shop class the teacher told me to use some elbow grease to get the top off a can.  I spent most of the class looking for it, until he realized how naive I was.

I work for a commercial plumbing contractor in the Atlanta, Georgia area.  Up until a year ago, we had a division that did residential service work - so when people call who need service, we refer them to another company.  This is a phone conversation I had with a man who needed a plumber today:

Me:  We no longer do service work, but I can give you the number of a company in Acworth who can help you.

Him:  Acworth......is that in Georgia?

OMG!!!  I felt like saying, "No, it's in Vermont, but with enough incentive they might make the drive down here!"  

From me:
"What's that thing called that you shoot cannonballs out of?"

From friends:
"What part of the pig do the ribs come from?"
"Is your sister Greek too?" (I guess that could be legit if she was adopted... but she's not...)

My hubby used to sell computers at Circuit City.  A customer called in to tell him that he sold her a computer with a defective game on it.  Apparently, the standard solitare game would't "let" her put a ten of diamonds on a jack of hearts.  

Oh, and there's a whole bunch floating around in an email that's being circulated, but I liked this one:

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because  if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but  we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live  forever,"

-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss  USA contest .

Taken from the papers my students have submitted to me, over a period of a couple years:

"the thoughts I think in my head"

"for years people died"

"as a young child, a lot of my childhood was spent at my grandma's house"

"guns have been part of America ever since the begging"

"the worst thing a writer can do is be boring because then their readers' minds will wonder" (yes, that's a typo but it's still funny)

"pigs are made of females and their young"

(my personal favorite)     "putting murderers to death will not stop them from killing again"

Not to make fun, but when my daughter was younger i showed her the perfectly circular hole in a rotisserie chicken from where the thick spoke had gone through it and she told me that was probably from where the shot it.

Years ago I worked as a mail carrier....

Other Mail Carrier: "Are you a mother"

Me: No...why do you ask?"

Other Mail Carrier: "Because you walk like a mother"

To this day I still wonder what the heck he meant!! (he would never tell me...just laughed when I asked what it meant) If anyone knows, please enlighten me! lol

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Also, after giving my 2 weeks notice at my first job a co-worker made the comment "getting short, huh?" and I had no idea what he meant! I actually asked  people if I looked like I was shorter! LOL! (anyone in the military will know this means your time in service is getting short)

Later I joined the Army...in basic training I was asked If "my dogs were barking"....I had no idea I was being asked if my feet were hurting!  The military has a language all it's own! LOL

You get some real winners bartending

Someone asked for a Absolute and Vodka and my personal favorite Jack and Coke straight up on the rocks

OMG I am a victim! I say all these really stupid things all the time! They just sort of come out without warning! ek! 

My sister trying to keep up with the times asked me who the government had captured...Osama or Bin Laden?  I had to kindly tell her that they were one and the same and and it was Saddam who had been captured.

My mom and I were listening to the news about the senator who said that he was not drunk when he crashed his car that he just didn't know the effect his prescribed medication would have on him.  My mom with a serious look on her face said, "Yeah right, that's like the president who said he didn't swallow."  I laughed long and hard when I realized that she was talking about president clinton who said that yes he tried Marijuana but didn't inhale.  Of course Minica Lewinsky went through my mind. LOL

I am the guilty one on this conversation:

me calling home: *ring ring ring*

<<hubby answers>> Hello?

Me: Hey sweetie- are you home from work yet?

Hubby: Ummm LOL

OOOPS! hehe

A guy we knew fell off a ladder and broke his collar bone.  A mutual friend of ours, upon hearing this, asked the guy "Did it hurt?" Uh - YEAH!!!!

When I was in high school I worked at a fast food place and when I had to work the drive-thru I would get people who would drive up and place their order then ask for it "to go"

a good friend of mine growing up ALWAYS came out with the funniest lines. and even funnier, she is now a doctor!

once we were eating some lunch, and she picked up the can of what her brother was eating turned it around slowwwly, examining it very carefully. then she said "i can't believe you are eating that! it's not dolphin safe!"

we both burst out laughing...it was a can of chicken!

another time she was making iced tea in one of those rubber maid type containers with a screw on lid and a little hole for you to pour out of. she was trying to pour the mix through the tiny hole, and it was spilling everywhere. she turned to us and said, completely serious "should i take the top off?"

and another unrelated one, i used to work at a bagel shop, next to a mcdonalds. we used to buy big bags of ice from McD's. so i was asked to go buy two bags. i placed my "order" for two bags of ice and the kid said "would you like that for here or to go?"

i know it was force of habit, but i still couldn't help laughing!

I remember saying something totally stupid and as soon as I said it it ws OMG how stupid am I

I was at Kitt Peak National observatory near Tucson and we were looking thru their "daytime" telescope to look at the sun - well its deflective so you just see the shadow not the actual sun and I said well why don't they look at it at night!!  I still can't believe that came out of my mouth

When my twin sister and I were in high school we were asked, "You two are twins right?"

"Right"

"Do you have the same mother?"  She was serious.

 My favorite was when our older sister (by 2 1/2 years) told a kid that we were really triplets but our mom wanted to wait so she kept us in for 2 1/2 years.  The idiot she told believed her!

A really sad one happened a couple of years ago.  I went to a town meeting and the discussion came around to building a much needed police station.  A very serious looking woman came to the microphone opposed to the idea saying, "It's like the movie 'A Field of Dreams', if we build it, the criminals will come.  Please don't build the new station.  I just know more criminals will come."  I can't believe I got scowled at by other people for laughing out loud.