People who wont help themselves...

Soo... Im about to rant.  I have to get this out.

I was talking to my friend about one of the posts I was reading in the weight loss forum.  Then I asked her if her personal trainer she just got at the gym also helps her with her eating habits or does she just help her with the work out.  She said she just helps her with the work out.  She then proceeded to complain about her weight, and how fat she thinks she is.  She is 5"4' at 153 lbs.

I had already informed my friend prior to today about this beautiful GEM called Calorie-Count.com.  I mentioned it to her again today.  I said if you would start tracking your calories everyday you would lose some weight quickly at first and then continue at a steady pace each week of weight loss if she kept with it.  SHE JUST SHOOK HER HEAD NO!!!   She has seen first hand the results I have gotten, and still she does nothing?  Then why complain to me!?!  I am willing to help her and she would have the entire world's support here at C-C but ... NOTHING?!?  Laziness???  FOR WHAT?!?! 

This upsets me a little bit... just a little.  Im sorry but people who complain and then do nothing to help themselves really piss me off.  I had to get that off of my chest.

ARRRGH....  >=(

no i totally understand how you feel! I've told my sister about the site and how easy it makes things and she's just like yea i can't do that. I'm like then don't complain. Her boyfriend also bought her an elliptical and a treadmill...neither of which she uses. It blows my mind.

I know people like that too. I have sent the link to this site to 5 people that needed the help and they just blew it off like it was silly. These are the same people who complain about their weight all morning but proceed to ask me to join them for nachos and pizza for lunch.

I think you have to be ready to make a change.  Up until a few months ago I was one of the people who wasn't ready, But I hated the way I looked and let it hinder every aspect of my life.  I complained.  I never went out (I didn't like being the fat friend), and my low self esteem even cause my fiance to dump me three weeks before our wedding.  I had to hit rock bottom.  I have now lost 20.6 pounds and still going.  I feel better about myself than I have in a long time.  But I had to be the one to make the dession to change my life in every aspect.  When your friend is really ready she will do something about it.  I say just sit back and let her complain, be her shoulder to cry on (we have all needed that suppoort).  I know it's frustrating, but what are friends for?

I think you are exactly right, sweetcarolyn83! Everyone has to come into these things on their own.

I know the feeling! What's even worse, they constantly complain about how fat they are compared to me (... I use my looks for my job, of course I'll look thinner in the pictures), and then they proceed to eat ice cream. And THEN they ask why I'm not eating that 400kcal sundae.

Uh, probably because I don't want to gain weight?

Oh, and THEN they tell me that I look anorexic and I should go to a doctor, blah blah blah (this girl I'm talking about is NOT my friend - and she's 5'3" and weighs around 170lb).

I feel like I'm mean, but I got to this point because I WORKED for it. Weight loss doesn't magically happen.

I hear ya, ladies. You try to encourage those who complains about their weight, while they told you to eat more and you look too "skinny". Well, This "skinny" doesn't just happens like you said over night. The "why that ice cream is not touched" is the reason why we can maintain and lose weight.
It is a simple but hard to grasp concept. It is equally hard to not fall into the same line of thought yourself though. I met a girl who is skinnier than me and she is counting calories. My reflect thought was "why would she even bother being so skinny like that?" Then the next second logic came kicking in I realize that the reason she can be and look like the was she does now, most likely due to she is counting calories. *doh* ... and it has just become a habit now.

Until one is ready to make the changes, no matter how much pulling, tugging, yelling, nagging etc you do will make a difference.
I have several people who are very close and dear to my heart in that situation. I am open about it, and just keep on reminding them and dropping suggestion here and there. But until they are ready to make the commitment themselves, well, I can only keep trying.

Like someone posted above, that is what friends are for, good times bad times annoying times :)
 

paw, I understand totally, but I think the best thing you can do is to encourage the good things your friend IS doing -- like going to the gym. 

Are there really people like that?  I seriously thought that everyone was doing the same if not more work than I was to get healthy.

People can be doing more work than you to lose weight, but that doesn't mean that the work they are doing is the right work.  They can think they are trying to be healthy, but they are going about it in the totally wrong way. 

Many many people just like to complain.  The whole "the grass is greener on the other side" type of thing.  As manewell said, you should be encouraging her good behaviors.  Its not like she is doing anything bad, she is just not going about it the right way.  Lead by example.

She is an adult, so she can chose her own path in life.  If she doesn't want to join CC, thats her issue.  If you don't want to hear her complain, then tell her to stop complaining.  Just be prepared for a little spat heh

You are all right.  I didnt think about it like that.  I mean... I let her complain and then I got mad about it after she left.  I guess I wasnt ready either up until I decided to change my lifestyle once and for all.  There will be no spat... haha.  I guess I will just keep asking her if she needs help... or if she wants it... and encourage her to keep going to the gym. 

Thanks all so very much.  :)  Have a wonderful day!

I feel the same sometimes.  I just had a baby 4 months ago and through hard work at the gym and my diet I have lost all the weight, plus some.  I am finally getting to the point where I am happy with my body (if thats possible).  I have a sister who is a little heavy, but complains about it quite often and complains that she cannot lose weight.  Her eating habits are not consistent and her workouts at the gym consist of reading a book while she walks on the treadmill.  She (and my parents) always comment on how thin I am and actually make me feel guilty !  We are going out this weekend and she already told me that I was not allowed to "be good" when we went out to dinner.  Its sad to think that I will actually feel bad eating a healthy low cal meal !  I have tried to talk to her about eating habits but she always has a reason why she can't do it.  Anyway - thanks for letting me vent :)

Victim vs. Responsible

What roll are we going to choose.

I now use this approach with all of my woes.

"Victim vs. Responsible"

ttg - I like that, a lot, and it probably can be applied to many aspects of life. :-)

paws - I TOTALLY understand your frustration. I agree with bigtwinky, though - either call her on it (gently, maybe?) and say that you don't want her to complain about something she's taking no action on - or ignore it.

I have a friend whose very unhappily single, but who goes to work, then goes straight home, no socializing. I try to tell her that men aren't delivered to your doorstep like pizza (wouldn't that be nice, though, hehehe!) that you have to extend outward and meet people, whether it's at a bar, a club, a social gathering, a party, out with friends, the park, volunteer activities, a hobby, a book club, gym, online, etc...but she says she doesn't want to go out. YET complains about being single.

ttg is right - people make the choice (consciously or not) to be a victim. Or to stand up, and take responsibility. We cannot do it for them.

Im just going to let her complain and try to be as supportive as I possibly can without getting angry.  Like I said I was at that point not too long ago when I wasnt ready to make a life change.  I guess she isnt ready. 

Like yesterday.... I offered her a soy potato crisp (which are actually pretty good) and she said " No thank you, I feel like a fat a$$"... I just said "Ok".   I had seen her at the vending machine 20 min prior to this.  She probably had just eaten a brownie or a bag of doritos.  I WAS there as well... where I would eat every meal out of the vending machine.  BUT NOT ANYMORE!!! YAY!!!!  :)   I made a lifestyle change...for good. 

Maybe she will get there one day... or maybe she wont.  I will be there to help her when she is ready.  :)

my frustration comes when my sister always complains to me about how fat she is (she's been thin all her life and evne now that she's put on weight she's still smaller than me) while I'm obviously larger than she is. It makes me feel liek crap b/c i'm like okay you think you look horrible at your weight but i'm bigger than you so you must think i look even worse! I just hate when ppl who are think complain about being "fat" to me who is actually fat. I've actually started to do something about my weight and for the first time I think I will actually be smaller than her for once in our lives but she still doesnt' want to actually do anything to lose the weight. I just plain hate to hear people complain about something and then do nothing to change the situation. If you don't like something about your life, either do something to change it or stop complaining to me.

yeah, I get the same thing from friends and family.  They all seem to want to lose weight, I offer advice, and they never take it.  Oh, well.  Apparently it's too hard to count calories and eat healthy.  Maybe if I charged them they would listen to me :p  j/k

If they really want to lose the weight, they will try anything, like me, and eventually find that calorie counting works best. 

Oh, and I would tell her that exercise alone isn't going to cut it.

Here is the funny thing about weight loss.

People that dont' wanna do it think it is really hard, but it is actually pretty simple.

your body needs say 2250 calories (in my example) to maintain

you eat less and exersize and lose weight.

I always tell people that dont' wanna start to not change their eating habits, but count the calories that they are eating.

Because once they see they will either quit counting, or start doing something about it.

I like the challenge of trying to make a meal that is really healthy weight-loss or not, and tasty for 300 calores or so.

I've tried so many new things and fell in love with fruits and vegetables.  I don't understand why somebody would have a problem with that.

also,

weight loss is more than a physical thing. You feel great because you feel you are actually doing something about what has been bothering you for so long.

the more you lose the better you feel and more you wanna do it.

and not only are you losing weight, but you are eating healthier for the rest of your life and feeling much better.

I like to talk to people about how excited I am, and how great I feel and use that to motivate them to start.

Seems to work a lot better than talking about the weight.

i have friends who do the same thing. we are going on a weeklong trip this summer, and i suggested that when they do the grocery shopping (which i won't be there for) that maybe we get some healthier options. they actually seemed angry! they said "it's vacation!" i was like yeah, and i plan to have ice cream and go out to dinner and all that fun stuff, which means i don't want to be eating chips and cookies with our bag lunch at the beach on top of all that! i want to feel GOOD in my bikini! how about some fruit people!? i actually felt like i had to defend myself for wanting fruit! they also made fun of my very fit friend for wanting to order a healthy meal. i mean it's one thing if you go out to eat twice a month and let loose, but they go out multiple times a week! of course she wants a veggie burger! grrr what the heck! 

people are different - we never know what is impacting a person - we never know another's full story - maybe she's mistakenly feeling ur encouragement is just a put down or a criticism - just continue being a good friend - i'd stress her good points - like her beautiful skin, beautiful hair, stylishness, etc.