The perfect murder..?

There have been a few people in my life that I've thought would be better off dead but how to do so without being detected?

It was yesterday, as I'd just gouged my thumb with the very sharp end of a kitchen knife in an effort to get the top off a superglue bottle (don't do this kids, it's bloody stupid) that I had to dismiss 'stabbing'.  The amount of blood that gushed from this minor wound was appalling!!!  It was dripping on the worktops, the floor, the taps.   Despite a clean-up if a forensic team turned up in my kitchen they'd probably still find plenty of evidence.  So that's a big 'no' to the knife through the heart.

Poisons ?  Hmm... bit 'Agatha Christie'. Guns aren't that easy to get hold of and I've no clue as to whether I can shoot straight.  Arrows ditto. Electrocution sounds like it could backfire badly.  I've thought of accidentally running them over in the car.... that might get me a short term for 'causing death by dangerous driving' reduced for good behaviour.

Any ideas?  Any candidates?

Search on Wikipedia a list of serial killers by country and start reading.  There's some interesting ideas and for whatever reason, some articles go through the deaths in such detail, it's almost scary.  The only downside is they were eventually caught because they're on the list.

I could tell you -- but then the whole world would know, and I'd be first on the list of suspects... (believe me, I have victims all picked out )

You see I don't want to end up on Wikipedia for bodging the job....  has to leave me well under the radar.

I did read a (fictional) story once where the wife blatted the husband over the head with a frozen leg of lamb, unwrapped it, popped it in the oven and then returned home a few hours later to be 'upset' at the tragic discovery.  As the police are making their inquires and looking for the blunt instrument she's serving up the murder weapon with mint sauce and peas!

go fishing... out on a boat. drinks.. crush a load of benzo's into summit. watch as they doze off into blissful ignorance. tie blocks or weights to em and push em over board!!! toodles!! jus make sure that you tie the blocks tight!!!

Original Post by gi-jane:

You see I don't want to end up on Wikipedia for bodging the job....  has to leave me well under the radar.

I did read a (fictional) story once where the wife blatted the husband over the head with a frozen leg of lamb, unwrapped it, popped it in the oven and then returned home a few hours later to be 'upset' at the tragic discovery.  As the police are making their inquires and looking for the blunt instrument she's serving up the murder weapon with mint sauce and peas!

Love that story! We read it at high school as part of a short story class.

Have a dinner party, feed them seal's liver, make yourself beef liver.  Claim that you had no idea that it was so toxic.

Interesting thread. I took a crime scene science class and was told, "There is no perfect murder, only imperfect investigators."

However, we were informed that a drive-by shooter is least likely to get caught. Also, most murderers are caught that kill someone they know. Since they have a motive. People who kill, simply to kill go the longest w/o getting caught.

Fried green tomatos!  (the movie)

Also, i understand(of course i could be wrong) that if you kill them instantly with one stab, there is not as much blood...  heart needs to be pumping to move the blood.  So make it a good one!

Secret's in the sauce...

I'll see if Sainsbury's do seal liver... although that might arouse suspicion in itself!  Wild mushrooms, however, now there's a thought.....

Faux suicide... by hanging maybe? They give up faster on the investigation if it looks more like the person did it themselves.

Not pills or poison--there's evidence and it's much more likely to be done by a woman so that would help the police narrow the field of suspects more quickly.

In one of my classes, they said that a burned body usually means the murderer knew the victim personally. My teacher said burning to death would probably be the worst way to go. Myself, I don't think I could handle being buried alive or falling to my death.

Eucalyptus oil!.....it's in many things and people can easily overdose on it. It's a slow death and you have a 48 period where you live or die but given in adequate quantities the chances of survival aren't very high.

Just remember, its hard to convict murder if there is no body! ( although not entirley impossible)

Le petit morte.

The only way to go.

Original Post by kathygator:

Le petit morte.

The only way to go.

 :)

I should have mentioned my first victim(s)...  Maybe this hasn't travelled across the Atlantic but the antics of Katie Price (aka 'Jordan') and her estranged husband Peter Andre are starting to annoy me enough to consider extreme measures.   I wouldn't mind but even if you're not remotely interested in the case, the headlines on every newsstand "HE'S AN IDIOT"... "SHE'S A COW"... etc... are impossible to avoid.  Although, on second thoughts, "IDIOT AND COW FOUND IN FREAK DOUBLE-SUICIDE - MUSHROOMS SUSPECTED" is only going to keep the bloody story running.

What about hiking?  Take them into the woods and leave them there. 

I have heard rhubarb leaves are poisonous.  You could simply throw them in the pie and claim you didn't know this.

Sherlock Holmes had some interesting murder cases...

Original Post by gi-jane:

I should have mentioned my first victim(s)...  Maybe this hasn't travelled across the Atlantic but the antics of Katie Price (aka 'Jordan') and her estranged husband Peter Andre are starting to annoy me enough to consider extreme measures.   I wouldn't mind but even if you're not remotely interested in the case, the headlines on every newsstand "HE'S AN IDIOT"... "SHE'S A COW"... etc... are impossible to avoid.  Although, on second thoughts, "IDIOT AND COW FOUND IN FREAK DOUBLE-SUICIDE - MUSHROOMS SUSPECTED" is only going to keep the bloody story running.

Don't EVEN get me started! Who actualy cares?????

Geez Jane - you seem so sane and sensible usually!!

However if you do find a way of bumping off Jordan and Peter Andre, can you do Kerry Katona and her lout of a husband while you are at it?!