Perpetually Single?

I'm just curious if there's any other folks on here that have been without a relationship for an abnormally long period of time.  If so, how do you deal with it?

I'm 34 and have never been in a relationship.  Not even close, and not by choice. Sometimes I just get so frustrated and depressed about it.  Right now I'm going through a particular bad patch.  I see couples on the street, or tv and movies, and the feeling of loneliness becomes overwhelming.  It makes me feel like a freak and a failure.

And yes, I have made an effort.  I've tried dating sites, asking friends if they could set me up with anyone, asking people out on a date.  Nothing has worked. 

I haven't been in a relationship since college.  Sometimes I worry about growing old alone.  But mostly I revel in my freedom.  It helps that I hate dating almost as much as I hate Nazis and oatmeal.

Original Post by pavlovcat:

I haven't been in a relationship since college.  Sometimes I worry about growing old alone.  But mostly I revel in my freedom.  It helps that I hate dating almost as much as I hate Nazis and oatmeal.

*scoots her bowl of oatmeal a little closer to her and tries to finish it before pavlov senses it in the vicinity*

Hmm, right now the only man in my life is my cat Dante. It's basically the same thing as having a boyfriend. I have to feed him, clean up after him, keep him entertained, baby him when he's sick, and deal with the fact that he cheats on me with my room mate.

I haven't been in anything steady since last year and have hooked up with some real nutjobs this year. Right now I feel so ambivalent about anything that's not going to the gym though.

Stop looking. 

Seriously.

As soon as I said I am DONE!  There will NOT ever be another man in my life that I will answer to,  he found me, and we got married. 

I didn't have a serious boyfriend until this past year and I'm 22.

I got asked out in high school by multiple guys, but I turned them all down. It's not that I'm picky as far as looks go, but I really need there to be a genuine connection. I mean, I dated guys, but it was never anything serious.

There were times that I would get a little down...I mean, my birthday is valentines day! That was never fun!
Sometimes I felt like a weirdo because I had never ever had a boyfriend, but for the most part I loveeeeeeed being single! I enjoyed high school, and the first couple years of college. 

Honestly I wasn't even looking, but just so happened to find someone.

Stay positive. Someone will come into your life eventually! Don't look too hard, and don't settle out of desperation! I hate when I see people do that! It's the worst.

^ What she said. Enjoy your life exactly the way it is, really relax and enjoy the heck out of it, do all the things you want to do and, no doubt, someone will come along to mess that all up. :)

Charleet is right.  I stayed out of serious relationships for, well, my entire young life.  I was focused on school and wasn't willing to waste time on someone I didn't feel really passionate about.  I kind of thought I would be alone forever because I was unwilling to settle.  Now I'm engaged.  If you'd told me I'd be in a relationship like this a year ago, I would have laughed uproariously.  I guess jblarghp and I have similar stories (ps, my b-day is Feb. 15!).

I very rarely date also (and never anything very long). For me, its more of a choice though, I just like doing my own thing most the time.

It may sound bad, but maybe you need to make yourself more "date-able"? Try to identify the qualities you think are hurting your ability to date and try to correct them? It seems a lot like trying to get a job...marketing yourself to fill the position that fills both parties needs.

People seem really obsessed about "pairing up" though...

Do you have any good buds?

As much as it might hurt your ego, it might be worthwhile to go to said buds and say "Look.. uh... is it me? Am I screwing something up?"

and listen. Because it might be.

Barring that, listen to everyone else about not looking, and just living.

I have tried the whole "stop looking" thing.  In 34 years there's been plenty of times where I just said "screw it, i give up."

I've also tried asking people if it's something I'm doing wrong.  They say no.  It also doesn't help that a number of times (including the last time) while being rejected they also tell me "you'ld make such an absolute great partner and would be a lot of fun to date.  but still not interested."

But people (not those that i was ever interested in) have no problem saying cruel comments to me about how huge and/or ugly i am.  so here i am at CC so i can hopefully change at least one of those things.

Not dating a lot, or by choice isn't anything like this.  Never having a single person ever interested in you or finding you attractive is overwhelmingly painful. 

Am certain it is.

I think you are on the right path. Get yourself in shape, get strong and most importantly learn to feel good about yourself - then there will be no lack of potential partners.

Yes. I know that sounds shallow, and some of those potential partners probably will be, but so what? Worst case, you will have gotten yourself strong and fit- never a bad thing.

Have faith in yourself class. You can do it. :)

Original Post by class_matters:

I have tried the whole "stop looking" thing.  In 34 years there's been plenty of times where I just said "screw it, i give up."

I've also tried asking people if it's something I'm doing wrong.  They say no.  It also doesn't help that a number of times (including the last time) while being rejected they also tell me "you'ld make such an absolute great partner and would be a lot of fun to date.  but still not interested."

But people (not those that i was ever interested in) have no problem saying cruel comments to me about how huge and/or ugly i am.  so here i am at CC so i can hopefully change at least one of those things.

Not dating a lot, or by choice isn't anything like this.  Never having a single person ever interested in you or finding you attractive is overwhelmingly painful. 

:(  Awww.

Do you come on too strong maybe? That can be a turn off sometimes.
Try to come across as confident, that's key.

I know this sounds corny and cliche, but if the only reason people are turning you down is because of your looks, they're not worth your time. There are plenty of girls out there that don't base a relationship strictly on looks (I'm one of them). So don't get too down on yourself. 

Get in shape for your health, not for some shallow ish!

Original Post by jblarghp:

There are plenty of girls out there that don't base a relationship strictly on looks (I'm one of them).

 Everyone has a range of what they will date. For all we know, this person could never take showers and wear clothes made from rotting dead kittens tied together. If things are REALLY bad...then you can take steps to fix it...if they arent so bad, you probably just havent looked in the right place or found the right guy.

Or...

Have you been calling people after 9 pm? I hear that can be a big deal-breaker....

I'm a firm believer in that you have to love yourself, and your life, before loving someone else.

Sometimes not being interested in someone who is overweight is not just a shallow thing about how you look... it can be that they're just interested in someone who takes care of their body and cares about themselves enough to get/stay in shape.

If you are depressed, often people can tell. Most girls don't want to get in a relationship with someone who is depressed. Especially in a new relationship you don't really want to be dealing with someone else's problems. It's also hard if dating a girl is the only reason you aren't depressed anymore. Then they feel like you depend on them to keep you happy, and if they ever break up with you you'll just get super depressed again. That's not a good feeling (been there, done that).

Tying together rotting dead kittens is so last year.  Now zippers, that's different.  Add some shoulder pads and no man will be able to resist. 

O'Brother you are a trip Pav,

I agree with hayleymajayley love yourself first and everyone else will follow.

Original Post by nieto914:

love yourself first and everyone else will follow.

...

...

*covers mouth with hand before he says something he's ashamed of*

Original Post by hkellick:

Original Post by nieto914:

love yourself first and everyone else will follow.

...

...

*covers mouth with hand before he says something he's ashamed of*

 ?? What ??

Original Post by loriklorik:

Have you been calling people after 9 pm? I hear that can be a big deal-breaker....

Haha! :D

Me, I`ve been single since November, with quite a few failed attempts in between. I completely understand the rough times, but the wheel keeps turning and before you know it you`re reminded that there are a few advantages to the whole thing too! For instance, I was especially lonely in late winter/early spring, but now I am soooo happy and thankful I will be unattached during the summer. I can fully enjoy it and do what makes me the happiest, no tiresome compromises involved. I can just grab a tent and go off anywhere I want, anytime I want, without having to answer to anyone. The last guy I dated was a 'hotel' type of person, so I have a feeling I would have been pretty miserable during this holiday if we went on to start something.

That`s just one example though, there are plenty of other scenarios where being single is a godsent. Use the extra time on your hands to do cheesy stuff such as reflecting and getting to know yourself better. Don`t be scared of the cliches - do one thing every day that scares you! I swear, I could never get bored of myself, challenging my mind and body as often as I can, and constantly surprising myself with what I find. Being seriously involved can really lead to a lack of 'you' time, which is such a pain.

HK, you're definitely not single!

I am...I've got to say that I am enjoying my life more now(30s) that I've stopped trying to change to accomodate men(20s).  If they feel right then I'll consider a relationship, otherwise I'm doing my own things which make me happy.