PG 18... fyi this is not about weight, calories, or ED's

...

IT'S ABOUT SEX!

actually my lack of ability to do-it haha umm k this is kinda awkward but...

see, well "technically" I am a virgin, although I have done about every other sexual thing you can do, but anyways a couple days ago things were getting pretty steamy, and we tried to, uhh do it, but it wasn't err "working
"    :S

My friends have told me how painful their first times were, and now I think I see why they would say that... why is this?

I don't like going into details, but does anyone know what I am talking about? lol and how to make things "work" for next time... ??

(this happened to me a few years ago too, and i havent really tried since, but I am kinda starting to worry if there is something wrong... there)

 

ha ha ha I would love to help you out but I don't really know how to say it. Awkward!

umm was it not working because he wasn't working or was it not working because you couldn't get it in there? haaa..just wondering because when I lost my virginity it was hard to find the accurate zone if you know what i mean, but if it wasn't working because he wasn't working then maybe you just need a little more foreplay to calm the nerves....or maybe it just wasn't the right time...

lol i no its such a bad question...

no he was working lol... umm my body wasnt cooperating hahaha

and oooooh there was A LOT of foreplay... I just don't know why the actual deed could not be done...

nerves maybe, i tried relaxing my muscles the best i could.... but was it really this hard for everybody? I know a lot of girls who said it was painful the first time, but how do you make that easier?

lol

if you mean you couldn't create any lubrication down there then I can relate that comes from dehydration and being nervous in general. I would suggest using some ky oil...but not the warming kind because that is harmful. It won't be as painful if you use that......or maybe he is just tooo big haaa!

Have you been to a gynocologist? If you keep trying and it doesn't ever work, you should go.

Some women have really thick hymens. Some women have really tense muscles and it makes intercourse difficult. Did he...uh....penetrate you with things other than his...uh...unit? Was that difficult?

If it's not any of those things I listed, I would say listen to your body... stick with oral/manual sex until you're comfortable enough that he can enter you.

Don't feel bad! Sex is a human act, and like all human acts, it comes with all sorts of weird things and mishaps and potentially embarasing moments.

My first time we had problems, too. Like, the exact same problems. We eventually got it to work, though, but it honestly took a few times before sex was too enjoyable. It's good you foreplay, though, because that will make sex all around better for all involved. Don't be turned off to sex forever just because it didn't work like in the movies your first time!

Also, I have a friend who is very tiny. Just a small small girl. For her first time, she had to go to the doctor to get her hymen cut before her boyfriend could penetrate her. Not sure how common this is, but I know it happens.

Give it a few more tries, and use some lube which might help. The more you foreplay, the more comfortable your body will be, which means the more likely penetration will occure. Seriously, the more you worry about this, the LESS likely it will happen! So just don't worry. Enjoy one another's bodies in the way you can, and what will happen will happen.

The first time doesn't hurt that bad. And like I said, it will take a few times before it gets totally comfortable.

Until then, good luck! Humans have been having sex for as long as there have been humans. I'm sure this problem will work itself out, just given enough time, patience, and your ability to just laugh about it and enjoy yourself.

LMAO!

hmm possibly... aha, yeah I was thinking it could of been the whole 'lube' deal haha...

but still things felt a little too "tight", so uhm err how do you go about fixing that lol? I think that is where this "pain" comes from that friends talk about, lots of pressure to 'break the seal'??

Is this normal? like ss this just one of those things were you "hold your breath and take it like a man" hahaha

It will be tight and the way you go about "fixing" that is to have more sex. The pain people talk about is either the breaking of the hymen, or the pressure of the vagina adjusting to things it has never felt before. It's not like being punched in the kidney type pain, more just a general discomfort. If you're properly aroused, you shouldn't even notice it too much. And yes, this is totally normal, and no, don't "hold your break and take it like a man" (as you are a woman and I'm not sure how that would work!) If things hurt you too much, do not force it! That could give you serious mental and physical problems. Just keep on trying different things until it does work, and eventually it will.

hey thanks for the replies everyone =)

hopefully everything is okay, and i don't need to go to the doctor :S

I guess I will keep trying and see how it goes.. I just wanted to make sure that this is somewhat normal and I am not a freak ahahaha... I may have been just a little too nervous, but things should get easier... I hope!

all good advice (though a lot more humming, hawing, and giggling that necessary).  if you take your time, engage in lots of foreplay, get well and truly aroused, he should be able to penetrate without more than a little discomfort.  a good water-based lube should help (but shouldn't be necessary).  if this isn't happening, there could be an anatomical or psychological reason.  do you have a gynecologist?  have you ever had an internal exam?  it's likely something that can be resolved through experimentation, but think about seeing a doctor.

good luck!

the warming stuff is harmful?? thank you linny, i did not know that. duly noted...

and carmen i know your subject line says it's not ED-related, but i have the same problem and for me i think it is ED-related. Kind of like how your skin and hair get dry, the moisture down there got zapped too for me. but like the other people are saying, don't let it bother you, because then you'll be nervous and focused on that and it'll never happen (the moisture). just use some lube and reassure your guy it's not him! don't force it, because you could get a UTI (plus, it's uncomfortable for both parties involved). good luck and congrats! :) how exciting!

use you/his fingers before to explore...

 

^it is not ED related. starvation can lower sex drive but it won't actually stop you from getting wet in that sort of circumstance. 

well considering many people with ED's lose their periods and have lower levels of hormones, and lubrication is prompted by hormones, i think it can be related. but you're right; i don't think i was right in saying the moisture there is analogous to the moisture in your hair or skin

I had the same problem. I was so tight I couldn't even get my own finger in (let alone insert a tampon) - I had most horrible stories in my mind - not having just a tight hymen, but weird bone structure (hm.. lol) - and actually went to gynecologist. She said I was fine.

It worked out after a few tries and it hurt a lot - I cried. But now everything's fine and I enjoy it :)

one word: oral.

Every woman is different.  Me, I was so tight that I couldn't use tampons, they would get stuck!  Back in the day, trying to stretch it was very uncomfortable.  When the time came, fast was better for me.  Fast broke the hymen quickly, and yes there was a little pain, but it just wasn't that bad.  It beat the heck out of trying to stretch it!  If it really worries you, you could also just go see a doc and talk to them about getting it snipped there.

I had the same problem my first time...go get 'snipped' & save you & him the worry & the pain.  It has to be better than all the crying & bleeding & both of you ending up feeling awful about it! Just my opinion though.

Karen 

*raised eyebrows*

I think you're just too nervous....you need to be completely relaxed. Even if you think you are...the anticipation of him "entering" can be stressful enough and cause you to "tighten up" more than you want to.  It's all about patience and breathing....relax, and it will work :)  It's hard for everyone their first time :)

 Good luck.

If you are 18 and do not have a gynecologist you need to get one.  You need to have a pap smear and talk to him/her about this issue.  When I was 20 I had to have pre-cancerous cells frozen off my cervix.  While this is not normal, you are never too young.  Also, if you have not had sex yet I strongly recommend you also talk to your doctor about the vaccine for HPV (a virus that can cause cervical cancer).  That being said...   

If you talk to your doctor and they do not find anything physically challenging and you are sure that you want to do this then my suggestion is a glass of wine.  I am not promoting underage drinking or excessive drinking at any age, just a nice glass of wine to help you relax.  You don't want to be wasted your first time.  In my opinion the most likely cause of your problem is that you are scared or nervous which is normal.  If foreplay isn't doing it and lube isn't helping then you need to relax and let loose and that is the only legal way I can think of to suggest you go about doing that on command. 

Another thought comes to mind...  Do you feel sexy?  Do you feel sexy before the first kiss, during foreplay, and when you try to have sex.  If you are not feeling sexy then instead of concentrating on how good things feel or how hot your man is you are concentrating on how fat your thighs look (or how fat you think they look) or any number of  other  negative images you may have.  I know that when I feel good about myself we have much better sex than when I just can't stop thinking about how my tummy isn't perfect.  If your mental image of yourself is not good maybe you need to stop concentrating on sex and start concentrating on you.