How do I get out of this place?

I want to lose weight. I want to be thinner, healthier, happier. I keep thinking if I give up bread, pasta, carbs, wheat, sugar, this or that, that it will eventually happen for me. But it's not.

I never stick to it. I never make it longer than a couple weeks and I don't even know what to do any more. So I get frustrated and then I eat...and I eat all of those things I've given up on...and I eat them in large portions.

Then the guilt and self-loathing comes in and I feel even worse about myself and my body. I can see the effects on it in the mirror. I can feel the tightness of my clothes, the inability to get into my pants, the discomfort, the embarrassment, the shame, the lack of will and desire that comes along, the not wanting to see people. And I can destroy all the good work of one week in just minutes of eating.

I don't know what to do. I want out of this place/space I'm in.

Its difficult to stick to anything that deprives you!

Work out portion control. Then you can have the things you really like in moderation alongside the things you need to have.

I have felt your pain, the guilt and loathing and not wanting to see people. This is the first life plan (not diet, see? its forever!) that I've been happy to stick to. I'm not starved, I don't miss out on my favorite foods. I just have them in way smaller portions.

Since this is a forever plan, start small. Change one thing. Add in a walk (you didn't mention exercise?). Learn all you can from this site! Knowledge is power!

work your way up to a food and exercise plan you can live with.

And take it one day at a time. Dont worry about how you'll do tomorrow or what happened yesterday. Focus on today, right now, this one minute, I will eat this healthy food in reasonable portion. Don't worry if you'll do it at dinner. Just do it now.

Lots of great ppl with great info here! Stick around! and good luck! :)

You don't have to give ANY of it up; that's the whole point of being on CC.  Just count your calories and get your exercise.  I've been doing it for 7 months and have lost 45 pounds.  I haven't given up anything except overeating.

Some of the things I like don't always agree with me...like bread and cereal. And once I start eating them I can't stop...and no matter the portion size, they usually make intestines hurt. (Not to be too graphic.) So I figured it better to give them up instead of even temp myself with smaller versions. But perhaps that is wrong...?

I like exercise but I've fallen off the wagon. And for the last three weeks I've been way too busy and/or really ill, so I've been unable to get any sort of movement--which I know is good for me. February, March, April and May saw me going progressively downhill and progressively up the scale. It's seeing the changes in my body that really discourages me.

But hearing that you've lost 45 lbs in 7 months is fantastic! Congratulations!

I feel your pain. I was there too, the self loathing , the shame and to make it worse, you lose some weight and people comment and then you put it back on and then you have the humiliation of being back where you started, and people asking what happened?? It's a vicious cycle and it hurts and the more you hurt- the more you eat....Now for the good news though.  

In January 2007 I weighed 257 pounds, now I weigh 145, check out my gallery for before and after pics.  I came to this site everyday and logged every single thing I put in my mouth, including 5 calorie sugarless gum.   I have maintained this weight for almost a year now and still check in here everyday to make sure I stay on track. 

This site saved my life...I could not do it alone and was too embarassed to reach out to friends and family, they were thin and just didn't "get it". Peer support was vitally important to me in this journey. Stick with it and listen to the great advice from those who went before you. You CAN do it. Just do it one day at a time, just like giving up drugs and alcohol, you can beat the bulge and you will feel awesome !!  Good luck, and keep us posted!

fittygirl - Have you checked into if you are allergic to wheat?  Both my sister and mother have celiac's disease (allergic to gluten in wheat).  My sister used to get terrible cramps when she ate anything with wheat in it.  You can buy breads etc that are gluten free so you can still eat the things you like...in moderation.

I haven't even felt like I am on a diet because I don't deprive myself of anything.  I do however make sure that I count everything and stay within my calorie limit.

ckimber_67 - You look great!  Congratulations on your weightloss and keeping it off for a year!

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Original Post by flonklar:

You don't have to give ANY of it up; that's the whole point of being on CC.  Just count your calories and get your exercise.  I've been doing it for 7 months and have lost 45 pounds.  I haven't given up anything except overeating.

 I second this!  Seriously, the only thing I've given up is eating 6 pieces of Popeyes chicken with all the sides at one sitting and NOT doing anything but sitting on the couch the other six days of the week.  I've given up a quick Big Mac lunch combo at McDonalds with a frozen pizza for dinner the same night.  I've given up mindless eating and that's it.  I simply plan now.

I still eat Popeyes from time to time when I want it.  I get a 2 piece dinner with a side and don't eat the biscuit (never loved biscuits anyway).  I also exercise 4-6 days a week so it makes no dent whatsoever in my progress.  I never feel deprived because I don't deprive myself.

Start with the gym - see if you can stick to a schedule there rather than with food.  Self control might come from "habit forming" - and it sounds as of your issue isn't with measuring food, or understanding what you need to do - but from losing the willpower to do it.

I had/have the same problem with cereal and bread (comfort/easy food!). I kicked off in Feb with Carbohydrate Addicts for a couple weeks to get the binges under control. Over the last 4 months I've averaged a pound off a week--slow but sure!  I've gone through lots of experimenting with my recipes and food choices and had a lot of bouncing around. Exercise has been so-so (start small). It really is a step at a time no matter how trite it may sound.

Thank you everyone! Your tips, advice and suggestions are wonderful. I really appreciate it. And the success stories are so lovely to read about.

bossy64 I'm abroad, so I don't have the chance to get checked for food allergies right now but would very much like to. I also know I'm a carbohydrate addict and have to kick that habit as well. 

I can't get to a gym right now because I'm too poor to afford one. BUT I do have two legs and should absolutely start using them more.

legaleli is right. I do know the right things to eat and what I should be doing, I have just lost the willpower to keep it all up. I'm a bit dissatisfied with life in general at the moment and I know it's affecting me on every level. But deep down I know it's within me to change. I just have to get there.

Last summer I was the fit one, encouraging everyone to be more healthy, active and lose a few. Now it seems everyone else has caught on (really I ran into three people last night alone who've lost 10 lbs or more) and I've fallen off the track. It's embarrassing and I feel like people look at me with pity. But you can see the light in those who've lost weight--from exactly eating less and moving more--and it's infectious. I want to be that person again. How do I start? (Have I mentioned I've been fighting a nasty, moving, cold for the last two weeks and am scared to do any exercise for fear of running my immune system down?)

i suggest: start just by counting calories. 

find out how many are going in, and with the cc tools here, how many your burn in a day. that alone will help you see what foods are loaded with calories and which you can more of (veggies are low cal, high vitamin, supper filling, they totally rock! ~ which becomes very clear when comparing two or three cups of salad to a p.b. sandwich, for instance). . . 

so just start by counting. measure things, weigh them on a cheep postal scale if you cant afford a food scale, its a start, and from there, you'll learn as you go. 

when i started counting, i didn't expect to change anything else at all. told myself i didn't have to, just count. that was all. by the end of the first month my daily intake had dropped from 2200 to 1800. the pounds dropped as well! it really does help wake one up to what goes in and which foods are worth their calories. 

i dont eat much wheat either. never been tested, but its pretty clear i dont feel well if i eat much of it. lots of cereals, breads and crackers are wheat free, whole grained, and good for you. its been fun to learn about food choices and restructure my diet. im a better cook than i've ever been, eat a greater variety of foods, and all because i decided the only thing i had to do was wake up and count calories for a month. 8 months later im 30 lbs lighter. im a slow loser, but it stays off, and thats really the point long term. 

if you can set a mini goal for exercise, perhaps three short walks a week for a few weeks or some such, that will help too, get your moving again without setting goals too high or too hard to reach. that seems key for alot of us.

success is achieved a step at a time. all you have to do is start! and your here, so you already have taken a major step forward! congratulations and welcome! 

• Baby steps!  Make one small change at a time. 

• Take it easy on yourself.

• It's not a diet, it's choosing to empower yourself.  (Food no longer controls you.)

Good luck, you are absolutely worth it!!

The only thing that has consistantly worked for me has been a balanced diet, within my calorie target as determined by the CC tools.  When I first started out trying to lose the weight I'd gained over the years, I was like you.  I was searching for the magic formula or magic food that would enable me to lose.

After being a CC member for a while, I began to notice that the people who lost the most weight were the ones with a sensible attitude about food.  They didn't actually give up anything, just controlled the portions to stay within their calorie limit.

What I did myself was to list all my bad eating habits (too much added fat, too large portions, too much sugar, etc) and began attacking them one at a time.  An example is how I used to like huge bowls of pasta.  It was very hard for me the first time I actually weighed out a dry portion of pasta, cooked just that, and had it with lots of low calorie vegetables.  I just stuck to it, and now I automatically stop eating when I reach that amount, even in restaurants with huge portions.  I literally can't eat too much pasta now.  It took me a good 9 months to reach that point, so don't give up!

In the Advice section, you'll find a lot of really good information, like this

A Simple Meal Plan

and this

Small Portions

One last piece of advice:  If a food makes you feel sick, have yourself checked for food sensitivities and even allergies.  If you find that wheat products cause you problems, you need a diagnosis to find out why.  Then, if you do have to give them up, CC members are willing and able to help you find satisfying alternatives.

Good Luck to you!