Can you please give me comfort. I just found out I am pregnant and I am scared

I am 3.5 weeks pregnant now and trying to decided between abortion or having it.  If I have it then chances are I will be a single working mother.  Can I get some cofort from good stories from people?  I am really scared.  I can't stop shaking and I have known for a week now.  Tell me everthing is going to be alright, please.

I am guessing that the father isn't in the picture.  I just had a baby last April (I am married) and he is the best thing that has ever been given to me.  I feel as if children are a gift from God.  I couldn't and wouldn't recommend abortion, but I am not one who makes judgments if it is the right decision for you.  I tell you, I love my child more than anything in the world and he is the reason I have become so adament about getting healthy as I want to be around for him forever.  If you are the type that can, pray about it.  God will show you the way.  Know that there are others out there in your position and everything will certainly be okay.  I will pray that you get the answers you are seeking.

FYI, I am a spiritual personal person and I go to church every Sunday, but I am no bible thumper.  I just know that when in doubt, I always lean to Him for support.

Hope I was of some help to you.

Good luck.

Hi honey! I'm young and don't know about the pressures of being pregnant (i'm single, 19 and I have chosen to abstain from sex until/if I get married). Where are you from? I just want you to know that you do not have to be afraid of having your baby. God knows what you are going through and has always known. He is willing to be there for you but He wants you to turn to Him for comfort during times like this. If I can help you in any way, (i'm a poor college student but I am willing to sacrifice anything I have to help you out. I know that sounds strange coming from a stranger, but you are a child of God just like me and you are important in His eyes.) Be strong, 

"Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God" John 1:12

 

 

cesty8

Boy, what a dilemma to find yourself in.  I don't know how old you are, but I got knocked up when I was 26 by a guy I'd only been dating for a few months.  Regardless of if the father had stuck with me, I had already made up my mind that I was going to keep my baby, mostly because I had a college education and knew I could make enough money to support a child, even without his involvement.  But it would have been a different story completely if I had been 18. 

I was absolutely terrified (esp. of telling my Ma) and I figured for sure the guy would walk.  Not so.  We had a shotgun style wedding in Las Vegas and have been married 7 years. We have an absolutely beautiful little girl in the first grade and, cliche though it sounds, she truly is my reason for waking up somedays.

No one can tell you what to do as far as keeping/adopting/aborting. That's a decision you (obviously) have to make for yourself depending on your belief system and the state of your life right now.  And I can't tell you everything's going to be all right, because, again, I don't know your situation.  But just have faith that all things are as they should be, and whatever decision you make, it will be the right one for you, in the end. 

For myself,  I couldn't imagine my life without my little girl. She turned my world upside down, but in retrospect, maybe that was exactly what I needed.  :)

 

It'll be alright, honey. Speak to any and all you trust IRL...we can only offer virtual hugs.

Adoption is always an option as well.... There are many childless couples looking for a baby...Many will help with birth and living expenses.   Single motherhood is tough but it is very common these days... there is financial help through social services for those who qualify.  Abortion is a tough choice as well... No easy answers for you here.... but believe in yourself and your ability to make the right choice for yourself.  Take some time to calm down..... Breath.... no one can tell you what choice to make but I think it is always better to make decisions when you are calm and rational and not in a panic... There are many counceling agencies out there on both sides of the issue... Check with Planned parenthood...and if you decide to keep the baby check with your local right to life.... they may be able to help as well.

Good Luck

 

Please know that you are not alone....I had my daughter (unplanned) when I was 15 years old. It wasn't always easy, and trust me, there were times when I wondered if I made the right decision, but I am SO glad that I decided to have her. She is the light of my life (and 11 now!) and my inspiration every day. Her father and I were never together (and the conception was not consensual), but I am still SO thankful that I made the decision that I did. The choice is (obviously) ultimately up to you, but I hope that you will consider ALL of your options (even Adoption!! What a gift!!) before making any life changing decisions. A child is a blessing and a gift and there is a reason that you were chosen =)

You are in my thoughts and prayers...

A good friend of mine is going through this right now.  Like I told her, the choice is hers to make.  She has to think about what's best for her in her situation.  I told her that we're all there for her though, whatever she decided.  She's thinking she's going to keep it now.  She said that the only reason she can think of not to is because it wasn't planned.  She's in her late 20s, got a good job, would be able to financially take care of it...

There's also always adoption if you want to have the baby but don't think you can take care of it.

{{cesty}}  it's ok to be scared.  I can't tell you what to do because that's a choice that only you can make.  If you do need someone to talk to though feel free to message me...

I do not have any children, nor have I been pregnant, but I have had a few scares over the years. (Even while using birth control.) For me, personally, if I were to get pregnant right now I'd have an abortion. I just thought I'd say that because there seems to be very little mention of that on these replies so far.

I'll refrain from going into some big pro-choice rant here, but if you're interested in my reasoning for abortion, please feel free to private message me. Everyone's situation and reasons are different, but sometimes it's nice to hear feedback.

Good luck.

Thank you everybody for your comments.  I am 30, out of college and have a job.  Problem is, I am in Houston, I have no family or friends.  The baby is my best friend's, he came down to visit from Indiana over New Years and we had an opps while playing around.  I don't like living here and hate my job.  And the thought of being a single parent is terrifying.  I want the abortion so that everything will go back to the way it was.  I haven't been able to eat, sleep, and I am always shaking in fear.  I am terrified. 

I can't leave this thread without asking you to please not have the abortion. Honey, there are consequences to abortion, I know from personal experience. 9 years ago I had one when I was afraid and young and panicking. I was not prepared for the psychological and emotional trauma it caused. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about anything.

Original Post by cesty8:

Thank you everybody for your comments. I am 30, out of college and have a job. Problem is, I am in Houston, I have no family or friends. The baby is my best friend's, he came down to visit from Indiana over New Years and we had an opps while playing around. I don't like living here and hate my job. And the thought of being a single parent is terrifying. I want the abortion so that everything will go back to the way it was. I haven't been able to eat, sleep, and I am always shaking in fear. I am terrified.

 Having an abortion won't necessarily put things "back to normal"...there are a lot of emotions that go along with abortion (I had one at 18).  ....it took many years to come to terms with it.  Every day I still think...wow, my child would be x-years old this year.  (17 by this year...) and while I know I made the right decision for me...it still sticks in my mind, I think about it...and here it is, 17 years later.  I know at 18 I couldn't have the child.  I was suffering from mental disorders, I was angry, I was on my own and poor, I was working at a convenience store doing the night shift and a sandwich shop during the day so I could pay rent and do the drugs and alcohol I wanted to do at the time.  A child did not fit in with my mind or my body, I was abusive towards myself and knew I could not be not abusive for 9 months and knew I could not be not abusive towards a child.

If you want to talk, let me know, pm me here, I'm happy to talk to you.  I'm not going to say an abortion is for you, but I'm also not going to say it's not for you.  Ultimately, you know what the best decision for you is, and you have a few options between adoption, abortion and having the child.  I wish you all the best and hope whatever decision you make, you won't ever have a second thought about it. 

Sorry.  But what do you mean by an Opps?

If i were in your situation, i would get an abortion. if i were to get pregnant now in my life, i would have one too. there are consequences to it (emotional, ect.) so i would suggest you seek counseling both before and after.

I understand that having a child won't work at certain points in your life, and I don't blame you for feeling that you can't deal with this now. its not selfish, its realistic.

please let us know what you decide, and i wish you the best of luck.

My daughter is 18 and pregnant - both her and I don't believe in abortion but I do not judge those that chose that option. 

I do believe in adoption as my brother is adopted and I am thankful everyday that a young girl gave us such a selfless gift!! 

My daughter is keeping her child - it can be done and done well but it takes dedication and devotion...that lasts 18 years and beyond.  Nothing is impossible - every problem has a solution and there are many agencies to help you - I hope you have family support!! 

I hope you make the decision that gives you peace!!  A baby is a gift - but it is a precious one and comes with huge responsibilities!!

There's a really good pregnancy decision-making workbook that you can download here. It's comprehensive, unbiased, and explores all options.

Your circumstances are unique, you know them best, and no one else's story can really be a template...

You are very early in your pregnancy. Take your time, really think it through, and come to the best decision you can (there is no "perfect" decision in these kinds of difficult circumstances). If you put the hard work required into making the decision, then you will probably not regret it - no matter what it is.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more about it.

your 30, you have finished college, and the father is your best friend. Find out how he feels about fatherhood. if he is supportive. move back to your hometown. get a new job. Have the baby. It will be a beautiful and life altering experience. And you will never love anyone like you love  that baby. Life is not meant to stay the same. The only thing that is constant is change. I am a new mother. It has been challenging but she is totally worth it. Regardless of how many degrees i get, places i travel or students i see graduate, nothing has been or will be more important and amazing to me than Motherhood. 

That's a very difficult decision to make. I wish you luck in whichever you choose. Before you decide just make sure that it's what you want to do. Don't let anyone pressure you either way!

I got pregnant at 16 after living on the streets for a year and I was going to get an abortion but had this crazy dream that convinced me to keep her. So I got my crap together and got my GED (right on time with my graduating class!) and turned my life around to accomodate for my baby because I wanted her to have a better life than I had. I've never asked for child support and I've never gotten any sort of public assistance. At 18 I started working in Law Enforcement & bought my first home and I've been a very happy single mom ever since. It's extremely challenging and it's taken more strength than I ever thought I could have but my daughter literally saved my life. I honestly do not believe that I'd still be alive if it weren't for her.

Had I had an abortion I don't know what would have happened. Would I have one now? You betcha. I'm 24 and I've got too much going on and too many goals to accomplish before I could even think about another child. It's different for everyone. You never know where life will take you -- that's the fun (and challenge) of it!

Poor thing. I'm glad you've gotten to hear a variety of opinions, but the #1 thing you need is real-life support. I agree with superblackwoman, and I would think very seriously about moving back to your hometown where you have family and friends. You said you hate your job and don't like where you're living, so why are you there?

You need to put yourself in a place where you feel safe and supported. If that means packing up your life and moving, that's what you should do.  

Hi Cesty, sounds like a difficult decision. I would say that the most important questions to consider is: do you want to be a mother, and if so, why? I believe it's important to only bring children into this world who are thoroughly wanted. Not because you are lonely, not because you want someone to love you back. But because you want to raise a happy, healthy child and are willing to make all the sacrifices that entails.

On the "single motherhood" side, you are not a teenager, and you have a job, and (I'd imagine) health insurance. Health insurance is important here. Do you know your company's policy on maternity leave?

I have a friend who in her 30s went the single mother route, and she and her son are doing just fine. She'd always imagined herself a mother, and, because the way her dating life was going, she feared that if she aborted she might never have another chance.

When she got pregnant, the father offered to marry her but she knew deep down that while he might make a great dad, he would make a lousy husband for her. So as it happened to work out, they moved to live close by to each other, he pays child support, and shares custody. He went on to marry someone else.... my friend remains single and is okay with that. As she will say, now that she has fulfilled her dream to become a mom, the getting married part is not so urgent. She figures it will happen someday... but not just because she wants to have a child.  She would tell you she has zero regrets. She loves her son to pieces and she is an incredible mom. She coaches his soccer team and is involved in PTA etc and through her child's school has built up an incredible support network over the years.

And I have another friend who had a fling and found herself pregnant in her mid-30s. She also decided she was going to keep the baby - it was an easy decision for her. She'd had an abortion in her teens. She feared that this was her last chance too. She told the father - they barely knew each other - and told him that she would lie and say she didn't know the father, so he wouldn't be on the hook for c.s. Well, this guy - who barely knew her - said forget that.... let's give it a shot. Let's learn to love each other and make something good come out of this. So they moved to be closer to each other during the pregnancy. And they fell in love. They married when the baby was about 1 year old. She recently had a second child, and they are not just making it work... they are very happy.

I would encourage you to discuss this with your best friend; while ultimately it is your body, your choice if you decide to abort, if you decide not to abort, then he has a right to know, and be a part of any decision to keep the baby or give it up for adoption. If you choose to keep the baby and the two of you don't marry, he will be liable for child support. I would urge you to accept that from him - you will need it, and it is what your baby deserves.

That's the practical side of the matter... emotionally, if you truly are best friends, if he ever finds out you made this decision without consulting him at all, that may destroy your friendship.

From my own perspective... I became a single mother when I got divorced.  My kids were preschool age at the time. I won't lie to you - it was a struggle. I do not have family nearby, but my family did help out financially and gave emotional support over the phone. Initially we did not even share custody and their dad disappeared, and that was very, very tough. He's back in the picture now and it makes it a lot easier.

I'm now happily remarried, and I will say that I much prefer raising children with a partner. It *is* tough to do it alone, but I did manage and it was not the end of the world. I managed by drawing upon support from wonderful day care providers, friends and neighbors, and understanding bosses who cut me some slack. As it turns out now, I'm remarried and so is my ex, so the kids are fortunate to have FOUR very caring adults in their lives. It really does take a village to raise a child... and kids really do need to know who their father is. I feel very strongly about that.

Hi Cesty,
I PMed you the other day, but I'm still thinking about you.  I think today's the day you make a decision?  I'm praying you find the strength to make the right decision for yourself, and like I said before, I'm here if you need a friend in Houston!