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for those of you who have read any of my recent posts you would know that throughout my weight gain anorexia recovery I have only been eating about 1200-1400cal, and 1500cal once in a while... but by doing this I have gone from 87lbs to my current 106lbs.

the problem is that i have gained so much on so little, and i want to just maintain already! But I am so confused as to how to do that... I wasn't losing so its not like I can up them, I was GAINING and its not like I can lower them very much safely.

I don't want to ruin my metabolism... and I dont want to continue gaining.

I am stuck in a rut of hopelessness and I am in desperate need of advice.

would excersising more help?

I just hope that my body still isn't in 'starvation mode' and holding onto everything... it's been almost a year for crying out loud!

anyone?

If you're still gaining on 1200-1400 cals, you probably are still in starvation mode.  I'd just continue doing what you've been doing for a while.  Give your body plenty of time to recover no matter how much you gain on so little food.  Eventually your body will adjust.  At such a low intake, I'd guess you hit a peak and then start to lose some.  That's when you'll know you're not in starvation mode anymore.  Once you go back down to your desired, healthy weight, you can increase the calories to your maintenance level.

1.  Be patient.

2.  I'm not a nutrition expert.  You shoul seek qualified medical advice.

I agree about discussing this with whoever is supervising your recovery but my opinion would be that you've got to take the plunge and eat a lot more... 1900+.  You've been undereating for so long that you're going to gain but you have to get to a level where your body is confident that food is in good supply.   A healthy BMI is anything up to 25 ... 106 still makes you very light.  So it could be that you hit 120-130lbs before your body is 'happy' and stabilises

That's what you have to get your head around in order to fully recover.... So take a deep breath and really up those calories rather than chipping at it.  The quicker you do it, the quicker you'll stabilise.

I agree with gi-jane, up your calories. Maybe do it slower, and if exercising is going to help you eat more than you could always add in a little something extra.

For my experience, ditching the scale for a while is what it takes. Constant weigh ins become discouraging and pointless in the long run!

Good Luck!

Hi Carmen, I've been reading your posts and really feeling your pain...i'm your height and i have gone from 87.5 pounds to 112...in THREE MONTHS!!!! that is over twenty pounds in such a short period of time. So you can imagine just how horrible i feel...but you know what, there isn't much i can do about it. I'm simply too tired to fight anymore. I'm too tired to keep worrying if I can still fit in the size zero, or how long I'll be able to wear the size one. I'm too tired to get obsessed with working out again - i used to work out like CRAZY, and even though I was a stick, i was tired, cranky, moody, and miserable. I don't want to have to go to that again. When I decided to recover and try to beat ED, i think i was choosing to LIVE, not just breathe. And to me, living has to be more than counting calories, hoping on the scale, worrying about the size of my stomach and thighs.

Yes, I won't lie, I am terrified of gaining weight. I am terrified it will never stop. I've heard 120 is a very healthy weight for our height and I don't ever want to see the scale say 120 (my emotions say so anyway) but if it does...then it does. I am going to be 30 in one month exactly. I have spent 15 years of my life battling my weight and what do i have to show for it???? I've been miserable, i've almost ruined my marriage, and now my body is completely messed up. But it's not too late, and I want to turn things around. So as uncomfortable as it is, I'm just going to have to TRUST that things will be better.

I read in another one of your posts that you are worried what others will think. Again, i can totally identify. I think maybe if I lived on an island by myself, i would be fine with the weight gain. But then, who wants to live by themselves? And I've also discovered - people who really care about us don't notice our weight. No one is grabbing at our tags to see what size we are, no one else gawks at the numbers on the scale. And think about it - are those the things that matter to you when you talk to your friends - do you like them because of how they look, or because of who they are??? Give yourself a break, sweetie. You are beautiful, inside and out. You deserve happiness. Real, honest, happiness, not plagued by obsession and control. I know what it feels like to cry everyday, to be upset with the weight gain. But think of it this way - we are being given the opportunity to live. We have to take it and trust that it is good. Things will even out, I'm sure. And in the end, your body will settle at a weight that is good and healthy.

SOmething I tell myself - sure, I'd be happy to be 100 pounds. I'd love to see that number on my scale. But in order to be that weight, I can't enjoy food, drinks, relaxation, or things like that. I have to starve, workout like a crazy woman, and be stressed and tense all the time. And you know, that's not living. It's not worth it. And it's not even FAIR to do that to our bodies.

I hope this isn't too muddled, and I know you might be more frustrated just hearing another person tell you it will be ok. But i really know how you feel, and I struggle, like so many others on here, with the exact same demons. We owe it to ourselves to try something different - because goodness knows starving was NOT working.

I hope you feel better, carmen, and if you want, please message me with anything you need to talk about.

um thanks for the 'advice' although still not what I want to hear.

120-130lbs? for a person 5'2! no no no that will not do, i can't even imagine that being a possiblity. My mom is 5'4 and 115lbs, and is very thin, she eats loads of crap foods and drinks but her thyroid condition keeps her small... this is why gaining is so hard for me. Imagine living with someone like that while the rest of my family is overweight...

positivelinny I find it actually rather offensive that you tell me to eat more, although you don't even eat more than me... I hope that doesn't sound rude, but it's very contradicting.

gi-jane no one is supervising my recovery, that's what makes this so difficult. For a while I was seeing a nutritionist, but all she told me was to "incorporate all the food groups", "grains are good for you", and everything i've already known before... she had little or no experience with ED recovery and didn't believe in 'counting calories'. She never gave me a certain amount to eat so I have been clueless this whole time. She was also overweight, so taking any 'new' advice from her was difficult.

etoile_rg that's a lot of gain in just 3 months, it's been almost a year for me and I am not even there yet... it truly must be difficult for you. I know it's just a number, but i've spent the last few years of my life being the 'little-one' or 'tiny', I can't even imagine myself weighing 120lbs or more, my frame is really small, everyone would notice such a weight gain :(

so then:

-how much do i need to eat to get out of starvation mode? for how long?

-I am getting my period, I'm not cold all the time, my hair isn't falling out... doesn't that mean anything?

with grad and summer coming up, gaining weight just seems like a huge NO, but I want to reverse this so bad...

 

hi everyone, I hope that you don't mind me chiming in here, I am 5'3-5'4, 24, and recovering from anorexia having eaten about 105o the past few months and maintaining at about 90.  I had initially gained from 86-107 in about 5 months by upping my intake to about 1200, I then relapsed back to where I am now.  The past few days I upped to about 1200 and desperately want to recover.  I am starting to believe that I gained on so little bc I was still in starvation mode.  Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can increase, what rate to add, what to add...?  I don't want to weigh myself bc it is a neg. trigger for me but then I don't know how to rate my progress?  Also, when i gained it all went to my stomach, yuck, any suggestions would really be appreciated, thank you so much in advance!

amy

Okay carmen I DOOOO eat more than you....and I gained on 1200-1400, but now I DOOO eat more.

I am always very positive on this site, and I always try to reach out and console you and give you advice, so instead of doing that I think I will just let others respond. I am here for your support and to give you strength, but just because someone says something that you don't want to hear you freak out. I know this is a hard time in your life, but until you are happy with yourself and not focused around every morsel of food , you probably will be miserable. Yes you were rude, but ya know what, I am a positive person, and I will not let someones attitude ruin my day.

Thanks for all of you who have tried to help in this post.

I will continue to monitor, but no longer respond. Thanks! And I hope things work out for you in your life!

if i were to up my intake to a 'normal' amount, say 1600-1800 and add more excersise, do you think my body would adjust more easily? (i wouldn't overdo the excersise to make my intake only like 1300cal, but just to help my metabolism speed up)

I'm so sorry Linny, I am just very frusterated right now... and I don't mean to take it out on anyone who tries to help me... especially you, because I respect you more than you'll ever know.

I hope you will forgive me, and I will try to not offend you ever again... I really appreciate your help.

so again I'm sorry... :(

 

and please don't stop responding to me, if you have something to say, just say it... I probably need a good slap in the face.

I'm sorry everyone for being so frusterating.

Exercising when you're not eating enough already is just going to send your body conflicting messages.

You do need to gain some weight and you are definitely going to gain some weight during your recovery.  Would you like it to be muscle or fat?  If you actually eat enough (~1900) and do weight training, you can gain muscle instead of fat, the problem with getting lots of exercise while not eating enough is that your body takes away muscle and replaces it with fat.  Here's an example for you.  My mom weighs 132 lbs at 5'5".  She currently wears a size 10.  I weigh 155 at 5'5" and I wear a size 6.  Now I'll grant you that we carry our weight differently, my mom tends to carry hers in her stomach and has tiny little legs while I carry a bit all over but still I have a lot more muscle than she does.

but how much more weight do i need to gain to get out of this 'starvation mode'? and how much do i need to eat daily/excersise days? that's what I don't get... gaining muscle is fine but it all seems to go straight to my thighs (pear shaped ) Yes, I could probably look leaner at 110lbs in pure muscle than 100lbs in fattier tissue.

but honestly how long does it take to come out of starvation mode? using other BMI calculators my healthy weight ranges from about 98lbs-132lbs, to 111lbs-138lbs... I was always most comfortable in the 105lb range, but maybe my body thinks otherwise?

ugh i wish I could go back 3 years and lose weight properly, not on a 1200cal diet with lots of excersise at 15 years old, and then less and less calories.. boy, i screwed myself over good.

Hi Carmen,

Just wanted to give you my thoughts regarding your situation- I know exactly how you feel with comparing yourself to other people around you, especially your mum you mentioned- My DAD is the same height as me 5ft 6 and he bearly weighs 95lb! (Basically he doesn't eat!) It's so infuriating and upsetting especially when he knows I'm trying to recover and it's so helpful if other people around me are eating and the thought of being bigger than me terrifies me. BUT....I know he's not going to do that and I know that I shouldn't compare myself to him, we are all different and, not in a selfish way, but in these circumstances we just have to focus on ourselves, do we want to be healthy and happy? Or constantly compare ourselves. Do what you want to do with your life, it's your own and you only get one shot at it.

Are you eating your 1200-1400 calories in 5-6 small meals and are you getting a good ratio of protein each day?

Many factors are involved here - a professional will be able to help you more, but:

1. You lost a lot of muscle - so you need to gain back your muscle -- you don't want all your weight gain to be fat, right?

So try to get about 30% calories from protein, 20-30% from fat and do some weight workouts - make sure you eat an extra 100 calories when you do a weight workout

2. If you eat 5-6 small meals a day, your liver will recover by being exercised more often and this will stimulate your metabolism.

Try to always eat like 2 ounces of protein at each small meal to balance your carbs or fruit or whatever sugars you might be eating.  Your liver doesn't have to do much to carbs and fat that you eat in order to store them, but it does have to work to process protein -- that's why it's good to eat them together.

Hope this helps, but strongly encourage you to consult a doctor or use the Ask Mary feature on the home page at least.

 

Do you lift weights?  If so, what do you do? (please detail a lil bit)

Have you gotten a body fat % test done?

(EDIT)  BMI is bull****.   It does not take into account a person's lean body mass.  If I had 0 body fat I couldn't weigh less than 160 which still gives me a higher than normal BMI for my height.  Don't pay attention to your BMI.  Body fat % is accurate and will tell you exactly where you stand.

ok excercising more is going to cause your body to "hold on to it" trust me, i have SEEN it happen. Also, you will need to excercise more to even produce the same effect :( i think upping your cals, or staying where you are is your best bet. you need a body image wake up call Carmen...we both do. You are flippin gorgeous and your body is perfect...no matter how much i hear how I have a "trainer" body...i would do anything to switch with anyone. What can we possibly do to reverse this? its like the remnents of my ED are so strong...and left me hating myself and it looks like this has happened to you too...i really cant wait to read what people answer to your post. Upping cals to maintain/lose is scary but in theory, makes SO much sense. I would be willing to experiment with you, and we can both post results however i cant yet because my stomach problems!

nomoreexcuses yes i do eat 5-6 meals/snacks a day... it seems i am always eating, i am never hungry unless i am at work and its busy so i need to wait longer for my next meal, altough usually i bring a protein bar and fruit and veggies for something quick to try and keep myself from starving. (this doesn't happen very often though, maybe once every couple weeks when I work a morning shift... fyi i work at Dennys!)

dcyounts i have some 3lb dumbbells that i recently started lifting, usually while watching tv or something to get some excersise in lol

but about this body fat thing... what will that prove? at my highest (117lbs) I was told that my body fat was too high (this was when i was eating 'normal' i guess you could say, i was 14) so now at 106lbs if anything my bodyfat would probably be at a good level right?

carmen,

im sorry your so frustrated right now and i know exactly how you feel.  im terrified to gain weight as well, and ill admit to everyone right now...as much as i want to recover, im sure im not eating enough cals to get my body where it needs to be.  but its a hard hard thing to do... so im trying SUPER hard to take everyones positive advice on this board and believe that i have the courage to do this like them.  its scary and im in a similiar place you are..wanting to recover, wanting to recover fast and easy, but still stay the same weight.  unfortunately, i think thats just impossible.  but we are here for you..we know what this illness does to our minds..and makes us freak out.  just try and be patient with everyone here trying to help you too..we are in the same boat..or was once.. or will be!

etoile

i just want to say i loved your post.  loved it!  it actually brought tears to my eyes.  it was one of the truest, most inspirational posts i have read.  in fact, i want to print it out and keep it near, and when i need a push, when i need support, i willl have it to read.  i want to be in the place you are..doing so well with recovery.  i want to have your attitude.. thank you so much for that ..it means alot to me!

ok that was not an articulate response...but the kernal of wisdom in there was worthwhile. its a body image disorder problem. You are not happy at 105 even though BMI websites and all that say low weight range is 110....like really, you need to work on YOURSELF and being happy with YOURSELF...whatever that takes. You need to learn to love yourself in aspects of your life other than being "the small friend" or "the little one". My life was not full and was very unhappy this time last summer though I was 120 pounds, a good 15 less than i am now! I wrote in a journal a few nights last summer at my low low points and my mom found it, I read it, there was a huge void in my life and I thought as long as I could hold it together by maintaining my identity- the skinny girl - i'd at least be sort of ok. I wasnt. Surround yourself with people who love you and not your 'identity'

oink you my dear are beautiful!! omg and how you look now is amazing, your pictures from even 10lbs less or so too thin, I can't even imagine you at 90lbs! maybe if you do try and experiment something with me, it will be easier, even if it's just for a short amount of time... btw what stomach issues are you talking about? and how much do you eat on average?

and I know excersising more does make your body hold on to it... when I was at 105lbs about 2 years ago I ate about 1200cal a day and went for 2 hour run/walks almost daily. and i couldn't lose anything, my weight just plateaued... I wonder if I could go back to that time and increase my calories maybe I would of lost...

all i know is that it is not fair to be gaining on minimum calories, something has to be done, I mean 106lbs is a good weight for a short girl like me, and I would be happy to stay here, but i don't know what i have to do... good solid advice from people who have been in the same position as me would be great, anyone?