Please help, difficult work situation...
The Doctors I am working for are all males, except for one. The female doctor is a great doctor, but very aggressive in everything she does & notorious for belittling Nurses & other staff members.
The other day one of the male doctors asked to speak with me in private. He informed me that all the doctors are happy with my work & think I am a great asset to their team, but wanted to forewarn me about the female Doctor. He informed me that she does not like me because of the way I look. He specifically told me that she is trying to lose weight & can't stand me because I take care of myself. She has made comments about me dressing up (professionally of course) for work & such. He also informed me that he knows she is going to try to push me out of the job & will do everything necessary, including embarrassing & discrediting me in front of my (regular full-time job)co-workers, in hopes that I will quit. He actually told me that he feels sorry for me, for what I am up against.
I am disheartened that I have to deal with this particular situation in what is suppose to be a professional environment (you would think this was high school). I really enjoy this job & want to keep doing it, but find this situation ridiculous. I would just like some opinions on how to deal with this & some suggestions of things I can say if she tries to embarrass me in front of my co-workers. I refuse to quit just because someone does not like the way I look.
I smell a lawsuit! :) Creating a hostile work environment is very against the law.
Gosh, sounds like a tough deal there.. you are gorgeous, by the way
Are things already uneasy between the 2 of you, or are you just going off what this other doc said? Maybe try being friendly to her, if nothing of the sort has happened yet- maybe she just needs to get to know you. Was the doctor pretty professional with you in his private discussion? Couldnt be he was looking for a lame excuse to hit on you? If nothing has happened yet, I would just keep on working like you have been and brush it off. If you start to notice her acting unprofessional towards you, then I agree with loriklorik, start a journal and keep track of incidents and dates and such. Maybe even confront her in private and be professional with her, but ask her about if she has some kind of problem with you and how she thinks the 2 of you could resolve it. Good Luck!
Heres a quick link on hostile work environment from google, probably should do some more searches to get a better idea of what your rights are.
http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-hostile-wor k-environment.htm
"Most companies have policies in place to deal with this type of behavior. When management fails to act appropriately, you can sue the company. Success in this type of lawsuit largely depends on not only how management failed to help but how you acted. If you respond with hostility in a hostile work environment, chances are your suit will be unsuccessful. Studies show that in court cases, your behavior is scrutinized just as carefully as management’s behavior."
This part is really important.... understanding the order and way to go about things is a key part to this type of sittuation. Doing things wrong can ruin your chances of coming out ahead.
I'd say do your job and don't let her or the other doctors get to you.... Also keep in mind the pressure she must feel as the only female in the group... Maybe instead of being enemies, you can invite her to join you for lunch sometime
Lawsuits should be one of the last things to think about in a workplace conflict, not one of the first.
Lawsuits take a very long time, are expensive, and can cause reputation problems for the person bringing the suit. Only get legal if other methods have been tried and failed, and if the outcome you want is really worth the cost and risk of a lawsuit.
In most cases going to the person directly is the best, first course action. It may be so here, too. You can go to her and talk about your concern about the working relationship, and ask if there is anything you can do to improve matters. If you don't ask, you won't find out - maybe there is something that you can address.
When a senior female employee has a reputation as a "dragon lady" it could be that she's a tyrant. Or it could be that it is a challenge for her to get respectful, professional behavior from others in the organization, and she feels like she needs to be twice as assertive as a man to bet listened to.
I also agree with documenting instances of problematic behavior. After you've tried dealing with her directly, the next line may be HR, if HR is effective and constructive in your organization.
Lawsuits should be the first thing you think about! Knowing your rights and what you can do is very important...
Thinking about those things at the start will allow you to follow actions in the right order and not leave you helpless to do anything. In a year (if things get worse) you end up without a job and without any documentation or evidence of what happened and THEN you begin thinking about lawsuits, well, then its too late.
Its like war... its the last thing you want to actually do, but you better be ready with your army in case it comes to that....
Fore-warned is fore-armed lorik has given you very good advise, I wouldn't let anyone push me out of a job because they have a problem with how i look.
I have dealt with some awful vindictive (sp) female's in my days so far and I'm only 28. Let me say that female's can be the worst obstacle you can come across.
My first question was mentioned above ... is it already bad or are you only going off what the Dr. told you? Be prepared for those situations since you have been warned but do not over think them. You need to make sure that you NEVER EVER play her game! Always be one step ahead and no matter what never let her get the best of you! If you feel that you are doing your best then keep doing it! If the other Dr.'s like you and believe you're doing your job... then if it gets bad speak to them and determine if they would go to bat for you if things go really downhill.
Don't play her games..... I repeat... don't play her games. Do not fight fire with fire in this situation! You need to set a plan for ways to deal with this.
First off, if she says something mean to you and it's personal then you need to be prepared for how to respond. Simply put "I feel that was disrespectful" and walk away! Don't let her continue! And the simple fact that you remain professional will shut her up. If she makes comments about your work it's also simple " Oh, I see your point I will try that next time." "I understand that's how you want things and I will get it done." And say these things easily... not forced. Do not give her anything to bitch about! And for the weight parts... I find it hard to believe. Jealousy is a possibility... and if and when these things are said to you.... make sure you can breath properly so that you won't allow these things to get the best of you! If you run away upset... she will have won. So take a deep breath with your hand on your stomach. Does your stomach move first or does your chest go out first? To get a correct breath your stomach must fill BEFORE your lungs. So when you first realize she's being mean... you can take this breath and KNOW FOR SURE that you will not fall for her games.
... Let her be jealous and use this to keep yourself healthy.... but don't let her hurt you because she can't do what you have already done!!
Good luck..... :) Let us know if you need more help! These things do suck! And I agree with keeping a log of anything that happens... and put other names into it that would have seen or heard what happened if at all possible!!
I have to agree with Lorik here. Keep a journal of EVERY incident, every bad encounter.
Before you sue the female doctor, though, I'd take it to HR. If HR can not or will not do anything, then consider the suit.
Whatever happens, don't make things worse by responding to you. If the doctor can establish some scenario where you made things worse first, you may be SOL
Wendyb- Thanks for the compliment & advice. I think the other Doctor is truly trying to warn me. I should have mentioned that his warning was not the first. The first came from the Nurse who is training me. She looked at me, out of the blue & said, “I just want to warn you to watch out for Dr. A, we all like you & wanted to put you on the schedule more, but when she found out about it, she was very resistant.” I could tell this Nurse didn’t want to stir up trouble, so she kept things really short & just told me to “watch out” for this doctor.
Coppertop - I have to say that things are already a bit uneasy between us, but then again, she is like that with all the Nurses. Before any of this happened, I had a chance to talk with her directly. Since she has a reputation of being a bit too aggressive, I wanted to clear the air right off the bat. I told her that I was excited to be working so close with her & that I was going to do my best to make sure I did a great job & that I would appreciate any advice or constructive criticism she could offer me. She just looked at me & said, “nice.” Honestly, I would love to tell her how much I respect her & how great I think it is that she is such a good Doctor. As mentioned before, she already treats a lot of staff members really bad & I am afraid if I do this, she will know that she can walk all over me. I don’t want to give her subtle permission to do so.
I am most definitely going to try to befriend her but I have gone to lunch with her before (in a group), she hardly looks at me at all & I feel like a nobody around her. In the clinical setting, conversations often go like this, “Dr. A, the patient is breathing really fast & is complaining of pain. I think…” –she cuts me off- “ok, put the patient back on the breathing machine.” (me)”ok but…” –cut off again- “put the patient back on the machine & let respiratory therapy know.” Then she walks away. I hate to think that she is acting this way just because she is in a position of power, but this is exactly how she acts with every encounter.
I am trying to mind my own business & stay 100% focused on doing my job correctly, but I have to admit it is so hard to feel excited to work with her. I just want to do my job to the best of my ability & stay away from the silly drama.
Get a recording device and record any conversations you have with her if, in fact, she treats you like he said she would.
What dcyounts told you to do is illegal, unless prior to recording the conversation, you inform the parties that the conversation will be recorded.
the only way to deal with a person of this sort if to disregard her attitude, smile through her nonsense and rise above. you have to set your emotions aside. hard to do, I know, but it is possible.
you feel intimidated because you think she has power over you. she doesn't. she only gets to impact your employment, not your life. in your mind, take away her power by feeling no intimidation.
if she insists on cutting you off, while you relay a patient's status, just be certain she has all the information you are supposed to relay, regardless of her attitude. be firm, but polite - even if it means calling her on her rudeness. "Excuse me, Doctor, but I would really appreciate it if you allow me to finish." do your job as you were trained to do, and let the chips fall where they may.
What's the down side? She gets you fired from a position that is starting to suck anyway, because of her. So what? It's not like there aren't plenty of nursing jobs out there :)
- keep your friends close, and your enemies closer!
and
- hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
So, basically, she is the very worst in terms of workplace politics, so to ge tthe better of her, you have to try to play that game too. Try to be friendly with her, which it seems you have tried, but the basic approach seemed not to work, so, try to find out what interests her, what is fun for her outside of work, and hopefully you can find something you can have in common, and try and drag her in that way. With a bit of luck, you can become friends.
Also, while trying to do that, do not take too much crap from her, which is to say that you obviously need to medically follow what she says, but if she does it in a rude way, try to be one of two things, very professional, and/or behave in a way that shows her rudeness does not bother you at all, not in a defiant way, but in a happy, smiling way. If she sees she cannot intimidat you, she may back down and also come to respect you more for that. (I have seen this work, the "bullying" of all junior staff can be a way to test who is a stronger one).
As already mentioned too, any non-professional actions by her towards you should of course be recorded and kept in case there is later a need (but hopefully there will not be).
Good luck!
I think that you should take a completely different tack with her. I think you might be able to short circuit the whole thing. As the lone female, she's probably a bit insecure to begin with. Not liking you because of your appearance certainly smacks of insecurity. Tell her that you admire her for going to medical school. It's not easy and it's even harder with the professors who do subtle things to sabotage women.
I'd go out of your way to be nice to her. Tell her that you heard that she's trying to loose weight and that you know it's hard on a doctor's schedule. Offer to work out with her. Offer to walk with her at lunch. Bring in healthy snacks and offer her some. Try to see if you can't become her friend. It sure sounds like she needs one.
Okay she does have that kind of reputation. But, how do you know that its real? Have you actually met anyone who was mistreated by her or is it all hearsay? This could just as easily be a case of a male doctor feeling threatened by a female doctor and telling you these things in hopes that you will take offence at every little thing and then go with the lawsuite route to get her out of his hair.
Watch yourself here. I get the sneaking suspision that there may be very few doctors in this group you can trust. I would start quietly asking around to see what the other male doctors think about the situation before I jump to any conclusions.
kathygator & bettypage- You both are right, I know ultimately I am going to have to rise above & set my emotions aside. I have seen this Doctor publically humiliate other Nurses, Doctors & respiratory therapists so I know I am going to have to get a thick skin if I want to keep doing this job. I know it is going to be hard, but I can keep focused on my job if I learn to depersonalize her remarks. Also if things get really bad, I have my full-time job which I love. I have no problems taking myself out of this position. Afterall, they came & offered me the job - it is not like I was banging down anyones door to get it.
oit &morrighu-You both must have been reading my mind because I have been thinking of different things we might have in common. I would love to just be myself around her. Perhaps letting her see that I am not a threat & actually very friendly is the best way to go.
ladykelien - As mentioned above, I have seen this Doctor humilate other staff members more times than I can count. I am being so careful about everything I say & am not talking bad about anyone. It certainly makes me ponder why there is so much drama involved with these Doctors. Perphaps it has always been there, I am only now seeing it since I am working so close with them.
