Please help....at the end of the rope!

Hi,

I am 19 years old, 5'8", and 95-100 pounds.  I'm trying to recover, but (as you already know) it's really hard.  I can't afford to go to a nutritionist right now, and I don't feel I have a good enough relationship with my parents to say anything to them about it (though they have made a few comments; but we usually don't cross paths).  I am still trying to figure out what I am supposed to adjust with my caloric intake.  For the past couple of months I have been increasing by about 50-100 calories per week, so I am finally today stepping up to a whopping 1,100.  That seems like so much to me! I don't know if I should be increasing by more though, because I haven't gained weight at all, even though a couple months ago I was only at maybe 500 calories per day.  The thing is, I do not want to gain too much too fast.  Do you have any advice you could give me?

If you need any support whatsoever, I'm always here.  I know recovery is such an ongoing process; from what I have heard from other anorexia sufferers, it stays with us our whole lives.  Hopefully, we're strong enough to fight it! :)

 Thanks,

Adrian

okay well i think you know well from the other post that 1100 is a ridiculously low amount for a dieting woman, let alone someone with an eating disorder trying to gain weight. ppl here know the battle and scurge of both anorexia and bulimia. they (we) will support and encourage you if you are sincere about recovery.

this means enough of the increasing by 50-100 cals over a few months. today you are at 1100. tomorrow 1500. tuesday 1900 wedneday 2300 thursday 2500 sedentary. now i know these are big steps. but you are severely underweight and you need to gain weight. there are loads of meal plans on the weight gain forum. loads of ideas for low bulk hi cal foods. all the tools you need are here. you have to implement them though.

dont bother weighing yourself for at least 1 week. initally there will be a gain of water with the extra cals so you will frighten yourself into thinkin you are gaining too fast. this is not the case. many ppl will tell you of a 4lb weight gain and then nothing despite eating 2500+ cals.

you need to gain weight ok. we all have felt the 'i dont want to gain weight too fast'? why the hell not? if you had a major gash on your arm would you like to leave it a little while before stopping the bleeding... maybe go for a stroll, leave all the bacteria have a field day? we all know the controlled nature of eating disorders. if you're not sincere about doing this, biting the bullet and getting the cals up, then make that clear now. but the ball is in your hands

Thank you so much for responding so fast.  It really, really helps to know people are here and willing to help.

I have heard that jumping calories that quickly could be damaging to the body.... Have you heard anything about this?  Do you have any experience increasing calories?

Thanks,

A

it's a lot less damaging to your body than what you're doing right now. going from under a couple hundred calories to 4000 in a day would be shocking. you can go to 1500 without a problem, though. i really think you should be doing more than that, but as long as you get up to 2500 within a few days.

best of luck to you in your recovery.

Original Post by hphphp62442:

Thank you so much for responding so fast.  It really, really helps to know people are here and willing to help.

I have heard that jumping calories that quickly could be damaging to the body.... Have you heard anything about this?  Do you have any experience increasing calories?

The only danger of upping calories is refeeding syndrome. But if you have been eating 1100 calories per day, this should not apply to you.

As blueberry_lips points out, your current eating habits are the danger. You could up to 2500 tomorrow if you like, or over a few days. But drawing out the process is only going to delay your recovery.

Even if you can't afford a nutritionist I think you should be regularly visiting the doctor as you are at such a dangerously low weight. I would also consider inpatient treatment - you need some kind of support in the real world, not just online.

Original Post by hphphp62442:

Hi,

I am 19 years old, 5'8", and 95-100 pounds. 

 Your BMI is 15.2.  You should go straight to a doctor and, if not, go straight to a hospital.  You are in quite a dangerous situation - life-threatening - and your 'whopping' 1100cals isn't really going to improve matters.  I think you need inpatient treatment not a nutritionist

Talk to your parents because they're the best thing you've got right now.

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Hey Adrian, 

I think it's great you want to go back to a normal diet.  You'll be much happier in the end.  I think if you are trying to eat as much as you can, you should be okay.  Don't push it, but bear in mind that you need to eat until you are really full.  Then quit.  Even though you are really thin, your stomach can only hold so much.  Don't do it to the point of getting sick.  That will just start a chain reaction.  Try adding protein shakes to your diet.  That will help get calories in, and then also help put on weight faster and easier.  It will boost your muscle mass instead of just fat.  

I have not had an issue with an eating disorder myself, but have had a friend growing up who ate cotton balls to stay full.  She was in ballet.  I saw what her doctors did to get her healthier.  She is in her normal weight range now.  She is really healthy now and loves the way she looks.

Just don't eat too many sweets it will be extremely hard to get off the sweet tooth once you get to your goal weight.  Try to still have a balanced diet. 

Original Post by kalnysis:

Hey Adrian, 

I think it's great you want to go back to a normal diet.  You'll be much happier in the end.  I think if you are trying to eat as much as you can, you should be okay.  Don't push it, but bear in mind that you need to eat until you are really full.  Then quit.  Even though you are really thin, your stomach can only hold so much.  Don't do it to the point of getting sick.  That will just start a chain reaction.  Try adding protein shakes to your diet.  That will help get calories in, and then also help put on weight faster and easier.  It will boost your muscle mass instead of just fat.  

I have not had an issue with an eating disorder myself, but have had a friend growing up who ate cotton balls to stay full.  She was in ballet.  I saw what her doctors did to get her healthier.  She is in her normal weight range now.  She is really healthy now and loves the way she looks.

Just don't eat too many sweets it will be extremely hard to get off the sweet tooth once you get to your goal weight.  Try to still have a balanced diet. 

OK, I understand you are trying to help, but your advice is seriously misplaced. All you are doing is enabling her to continue her eating disorder.

Just saying "eat as much as you can" is not enough - the ED will take over and say "well x amount is as much as I can eat" and it will never be enough.

She needs to know she should be eating 2500+. It is not about stuffing yourself. Of course she may feel very full to begin with, but there are plenty of low-volume, calorie dense foods available which easily add up to 2500 without causing her to become overly full.

It does not matter what recovering anorexia sufferers eat; all food is fuel. Gaining weight by eating sweets is 1000x better than remaining as dangerously underweight and at risk of dying as she currently is. If she were to weight restore by eating french fries, chocolate, tim tams and mars bars she would be far healthier than she is now. Besides which, it is fantastic for people in recovery from EDs to actually practise eating treat foods so that they know it won't kill them and is part of normal eating.

To the OP: check out the weight-gain forum stickied thread on high calorie foods. Peanut butter, nutella, fats and oils, hummus, full-fat dairy, nuts, trail mix, dark chocolate, seeds, dried fruit, cheese, full-fat salad dressings, mayonnaise... are just a few ideas from the thread.

Protein shakes are fine, but be aware that protein can make you feel fuller. People recovering from anorexia almost always have muscle atrophy, or muscle wastage. This means that during recovery, part of the healing process is rebuilding and repairing those muscles. This means that muscle gains will happen, regardless of what kind of food intake you have. In addition, muscles will also grow to help support the increase in body weight. So there is no need to worry about gaining only fat - this will not happen, even when you are totally sedentary. People gaining weight from being underweight gain weight differently to how people of a normal weight gain weight - the process is different because it involves a lot of healing and repair work. Some of the weight will even be bone - your bones should increase slightly in density as malnutrition leads to porous bones and problems such as arthritis and osteoporosis.

Please take gi-jane's advice and go to the doctor, hospital or an inpatient service. You are so dangerously ill right now. All the best to you.

So yesterday, for the first time in months, I went the entire day not counting the calories in every single thing I ate.  I had to stop counting!  I was having emotional breakdowns every couple of days from the stress of counting what was in every tiny thing I put into my body.  So far today, I haven't counted either.  Does this sound like a good idea?

I feel a TON better because I'm no longer obsessing over the calorie amount, but I had a little freak out last night and this morning because I'm worried I ate too much.... The logical side of me know that I need to gain weight, and that I'll look and feel better when I do.  But this thing inside my head just keeps insisting I don't.  I feel like fighting it, and stopping counting altogether.... What do you guys think?

Original Post by hphphp62442:

So yesterday, for the first time in months, I went the entire day not counting the calories in every single thing I ate.  I had to stop counting!  I was having emotional breakdowns every couple of days from the stress of counting what was in every tiny thing I put into my body.  So far today, I haven't counted either.  Does this sound like a good idea?

I feel a TON better because I'm no longer obsessing over the calorie amount, but I had a little freak out last night and this morning because I'm worried I ate too much.... The logical side of me know that I need to gain weight, and that I'll look and feel better when I do.  But this thing inside my head just keeps insisting I don't.  I feel like fighting it, and stopping counting altogether.... What do you guys think?

Honey, I'm sorry to say this but you NEED to count these calories.  You MUST count until you reach 2500+ each day.  It can be very easy to trick yourself into thinking you are "full" and do not need to eat anymore without counting.  You need to make sure that you gain weight. You are VERY sick and need to gain weight NOW.  This is not something to ease into slowly.  You need to gain weight FAST. 

Eating calorie dense foods such as nuts, peanut butter, chocolate, ice cream, and cheese are great ways to up your cals without filling yourself up.  

 Look, if you are not able to do this, then please go to the hospital.  What you really need is in-patient care, because of how low your weight is.  Please get help before it is too late.