PLEASE HELP! recovery question!!*

okay, so tomorrow I go in to see my doctor and get a diagnosis on my eating disorder...I took the plunge and called her when I finally snapped into it and realized eating 500 calories a day and not being satisfied at 5"5.5 and 102 is absoloutely crazy!! I am very proud of myself...but so very confused unfortunately where I live there are no in-patient centers or eating disorder places I can go to...and the nutritionist they have me booked with is overweight so it discourages me...my question is should I up my calories straight from 500 to say 2000??? or slowly make my way up there week to week? I'm just confused because won't my body be in starvation mode therefore gain a lot of fat if I jump right to 2000...and should I stop exercising until I maintain a proper weigt? okay that probably sounds like a dumb question...I'm just so scared

So sorry for making you read all of that!

Please, please, please see your doctor...this is going to be a very important appointment for you and they will probably want to check some blood tests and your heart.  Rather than gaining fat from increasing your calories, your doctor may want to tell you about something called refeeding syndrome.  That's when you've starved yourself for so long that eating too dramatic an increase in your caloric intake could cause a chemical imbalance that is dangerous and life threatening.  See if your doctor can recommend another nutritionist, but it'll be important for you to get back to a healthy weight gradually and with monitoring.

Hopefully your doctor will be able to give you guidance, but alot of doctors that don't specialize in ED are unfortunately clueless about recovery.  My personal opinion is that you should go straight to 2000-2500.  You're going to gain weight at first no matter what.   The first few weeks are the toughest because you're doing things you aren't used to doing - you know, like eating : )  A nutritionist that specializes in ED & therapist that specializes in ED will be your best allies. Ask your doctor for recommendations. 

Edit: By the way- I jut looked at your pics and didn't read the captions at first.  That first picture at your "highest weight" - you look fantastic. Before I read the caption, I actually thought was probably going to be one of you at some point during your weight loss (but before you got sickly thin) because you look so good.

I'm just so overwhelmed with eating that much food! I have no idea where to even begin! And I do not want to be stuffing myself with unhealthy foods...I am a vegetarian and I really do believe in eating clean...even before my eating disorder kicked in...but I am just clueless where to get all these calories from I guess...I found myself this morning in my gym clothes wanting to go to the gym! I need to get these eating disorder thoughts out of my head I really should not be going to the gym at the moment as I am still eating under my calorie needs! Should I start my first say 3 days with 1200 then the next couple days 1700 and then 2000? or straight to 2000? i'm sorry for all the questions

I'm thankful that you are seeking the help of a dr..  I understand the jump from 500 cal. to 2000 seems like alot to you.  But if you do your profile in here it will tell you how many calories you need to eat.  I think eating the 2000 cal. is a great start.  Also I think you have a good idea about starting at 1200 for a few days then move up alittle each day.  Maybe your body will except your new way of eating better and it wouldn't be a shock to your system.  I also think that if you want to exercise to stay toned up while you gain some weight would be a very good thing to do.  Now that doesn't mean over doing it in exercise.  Do a healthy routine.  For instance maybe work out for 30-45 minutes a day.  Exercise is more then just good for the body it is good for your soul.  Actually exercising as you probably aready know releases chemicals in your brain that are good for you. 

Good Luck

I am glad you are going to the doctor and see how underweight and unhealthy this is. I understand your fears but I agree with the other posters. I would stay off the scale at first because you will hold water and your metabolism is confused. Most of the programs I have been in they start you on 1600-1800 the 1st day regardless of what you were eating and then increase you every couple days to 3000-4000 calories. You do feel anxious and your stomach feels bad but in the long run will help you feel better. I am sorry about the nutritionist. I really think it is key to see someone who deals with eds. Sometimes ones that don't do more harm then good. I am not saying all but many don't realize how many calories it takes to gain but also repair. I hope the apt went well