please help;; i wish to gain but dont know where to start.....

Hi, I am 5ft 9in and weigh 91lbs.

Yes; i do consider myself sick and anorexic.

I wish to start regaining but have no idea where to start.....

Anyone with similar experiences?? Any tips or motivation??

Thank you.

Firstly, congradualtions on realizing that there is a problem and that you need help. That is truly the first step in recovery.

I am the same height as you. If at all possible I highly suggest you get yourself to a doctor and get checked out. If you have the insurance to cover it, inpatient treatment may be best for you at this point as you are very underweight.

I have reached dangerously low weights in the past, and after my IP stay in the winter of 2008, my insurance refused to cover any more time in treatment despite me having more days of care left in my account. I almost died last summer due to relapsing and being unable to recieve any kind of medical support. I was deemed too underweight for outpatient services and was considered a "waste of space and money" for IP. You NEED to see your doctor to make sure you do not end up in the same situation I was in. I was given the option of waiting to die or trying to fix it myself - which could have also killed me due to refeeding complications that sometimes arise.

If you do not have insurance and cannot afford to go to a treatment center or a doctor, read up on the "How to Gain Weight Thread". If you are eating under 500 calories a day, I suggest increasing to 1,000 first for a few days and working up either by increments of 250 evert 2-3 days or 500 every 5-7 days until you reach 2500. Do not weigh yourself until a full week after reaching 2500. Your weight is going to fluctuate a lot during the increasing of calories because your body will be adjusting to processing food again. It needs time to learn

I am going to tell you this - you may need a lot of calories to gain because you are fairly tall. I am of the same height, and ended up needing 3600-3800 a day, sedentary to gain 1/2-1lb a week for quite some time. I admit, I drew out the process for a while - started gaining in June 2008 but once I got my ass in gear and tried to gain regularly, it took a LOT of calories to do it. I am not trying to scare you, but don't think that 2500 will be the end-all-be-all. You should be shooting for 2lbs/week. If you go a week without gaining, shoot up 500. If you only gain 1/2 a pound, thats 250 you need to add. Quite honestly, the only reason I didn't get to a 2lb/week weight gain was because my mom was adamant that I not go up to 4,500. That's what I needed when I was inpatient, and she was afraid I would not be able to maintain my weight after gaining again on that amount.

I think  something really important though, is making sure you stay sedentary. Otherwise it breeds eating disordered obsessions that are veryhard to break (believe me, I've been there) and its best to just not start them.

 

If you have any other questions, feel free to PM me anytime.

First, thank you for reading and replying to my post.

It is always a help when someone (especially who has delt with a similar situation) reaches out to help.

I am consuming about 1200-1500 cals a day (up from 400-600) of what I used to consume. I eat normal, solid foods; and am increasing more and more everyday. Will I really need that many (3500-4000 Cals) a day??

I am aware of the fact that because my body was in starvation mode, it has a veryyyy slow metabolism and energy burning rate; wouldn't that mean that I wouldn't need that many calories to gain weight?

Again, thanks for the reply.

Ah, you'd think that wouldn't you? However, due to your low weight, your body has experienced a great deal of loss and damage to your muscle, bone and organ masses. It takes a great deal of calories to repair it all once your body learns that it will be fed and it is safe to begin the restore and repair process. The only way to get that to happen though, is to snap your body out of starvation by eating enough calories to allow your body to realize it is not being starved. Then your metabolism picks up because your body learns it doesn't need to hang onto every last calorie, because there will always be a supply of energy when needed.

People who gain on low amounts do not restore or rebuild the tissue masses that were damaged and lost. They gain weight, yes. But it is different than having your heart and other vital organs restored to their full mass, and having your muscle tissue restored. Your body needs to know it is safe to put energy into restoration, and that the calories you are consuming do not need to be saved for a rainy day.

No one can predict exactly how many calories you will need to gain. I can tell you this - I am just about 5'9", got down to an extremely low weight and was eating less than 100 calories a day. I need 3600-3800 to gain about 1/2 to a pound a week or so at home. When I went to IP, my weight was all of 7 pounds higher than it was this past June, I had been eating 800-1200 calories a day perhaps, and I needed 4400-4600 to gain 1.5 - 2lbs a week. Averaging it out - its the same amount of calories approximately to promote the same kind of gain - I would have needed another 700 calories or so to gain the full 2lbs a week that I should have been shooting for, but my mom didn't want me going beyond 3800 for fear I'd never be able to keep up the intake I'd need to maintain.

So yeah. Starvation mode does not apply to recovering anorexics. Think of it like this: repairing all the piping in your house takes a lot more energy than just needing to turn the water main on. People who are already fairly healthy and just want to gain for aesthetic purposes don't need to do the repair work - they've just got eat a bit more. As an anorexic, your body is going to have to work to get back to healthy. That generally means more calories.

Once again, thank you for the reply;;; although we do not know each other, it seems like I can confide in you since we have gone through similar paths.

Okay, so sounds like I will be needing a lot more calories than I thought. In addition, I have hyperthyroidism; and had a fast metabolism when I used to be healthy; so do u think that this will also demand additional increase in calories?

Although I am dedicated to weight gain; I have to admit that this huge amount of calories sounds kinda intimidating and scary to me right now; how did u get over this everyday fear?

 

 

 

You work up to it. Gradual. I started out...eating maybe 800 calories a day at first. Worked myself up. Every week that I didn't gain, I added 500 calories. If I gained 1/2 a pound, went up 200. So on and so forth. I freely admit, I had many setbacks between June and now. I had worked myself up to 2800 calories twice, and the first two times I got there, I almost immediately slid back down. Then I finally got it right, held it for a week and ended up needing to increase up to 3600+ within 10 days.

I know the amount of calories seems daunting. But its not like you have to get there tomorrow. Its an over-time thing. At first, you may be able to gain on 2200, or 2500. I gained a pound or two eating that amount. And I gained another pound or two eating 2600, 2800 so on and so forth. As your weight builds, so does your metabolism. I have a fast metabolism too and have always had issues with being a proper weight for my height and age. You can get through it though. Fear may be present, but it doesn't have to control you. You can work around it, and live beyond it. And the more you push against it, the easier it becomes and eventually it starts to become kinda fun, and its like the fear is gone. Ultimately, you have the power to choose - to let anorexia rule you, or to take the reigns back and fight to save your life. The only way out is up. It may be scary, but nothing is ever more worth it.

I am very glad you have rebelchick1017 to guide you

She knows what she's talking about. Good Luck from me!

thank you for the encouragement;;; i think that is what i will need the most at the moment.   I have been letting sweets (like dark chocolate) back into my life; and although i love the taste, I get this reaallllyy weird feeling in my head; feeling dazed and the veins in the arms become noticeably more visible? (if that makes any sense.)

If anyone feels like they have an idea of what or why I feel like this after eating high-sugar or even high carb foods, please reply;;;

right now, I have been trying to get over this eating disorder monster on my own with family support (mostly in the form of demand, along with "or else..." threats) but do you think I should be seeking professional help like a nutritionist?

 

It could be the caffiene in the chocolate is a bit much for your system - especially if you also drink coffee. Also, if you aren't eating enough complex carbs, proteins and fats, it could be a bit of a sugar rush for your system.

I personally never eat chocolate just as a snack all on its own. I've always eaten it as a dessert after a meal, or with a yogurt.

I think if you have professional help available to you, by all means take it. This is a very difficult process, and the more help you can get, the better. I did it all on my own due to necessity, not choice. If I could have seen a nutritionist or medical doctor, I would have. I could have died from refeeding complications due to how low my weight was, and you still have the same risk. Having some guidance and monitoring will be most beneficial to you, and it may help you feel more secure in increasing your calories and making food choices. It was a real battle for me - especially upping my dietary fat intake. I really had to force myself to do it even though I knew I needed to. A nutritionist will help you make sure your getting adequate amounts of nutrients, and you wil get to spend less time checking and calculating and making sure (something I still wish I hadn't had to do - us eating disordered folk are prone to making habits)  If you can relenquish even just a tiny bit of that responsibilty into someone else's hands - that is wonderful and it will help you feel more normal.

Hi.  Rebel has given you a lot of of good advice. I have a few thoughts as well. First have you had a physical lately with bloodwork? You are at a very low weight and I think it is very important to have yourself monitored and to see if there are any reasons you are having symptoms other then the ed.  It sounds and please correct me if I am wrong but that you feel alone and I wonder if you can talk to your family more about how they can support you? I have seen many nutritionist/therpaist/psychiatrists and they do have a place to help you with tools and support. Of course you have to do the work and it is natural to be scared and overwhelmed. It can get easier as you see nothing bad happens. Everyone needs a different amount of calories in refeeding but in general it is a high cal plan cause you need to repair as well. When i was back increasing outpatient we did it 200 calories ever 2 days till at least 2500-3000. Then waited to see. Try to take 1 day at a time.

My endocrinologist (whom i originally went to see for my routine checkup for my hyperthyroidism), recently noticed my extreme weight loss and has demanded that I gain at least one pound by my next checkup. Although she has not run a full bloodwork, I had my routine thyroid hormone bloodwork done and the results have come out pretty normal except for a low white blood cell count.  

i do not know if my usually hyperthyroid hormones have lowered due to my weight loss and slowed metabolism or if it's just my medication doing its job, but results showed a good thyroid balance.

I can predict that my body has suffered from my disorder; but do you think it can be that severe to the point i require medical attention?

if so, should i go see a general doctor to get a full-body checkup done?

 And also, thank you for replying abbi333, and as for your concern about my family support, there is no denying it. It was actually due my mom begging and crying and demanding that i gain weight that really fueled me towards a recovery. however, it seems like she just doesn't understand why the difficulties of eating are so persistent; i think she presumes that anorexia is just a matter of losing weight, and recovery just means gaining weight; and although that was also my original thought process, it is proving to be wayyyyy more than that, and eating a seemingly-simple thing such as a cookie not only demands chewing, but pushing my anti-food thoughts away in the process.

So, as I said, any further motivational tips or advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.    

  

Yes I think you should have a physical. I have had in the past normal bloodwork and ended up in the cardiac unit from my anorexia. I am not saying this to scare you but it can happen. Even if things are ok for now trust me the longer an ed goes on the more the body breaks down and not everything is reversable. I am sorry about your mom and I know that sometimes families don't know how to approach and respond. If you go to therapy it would be good if you could have family sessions so things can be confronted. Can you go to the book store and get your mom a book to read up on this. I know at Renfrew they suggested a book called surviving an ed for family and friends. You can pm anytime. You can do this and it is going to be hard but possible

Definitely seek professional, medical advice. We at CC can only tell you so much, but nothing is definiteive if you don't know what your actual, determined medical status is. We can tell you that being under an 18 BMI puts you at risk for many complications, and that being under 16 means you are at risk for organ failure. We can tell you that if your electroyle levels are off, or if you have anemia - those risks are at least doubled. But if you don't know the specifics of what may be wrong inside your body right now, its hard to know what exactly you need to do to correct it other than eating more. Further more, if you are in danger, you need that professional care to ensure your own safety.

I know its hard when your family thinks its an easy 1,2,3 fix. But its not. Starvation and not eating are a symptom, not the problem. The problem lies inside your mind. A good deal of that will get better just with proper nutrition and restoration, but a lot of it right now is going to ahve to come from your own strength of will to move past the eating disordered thoughts and feelings. It does get better though - less powerful, less frequent, easier to live around. I've found having "heart to heart" talks with my mom, and writing her letters, about the feelings and thoughts I had about myself, my body, and food really helped her understand me a lot better. She used to lose her temper constantly as I'd cry infront of my bowl of pasta, or toast with peanut butter. I don't do that anymore. But after explaining to her what went through my head, while she didn't get what I was going through exactly, she realized it was much more difficult for me to eat than putting fork to mouth.

oh wow;;; i guess recovery will take a lot more than just eating...

And I hope I am not asking too much of a personal question, but how much did you weigh when u were in inpatient treatment, abbi333? was it around my range of weight?

And today, i went to go see a general nutritionist to help me plan a balanced meal plan, but not only did the meeting just sound like a repetition of elementary school health class, she thinks i will gain on 1800 calories? Does this sound right? Or should seeing a nutritionist specialized in the field of eating disorders be more helpful?

Also, I had a recent bloodwork done checking my hormones, thyroid, estrogen levels, and white/red blood cell count but have come out normal. Are these things usually not affected by my disorder, or was my body just fortunate enough not to suffer too much?  

Again, thank you both for your replys :)

Hi. If you were inpatient in some places like Renfrew you would be on bedrest where you are not even allowed groups because your weight is so low. You are at a very low weight. Anyhow I think it is very key to see someone who specializes in ed's. I have seen ones who don't and often I feel they can do more harm then good. I am sure there are exceptions but in recovery the needs are so high and there is such a mental component also.  So no this does not sound right 1800. It may give you intitial water weight gain but for how low your body weight is and how much you need to gain and repair after the initial weight gain from slow metabolism and water I feel you will need more. I am not sure where you live but can you see someone who deals with eating disorders and also maybe a therapist? I think the support since you sound very confused and alone may help you. You can pm anytime too.

1800 is an OK starting point, but your nutritionist should realize it will take you a great deal more to continually gain weight. You may gain a pound here, or a pound there on your way up to a 2500 calorie minimum, but in order to sustain weight gain, you will need at least that much, and probably more. I am your height, and I need 3000-3600+ calories a day to gain consistently. You will probably need at least 3,000 to consistently gain as well. Not saying you have to jump to that right off the bat, but your nutrionist should know that you are going to need a lot of food.

I don't think it is necessary to see an N who specializes in ED's, as long as the person you are seeing is willing to learn and do a bit of research, and really talk to you and try to understand. If they are not, then it is a bad match. I saw an N who did not deal with ED's but she really talked with me, and tried to help in every way possible, and she also did some research as to what my dietary needs as a recovering anorexic would be (this was years ago, when I was in high school) if your N is up for that, then I would continue seeing her. If not, then ask if she/he can reccommend you to someone who is more in the know about eating disorders.