please read this short story?

This has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH DIETING OR FOOD. Sorry...

Anyways, I was so bored this morning so I decided to enter a little writing contest I found online. The guidelines for the contest are very simple:

"Write any story up to 300 words from the point of view of an animal."

I just typed up a little story. I don't think it makes sense though... would anybody mind reading it and tell me if you get it or not? Any suggestions on improving it? Thanks so much!!!!!!

Title: (no clue...any ideas?)

Hi there, little monkey! My name’s Grizzly, but my friends call me Ron Abair.  My girlfriend, Donna Tack, and I are the most famous grizzlies in the whole forest. You’re lucky to have run into me!  Come along and you’ll see how popular I am!

This clearing over here is my favorite place in the woods. Monkeys like you come by every weekend to fish, hunt, and cook for me!  Whenever I come by, they’re always SHAKING with excitement, and drop everything to welcome me. Then they quickly leave so I can enjoy what they have made for me. At night, they build fires so I can stay warm and cook me delicious brown and white gooey snacks! The monkeys are my most devoted fans. They considerately hang my food up on tree branches where it’s easily accessible, and post pictures of me throughout the forest.   

Here in this stream, I kindly show the monkeys how to catch fish because they’re really bad at it. Most of them just sit holding a skinny pole, and wait for a fish to jump into a bucket! Their techniques are quite peculiar. If they do manage to snag a fish or two, they graciously leave them for me to enjoy. I never hurt their feelings by telling them I prefer my fish slightly cooked.  

I’m friends with all the other animals too! Down in this meadow, rabbits, squirrels, raccoons and I love playing games. Their favorite game is Hide and Seek, but I personally love to play Tag!  I’m always “it” because obviously they like me the best.

Don’t you feel honored to have met me, the famous Ron Abair? Hey, where did you go?

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!  Everyone, Ron Abair is coming!”

Spendid! You have monkey friends to play with! Wait up guys!

Ok, That's it. Please don't make fun of me! i know its sorta retarded... It's supposed to be about a grizzly bear who thinks everybody (campers...hikers etc.) loves him, but really everybody's scared of him. "Ron Abair = run a bear" "Donna Tack = Don't attack"

haha I thought it was really cute...I like the puns with the names.

I was thinking grizzley and monkeys arent in the same areas and then it hit me oh!humans! got ya.  I liked it.

I like it!  Very cute, hope you do well in the contest.

When i first read it i didnt get it but now that i understand it was from a bear and the monkeys are people and reread it again its adorable! I think its really funny and good :D

Original Post by beanaparker:

This has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH DIETING OR FOOD. Sorry...

Anyways, I was so bored this morning so I decided to enter a little writing contest I found online. The guidelines for the contest are very simple:

"Write any story up to 300 words from the point of view of an animal."

I just typed up a little story. I don't think it makes sense though... would anybody mind reading it and tell me if you get it or not? Any suggestions on improving it? Thanks so much!!!!!!

Title: (no clue...any ideas?)

Hi there, little monkey! My name’s Grizzly, but my friends call me Ron Abair.  My girlfriend, Donna Tack, and I are the most famous grizzlies in the whole forest. You’re lucky to have run into me!  Come along and you’ll see how popular I am!

This clearing over here is my favorite place in the woods. Monkeys like you come by every weekend to fish, hunt, and cook for me!  Whenever I come by, they’re always SHAKING with excitement, and drop everything to welcome me. Then they quickly leave so I can enjoy what they have made for me. At night, they build fires so I can stay warm and cook me delicious brown and white gooey snacks! The monkeys are my most devoted fans. They considerately hang my food up on tree branches where it’s easily accessible, and post pictures of me throughout the forest.   

Here in this stream, I kindly show the monkeys how to catch fish because they’re really bad at it. Most of them just sit holding a skinny pole, and wait for a fish to jump into a bucket! Their techniques are quite peculiar. If they do manage to snag a fish or two, they graciously leave them for me to enjoy. I never hurt their feelings by telling them I prefer my fish slightly cooked.  

I’m friends with all the other animals too! Down in this meadow, rabbits, squirrels, raccoons and I love playing games. Their favorite game is Hide and Seek, but I personally love to play Tag!  I’m always “it” because obviously they like me the best.

Don’t you feel honored to have met me, the famous Ron Abair? Hey, where did you go?

 

 

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!  Everyone, Ron Abair is coming!”

 

 

Spendid! You have monkey friends to play with! Wait up guys!

 

 

Ok, That's it. Please don't make fun of me! i know its sorta retarded... It's supposed to be about a grizzly bear who thinks everybody (campers...hikers etc.) loves him, but really everybody's scared of him. "Ron Abair = run a bear" "Donna Tack = Don't attack"

If you want real feedback, use www.zoetrope.com.

Thanks guys:) That's sweet that you actually read it!!

Even if I don't win, i like entering contests. Even if I lost every contest I enter it still looks good on a reseme... haha..

(BTW, i attached a short synopsis on what the story's about. That way whoever is reading it will get the gist of the story and not be totally confused.)