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PLEASE!! Someone STOP me before I'll commit SUICIDE!!!!

I need help!! I can't call my nutritionist right now and I have benn OVEREAT in a scary amount. I'm recovering from ED and now I feel like I have a habit of obese!! I'll sabutage myself for many times. I have been eating around 1600-1800 calories (maintaining) for the entire week. I'm 16 years old, 5"1 and I was 108 pounds (gain from 102) and I almost bang my head against the wall because I have been eating soo much and I feel so guilty over it. I can't go to the gym because the school gym is not open (I'm in a boarding school....thousand miles away from my parents in Thailand)

This is what I had today..

Breakfast: 1 pint = 4 serving ice cream (140 calories per serving) + 1 medium orange + 1 medium apple

Lunch: 4 bites of chicken marsala + 1 small baked potatoe + 1 dannon fuit on the bottom yogurt

snack: 4 cups dry multi-grain cheerios cereal

*** bad stomach pain so I went running/walking for half an hour and fall asleep)

Dinner: 4 bits of grilled chicken + 4 small little babies carrots + 1 medium orange + 1 small sardine fish + 4 bites of white rice + half of small baked potato

--- sad part of the day--- : after dinner: 2 tbsp of nutella + 1 ferrero ball + 1 milky way snack size (like 70 calories each)

I feel like I want to kill myself...I can feel that my stomach sticking out and bloat and fat and all....I don't know what else to do. I can't call my parents coz they wouldn't understand. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE...somebody tell me it's ok. I don't know what to do tomorrow!!!! I can't keep doing this to myself!! HELP!!!!!!!

Little last post..

to all of you who had recovered from ED, Congradulation! It was hard! I can't believe I have put myself in that position. But I can go through it.

For people who are trying to lose weight, I wish you all good luck! Thank you very much from the bottom of my heart. I feel MUCH better.

Original Post by charming_imy27:

I only see a nutritionist every 2 weeks. Living in a dorm is a bit harder....every girls hate the idea od ED. I can't really tell people who are not my friends about what I have done to myself 3 months ago (as in not eating). It's a disaster putting a bunch of girls together like this. Everyone just look at each other -- see what they are eating -- tell other that they are not fat and saying that they themselves are fat when actually they are not. They said people with ED disgust them but it seems like they all want to have ED. It's a crazy world!!

Well...I guess I'm going to have some fruits and milk for breakfast. I don't know what can I have for lunch because school usually have leftover for weekend lunch and dinner...I can do this...! Thank you a million times for everyone support! Good luck on your diet as well!

 Oh yes... it sure IS a crazy world - teen girls are more and more competitive about things like weight and looks.

I don't have much to say about that except - now that I've learned to eat healthy, I can eat basically whatever I want until I'm full. I jog an hour every day while watching 3 episodes of my favourite online anime. It passes the time quite well. If at anytime you want to exercise but the gym is closed or something, do squats or another resistence exercise in your room. That way, some of the extra calories can go to building muscle. What I like to do is, while I'm on the computer doing homework, I don't sit and instead, I walk on the spot in front of my desk, leaning forward to type. Yes, call me weird, but it helps me believe that I'm burning SOME calories...

It sure feels good to have regular meals and then a treat, while other people look miserable not eating anything and "complaining" about how much I eat. But I DO work for it - in my own, fun way...

Kagura - That's a very nice idea! Actually while I'm replying this I'm standing and leaning toward my laptop to type this!

 

It's true...girls are crazy and wild...sometimes anyway. But eating healthy is a nice and fun way of living your life...treat in moderation is a nice idea...just make sure I don't get back to my weird ED thinking! I can work through this. 5 more weeks till my summer break so I could go home. I havn't been home for almost a year..I didn't go back home even at Christmas! Sweet summer time!

Yayyy!! You mean going home as in, going home to your parents in Thailand? Sounds awesome... <3

Lol, I KNOW you can hang in there until then. By that time, you'll have mastered good habits, and be able to enjoy yourself. (: Aren't you glad you posted on here BEFORE you decided to... commit suicide? Hopefully, you NEVER feel like that again - I mean, how would you be able to "go home"? XD

I'm looking forward to summer too... and in the meantime >_> I'm "eating" through my mountains of homework...

I have weighed upwards to 340lbs. and food is not the enemy. It is not what we are eating...but what is eating us! Never let yourself HALT it brings on a binge. Never let yourself get too hungry. Never let yourself get to angry. Never let yourself get to lonely. Never let yourself get too tired....and Never brag about (to extreme of course...) how great you are doing...It sets you up to fail, binge, overeat, stress. It sounds like you have added, extra stress also at this time. You don't need to be using such negative self-talk when you are experiencing any level of self doubt in any area. I am isolated myself, and don't have youth on my side. I get easily overwhelmed, even yet. I am 54. You are right about the compulsive behaviors schewing our thought patterns to help us set up reasons to binge. Our brain wants the easy way out. You have been comfortable in some unhealthy areas, so you have to fight the negative with the positive self talk. If you cannot explore and try/ and come upon a solution to an issue by yourself. Seek out help from others. You have done so. I bet you are feeling better too. Hang in there. I was just this fretful over the course of about a month over the eating and exercising issues. Originally, I upped everything at the gym, and lost 6lbs. last month...working out and attacking things harder, I gained the six pounds back and 3 more! I was crushed and very upset. I emailed some  of you, and I am back on track! You will be to. Best wishes on recovery.

Suicide is an extremely serious issue - it's frightening and traumatic for anyone who has a friend or loved one involved with it or with suicide attempts

If you have suicidal thoughts, the most important step you can take is to talk to someone about it - either a medical professional or a trusted person in your family, school or organization.

If you don't know who to talk to, please call 1-800-784-2433.

This post is being locked and we strongly encourage anyone who needs help to seek it from an appropriate professional.