please support me and please be kind.

as most of you know i have had anorexia for 10 yrs and am 163 cm tall and 33kg..... i know what u think but i go to outpatient always and my health is okay!

i am eating alot better....... i am feeling and thinking alot better.........
this is my problem..........
1)IVE LOST WEIGHT???? WHY.................
2)I FEEL ODD JUST WEIRD........KINDA OH I DONT EVEN KNOW???
3)THERE IS NOTHING HAPPENING IN MY HEAD....... I KINDA FEEL FREE??
please guys if you know .. is this part of getting well...... amd i actually feeling kinda normal???

is this my body starting to function?

please help.........

It's possible (my opinion) that mentally you feel a lot better, and mentally you're over your eating disorder, but you're just so used to your old habits that physically you haven't changed much which is why you are still losing/have lost weight.

For instance, last year I scrupulously counted every single calorie, including keeping like a diary/journal of every thing i ate. I'm now over that and like you feel more "free" - however, my diet has not changed much if at all. The only difference is I'm eating as I wish and not necessarily worrying/nit picking about the calories. So even though my attitude is again more "free," I haven't really done anything to change my diet. I could be wrong though.

on no....... i have added 800 calories over 1months to my diet!:)

im also exercsing less alot less!

Well in that case it could be a matter of starvation mode. You were exercising so much and eating so few calories that your body shut itself down and prevented you from losing weight. Now that you are eating more and exercising less, you're essentially creating a PROPER caloric deficit, which is resulting in weight loss. 

If you're losing weight on your current intake it needs to go up. I'm not sure what to add to point two as you can't describe it! As for feelings of normality, when our body is fed more the symptoms of depression that come with it allieviate to a degree. You may be feeling happier because you're eating more! Keep going, Spek, but if you're losing on what you're eating it needs to go up. Good luck!

Are you comfortable starting to add another 100-200 calories?  Your body might be enjoying the new eating habits and that is why you feel at peace.  Congrats on taking the right steps to becoming a more healthy you! :)

ah.......... this morning ive gained 300 grams...... okay now my head is paniking i hate this evil cycle!

Hi Spek,

I know what your going through. I need to gain weight badly as well but still fear gaining too much.  I just stay off the scale..I just cant handle it.  I dont think scales are accurate and everyone fluctuates.  I used to drive myself crazy weighing myself a million times a day. I do better when I stay away.  But your right, it IS an evil cycle.  Don't give up!  I know its soo hard but I know we both can make it!  Just keep going! Good luck!

thank u so much.. i really needing support right now..... my head wont stop beating me up:(

Spek, grats on any weight gain. I know it's scary, but you need to be PROUD of yourself! You are doing awesome! My advice is to stay away from the scale! Losing weight or gaining weight, that thing is indeed, evil! Continue to increase your intake and do not touch the scale, it will bother you alot less. Ignorance is bliss. :)  Good luck to you. :) You should be really proud of yourself though. =D

im so scared...... i hate this....... my stomic is bloated and i feel so large...... i know im not but its that feeling....... i think becaue i am so thin that i notice it so much..... i just feel really horrible inside....... it hurts

spek, i've read many of your posts and they always come back to one thing: "please support me"... if you don't mind me asking, do you not have friends or family? I know it's reassuring to know that someone out there may care, but with all due respect, we are random internet users... none of us could possibly supply the REAL love, care, and support that you need right now.

wouldn't you rather hold the warm hand of a loved one, instead of the cold clamy keys on the keyboard? this is not about us, for we can only do so much; it is about YOU, only you have the power to overcome this.

your picture hurts me to look at, and I can't even imagine the pain you must feel... wouldn't you like to be able to live, i mean really live and enjoy life?

it's going to be hard, face it, this is not an easy task... but for your sake I suggest that you log of this site for a long time, surround yourself with people who care about you and want you to be better, and please, please make sure you get all the medical help that you require for as long as it takes... not until you're almost healthy, almost is not enough, as you've been in and out of treatment for years... make this one the last and final.

life really is beautiful, but you don't see it because you surround yourself with pain, suffering, and sadness... and we, may never understand why, maybe you don't even understand why.

but its time to gather up all of your strength and face your fears.

I don't know how much more support words you will have to hear before you finally believe that you are doing the right thing... you're just going to have to have faith in your friends, in your family, in your self... you ARE doing the right thing.

take care