Pornography... AAAAH!!

Can someone tell me if i am overreacting please....my fiance is always looking at pornography and it really hurts my feelings it makes me feel like he needs more than i can give him. I really dont get it, because everyone tells me that i am very pretty and i think so too, so why does he have to look at these stupid sluts in magazines, dvds, and the internet?? The worst part is he hides it from me and it damages our intimate relationship!!

I just read in the newspaper wher people write in for advice that some woman was having a similar problem and the response was "like it or not, most men look at porn, get over it" i thought that was disgusting!! I dont think it ias right to ask me to get over it, i feel like he is cheating on me, am i overreacting??

I would really like responses especially from men, do most men really do this?

How old are you?

I am 18, my fiance 21

This is a tough one.  I feel the same way you do and just don't understand men's obsession with porn.  I think the best advice I can give is to talk to him.  Tell him honestly, without yelling or condemning him, how it makes you feel.  Tell him you want to understand why he likes to look at porn and what satisfaction he gets from it that makes him keep coming back to it.  It might be something you can work on together.  But please know, this is his problem and probably has nothing to do with you, how you look, or how he feels about you.

If you are going to get married you need to work this out now.  I am speaking for me alone here, but if my fiance would not respect me enough to put it away, it would be a deal breaker for me, but everyone is different.  You have to decide what you are willing to live with. 

Good luck with your conversation.

Yes. So do a lot of women. Apparently, it's normal to look at porn. What's not normal is addiction to porn, lack of interest in your partner in real life thanks to porn, believing that porn is real and not just a representation of a fantasy, etc.

Did you grow up in a very strict or religious house hold?

I can't speak for everyone, and I know my views are different than a lot of women's but here goes:

Who gives a shit about porn, I mean really. Men like to look at titties and jerk off. Who cares? I don't measure them against myself, and my husband doesn't measure these girls against me. Frankly he's happy jerking off while looking at me but often times that's not what I want to do on a Saturday afternoon. We look at porn together and separately. It's not a big deal. I think you are totally overreacting.

OK, some intimate questions.

how often do you and your fiancee have sex? Who's libido is higher, yours or his?

Sometimes one partner's libido is higher than another. And so they do what they need to to.. get their needs met. Believe me, pornography is MUCH better than him either trying to force his way upon you or for him looking to get his needs met with someone else.

yes my mother is extremely religious, but i dont think this has anything to do with my hatred toward the subject....i had my son at 17 and was unmarried, so religion doenst really have anything to do with it. i know people always tell me that it has nothing to do with his interest in me, but i cant help but feel that way, it really upsets me

I think it has everything to do with your upbringing and how your moral values feel effected . . . . do you masturbate partake in masturbation, or does the idea of mutual or single masturbation make sick?

So, let's explore this.

He's horny (clearly). He's investing time and energy (and possibly money) on porn, and you don't approve.

What options do you think should be available to him if he's horny? What other choices does he have in your relationship?

well the thing that REALLY REALLY bothers me is the fact that when i confront him, he totally lies about it...i mean if he's that ashamed he shouldnt be doing it in the first place and like i said, it has hurt our own relationship

We used to be intimate like once a day really but now its like once a month, which i know is typical for young couples...its not that that bothers me, its that iknow he would rather sometimes please himself with porn that have sex with me...even when i'm totally willing

I'm going to say one thing/ if you leash a dog that has never been leashed and you never take him for a walk. . . he will stray *if you don't get what I'm saying I'll say it more bluntly

Ah. I see. So you're willing to have sex more often, but he isn't.

Now THAT's a slightly different scenario.

Why isn't he interested in sex with you, do you think?

Never confront, only inquire. . . confrentation can lead to the other party feeling embarrased. . . which will make them lie and hide it because they think they should feel ashamed of a perfectly normal act of human nature.

dew...no i am totally fine with it...i dont do it on my own but mutually we sometimes partake in it

My boy doesn't look at porn (although we got a shout out on a porn channel the other night- our friends a cameraman) He's always said he doesn't see the point in watching or looking at it if he  can get the real thing himself. 

I personally wouldn't worry about it, have you spoken to him about it ?

dew...sorry i dont get what you meant

i dont know why he doesnt want to have sex to me....thats what im trying to figure out, because everyone tells me im very pretty and for the most part we get along great....i really just dont know

So you are more than willing to experiment in the bedroom, this indeed leads me to be weary of the situation. . . .

You know you've got to ask him, right? Ask him why he doesn't want to have sex with you?

Cause.. we, on this site, we don't know. :)